damaged. That’s the easiest way to put it. I’m damaged. People will say that
someone is to blame, their actions are what caused me to be damaged, but that
doesn’t change the fact that I’m damaged. I live my day rather normally, it’s
only in certain moments that you can see who I am, how broken I am, how hurt
and scarred I am under all the smiles and makeup.
you’re young you want to believe anyone who says they love you. You want to be
in love, to know what that coveted feeling is like. People spend their entire
lives trying to find love and as a young teen, you want to feel like you’ve
found it. I wanted to find it.
seemed perfect. He said all the right things, made me feel happy and cared for,
treated me well. Treated me well, until he didn’t. You see, sometimes
people aren’t nice. Sometimes you want so badly to believe you’re in love that
you try to say he didn’t mean it, he was just mad this one time, this second
time, this third time. You try to make excuses until the excuses need excuses
and now everything hurts.
an adult, I still hold emotions from that time. A scared little girl worried
about her boyfriend even though he was the one causing the pain. I want to
believe he didn’t mean it, but in my heart of hearts I know I have to be more
careful of guys like him. So as you can see, I’m damaged. And that’s where the
remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking with a friend and there he
was, his mask was covering a majority of his face and even then his baseball
cap made it difficult to see his eyes. I had read the articles and fan posts, I
knew that they needed a vacation, so rather than screaming his name like an
obnoxious fan, I kept walking.
eyes met mine for a split second and that was enough to make my heart pound. It
was a rush of adrenaline, but it was fleeting. I would post about the encounter
on my blog and that would be that. So as I took my eyes off him, I walked up to
the coffee shop counter.
I stood waiting for my drink, a tap on the shoulder took me out of my mind.A hand reached in front of me to give me a packet of gum. Now most
strangers would pass up a packet of stray gum and not think twice, so as I took
the packet wearily from this stranger’s hand, I turned. My exasperation was
replaced by astonishment.
THE Kim Namjoon, stood in front of me. His eyes pleading, but he wasn’t saying
anything. Thinking it was due to not wanting to be recognized, I gave a quick
nod and a thank you. As I was ready to turn back around, his deep voice
rang in almost perfect English.
should be careful, if you keep dropping things, people might find you an easy
target.It was kind yet somehow rude. You looked at him. Hmm,
I’ll keep that in mind. With that I heard my drink order. Walking up, I
grabbed the mug. Giving him a slight smile and a wave with the gum in my hand,
I headed for the door.
is so going on my blog. I spoke to myself as I began walking,
not really caring to look in front of me.
just told you to stop being an easy target. His
Korean sounded exasperated, as I turned on my heel.
MET KIM NAMJOON! I CAN DIE HAPPY! Post.
I slid my phone in my pocket as I continued to look at him. He seemed more
possessive than I thought he would be, it’s starting to piss me off. I stay
away from guys like this, the ones who think their knights in shining armour,
only to hurt you the next day.
my internal dialogue pulled away at him, I found a smile to put on my face. I’m
sorry, I’ll be more careful next time. I spouted off in Korean, thank god
for my friends teaching me before I came here. His eyes flickered as if I was
some challenger, but soon he gave a slight nod.
you work here? He motioned to my outfit. It was simple office attire, but
you could tell I had a desk to sit behind. I nodded and began walking in the
direction of my building.
could feel my phone buzzing with comments and likes as people began pouring in
questions, but it would have to wait. Where do you work? He continued to
walk with me.
you have managers who are looking for you? I
looked around as if waiting for one of them to start interrogating me, but he
so you know who I am? He mumbled with a small grin peeking
from behind his mask.
we going to keep up this question game? My
eyes flickered slightly. The banter was fun, but I needed to go to work. So
with a slightly defeated look, he watched me walk into my office building.
became a routine. He would be at the same coffee shop. It was starting to freak
me out. The last guy who showed this much interest was … Let’s not talk about
Namjoon was different. I hated saying that, but he didn’t show the same
qualities as my ex. But I was still weary. I would end conversation quickly, I
would stop going to the coffee shop for a couple of days, but no matter what he
would still somehow be stuck in the back of my mind.
scariest part was that I began looking forward to the conversations, the quick
walks to work, the little smiles here and there. He would sit at the corner
table and as I walked in, he would gracefully get into line behind me.
wasn’t until he asked for my number that my heart began to shake. He had said
in passing that he would be going on tour soon, so I assumed this routine would
end, but he didn’t see it that way. And now I was starting to worry.
couldn’t really figure out a good reason to not give him my contact info, so I
just handed it to him. Namjoon’s smile was deadly. All I could do was smile
back and say that I needed to go to work.
days after were met with little texts. He would send pictures of the placed
they were going, I would live the life of an idol vicariously through him. Our
friendship was growing stronger and I didn’t know how to feel about it.
stood there after my shower, staring at the scar. The only physical remembrance
of that asshole ever being in my life was the scar on my back just below my
left shoulder blade. I hated that tiny patch of skin, discolored from the
abuse. This was the reason I couldn’t let anyone in.
my shirt on, I thought of my love life since him. Douche bags and fuckbois,
nothing to write home about. I kept my distance from feeling true love. Those
guys were solely objects. I knew how to not have strong feelings for them and
my phone, I texted Namjoon good night, and slipped into bed. I knew why I was
anxious, why I kept looking at the scar, why I kept thinking of the past.
Because Namjoon was making me feel things that I kept myself away from and it
friend had come to visit me. She had quickly become one of my best friends even
though we met on tumblr and lived states away, but now she was in Seoul,
laughing over a drink as I tried to form words at that fact that Kim Namjoon
knew who I was. Told you it would happen.
rolled her eyes as I gave her a nervous look. Refilling my wine, I recounted my
feelings. She understood me and my past enough to know why I would be freaking
out. So as we sat there, she surveyed me with gentle eyes.
was one of the only people that didn’t make me feel broken. She knew how to put
into words my past without making it seem small and insignificant. It was a
part of my life that changed me, made me stronger, even if I didn’t see it that
her advice in mind, she looked at me and laughed. What? I asked with my
eyebrows furrowed as I sipped a little more of my wine.
don’t let him find your blog! And with that the two of us continued
to laugh the night away.
had made a decision. He knew how he felt about me and I guess somewhere along
the line, he wanted to confess. I didn’t want that day to come. I wanted us to
stay where we were, but here I was standing in a park at night with an idol too
popular for my civilian status.
want to believe I know a lot about you.He
started off cautiously.
true. I added, but there were things that sprang into the back of
my mind that I couldn’t tell him about. He continued to look me in the eye, his
eyes calm and gentle.
want to know how you feel about me because I think I’m starting to feel
something more.And there it was. It hung in the air. I
felt the knots in my chest as I looked at him. He was smiling and I smiled out
of habit. Can you say something please?His eyes bore into mine
and I knew I needed to explain.
don’t want a girl like me. He looked at me confused and ready to
object. I’m damaged. I’m broken. I’m not someone you want to fix. His
eyes turned to alarm as I continued. I don’t let people in. I suck at
talking about my feelings. I’m scared of love and commitment. I hate that I
can’t stop thinking about you, but I know, I know that you’ll be better without
me. You’ll find a girl that is perfect and nice and isn’t damaged.
are you damaged?This was the moment of truth. So I
opened my mouth and closed it, trying to find the right words.
I was younger, I thought a guy loved me. Turns out he didn’t, instead I was his
target, his punching bag, I was the thing he got angry at. I was too naive to
know that it wasn’t love, that it was too fucked up to be love, so I took it. My
voice faltered. I didn’t tell people this, at least not in person. This wasn’t
something I wanted to talk to Namjoon about, but he deserved to know. I’m
not telling you this so you can pity me. I’m telling you this so you will walk
away and find someone that will be happy. That will want to love you and not be
so scared. Someone who will look at you and be okay will giving you her world
rather than trying to banish you from it.
felt his arms envelop me as I breathed in his scent. I struggled slightly, but
he loosely kept his arms around me. Like a lion and its tamer, a horse and its
wrangler, he seemed to know how to calm me.
spent weeks. Months. Slowly allowing me to dip my toes into the relationship.
We didn’t act like more than friends for a while. But he was okay with that. He
realized that I needed time. So as we continued to walk down this path of
becoming more than friends and developing a relationship, I tried to be open
about my fears. I tried to tell him about the past. When I would bring up my
ex, about a fight or a night he was especially angry, Namjoon’s jaw would
had told you on many occasions that if it wasn’t for distance, he would have
beaten my ex. I would simply smile and shake my head. That’s the past right?
He would nod, but you knew in the back of his mind, he still was planning
and I had been dating for about 3 months, when we finally got intimate. It was
a mixture of him getting back from promotions and me being completely horny
that resulted in us throwing our clothes around the room and hopping into bed.
he was stroking my back, when his finger stopped on my scar. He knew about the
scar but this was the first time he was seeing it. His eyes looked like they
would begin shedding tears at any moment. Namjoon, it’s fine. I tried to
move his hand away, but he found the tattered skin once more.
just, I love you and I think you’re beautiful and even this scar is something
that I can’t not love. I want to hate it, but it’s a part of you. I can’t not
love all of you.The tears were now forming in my eyes.
No one had ever said my scar was beautiful, no one outside of my followers and
friends had made me feel beautiful, no one made my heart swell like this.
I’m scared of how much I love you. I let
the tears fall as he cupped my face. I’m truly damaged.
not damaged. You’re mine. You’re all mine.He
kissed the tears off my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around him. It was
progress, a huge step forward.
turned into years. Years turned into decades. Our love grew. It was something
that was more than just skin deep. He knew all my flaws and I, his. We built
each other up, we fought about petty shit, we danced horribly around the house.
life together brought life and death, joys and sorrows. We laughed and cried.
matter how much he tried to tell me, I knew I was damaged. But that was okay,
because he loved me. Damaged and all.
Title: Ride With Me - part eight Serie’s prompt: Alternate Universe (AU) in which the reader is a horse rider who goes to a ranch in Arizona to gain work experience. During her time on the ranch she develops a strong connection with a wrangler and horse trainer named Dean. A story about a cowboy who falls for the girl, a story about the importance of family. Prompt part 8: The day starts wonderful with a cattle break out, keeping the crew busy in the early hours. It’s turns out to be an omen of what to come, because as the day progresses, the day only gets worse. Then Ash gets the news and doesn’t take losing his job too well. Words: 5115 words Characters: Dean, Jo, Ash, Bobby, Ellen, Benny, Garth, Rufus Turner, Reader Pairings: Dean x reader (not in this part yet, but I’m getting there!) Warnings: language, heavy argument, angst(ish), drama Author’s note: I just cannot be able to keep these chapters short, but who cares. This chapter is different from the other ones, heavier and a little more drama. I hope you enjoy! Tags: Below the story. Want to get tagged? Send me a message! Previous parts:1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7
7.30 AM, Monday morning. Several hundred hooves tremble the ground. Earthily colored dust has turned into dark mud overnight as the heavens unleashed a rainstorm that still hasn’t stopped coming down. The cattle moohs restless, anxiously trying to stick together as the herd. A dog barks over the sound of it all, his enthusiastic calls trumped by the shouts and whistles of the wranglers. “Yah!”, Dean shouts, cutting off young stock that threatens to fan out. Droplets as big as marbles come down, the water that pools in the brim of his hat pours down whenever he tips it forward. It’s still cold this morning, now that there is no sunshine to burn the night away. The long leather coat he’s wearing protects him from that, but the rain started coming through the seems on his shoulders and elbows two hours ago and a steady drip down his neck has drenched his shirt already. Dean has been in the saddle since four O'clock, ever since the thunder woke him up and an eerie gut feeling began to unsettle him. Something was wrong, he felt it in his bones. As he stepped out onto the porch, shrugging on his coat and putting on his ivory colored Sheplers hat, he immediately noticed the distressed young stock on the other side of the fence than where they were supposed to be. Apparently the cattle panicked in the thunderstorm, took down a gate and escaped the pen, splitting the herd in two. They were absolutely all over the place. With a buyer coming in at 9 AM, he had to gather the two hundred cows and bulls fast if he wanted to turn off a financial disaster. So here they are; wet through, tired and miserable, trying to maneuver their horses on the slick surface. A perfect start for this dreadful Monday.
name I know, and I honestly still don’t know how I was carted off with it. I
suppose it could be because I’m one of the smallest wranglers in Berk, or that
I was born early. I’ve never asked, although I suppose it would make a good
father is the great Stoick “the Vast” Haddock, one of the best and well-known sheriff’s
in the country. He’s big, has got all the muscle, taller than most, can shoot
any gun from any distance and still hit the target. He’s a man not to be
reckoned with, and many outlaws have gone under his hand.
his deputy. Well, that’s what I’m told. And even though I wear the little brass
star on my chest, often time’s I hide it under my bandanna or pin it inside my
shirt. It’s not like anyone listens to me anyways, and that little star has
gotten me into more trouble then I care to explain. The title deputy isn’t really
acknowledged by… anybody, it’s more
of a statement that yes, I’m Hiccup, the failure of a son to Stoick Haddock.
title “Hiccup the Useless” is starting to pick up now, and I try to ignore it,
but Samson “Snotlout” Jorgenson finds it some kind of joke, as do the twins,
Tyler “Tuffnut” Thoroston and Rachel “Ruffnut” Thoroston. Fred “Fishlegs”
Ingerman seems to be the calmer one out for the other teen wranglers my age.
But he can afford to be shy, for he’s got the bulk to make up for it and a good
shooting hand. He’s never been mean to me… exactly… but has definitely never
stood up for me either.
there’s Astrid Hofferson, one of the best horse wranglers in Berk. Even though
she’s just fifteen, she can still wrangle a wild mustang down with one hand
tied behind her back. And gods, she’s one of the prettiest gals in town. She’s
got this wild blonde hair that seems untamable, always tied back in a heavy
braid although hair seems determined to escape it. She wears this old Stetson that
I haven’t seen her go anywhere without, along with a leather beaded headband of
some sort that overlapped her hair and forehead. Most of the time she wears
leather leggings tucked inside worn cowboy boots, and even though I know she
doesn’t do it to look good, she accidently makes herself even more attractive. Added
with the tight blue tank top and leather vest, exposing her bare arms that had
leather chords tied around the biceps- she’s a woman that all the teens in Berk
though she’s never out and out made fun of me, like the others, she’s never
tried to stop the bullying either. But that gives me hope that perhaps she
doesn’t truly hate me- at least not as much as the others do. Still, I don’t
stand a chance. Who’s going to want Hiccup the Useless anyways? Not to mention
I’m skinnier then a pole, and I’m shorter than her. Plus I’m a terrible shot.
deputies out here can shoot fairly well- if not reward winners. Not me. I’ve
been practicing with a gun since I was eight, and even now when I’m fifteen and
sworn in as a deputy, I still can’t shoot straight to save my life. Dad’s tried
to teach me, a long time ago, but after five tries and failures he gave up, and
it was Gobber who took over the job.
my Dad’s best friend and voice of reason, although to me he’s like another
father… or more like the father I never had. He teases, sure, and he’s rough at
times but Gobber knows when to stop.
And he’s always been there for me, even in the hardest times when all my Dad
and I seemed to do was fight. I even stayed over at his Blacksmith’s shop a couple
of nights when I was too tired to go home, or just plain didn’t want to.
worked with Gobber over the past three years in the forge, it distracts me. And
many might think that me, as a deputy, would have many and beyond duties to
tend to. Nope. I do not. My Dad just gave me the title deputy years ago, before
I became a total nuisance Now I carry it just so he can call on my whenever he
wishes without fighting me, for I’m his deputy, and I should listen to his
rules no matter what- even if I find them petty and not exactly the jobs
deputies should be doing. I’m more his delivery boy then anything, so I for the
most part hang out at the forge and help Gobber with all the work there. It’s
one place where I feel like I can actually do something right, like I stand a
chance. I don’t goof up as much, I know how to handle myself in the forge. It’s
my only refuge.
allowed to go out and hunt outlaws, bandits, or cattle rustlers like my Father
and the other “teens in training” do. I’m told to stay behind and “stay out of
trouble”, and even though I’m the deputy and should be the one to watch the
town, Spitelout, my Uncle, is put in charge of Berk while my Dad’s away.
is my life on Berk. Not too terrible, but definitely not great either. I have a
feeling it won’t change any time soon either, so I try to do the best with it,
the best that I can.
hard, yeah, and times get tough. But I’ll just try and push through and hope
for the best.
stepped out onto the wooden deck of the porch, lifting a hand to shield his
eyes from the sunlight that skimmed shadows across the ground. The sun was
barely peaking above the hills in the distance, and Hiccup could feel it in
every bone in his body. Every part of him was screaming at him to go back to
bed, to lie down and get some well needed rest. But he knew that if he ever
wanted to get anything done- or even survive for that matter- he’d have to get
his butt moving and head down to the forge.
Title: Ride With Me - part six Serie’s prompt: Alternate Universe (AU) in which the reader is a horse rider who goes to a ranch in Arizona to gain work experience. During her time on the ranch she develops a strong connection with a wrangler and horse trainer named Dean. A story about a cowboy who falls for the girl, a story about the importance of family. Prompt part 6: Reader’s hard work pays off and she joins the guests and crew on a morning ride. Dean casually flirts with her and she does the best she can not to fall for it. Luckily Jo is there to talk to. Words: 1757 words Characters: Dean, Jo, Reader Pairings: Dean x reader (not in this part yet, but I’m getting there!) Warnings: language and hangovers, maybe even a little fluff? Author’s note: Well it took me long enough! I promised an extra long chapter, but the second part was running so long that I decided to cut it in two. Upside: there’s a new chapter coming very soon! Tags: Below the story. Want to get tagged? Send me a message! Previous parts:1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Okay, maybe the tequila last night wasn’t such a good idea. Neither was that margarita the previous night, or the drinking game the night before that one. Or was it the other way around? You cannot seem to recall, but today it’s Friday, so at least tomorrow you can sleep your way through the headache. Never ever did you drink as much as you did this week. Normally that would bother you, especially considering you’re not here on Spring break. But when the drinks are offered in a time when you need a little something to help you stop overthinking the feelings that you are developing for Dean, you couldn’t care less about the increase of your alcohol consumption.
Title: Ride With Me - part one Prompt: AU in which the reader is a horse rider who goes to a ranch in Arizona to gain work experience. During her time on the ranch she develops a strong connection with a wrangler and horse trainer named Dean. A story about a cowboy who falls for the girl, a story about the importance of family. Words: 4276 words Characters: Dean, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Benny, Garth Pairings: Dean x reader (not in this part yet, you have to be a little patient) Warnings: just language for this part, but further up fluff, angst, injury, maybe slightly smutish. Author’s note: I love working on this! I’m a rider myself and it’s really great to use that in my writing. It’s nice not to write about supernatural creatures, hunts and death for a change. This is going to be a multiple part story (I’ve planned 14 parts) so get in the saddle and enjoy the ride! Tags: @effie-w, because your such a great support! (Want to get tagged whenever I post a story, send me a message!)
“This is just great…”, you mutter, glancing at your phone for the time again.After a five and a half hour flight with delightful turbulence next to a sweaty middle aged banker with a fear of flying who had way too much garlic for lunch, you thought you were done. But now that you are waiting outside Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport with no one in sight to pick you up, it comes to mind that the universe isn’t going to stop toying with you just yet. On top of it all, the weather decided to throw a curveball as well. What happened to the lovely sun rays and comfortable temperatures from the brochures is a mystery to you, because right now it’s so humid that the fabric of your clothing clings to your skin as if it’s trying to hold on for dear life. To make matters worse rain has started to fall down from the clouded sky. Right, monsoon season. Oh well, at least the entrance of the arrival hall offers you shelter. With a sigh you sit down on you oversized suitcase, scanning your surroundings for a driver. You could eat a horse, as a figure of speech. Obviously you would never eat a horse, you love those animals. They are the reason why you touched down in Phoenix after all.