horology

secrets about the signs

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: They actually have a really big soft spot for animals and always go out of their way to help them in need, especially with dogs. This bond with animals makes up for the lack of communication they have with humans. 

Taurus: People often underestimate their drive for their passions, and once they get really into something, they strive to be the best, often achieving their goal. However, their drive can leave them feeling isolated. 

Gemini: Even though they seem very wild and quick moving they also love to settle down and just have a long brunch with deep conversations. They’d always rather have company than have to be alone.

Cancer: Though on the outside they can put up a facade of being put together so they can tend to others needs, they can fall apart and really appreciate when someone takes the time and cares for them for once. 

Leo: Horoscopes usually portray them as extremely outgoing and energetic, however once in a while they need to be alone, as everything starts getting chaotic if they never take a break. They value this time, yet can leave them feeling alone.

Virgo: Wants to have fun more than people think they do. Yes, they can get caught up in their work or school, yet people conclude they don’t want to go to social events, which is actually vital for them to go to. 

Libra: Their need to have a relationship often gets in their way of self-reflection, as instead of spending time on their selves they throw themselves into trying to help and tend to other people. Yet, they recognize this and slowly become more independent. 

Scorpio: They have contradicting emotionally of wanting to become close to people, but also wanting to keep space as they wish to not get hurt. This can strain their relationships with people, yet once they let go and fully trust people they can experience pure happiness. 

Sagittarius: They want perfect love quickly, and when that doesn’t happen they begin to doubt themselves which makes them crave love even more. Breaking this cycle is vital for them, and as they mature they realize self love is what they need. 

Capricorn: Frequently, they want to follow social expectations and try to change themselves or their image to what they think people want to see. However, once they are truly themselves they find their true friends and are able to happy. 

Aquarius: Though they try to care for everyone, dark thoughts often haunt their mind, and finding the escape to this; wether it’s friends or family or an activity, helps them immensely and is extremely important. 

Pisces: Due to their world being hectic, they often find refuge in friends, yet have a hard time breaking down their barriers and sharing their raw emotions. Doing this will lead to an unbreakable bond.


Spooky Horoscopes 🎃 🍁 👻

(and other bad advice)

aries: light candles. burn bridges and pumpkin scented candles with the same match. burn all the rotten residue. enjoy life without the hecklers.

taurus:  when you trick-or-treat, they will say you are too old. you have always been too old. you are old as the earth and it creaks in your bones

gemini: bitter black brew. it is the deadliest poison. drink, drink until you’re sick, until your eyes are sunken in your skull. add sugar and cream first. 

cancer: you can’t keep yourself in the same closet as your skeletons. unless you are a skeleton. if so, sort the bones. find a better place to bury them. 

leo: jump in a pile of leaves. take a moment to sink under the pile, in peace. sink, sink deeper and darker. let the ground take you. make friends there. 

virgo: what’s better than an over-sized sweater? bury yourself in knit cable sweaters. keep knitting. build yourself a cave of comfort. don’t build a way out.

libra: double-cross the monster under your bed. buy bunk beds. tuck them in at night. everything’s a monster with bags under its eyes.

scorpio: bite your tongue. drink the blood. go see a doctor. tear the stitches out and redo them yourself. what, weren’t you going to do that anyway?

sagittarius: you can’t apologize for the beast the full moon made of you. but the one you became during the crescent moon did some fucked up shit bro.

capricorn: take down your hair, take off your glasses, shed your skin, go deep into the woods, lurk in the dark. it’s time there was a monster to fear.

aquarius: cold, cold hands. blue and veined. kiss mysterious girls and average men in doorways. what happens to them after is not of your concern.

pisces:  some flowers only bloom in the winter. wreath yourself in frost, breathe mist into the air. they never told you ghosts haunt themselves first.

The signs will like you more when...

…You show the Aries you are hardworking,lovable towards them, giving them the right attention, be strong and stand up for yourself, modest and traditional with romance.

… You show the Taurus that you are materialistic, patient, honest, offering them help and/or food, trustworthy and yourself.

… You show the Gemini that you will make the first moves, not being predictable, take risks, talkative and funny .

… You show the Cancer that you will listen to their problems, understand their moods/ feelings, being nice to them and giving them affection.

… You show the Leo that you are loyal, confident, constantly complimenting them, being generous, honest and laughing at their jokes.

…You show the Virgo that you are never betraying their confidence, taking care of your appearance, patient and having intelligent conversations with them.

… you show the Libra that you are not dramatic, quick, showing concern for them, being funny and making them happy and being flirty.

… you show the Scorpio that you are ambitious, respecting their privacy and mysterious personality, being sexy and understanding their feelings.

… you show the Sagittarius that you are confident, adventurous, you having hidden dept, not possessive , challenging them, honest and keeping things lighthearted

… you show the Capricorn that you are serious about love, being goal-oriented, respecting them, not being mad if they seem a little distant at first and confident in your decisions .

… you show the Aquarius that you are creative, playful,being a little mysterious, funny, being easy going and sociable and giving him space.

… you show the Pisces that you are caring, gentle, open-minded, polite, surprising them, sharing your worries and fears and  being supportive.

The Signs and What They Desperately Want

Aries: 5sos3

Taurus: 5sos3

Gemini: 5sos3

Cancer: 5sos3

Leo: 5sos3

Virgo: 5sos3

Libra: 5sos3

Scorpio: 5sos3

Sagittarius: 5sos3

Capricorn: 5sos3

Aquarius: 5sos3

Pisces: 5sos3

signs as embarrassing things

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: Old text messages with 7th exes 
Taurus: Pooping at someone else’s house 
Gemini: Singing the wrong lyrics to a song
Cancer: Pretend to text while actually taking selfies 
Leo: Themselves 
Virgo: Forgetting the name of the person they’ve met more than once
Libra: Walking in on someone in the bathroom 
Scorpio: Social media stalking 24/7
Sagittarius: Waving to someone who wasn’t waving to you 
Capricorn: Watching a sex scene with you parents 
Aquarius: Old youtube channel videos 
Pisces: Make up plans so you can stay home and binge watch 24/7

:)

Pastel Horoscopes 🍩🍰🍬✨💍 👑💎🍑

(among other vanities and ill suggestions)

♈  aries: blanched sea shells, worn away by time and water. fill the sink and slip them in. it is not enough, it does not return them. some things will love you but will not forgive you. 

♉  taurus: bubble baths. linger there. hot water becomes tepid, bubbles pop and disappear with parts of you. wallow and wither away if you must. those sorrows were a part of you, what will you do without them?

♊  gemini: when an eyelash comes out, place it in your palm, make a wish and blow it away with a kiss. tear another eyelash out. you have at least a hundred more wishes left, and you need to waste them all. 

♋  cancer: a perfect tea set, a small mound of sugar cubes. fill your tea with them, until it is so saturated it is like sludge. sip, sip, sip. still better than some things. 

♌  leo: music boxes, plink-plunking notes. the painted ballerina twirls around and round, spining endlessly for you amusement. over and over, again and again, you wind her back up and watch, for her amusement. 

♍  virgo: brush your hair a hundred times, and then once more. curl and straighten, curl and straighten. sit alone for hours after. look pretty for the ghosts in your home. you must devastate the things that haunt you.

♎  libra: what you need is a cozy room. fill the bed with blankets, string up fairy lights by the dozen, and then by the hundred! overload the outlet, burn the house down. nice and cozy now. all in the name of self care. 

♏ scorpio: sweet soft stars. bitter blue moon. sanguine silky sky. you really need to stop consuming the universe dear, leave some for the rest of us to enjoy. 

♐  sagittarius: smooth glowing skin, long fluttery eyelashes, plump lips, soft cheeks, you have it all. if only you were human, the things you’d be able to do with those. 

♑ capricorn: buy yourself roses. scatter the petals throughout the home. wear rose face masks, bathe in their scent and drink their blood in your tea. perhaps one day you will become one, and finally have their thorns.

♒ aquarius: satin and silk and lace. wear it, decorate your home with it, bundle yourself up at night with it, cocoon yourself from the world with it. let it turn you into something else, something unnerving. 

♓  pisces: honey combs with toast, with tea, with cookies. mellify your insides, slowly saturate yourself with the syrup. cough. it’s in your lungs now. is this how you become a queen?

The signs responds to “i love you“...

Aries: “Thanks“

Taurus: “did i asked you to love me?“

Gemini: “so i heard!“

Cancer: “I love you even more! you have no idea!“

Leo: *high fives* “we have so much in common, i love me too!“

Virgo: “wasnt that too fast?“

Libra: “awesome“

Scorpio: “well, i like you too BUT YOU HAVE TO PROVE IT FIRST“

Sagittarius: “i respect your courage to tell me your love… but i dont love you back so…“

Capricorn: “are you sure its not a misunderstood or something“

Aquarius: “WOA WAT RLY OKAY?!?!“

Pisces: “aww thats really cute!“

The Signs as @wolfpupy tweets

@ TheSignsAs || IG

Aries - there are few things in life that can’t be achieved with occult dark magic

Taurus - my lights aren’t all on upstairs because i am saving energy, just doing my bit to help the planet, not that you’d know anything about that

Gemini - tired of trying to figure out how to solve problems? try simply ignoring them forever instead

Cancer - im 5 weeks old and i dont care about anything

Leo - yeah i looked both ways before crossing the street, i looked both ‘handsome’ and 'radiant’, too bad i got hit by that car

Virgo - in video games you can carry x99 of an item while in real life you can mostly carry not that many

Libra - life has never gone well for me but thats all about to change now that i have an idea for a new type of hair style

Scorpio - i am going to lay completely still on the forest floor until either things start going my way or i disintegrate into nothing

Sagittarius - once again i am not included in the list of the world’s most successful people because of my complete lack of success, bias at its finest.

Capricorn - thats cool. oh that wasn’t a response to what you said i was just noting that it’s cool that i wasn’t listening or caring

Aquarius - talking was invented when humans heard howling and decided to do that but with the beautiful and interesting qualities removed

Pisces - one of these days i will float up off into space and no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa

The Signs as High School Teachers

Aries: Gym teacher who’s probably having an affair with one of the students?incredibly scary, hasn’t figured out how to use an inside voice. still hot though ;)

Taurus: will make you take your shoes off and sit in a circle with a candle in the middle. that one who gives tests that have absolutely fucking nothing to do with what you’ve been learning. unnecessarily angry if you’re 2 minutes late

Gemini: so fucking smart. just cant get it across to you in a way you understand. they’re really nice, but will probably spend 20 minutes telling you about their childhood growing beans in mexico DEFINITELY A SCIENCE TEACHER

Cancer: the kind of teacher who gives you print outs that are already trimmed down to size. probably gets walked all over by the students but loved by everyone

Leo: that one who needs to chill. constantly reminding you of how many days till exams and giving random tests and shit. screams MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL 5 times every lesson. reminds you you’ll fail regularly

Virgo: They’ve made you and 20 other students cry because your project was the wrong file type and not supported by their laptop. Lowkey want to cry everytime you look at them.

Libra: ohmyfuckinggod tears you fucking a p a r t . Encourages you to share your opinion just so they can rip you and your self worth to shreds in a “healthy debate”

Scorpio: that teacher you see like once a month. you constantly have supply for their lessons. probably is actually a really good teacher but is too busy going on school trips to ghana

Sagittarius: Has no lesson plan. Ever. And you always seem to finish working twenty minutes before the end of the lesson. Yet you somehow still end up getting As in their tests?? How? ! ??

Capricorn: their lessons are so boring. textbook work all of the time, and frequent tests. you probably do well, but you want to get hit by a car everytime you think about going to their class

Aquarius: CONDESCENDING. they never say anything but you feel like you’re being judged constantly. you give your opinion on a topic and they reply with an “okay” before inviting someone else to speak, who they KNOW will contradict you

Pisces: Manipulates you into doing extra work for something?? always asking you’re okay as well and recommending you speak to the school counsellor every lesson. genuinely cares about your mental health

The Signs On Monday 😶

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: Wait it’s monday?
Taurus: I’m out of emotions oh well.
Gemini: Ohhh boy it’s gonna be a long week.
Cancer: Someone h e l p me.
Leo: I’m sick and stressed and just done.
Virgo: I stopped caring 2 years ago.
Libra: If there’s no caffeine I’m out.
Scorpio: Don’t talk to me for another 5 days.
Sagittarius: Just…no.
Capricorn: Time to start procrastinating!
Aquarius: Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Pisces: What is even going on w/ my life.

:)

Signs described in 2 words

Aries: Going places

Taurus: Food-Sexual

Gemini: Needs stability

Cancer: Mother Hen

Leo: Queen Af

Virgo: Likes Parfume

Libra: Party Pooper

Scorpio: Mysterious Door

Sagittarius: Serious Funny

Capricorn: Money Addict

Aquarius: No Homo

Pisces: Lovely Flower

Signs When They Have Crushes 💌

ig//horoscopezone

Aries: Has very up-down feelings with them, hides their feeling but their secretly very strong

Taurus: Seems calm about their crush but always freaking about it internally

Gemini: Most of the time makes the first move, confident, isn’t wierd about it

Cancer: Doodles about their crush, always super kind to them but obvious about it too

Leo: Tells everyone within the first day, falls hard and falls fast, has no chill about it.

Virgo: Has lowkey multiple crushes at once but their never really that big. Doesn’t do anything

Libra: Mostly if a person likes them they’ll like them back, never makes the first move, falls fast

Scorpio: Has a consistent crush but it always complicated, kinda wants a relationship

Sagittarius: People always like them, they rarely like them back, very picky but for a good reason

Capricorn: Always thinking about their crush but doesn’t want to make a move, very nonchalant

Aquarius: Gets themselves into really bad situations cause of it, the most complicated

Pisces: Doesn’t have crushes often always just chilling, down for shit but also not

:)

how to make the sings blush
  • Aries: cute compliments
  • Taurus: being flirted with
  • Gemini: Compliments in general
  • Cancer: being touched
  • Leo: being seen as a role model
  • Virgo: awkward moments
  • Libra: attention from their crush
  • Scorpio: making a gentle move
  • Sagittarius: compliment about their great personality
  • Capricorn: when someone notices their hard work
  • Pisces: talking about their crush/love life