She would smile and show no surprise, convinced as she was, the same as I, that casual meetings are apt to be just the opposite, and that people who make dates are the same kind who need lines on their writing paper, or who always squeeze up from the bottom on a tube of toothpaste.
6 years ago to the day: December 26th, 2008
I was frantically pacing around my room after receiving news
That you met some girl on your resort, and decided to kiss her
Despite the fact that you were “dating” me. You came back home
And you broke up with me on IM. You didn’t even call. I cried into
My pillow and missed 2 days of school.
That was the first time you let me down.
5 years ago to the nearest month: January 2009
You came back to me. And it caused a scene
And I was mentally abused in the halls for weeks,
And all you did was ignore it, because that’s what’s easy
And then you left me for another girl. I cried into my pillow
And missed 2 days of school.
That was the second time you let me down.
2 years ago to the season, Winter 2013
You invited me to your house. And I hadn’t seen you
In 3 years because your girlfriend hated me, and I
Couldn’t breathe because I still loved you more than
The blood that ran through my veins. You kissed me
And then told me you weren’t going to break up with her.
I cried into my pillow because I kissed someone’s boyfriend.
That was the third time you let me down.
Flash forward one season to Summer 2013
You left your girlfriend and followed me around
Like a lost puppy. A month into whatever we were,
You said that things were moving too fast and that you
Weren’t ready for a relationship. My lungs almost caved
In as I read the words on my screen and thought “Not
Again. Not again”. I contemplated driving my car into a wall.
That was the fourth and final time you let me down.
Then came January 2014, and what followed:
Concerts. Loads of concerts. Meeting Ron pope. Meeting
Vance Joy. Meeting Matt Healy. New York City. New York City
FOUR times. Boston. TWICE. Toronto more times than I can count.
California x4. ED SHEERAN. LOTS OF ED SHEERAN. New
Heartaches. Healthier heartaches. Quitting school. Telling anyone
With a sour opinion of me to fuck right off. Never feeling so god damn
fucking happy in my entire life.
… August 2014.
I received a keyboard smash which contained the letters “ily”.
I’m not an idiot. I knew. And you know what? I didn’t even flinch.
This is usual. This is whatever. This is the hopscotch life I’m
Destined to deal with. I told you that I’m done. I learned to live
Without you. I love you. I always loved you. But I’m not IN love with
You. And the tables have so drastically turned because now
You’re the one clutching at your chest when I tell you that I just
don’t feel the same.
You have lost the power to let me down.