horse network

If I let the horse-name neural network pick the most probable character every time, it starts off by generating a bunch of distinct names, some of which are real (e.g., “Real Delight”, “Pleasant Tap” and “Sun Beau”), and some of which definitely are not (e.g., “Pert Pangle”, “Curlind Aches” and “Bew the Dance”).

But after many lines of this, the output eventually converges on a name that, as far as the model is concerned, represents the ideal name for a thoroughbred.

So what is this legendary name, you ask?

Shart Tangle.

man, april fool’s day this year was a beautiful mess. dan sacrificing soft and neat phil, jack yelling for 2 minutes, game grumps is now g, mark’s 360 minecraft let’s play, googly eyes on cartoon network main characters, no samurai jack but got new rick and morty on repeat til 12 (reddit is livid), tumblr and that stupid horse friend, fake pregnancy scares from best friends… anyways yeah today was cool.

Bad Boy
  • *Molly's flat*
  • Molly: *nursing a cut above Sherlock's eye* I can't believe she actually punched you.
  • Sherlock: *winced* People don't like it when their affair is exposed to their entire family, even if the murderer was caught. Lesson learned.
  • Molly: *smirks* You were showing off.
  • Sherlock: A bit.
  • Molly: *smoothes his hair aside* There. Good as new. Try not to entice anymore guilty widows to punch you, yeah?
  • Sherlock: *smiles* It's me, Molly.
  • Molly: *chuckles* Still... *ruffles his hair; thoughtful* looks hot, though. I always did like a bad boy *giggles; leaves*
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: *raises an eyebrow*
  • *Molly's flat*
  • Molly: *reading on her sofa*
  • -knocking-
  • Molly: *opens the door*
  • Sherlock: *gently prodding his black eye; wincing* Didn't work...
  • Molly: *arms folded* Another widow.
  • Sherlock: An old lady. Someone tried to mug her *shrugs* I stepped in.
  • Molly: *bites her lip* Oh...
  • Sherlock: *gestures* May I...
  • Molly: *shakes her head* Sorry, yes. Right *pulls him inside* err, sit down. I-I'll just... *hurries to the bathroom*
  • Sherlock: *smirks*

This sorta shit pisses me off. So sit down everyone and listen to the story of what we call the “Kill Buyer/Feedlot Scam”.

What happens when you combine an Amish-dominated auction house and mostly likely an ex-convict who can’t get a real job? Killbuyers! These are guys who purchase large amounts of horses for under $400 at auctions, or they pick up horses listed as cheap or free on Craigslist. From there, the horses can either go one of two ways - to slaughters, or to private buyers. Well-trained horses can end up at another auction, or traded with another horse trader. Fat, healthy horses that may be unhandled end up in feedlots where they ship to Mexico or Canada to be slaughtered. They will never show up on Facebook. But sad, old, miniature, and very young horses end up on Facebook pages like this, purchased for no more than $100 and then sold days later for a 300% price increase. Who would want to buy old lame horses? Well, no one– at an auction. But on Facebook you can find all kinds of bleeding-heart animal lovers who will open their checkbooks if you claim that this horse you have is “shipping to slaughter” the next week if no one buys it. Even if the horse will not be accepted at the border, like a foal under six months of age. Or if you make absolutely no profit, like a miniature horse. Who cares! Let’s claim to ship them all to slaughter! People with too much money and too little sense love the idea of “saving” a horse!

Sometimes these guys are pretty good at selling decent horses for acceptable, if not high, prices. I follow the Bowie Auction House in Texas, because they at least don’t use a thousand knife emojis threatening slaughter in every post. But this guy, Brian Moore, goes to New Holland Auction, where very sad Amish horses can be picked up for cheap, and advertises them for extremely marked up rates. Not only does he do that, but he doesn’t even try to be legit. These horses are not rideable (but he rides them anyway). They are suffering from arthritis or injuries, and terrible conformation (as is the case of the Arabian mare, which he says has been bred way too many times, because that back deserves to live on in her progeny!) They either need to be picked up by a legitimate rescue or euthanized. Not hopped on and trotted around a concrete driveway with a moron on its back so that this dude can scam a couple hundred bucks out of people who think a swayback like that isn’t “too bad” (she is not even old and has a back as long as a bus. It is very bad). That’s the worst part– many of these horses are going to people with big hearts but not a lot of horse knowledge. They don’t understand the expense and time a healthy horse takes, let alone one who will drive up your vet bills into the thousands in less than six months.

I watch a page that networks horses from the New Holland auction, and several posts have been from people who “saved” horses from New Holland but either can’t afford them or can’t handle them. So back to the auction they go. No one inexperienced should ever buy a horse at an auction. And yet with these Facebook pages, they seem to draw in the most inexperienced horse owners who should be adopting horses from legitimate rescues, not scam artists who lie through their teeth about minis shipping to slaughter.

The Appy is listed as $425. The Arabian is at $613. Here are many healthy, young horses I personally purchased at an auction for at or less than $600.

Chip: $300 (no health problems outside of worms and a cough)

Jackie: $600 (no health problems)

Echo: $450 (no health problems; some behavioral issues though)

Socrates: $400 (no health problems)

Belle: $400 (no health problems; she had foundered at some point, but was healthy and sound when I got her)

Roxie: $500 (no health problems outside of being very fat)

In case any horsey people watch me… do not fall for this bullshit. These guys are making money hand over fist and laughing on their way to the bank, all while sick and skinny horses die on their lots. You do not shut puppy mills down by buying their puppies. Apply that logic to feedlot “rescues”. Do not give them money.