(Set up: Zombie Survival D&D 3.5 game. The main character of this story is a Dragonborn of Bahamut fist fighter. He’s a good natured fellow, and he’s in a group with some other players and some NPCs, one of which is a Ninja. They recently got off a fight, where the ninja was bitten, and are now resting inside the remains of a church)
Dragonborn: So, how is the wound? *Ninja unwraps his makeshift bandage, revealing a bloody wound starting to rot* Ninja: Not pretty, but I wont die Dragonborn: *Draws dagger* Lemme fix that for you *Dragonborn gets some distance, and spits fire on the dagger to heat it up* *Dragonborn rolls Heal to cauterize the wound* *Dragonborn rolls 1* DM: Well…. when walking back towards the Ninja, you trip on some of the ruin’s rocks, and you stab the hot dagger into the hole in the Ninja’s throat, ending his misery. The wound is now closed and not rotting anymore, at least.
1.) Rumple is still alive and so will begin the butt hurt of no longer being the dark one.
2.) Emma is kind of a bitch, and Regina is kind of turned on by it. The eyesex will continue to burn like hot daggers between them words like, “intoxicating, riveting, and searing passion” will be used in the fan reviews.
3.) The quest to find Merlin will be guest produced by Peter Jackson. So, probably dwarf and hobbit fights and a lot of walking in the woods or some shit. And Merlin will be played by Ian McKellen because he needs like zero prep time for the part and might be an actual wizard. So, frees up the special effects budget to market Evil Queen poison apple shampoo. #hair porn.
4.) Nobody has any fucking idea who they are or what happened for a specific amount of time. Because memory loss is like herpes in this show.
5.) Another curse? Probably, curses are also like herpes.
6.) Regina rips out someones heart. Seriously it happens in like 100% of the episodes. Btw, did she give back all the hearts she had squirreled away in her vault? Most women just have too many shoes.
7.) David dies or is somehow cursed by Emma for playing hero but Emma is having exactly none of his shit. I just have a feeling. I might cry, I might not. I’ll feel it out.
8.) Total swanqueen meltdown. Mkay, Emma goes all crazy creepy dark one and plants one on Regina. Full mouth to mouth, sensual kissing. Regina takes it, actual magic is teaming off of them both, but pulls back all stunned with the most convincing “I had no idea this would ever happen face”, Actual cities will burn from the rioting. It will be known as the day the internet died, or swenpocalypse.
9.) Zelena has a green baby and somehow gets magic again and its a witch bitch fight every other episode. Or worse, has the baby, and decides to not be evil and her and Regina start to develop a relationship and uggghhh….
10.) Regina saves Emma somehow against all odds because obviously, and hook is there contributing or whatever, but he dies. Heroically, saving Robin’s life. Who later dies, but I’m not sure how. #Worse than the red wedding, will be the official tagline.