horse driver

Who are the Knights of Ren? It’s tricky.

@gwendy85 and @msheadbanging were discussing the Knights of Ren and came across an interesting quote from Adam Driver that I want to take a closer look at.

Here’s the quote:

Interviewer: “So, who are the Knights of Ren?”

Driver: “It was a group that existed before him, that he was a part of. Their place within everything is maybe more of a satellite group than I would say … This is really tricky.”

The quote was offered as evidence “debunking” the idea that the Knights may be Luke’s other students (presumably because Driver’s words can be interpreted to mean the Knights were a pre-existing group). 

I think it’s useful to look at the larger context in which Driver said this. The article is by Meredith Woerner from the LA Times, and was published on December 21, 2015, right after the film was released. Here’s a little more of the transcript, with the Knights question in the middle:


Interviewer: Where does Kylo Ren stand in the hierarchy of the Empire?
Driver: That’s difficult to say. I think it fluctuates.

Interviewer: So who are the Knights of Ren?
Driver: It was a group that existed before him, that he was a part of. Their place within everything is maybe more of a satellite group than I would say … This is really tricky.

Interviewer: Is that why everything that you have is a bit broken down?
Driver: No, there’s definitely a history that you see in the costume of things in the past right away. They’re kind of like visible scars, on his outfit. In part to intimidate but also because he’s carrying along this history of people.


Who is Driver talking about? He’s talking about his character Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo. In the question immediately before, he says Kylo’s name, in answer to the question about his fluctuating position in the Empire/First Order. 

Read Driver’s words again, substituting the character’s name in place of the pronoun:

It was a group that existed before Kylo Ren, that he was a part of.

The two parts of Driver’s sentence don’t even make sense, unless he is saying that the Knights are a group that Kylo Ren was a part of…before he was Kylo Ren.  I think this is in fact what he is saying, and that he came perilously close to saying too much.

Driver continues, “Their [the Knights’] place within everything is maybe more of a satellite group than I would say … This is really tricky.”

I wish I had video of this interview. It would be great to have the inflection, pauses, and emphases that would offer more data for hair-splitting analysis, but even so, you can sense how Driver trails off when he realizes he’s saying too much. I think he might have finished that sentence along the lines of, “their [the knights’] place within everything is maybe more of a satellite group than I would say part of the hierarchy of the Empire/FO.” 

Would that have told us much more? Sort of. The implication is that the Knights are not part of the regular military structure of the First Order.  They are a satellite group. A group Kylo Ren was part of, a group that existed before Kylo Ren did.  

As both Driver and @msheadbanging note, it’s tricky! The interviewer had no way of knowing she was asking a question that sits at the very heart of JJ Abrams’ Big TFA Mystery Box; the truth about Ben Solo’s fall, and by extension his mysterious companions, the Knights of whom he is Master. Over the past five months I’ve watched hours of Driver in interviews (I used to have a different life), and my impression is that he doesn’t lie well, or perhaps at all, when trying to answer people’s questions. He started to answer the question here, realized he couldn’t, and stopped. “…this is really tricky.” 

The interviewer takes pity and asks a different question, which Driver is able to jump onto and the conversation goes back onto safe ground. 

That we, the obsessed, read this quote as a reference to a group that existed in the deeper past, before Ben Solo’s fall, is probably a reflection of a curious phenomenon of the fandom - we have spent a lot of time with Ben Solo over the past five months. To us, he’s pretty real, with hundreds of thousands of words written and gigabytes of digital paint spilled, but honestly, Ben Solo is barely a construct in TFA. We still know virtually nothing about him, and while Driver does know his character’s back story, he is not in a position to say anything at all about it to us at this time. Driver is talking just about Kylo Ren in this interview, trying to answer a question about things locked in a mystery box, and it results in a paradox statement right away, because the answer concerns Ben Solo

So, tl:dr: This tricky Adam Driver quote does not debunk the theory that the Knights are Luke’s other students at all. Quite the contrary. 

Notable Homeric Epithets

General:

  • Men: shining // high-hearted
  • Woman: ox-eyed // white-armed
  • Sea: loud-roaring // grey // wine-colored

Nations:

  • Trojans: breakers of horses
  • Achaeans: bronze-armored // glancing-eyed // with hollow ships

Individuals:

  • Achilles: swift-footed // lion-hearted // breaking through men // best of the Achaeans 
  • Aeneas: counselor of the Trojans // loyal
  • Agamemnon: lord marshal // brilliant // horse-tamer
  • Ajax: swift // gigantic // the mighty
  • Aphrodite: laughter-loving // goddess of love
  • Apollo: Phoebus // the Bright // with unshorn hair // ever-young // destroyer of mice // distant deadly Archer // rouser of armies // god of the silver bow
  • Ares: curse of men // sacker of cities // of the glinting helmet // man-slaughtering 
  • Athena: Pallas // grey-eyed // whose shield is thunder // hope of soldiers // tireless one
  • Artemis: the archer-goddess // of the golden distaff 
  • Calypso: softly-braided nymph // goddess most divinely made // cunning goddess
  • Cronus: devious-devising // crooked-counseling
  • Demeter: fair-haired
  • Diomedes: master of the war cry // great spearman
  • Eos (Dawn): with her rose-red fingers // rosy-fingered
  • Hector: shepherd of the people // of the shining helm // breaker of horses
  • Hera: ox-eyed
  • Hephaestus: the famous craftsman // of the strong arms
  • Hermes: messenger of the gods // conductor of men // giant-killer // the strong one // keen-eyed emissary 
  • Iris: wind-footed 
  • Menelaus: flaming-haired // spear-famed // war-like
  • Nestor: sweet spoken // Gerenian charioteer 
  • Odysseus: man of many turns // man of many resources // great-hearted // sacker of cities // loved of Zeus // master mariner // great glory of the Achaeans // mastermind // hotheaded // the great teller of tales // man of pain // man of exploits // that kingly man // cunning // the great tactician // the hero // wise
  • Penelope: circumspect // discreet 
  • Patroclus: horseman 
  • Paris: Alexandros
  • Poseidon: Earth-shaker // earth-carrying
  • Telemachus: poised // thoughtful
  • Thetis: silver-footed
  • Thersites: of the endless speech 
  • Tydeus: driver of horses
  • Zeus: mighty // wide-seeing // delighting in thunder // of the dazzling bolt // loud-thundering // cloud-gatherer // father of gods and men // who marshals the thunderheads 
Νύκτα θεῶν γενέτειραν ἀείσομαι ἠδὲ καὶ ἀνδρῶν.
Νὺξ γένεσις πάντων, ἣν καὶ Κύπριν καλέσωμεν
κλῦθι, μάκαιρα θεά, κυαναυγής, ἀστεροφεγγής,
ἡσυχίῃι χαίρουσα καὶ ἠρεμίῃι πολυύπνωι,
εὐφροσύνη, τερπνή, φιλοπάννυχε, μῆτερ ὀνείρων,
ληθομέριμν’ ἀγαθή τε πόνων ἀνάπαυσιν ἔχουσα,
ὑπνοδότειρα, φίλη πάντων, ἐλάσιππε, νυχαυγής,
ἡμιτελής, χθονία ἠδ’ οὐρανία πάλιν αὐτή,
ἐγκυκλία, παίκτειρα διώγμασιν ἠεροφοίτοις,
ἣ φάος ἐκπέμπεις ὑπὸ νέρτερα καὶ πάλι φεύγεις
εἰς Ἀίδην δεινὴ γὰρ ἀνάγκη πάντα κρατύνει.
νῦν δε, μάκαιρα, (καλ)ῶ, πολυόλβιε, πᾶσι ποθεινή,
εὐάντητε, κλύουσα ἱκετηρίδα φωνὴν
ἔλθοις εὐμενέουσα, φόβους δ’ ἀπόπεμπε νυχαυγεῖς.
-
Of Night, mother of gods and men, I sing;
o Night, originator of all, whom we also call Cypris,*
hear me, blessed goddess, dark-gleaming, blazing with stars,
rejoicing in stillness and slumberous repose,
merry and delightful, friend of night-long fests, mother of dreams,
gentle bringer of forgetfulness from cares and surcease from suffering,
o sleep-giver, friend of all, driver of horses, glittering in darkness,
half complete, chthonic and sublime in turn,
circling, playful in sky-wandering chases,
you who send the light beneath infernal realms and flee back
to Hades, for mighty Necessity rules over all;
but now, o blessed one, I call you; greatly fortunate, longed for by all,
gracious, hearing the suppliant’s voice,
may you come, kindly, and banish fears which gleam in the dark.
— 

Orphic Hymn to Nyx (3)

*Philopannyx (she who loves the whole night) was a cult title of Aphrodite.

9

Lotte: *mumbled litany* “Shit, shit, shit…”

“No!  Wait! …well, shit!”

Lotte: “Great job, Van Buren.  Now you have to spend your last 40 simoleons on getting uptown.”

*pulls the taxi door shut*

Lotte: “23rd and Landgraab in the Arts District and don’t spare the horses!”
Driver: “Sure thing, miss…” *awed whisper* “Cheetah…”
Lotte: “What was that?”
Driver: *clears throat* “You have a lot of freckles.”
Lotte: *sarcastic* “Really?  I never noticed…please, can we go?  I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

previous / next

4

Pearl Hart, née Taylor, (c.1871 – after 1928) was a Canadian-born outlaw of the American Old West. She committed one of the last recorded stagecoach robberies in the United States; her crime gained notoriety primarily because of her gender. Many details of Hart’s life are uncertain with available reports being varied and often contradictory.

Hart was born as Pearl Taylor in the Canadian village of Lindsay, Ontario. Her parents were both religious and affluent, providing their daughter with the best available education. At the age of 16, she was enrolled in a boarding school when she became enamored with a young man, named Hart, who has been variously described as a rake, drunkard, and/or gambler. (Different sources list Hart’s given name as Brett, Frank, or William.) The two of them eloped, but Hart soon discovered that her new husband was abusive and left him to return to her mother.

Hart reconciled with and left her husband several times. During their time together they had two children, a boy and a girl, whom Hart sent to her mother who was then living in Ohio. In 1893, the couple attended The Chicago World’s Fair where he worked for a time as a midway barker. She in turn developed a fascination with the cowboy lifestyle while watching Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. At the end of the Fair, Hart left her husband again bound on a train for Trinidad, Colorado, possibly in the company of a piano player named Dan Bandman.

Hart described this period of her life thus, “I was only twenty-two years old. I was good-looking, desperate, discouraged, and ready for anything that might come. I do not care to dwell on this period of my life. It is sufficient to say that I went from one city to another until some time later I arrived in Phoenix”. During this time Hart worked as a cook and singer, possibly supplementing her income as a demimondaine. There are also reports she developed a fondness for cigars, liquor, and morphine during this time.

A story of this period claims that while in Phoenix, Arizona, Hart ran into her husband. He convinced her to come back to him and move to Tucson. Once the money she had saved ran out, he returned to his abusive ways. The story continues by saying that when the Spanish–American War began he volunteered for military service. Hart then shocked observers by declaring that she hoped he would be killed by the Spanish. A variation of this story has Bandman instead of her husband leaving Hart for war.

By early 1898, Hart was in Mammoth, Arizona. Some reports indicate she was working as a cook in a boardinghouse. Others indicate she was operating a tent brothel near the local mine, even employing a second lady for a time. While doing well for a time, her financial outlook took a downturn after the mine closed. About this time Hart attested to receiving a message asking her to return home to her seriously ill mother.

Looking to raise money, Hart and an acquaintance, Joe Boot (whose name is probably an alias), worked an old mining claim he owned. After finding no gold in the claim the pair decided to rob the Globe to Florence, Arizona stagecoach.

The robbery occurred on May 30, 1899 at a watering point near Cane Springs Canyon, about 30 miles southeast of Globe. Hart had cut her hair short and took the highly eccentric act, for a Victorian Era woman, of dressing in men’s clothing. Hart was armed with a .38 revolver while Boot had a Colt .45. One of the last routes in the territory, the run had not been robbed in several years and thus the coach did not have a shotgun messenger. The pair stopped the coach and Boot held a gun on the robbery victims while Hart took $431.20 and two firearms from the passengers. After returning $1 to each passenger, she then took the driver’s revolver. After the robbers had galloped away on their horses, the driver unhitched one of the horses and headed back to town to alert the sheriff.

Reports of the next few days vary. According to Hart, the pair took a circuitous route designed to lose anyone who followed, while making their future plans. Others claim the pair became lost and wandered in circles. Either way, a posse led by Sheriff Truman of Pinal County caught up with the pair on June 5, 1899. Finding both of them asleep, Sheriff Truman reported that Boot surrendered quietly while Hart fought to avoid capture.

Following their arrest, Boot was held in Florence, Arizona, while Hart was moved to Tucson, the jail lacking any facilities for a lady. The novelty of a female stagecoach robber quickly spawned a media frenzy and national reporters soon joined the local press clamoring to interview and photograph Hart. One article in Cosmopolitan said Hart was “just the opposite of what would be expected of a woman stage robber,” though, “when angry or determined, hard lines show about her eyes and mouth." Locals also became fascinated with her, one local fan giving her a bobcat cub to keep as a pet.

The room Hart was held in was not a normal jail cell, but made of lath and plaster. Taking advantage of the relatively weak building material, and possibly with the aid of an assistant, Hart escaped on October 12, 1899, leaving an 18-inch (46 cm) hole in the wall. She was recaptured two weeks later near Deming, New Mexico.

Hart and Boot came to trial for robbing the stagecoach passengers in October 1899. During the trial, Hart made an impassioned plea to the jury, claiming she needed the money to be able to go to her ailing mother. Judge Fletcher M. Doan was shocked and angered by the jury’s not guilty finding and scolded the members for failure to perform their duties. Immediately following the acquittal, the pair were rearrested on the charge of tampering with U.S. mails. The pair were convicted during their second trial, Boot receiving a sentence of thirty years and Hart a sentence of five years.

Both Hart and Boot were sent to Yuma Territorial Prison to serve their sentences. Boot became a prison trusty, driving supply wagons to prison chain gangs working outside the walls. One day while driving a wagon he escaped and was never seen again. At the time of his escape, Boot had completed less than two years of his sentence. 

The attention Hart had received in jail continued once she was imprisoned. The warden, who enjoyed the attention she attracted, provided her with an oversize 8 by 10 feet (2.4 by 3.0 m) mountain-side cell that included a small yard and allowed her to entertain reporters and other guests as well as pose for photographs. Hart in turn used her position as the only female at an all-male facility to her advantage, playing admiring guards and prison trusties off of each other in an effort to improve her situation.

Hart’s release from prison came in the form of a December 1902 pardon from Governor Alexander Brodie. The reason for this pardon, given on the condition she leave the territory, is unclear. At the time, Hart claimed she was needed in Kansas City to play the lead in a play, written by her sister, about her life of crime. A later rumor emerged in 1964, following the death of all potentially involved parties, alleging Hart was pardoned because she had become pregnant in a manner which would embarrass the prison. There is no evidence Hart ever had a third child so this rumor, if true, may indicate a successful ploy upon Hart’s behalf. Upon release from prison, Hart was provided with a train ticket to Kansas City, Missouri.

After leaving prison, Hart largely disappeared from public view. She had a short lived show where she reenacted her crime and then spoke about the horrors of Yuma Territorial Prison. Following this she worked, under an alias, as part of Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. In 1904, Hart was running a cigar store in Kansas City where she was arrested for receiving stolen property. She was acquitted of the charge.

Accounts of Hart’s later life are sketchy and contradictory. One common story has her returning to the jail in Tucson 25 years after her imprisonment to visit the jail cell that once held her. Likewise, a census taker in 1940 claimed to have discovered Hart living in Arizona under a different name. Folklore from Gila County claims that Hart returned to Globe and lived there peacefully until her death on December 30, 1955. Competing claims place her death as late as 1960.

So glad some fellow Vicbert fans appreciate my writing! Hope I’ll be able to last the 20 days :) @vicbertsource

Vicbert Fanfic Challenge

Day Two: Canon Parents

Victoria finished writing and stretched, looking longingly outside at the sunlit grounds. It was a hot day and she was sick of being stuck inside the stuffy palace.

“Albert, I am bored of answering letters for today” she announced, standing up out of her chair. He stopped reading and put down his book, looking up at her with a bemused smile. She liked being the taller one for once.

“Oh are you now. And what do you plan to do with the rest of your day?” he enquired, eyes twinkling.

“As a matter of fact I had the perfect idea…we can go on an outing with the children!” She smiled down at him, clapping her hands together. Albert’s mouth had turned down. “What is the matter my Angel? Isn’t it a great idea - we haven’t taken the children out in public yet.”

“Of course Victoria, but I would have rather used our time in other ways…the children and your duties have kept you busy of late.” She laughed at him, coming around the desk to put her hands on his shoulders.

“Well I will make sure to clear my calendar for tonight then” she kissed his cheek softly. “Now make yourself ready, I’m going to sort out the children!”

“Do you really think cream is the best colour ma’am?” Mrs Skerrett queried, holding up the dress Victoria had picked for Vicky to wear.

“Yes, she will look lovely in it. Why?” Victoria responded from where she looked over outfits for her son. She wanted them to look dashing for their first public outing.

“Well, ma’am, you know how children are, always wanting to play and get messy..”.

“Oh no need to worry, we are taking the carriage to the park so Vicky will stay nice and clean.”

“As you wish then.” Skerrett lay the dress aside and started helping her Queen get dressed herself.

“Ah isn’t this lovely” Victoria sighed, tipping her head back so her bonnet fell away and the sun rays warmed her face. She clutched Vicky on her lap who was bouncing up and down with excitement. Lehzen held Bertie and was looking delighted at the way he was grabbing at her hair. She could hear the clops of the horse that Albert rode ahead.

“It is indeed ma’am” Lehzen smiled. “So nice for the children to get out into the sunshine.” They rode along through the streets on their way to the park. Victoria waved along with Vicky at the passerby who gaped up at them in wonder.

“I wonder that we hadn’t done it sooner!” Victoria exclaimed. “It is nice for my people to see that I have a family, just like them. That they are not so dissimilar to I.”

They trundled along and soon entered the park. The leaves dappled the sunlight down onto their carriage, and fresh air wafted their way. There was the sound of children laughing and ducks quacking on the lake. Victoria hung onto her daughter as she leaned out to pluck a flower from an overhanging tree. She smiled as Vicky placed it behind her ear. They drew up in front of the lake.

Suddenly, there was no child on her lap anymore. Victoria let out a cry of alarm as she watched Vicky open the latch of the carriage with ease and run across the grass. She got up, hitched up her skirts and scurried down. “Vicky!” she called, before turning back to Lehzen who sat there in shock. “Please look after Bertie!” she pleaded before running after her daughter. Her progress was slow as she tripped over her skirts every fourth step. Vicky was chasing a duck who had waddled into a patch of trees. Victoria sped up her pace, and it seemed like she was catching up to her daughter when suddenly the bouncing curls and cream dress disappeared. Victoria stopped in her tracks in horror.

“Vicky darling!” Her voice cracked with worry. She ignored the scandalised gasps of ladies nearby as she plunged into the trees, pushing aside branches. Victoria’s heart thudded as she came across a bank. At the bottom sat Vicky, muddied and staring up at her with tears running down her cheeks. Without a second thought Victoria was down the bank with her. She picked up her daughter and cradled her close, ignoring her own muddied dress. “Oh my poor child. I’m so glad you’re safe.”

“Victoria?”Albert had heard Lehzen’s calls and had followed his daughter and wife across the park before they both suddenly disappeared. The wind was picking up and he was very concerned. “Vicky? Liebes?” He pushed into the trees desperately. Then a curly head popped out of nowhere and Vicky was reaching out for him. He grabbed his daughter and embraced her, placing a kiss on her head before setting her down. “Now where is your mother?”

His question was answered when Victoria came scrambling up the bank, lacking her usual grace. She caught his gaze when she stood up and he enveloped her tiny frame. He held her for a few moments before letting her go, eyes running up and down. “You’re not hurt?”

“No Albert, do not fret. Neither is Vicky.” Victoria hitched her daughter up onto her hip to carry. “We just had a bit of an adventure, nothing to worry about.” Her airy tone was not enough to hide her shaking form from Albert. He placed an arm on her back and led them back to the carriage and his tied up horse. Lehzen and the driver stared as they came to the carriage but didn’t speak a word. They all rode home in silence and arrived to find a surprised Skerrett waiting in the entrance as they all trudged in. 

Victoria sighed. “You we right Mrs Skerrett…cream really isn’t the best colour.”

anonymous asked:

JonSa AU where Jon is a Robin Hood type highwayman&Sansa is a rich debutante who cares and is actively involved, along with her other family members, in social causes. Starks are different from corpulent Lannisters/Baratheons. Ned's renowned for being honorable. Jon stops Sansa's carriage to loot it or something sparks fly etc. I'm really bad at this. Smut, if you please. Or roleplay where Jon's highwayman and Sansa a passenger. Or Jonsa!Robin Hood&Maid Marian whatever tickles ur fancy. Thnx

Okay, so I am FINALLY getting around to this (blame the person who gave me the prompt that spawned the Mrs. Robinson series!), and I decided to do a little something different with it AND incorporate it into the Jonsa Summer Challenge for @jonsa-creatives

Here is Day 3′s installment under Gifts. 

The Highwayman’s Gift 

England, 1835

Sansa knew she shouldn’t even think something so indelicate and crude, but she was, quite simply, in hell. As the carriage rattled and rolled down the path to her home, she kept, as best she could, a serene smile on her face while Lord Joffrey Baratheon prattled on about his hunting exploits. She was tired after a night of having her feet stepped on by Lord Joffrey and his terrible dancing skills. She had hoped to ride with her brother and sister-in-law, but as they had not yet left the ball…here she was.

Lord Joffrey’s mother sat beside him, smiling as though her son was the sun, the moon, and the stars. When she glanced at Sansa though, Sansa swore the other woman’s lip curled a bit. 

Lady Cersei did not like her. That was fine considering Sansa didn’t like her. Or her odious son. Her son whom her parents might just end up betrothing her to. Her father didn’t want to do it, but her mother was not swayed and would not listen to reason. How Catelyn Stark had missed the rumors bandied about the ton about how Lord Joffrey liked his whores and his gambling, and a bit of blood play was beyond Sansa. And it terrified her that she might actually have to marry someone who would want to let her blood in the bedchamber! What if he wanted to do worse?  Her brother Robb swore he’d seen Joffrey drown a box of kittens in a pond just because he wanted to. 

Keep reading

hhhhnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhh I’m hecking stupid someone needs to take the Youtube away from me.

It’s been 3 weeks. I thought I’d emotionally healed enough to go for a casual re-watch, but Nope, clearly I never ever learn.

There is no casual re-watch. This is the emergency I Need To Feel Terrible button only.

This is illegal. I’m writing a formal complaint. And here it is. A very formal complaint. It’s wearing a bow tie. Isn’t that adorable I’m going to c r y

Large Daemons (Golden Compass)

I wonder how people with larger Daemons get around in everyday life. Anyone want to consider the possibilities with me? I’m talking things horse sized and above. I imagine some aspects of life (walking through a university with many rooms, for example,) might be hard. What /is/ the distance limit a daemon can be from it’s owner? 

I imagine some people could become drivers for horse carts and such if their daemons were horses. Or could they? would a horse daemon pull a cart? would the crush of people make it too risky for an accidental brush against someone?

Early 1900s AU where Muse A is a horse carriage driver. Every night, they pick up Muse B from their homes or parties. Muse B talks to the driver through the window constantly about their extravagant life, about people they meet and people they dislike. Muse A empathises and eventually starts to fall for Muse B despite their social class differences. One winter night, Muse B does not leave their home after calling for Muse A’s carriage to wait for them. Muse A waits and waits, catching sickness in the cold. When Muse B calls for Muse A the next day, the service informs them that Muse A has fallen ill. Concerned, Muse B visits Muse A at their home, soon discovering them bed-ridden. Compelled by their bond, Muse B cares for Muse A, and in the process begins to fall for them as well.

PELOPS IS A DICK

PELOPS HAD A FUCKED UP CHILDHOOD: HIS DAD WAS TANTALUS, ALSO AN ASSHOLE, WHO COOKED PELOPS IN A STEW. BUT THAT ALL TURNED OUT FINE FOR PELOPS, WHO THEN BECAME POSEIDON’S BOY-TOY AND BE TAUGHT SOME MAD CHARIOT-DRIVING SKILLS.

KING OENOMAUS HAD SOME SHITTY PROPHECY ABOUT HIM BEING KILLED BY A SON-IN-LAW, SO HE WAS BEING REALLY PICKY ABOUT WHO COULD MARRY HIS DAUGHTER HIPPODAMIA. IF ANYONE COULD BEAT HIM IN A CHARIOT-RACE, THEY COULD GET THE GIRL. BUT OENOMAUS HAD SOME FUCKING SPEEDY HORSES AND ALSO SOME MAGIC SPEAR AND HAD SKEWERED ALL 13 FUCKERS WHO HAD RACED HIM SO FAR.

THEN PELOPS SHOWED UP, BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING FUCKING BETTER TO DO. HE BEGAN BY PRAYING TO HIS SUGAR-DADDY POSEIDON, WHO GAVE HIM A SUPER FANCY CHARIOT AND WINGED HORSES. NICE. 

OENOMAUS’ CHARIOT DRIVER MYRTILUS WAS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH HIPPODAMIA, BUT WAS TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO RACE FOR HER HIMSELF. PELOPS FOUND THIS SHIT OUT AND PROMISED MYRTILUS HE COULD FUCK HIPPODAMIA FIRST IF HE SCREWED UP OENOMAUS’ CHARIOT SO HE WOULD LOSE. MYRTILUS AGREED BECAUSE HE WAS A HORNY IDIOT.

SO THEY HAVE THIS RACE BUSINESS, AND IT’S ALL FUCKING TENSE UNTIL THE SABOTAGED CHARIOT’S WHEELS FLY OFF AND OENOMAUS IS DRAGGED TO HIS DEATH. PELOPS MARRIES HIPPODAMIA AND EVERYTHING IS AWESOME. BUT THEN PELOPS CATCHES MYRTILUS TRYING TO FUCK HIPPODAMIA, AS THOSE ASSHOLES HAD AGREED. PELOPS GOES BACK ON HIS PROMISE AND THROWS MYRTILUS INTO THE FUCKING SEA.

AS MYRTILUS DIED HE CURSED PELOPS’ BITCH-ASS, SO THAT HIS DESCENDANTS (BITCHES LIKE AGAMEMNON AND ORESTES) WOULD HAVE A SUCKY LIFE.