unashamed-shipper-deactivated20  asked:

Those revenge stories you have are awesome and I love reading them tbh. Do you have any of your own revenge stories out of curiosity? Like I seriously love them and it's kinda my guilty pleasure to read the retail ones haha

I love petty-revenge blogs and I was in a mood today I needed a good vindictive laugh (retail sounds like hell and I would take full pleasure in reading those too), and YES I DO I DO I HAVE THE BEST PETTY REVENGE STORY EVER

Okay so flashback to biology last year.  Genetics.  Ah, genetics.  I love me some genetics.  Group project, presentation style.  Okay, I hate group projects but do it for the grade, right? So me and one of my best friends were supposed to be in a group together (because we know we are reliable folk) but we got split due to some weird-ass grouping thing.  I get stuck with three girls I’m not friends with, one of whom, who we shall call Hornet from here on out, is notorious for skimping out on these kinds of things.  Immediately, I’m like ‘nope’.  So we get together, we ‘plot’, and by that I mean I’m pitching ideas, and one vaguely reliable girl, who we shall call…Blegh because I hate her for other reasons, is nodding away and stuff.

I help assign roles and ask them to pop over the library for research.  Blegh can’t make it for an “emergency” (sure, sweetheart), and the other two ditch early.  This continues and those two keep popping away and never make contact until three or four days before the presentation when Hornet comes raging at me.

She blames me for the fact that I didn’t sit down and hold everyone’s hand throughout this process.  She’s bitching out about how I’m to blame for it not being completed, like HOLD THE FUCK UP B I T CH who kept missing out? You! And the other two, but at least they contributed a little! She proceeds to rage out at me for daring to change up a few details (…which tends to happen in the process of creating a final product, you know, but you wouldn’t know that considering you’ve never done anything for a project anyway) and THEN.  THE BEST PART.  SHE SCREECHES ABOUT HOW I HAD THE AUDACITY TO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL AND TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT TO DO.  Yeah, if you were so concerned about your grade and your part you would have texted and emailed me, but nope, nothing.  Okay, I clamber for a last minute meeting with everyone and hash out all the details.  We’re gonna attempt a skit, I type up a script (that is ridiculously basic) and take charge of the PowerPoint (which is where my pettiness begins, so keep this in mind).  I tell everyone what props to bring and then I go home and hope to whatever revenge god exists that shit will work out.

Thus begins my petty revenge.

Come the day of the presentation, I approach the teacher with screenshots of our conversation and I’m like “sorry, they haven’t done shit” he tells me I should have told him sooner (okay, sure, maybe I should have but I mean…I was busy trying to salvage this project, no time to come chat), but he’ll keep this in mind.  You all need to keep this in mind, too.

Hornet and the other girl forget their props.  I brought backups so they’re safe.

Part one of my petty revenge: The powerpoint had mine and Blegh’s name a full three font sizes larger than Hornet and the other girl’s.  It was VERY noticeable, and the class, who knew the whole drama, was already ready for shit to hit the fan because they knew this couldn’t have been accidental.

They didn’t memorize the script, so they were reading right off the sheet.  Now, a little background on this - we were discussing the advances in forensic DNA collection, etc, starting with the beginning of it (around the late 70s) until now.  The ‘skit’ was basically I was an assistant prof to a prof(Blegh) who had asked two students (Hornet and the other girl) to help examine some DNA samples to identify a perp or whatever.  The whole while, Blegh, who had cleverly disguised her script behind a clipboard, and I, who had memorized my half of the script and the entire fucking powerpoint, were explaining the newer, easier advances.  Hornet and the other girl were supposed to have had some difficulty getting the answers because they were using extremely outdated practices to run the sample, but it should have been possible regardless.  Eventually, Blegh asked Hornet and the girl if they had identified the perp.  They said no because they didn’t use newer practices.

Part two of my petty revenge: this part wasn’t scripted at all but I suddenly blurted out, “Oh, I knew you two wouldn’t do any of your work so I went ahead and did it for you.  Professor…”

At that point, I didn’t even glance up from where I was pointing out some STR profiles, but from what I understood, everybody had an “oH SHIT” look on their face.  I basically found a way to shit on them in the presentation for not doing anything and the whole class got it confirmed from my mouth out loud.  God, I had never felt so high in my life.

After it was done, everybody congratulated me and Blegh and they were like ‘dude, that was awesome, she deserved it, holy crap that was amazing’ and variations of the like.

Part three of my petty revenge: we got the marks back, 3+, not bad for having basically pulled this shit out of my ass three days before it was due, and the best part was that the only two people who had gotten marked?

Me and Blegh.

Hornet never spoke to me after that.

Not my grade, you little BITCH.