horseshitometer

anonymous asked:

Do you think that Rose and Kanaya were originally going to be moirails, and that their being girlfriends was OOC and detrimental to their characters? Generally, what do you think of rosemary?

Well, it’s @rosemarymonth and I’ve wanted to talk about Rosemary and why I think the canon gets WAY too little credit with regards to their execution for ages so I may as well do it now. 

Keep in mind, of course, that I am a dude and in no way want any wlw to feel I’m shutting down critiques of Homestuck’s flaws in this regard. I think that’s perfectly valid, this is just my reading. I’ll be interested in seeing what people have to say. 

I don’t get to talk about Rosemary enough anyway, so I’ll also take you up on it and go over why I love Rosemary and why I think readings that they were “meant to be moirails” and “go ooc” is straight up just misreading the text, because the comic is actually pretty clear in broadcasting its intent.

Keep reading

So I was thinking about the possibility of Jewish Homestuck characters, trying to think about which human to headcanon as Jewish (obligatory disclaimer: I am a white Reconstructionist Ashkenazi Jew, and my experience does not reflect that of all Jews), but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am pretty much okay with every single Homestuck character being Jewish. Consider the following beta kid headcanons:

John Egbert looking forward to Passover every year, because matzah might taste like cardboard but at least it’s a break from all the fucking cakes around this bizarre house. By the time he’s eleven, his dad is learning how to make flourless tortes and kosher-for-Passover cakes, and all hope is lost. In 2009 Passover was April 9-16, which means that John spent a significant chunk of the first act of Homestuck trying to avoid weirdly normal-tasting kosher for passover cake because seriously, that stuff is unnatural and he’s not 100% sure the Batterwitch isn’t involved in this deception and trickery.

Rose Lalonde having the most magnificent, hideously expensive, overwrought Bat Mitzvah in the entire Northeast region of the United States, reading flawlessly from the Torah, and using her speech to talk about which horrorterrors could cause the destruction and devastation threatened in her haftorah. In true suburban fashion (and true Lalondian fashion), Mom invited everyone from her school and gave out lavish souvenirs. Some of her classmates showed up, but most of them were gone by the Amidah.

Dave Strider going through a phase where he’s ironically Jewish, inking fake Hebrew tattoos onto his skin as a protest piece about cultural appropriation by goyim, or saying “if Hashem wills it” in the most deadpan voice possible, but he gives up on it eventually because no one seems to be appreciating the irony. Since it’s not a good source of humor, he mostly ignores that part of his cultural heritage until Sburb, when he realizes how much fun it is to tell Terezi bastardized versions of stories from the Tanakh. By the end of the first year on the meteor she can passionately retell the story of how Isaack’s lusus was ordered by the Condesce to cull his charge, or about how Troll Mohses led his lowblooded people out of seadweller slavery by using psionics to call down plagues and eventually murdering every highblooded grub in the caverns, and Dave has never been prouder. 

Jade Harley, after her Grandpa is dead, trying to sing some of the traditional prayers just like they used to every night, but they all sound flat and dead without a second voice singing the harmonies and rounds. But she still lights candles every week, still dashes around the island trying to hug every single tree on Tu Bish'Vat, still recites Modah Ani every time she successfully wakes up from a sudden dream of Prospit. When she needs a minyan, she sits in a circle on the floor with at least nine of her Squiddles, and she knows that’s not the proper way of doing it, but how else is she supposed to say the Kaddish?? Jade Harley giving up on always covering her shoulders, since it gets so hot on the island, but always wearing ankle length skirts because they make her feel powerful and untouchable.

Jade and John and Davesprite celebrating Shabbat together every week on the way to the new session, as Nannasprite bakes ghostly challah and the consorts look on in awe and the three of them argue good-naturedly about different traditions, as Jade scolds Davesprite for not covering his eyes after they light the candle, as Davesprite ironically calls John out for reaching for a sip of wine before they’ve said the Kiddush, as John booby-traps the challah so that confetti goes flying everywhere when Jade tears off a chunk.

The first thing the three of them do when they embark on their journey is bury Bro and Mom and Dad, because none of them are comfortable leaving bodies lying around that long, so they alchemize shrouds and and myrtle branches and Jade places a shard of pottery from her garden on each of their guardian’s eyelids. 4/13 is John’s birthday, but to those three it’s also their guardian’s Yarhzeit, and every year they put together a minyan of consorts and say the Mourner’s Kaddish, even if John stumbles over the words and the way Davesprite is pronouncing the rhythmic v'yitkadal v'yitroman v'yitnaseh sounds suspiciously like the start of a rap.

Rose and Dave decide during their first year on the meteor to hold high holiday services, and even though neither of them knows quite enough to pull the rituals off seamlessly, Rose does an excellent Unitaneh Tokef (Karkat admits later that he hadn’t realized those were the traditional words, and he’d literally thought she was hinting at how each of them would die). Dave surprises all of them with a passable rap version of Avinu Malkenu, and Kanaya takes notes the entire time on the fascinating human cultural practices, although Rose is pretty sure it’s more of an attempt to shift the snarky horseshitometer her direction than an actual indicator of her interest in Jewish tradition. Terezi joins in on a raucous rendition of Kol Haneshamah, and she and Dave spend the weeks leading up to Rosh Hashanah teaching the Mayor to blow a shofar that they alchemized out of some broken metal horns they found in the robot pile. Karkat complains all throughout Yom Kippur that only humans could celebrate a holiday that literally makes a point out of weakening yourself with hunger and being completely open to attacks, but everyone’s quiet when they go up to the open top of the meteor after services and throw pebbles representing their sins into the dark void of paradox space.

And this isn’t even all of the Jewish headcanons I have. Stay tuned for Alpha kids and adult/guardian headcanons, because I wasn’t kidding when I said that I’m now interpreting every single human as Jewish.