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Malcolm Tucker (@malcolm_ebooks) | Twitter
The latest Tweets from Malcolm Tucker (@malcolm_ebooks). Mention me for a personalized bollocking that makes about as much sense as anything Nic’la Murray is likely to say.

On this Tucker Tuesday, I wish to point you all to Malcolm Tucker Ebooks. This is a Twitter bot (sadly not actually Malcolm) that posts semi-coherent sweary tweets. The tweets are Markov text chains generated from things Malcolm actually (fictionally) said. The “ebooks” tag comes, of course, from the horse_ebooks that is the granddaddy of many semi-coherent Twitter bots.

In the unlikely event that you always wanted your own Malcolm twitterbot, the remarkably tiny source code is on Github. Marvel at how little programming it took to make this happen.

Malcolm is not going to bury this Watford arseache tonight, okay?

— Malcolm Tucker (@malcolm_ebooks)

August 9, 2016

Nothing in the world will hurt as much as when horse ebooks and pronunciationmanual betrayed us at the same fucking time to be some shitty ARG for some OTHER shitty website that didn’t seem to actually have any use and wasn’t particularly funny.

I will forever be salty about that.

I’m going through to Edinburgh tomorrow and then later meeting up with a couple of the girls I worked and lived with during the 2012 Fringe. Then I’ll probably be going back to the wee venue I worked at and seeing all the organisers. I’ve not seen them in four years! 2012 being four years ago? I cannot believe it’s been that long. Fuck me man, so much has changed in that time and I feel like a completely different person. Horse ebooks was right, everything does happen so much.

I’m restless tonight, on a thermal knife edge between shivering and stuffy. Breathless with anxiety, hungry with depression, head buzzing. I’ve been taking more selfies recently because (1) i feel like I’ve been hiding from everyone and (2) i feel like I’m not real, like I’m not supposed to be seen or heard by anyone. truly, in the words of horse-ebooks, everything happens so much, and yet, nothing is fucking happening.

What if Peridot became an internet celebrity because everyone who didn’t live in Beach City assumed it was an intentionally weird shitpost account, like Dril or Horse_ebooks