horology

The Signs in Group Projects

Organizes all the shit but doesn’t actually do anything themselves: Leo, Aquarius, Cancer, Gemini

Isn’t there: Taurus, Scorpio, Libra

Saves everybody’s ass the night before: PISCES, Virgo, Capricorn

Does literally fuck all: Sagittarius, Aries

Signs described in 2 words

Aries: Going places

Taurus: Food-Sexual

Gemini: Needs stability

Cancer: Mother Hen

Leo: Queen Af

Virgo: Likes Parfume

Libra: Party Pooper

Scorpio: Mysterious Door

Sagittarius: Serious Funny

Capricorn: Money Addict

Aquarius: No Homo

Pisces: Lovely Flower

Pastel Horoscopes 🍩🍰🍬✨💍 👑💎🍑

(among other vanities and ill suggestions)

♈  aries: blanched sea shells, worn away by time and water. fill the sink and slip them in. it is not enough, it does not return them. some things will love you but will not forgive you. 

♉  taurus: bubble baths. linger there. hot water becomes tepid, bubbles pop and disappear with parts of you. wallow and wither away if you must. those sorrows were a part of you, what will you do without them?

♊  gemini: when an eyelash comes out, place it in your palm, make a wish and blow it away with a kiss. tear another eyelash out. you have at least a hundred more wishes left, and you need to waste them all. 

♋  cancer: a perfect tea set, a small mound of sugar cubes. fill your tea with them, until it is so saturated it is like sludge. sip, sip, sip. still better than some things. 

♌  leo: music boxes, plink-plunking notes. the painted ballerina twirls around and round, spining endlessly for you amusement. over and over, again and again, you wind her back up and watch, for her amusement. 

♍  virgo: brush your hair a hundred times, and then once more. curl and straighten, curl and straighten. sit alone for hours after. look pretty for the ghosts in your home. you must devastate the things that haunt you.

♎  libra: what you need is a cozy room. fill the bed with blankets, string up fairy lights by the dozen, and then by the hundred! overload the outlet, burn the house down. nice and cozy now. all in the name of self care. 

♏ scorpio: sweet soft stars. bitter blue moon. sanguine silky sky. you really need to stop consuming the universe dear, leave some for the rest of us to enjoy. 

♐  sagittarius: smooth glowing skin, long fluttery eyelashes, plump lips, soft cheeks, you have it all. if only you were human, the things you’d be able to do with those. 

♑ capricorn: buy yourself roses. scatter the petals throughout the home. wear rose face masks, bathe in their scent and drink their blood in your tea. perhaps one day you will become one, and finally have their thorns.

♒ aquarius: satin and silk and lace. wear it, decorate your home with it, bundle yourself up at night with it, cocoon yourself from the world with it. let it turn you into something else, something unnerving. 

♓  pisces: honey combs with toast, with tea, with cookies. mellify your insides, slowly saturate yourself with the syrup. cough. it’s in your lungs now. is this how you become a queen?

The Signs as Winter Scents

Aries: Cinammon, Clove and Orange
Taurus: Rose and Sandlewood
Gemini: White Jasmine and Winter rose
Cancer: Caramel, Vanilla and Jasmine
Leo: Clove and Cedarwood
Virgo: Cinammon, Clove and Lemongrass
Libra: Almond, Raspberry and Strawberry
Scorpio: Black Pepper and Citrus
Sagittarius: Sandlewood, Vetiver and Patchouli
Capricorn: Silver Fir, White Pepper and Amber
Aquarius: Lime and Pine
Pisces: Berries, Orange Blossom, Nutmeg and Cinammon

the signs and pretty 5sos lyrics
  • Aries: "Leaves fall from the tallest trees. Even mountains crumble into the sea."
  • Taurus: "Runaways; we're the long lost children. Running to the edge of the world."
  • Gemini: "Your eyes, your smile can light up the night. Embers and neon signs paint up our sky."
  • Cancer: "Nothing like the rain when you're in outerspace."
  • Leo: "All my life, I've been waiting for moments to come. When I catch fire and wash over you like the sun."
  • Virgo: "I don't wanna let it burn in the city lights and make the same mistakes."
  • Libra: "Drove into infinity, I held you 'til you fell asleep."
  • Scorpio: "Does it have to be this tragedy. The endless lost parade of castle, other side of make-believe?"
  • Sagittarius: "All your screaming whispers slip right through my fingers. But these memories linger on."
  • Capricorn: "Carry on, outlast the ignorance. Moving on, survive the innocence."
  • Aquarius: "I wanna take my heart to the end of the world; and fly away, fly away tonight."
  • Pisces: "The darkest night never felt so bright with you by my side."
Spooky Horoscopes 🎃 🍁 👻

(and other bad advice)

aries: light candles. burn bridges and pumpkin scented candles with the same match. burn all the rotten residue. enjoy life without the hecklers.

taurus:  when you trick-or-treat, they will say you are too old. you have always been too old. you are old as the earth and it creaks in your bones

gemini: bitter black brew. it is the deadliest poison. drink, drink until you’re sick, until your eyes are sunken in your skull. add sugar and cream first. 

cancer: you can’t keep yourself in the same closet as your skeletons. unless you are a skeleton. if so, sort the bones. find a better place to bury them. 

leo: jump in a pile of leaves. take a moment to sink under the pile, in peace. sink, sink deeper and darker. let the ground take you. make friends there. 

virgo: what’s better than an over-sized sweater? bury yourself in knit cable sweaters. keep knitting. build yourself a cave of comfort. don’t build a way out.

libra: double-cross the monster under your bed. buy bunk beds. tuck them in at night. everything’s a monster with bags under its eyes.

scorpio: bite your tongue. drink the blood. go see a doctor. tear the stitches out and redo them yourself. what, weren’t you going to do that anyway?

sagittarius: you can’t apologize for the beast the full moon made of you. but the one you became during the crescent moon did some fucked up shit bro.

capricorn: take down your hair, take off your glasses, shed your skin, go deep into the woods, lurk in the dark. it’s time there was a monster to fear.

aquarius: cold, cold hands. blue and veined. kiss mysterious girls and average men in doorways. what happens to them after is not of your concern.

pisces:  some flowers only bloom in the winter. wreath yourself in frost, breathe mist into the air. they never told you ghosts haunt themselves first.

The Signs On Monday 😶

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: Wait it’s monday?
Taurus: I’m out of emotions oh well.
Gemini: Ohhh boy it’s gonna be a long week.
Cancer: Someone h e l p me.
Leo: I’m sick and stressed and just done.
Virgo: I stopped caring 2 years ago.
Libra: If there’s no caffeine I’m out.
Scorpio: Don’t talk to me for another 5 days.
Sagittarius: Just…no.
Capricorn: Time to start procrastinating!
Aquarius: Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Pisces: What is even going on w/ my life.

:)

The Signs as @wolfpupy tweets

@ TheSignsAs || IG

Aries - there are few things in life that can’t be achieved with occult dark magic

Taurus - my lights aren’t all on upstairs because i am saving energy, just doing my bit to help the planet, not that you’d know anything about that

Gemini - tired of trying to figure out how to solve problems? try simply ignoring them forever instead

Cancer - im 5 weeks old and i dont care about anything

Leo - yeah i looked both ways before crossing the street, i looked both ‘handsome’ and 'radiant’, too bad i got hit by that car

Virgo - in video games you can carry x99 of an item while in real life you can mostly carry not that many

Libra - life has never gone well for me but thats all about to change now that i have an idea for a new type of hair style

Scorpio - i am going to lay completely still on the forest floor until either things start going my way or i disintegrate into nothing

Sagittarius - once again i am not included in the list of the world’s most successful people because of my complete lack of success, bias at its finest.

Capricorn - thats cool. oh that wasn’t a response to what you said i was just noting that it’s cool that i wasn’t listening or caring

Aquarius - talking was invented when humans heard howling and decided to do that but with the beautiful and interesting qualities removed

Pisces - one of these days i will float up off into space and no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa

The Signs as Romeo and Juliet Characters

**slightly salty edition due to me writing an essay on this

Aries: Mercutio (enjoys provoking people for no fucking reason)

Taurus: Count Paris (can be presumptuous like no m8 we’re not married)

Gemini: The Nurse (v v chatty and inappropriate at times)

Cancer: Romeo (has courage of a wet tissue jUST sAYIN)

Leo: Capulet (random rages???? why??? can you not??)

Virgo: Juliet (shuts you out of their life if you two disagree on a tiny thing)

Libra: Rosaline (you never really see them but you hear things idk who are they)

Scorpio: Tybalt (weirdly fashionable but you’d never expect it)

Sagittarius: Lady Capulet (relies on others for pragmatic/moral support because they can’t even deal with e m o t i o n s)

Capricorn: Friar Lawrence (unwanted advice js and expert on herbs ??)

Aquarius: Prince Escalus (only ever appears if there’s a big ol’ fight because they love the drama rly)

Pisces: Benvolio (you never see it but actually has a huge temper because they’re so done with everyone)

The Signs As Creative Things 🎬

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: Yoga
Taurus: Interior Design
Gemini: Fashion Design
Cancer: Gardening
Leo: Dancing
Virgo: Writing
Libra: Film
Scorpio: Painting
Saggitarius: Drawing
Capricorn: Photography
Aquarius: Singing
Pisces: Cooking

:)

The Signs When Flirting

Aries:

Super sweet and flirting lots of touching and hugging.

Taurus:

Taurus is a pretty good At flirting since they’re ruled by venus, they’re sweet and cute and they always make you feel wanted.

Gemini:

They flirt with their words.  enough said.

Cancer:

They are likely to toy with your emotions, and flirt with their emotions too.

Leo:

Body language says it all.

Virgo:

With their innocence 

Libra:

They alway are complimenting you it’s great.

Scorpio:

It’s all in the eyes with them.

Sagittarius:

These guys are the sweetie pies of the century.

Capricorn:

They are smart asses in a flirty way.

Aquarius

Can you say lip biter? These cuties though

Pisces:

Welcome to the sarcasm zone… cause thats what your in for. In a sweet way of course. 

2017 Horoscopes for the Signs

Aries: Change throughout the year, starting after 26th Jan (Saturn moves frm Scorpio to Sag bringing new opportunities and career developments). You may find yourself more energetic/aggressive. September will be an important month. Travelling will be important this year.

Taurus: Will be productive and progresive in both personal and buisness lives. Health will remain good. Will be financially stable and lots of small opportunites presented to you. Around October time, there may be stress or difficulties within social life.

Gemini: Buisness growth will be good this year which will help you to be more relaxed due to favourable transit of planets. Success which you may achieve this year will be more than you expect for the work you do. Health is good. A close relative may encounter cause you some stress. Minor problems throughout year.

Cancer: The first few months of the year will be significantly better for you. Your political and social life will be important and prominent. You may be more lucky this year. Your family are likely to be more harmonious. Try to de-stress frequently and avoid acting on impulse.

Leo: Your professional and personal life will be more integrated this year. If you’re job seeking, there may be surprising opportunities. The impact of malefic planet on rising may cause periodic anxieties but these should affect you minimally if you are self-aware and careful.

Virgo:  Competitions and sport may become prominent for you this year. Your life will be easy and comfortable. There may be noticeable progress for little things (unlike last year). Don’t overlook your health.

Libra: Any improvements you try to make towards a better lifestyle this year will be rewarded. There will be good news of a close relative. Expenses may be slightly higher this year and your health needs close attention. Maintain your rational way of thinking and don’t act rashly.

Scorpio: Lots of opputunities and options will open up to you, take them. You will find youself and your efforts being appreciated by others, appreciate them. Academic success is probable (especially within science). Affliction on the rising/10th house may cause slow progress in buisness.

Sagittarius: You will likely have a lot more success than you can expect this year due to favourable transit. Your domestic life will bring you a lot of comfort, don’t be afraid to embrace and use it to relax. To improve relationships, you may have to put in a lot of work.

Capricorn: Medicine or engineering opportunities may be presented to you in January. If you work hard, you will be appreciated and recognized for it. Your health should be good and you will be positive. Your luck may change within political matters. Family members may cause stress.

Aquarius: Prominent progress within domestic life. If you dedicate yourself towards making improvements within your work at the beginning of the year, you will be rewarded later on. You will have to make consistent and dedicated efforts throughout the year to see results.

Pisces: Progress with your health for the first quarter of the year. Good impracts of transit planets leads to success in competitons, sport and trading. By 4th quarter of the year there will be disrupt to social aspects of life causing anxiety but they can only affect you as much as you let them.