Drunk history of 5SOS

So it’s the summer of 2011 and Luke meets Calum and hes like “yo I know about music” and Calum’s like “yo I know more about music” and Michael’s there for some fucking reason and he says “Dude that’s impossible, do you want to start a band?” and Luke’s like “yeah that would be cool” then he’s like “yo this is school not a music store” and they meet at Michael’s house. They start playing music together like a shitty ass cover from Blink-182 and an ancient song from All Time Low. And they’re recording it for some fucking reason. Calum’s like “yo we gotta shake this shit up. I wrote this song called Gotta get Out” and Michael’s like “yo booked us a gig” and Luke’s like “yo this is dope, but we need like a drummer”. So they have like 4 drummers come in and they were like Rian from All time low, the guy from greenday, Mark hoppus and Liz. So there like “dude we need Ashton Irwin”. Ashton cycles like 500 miles to Michael’s house and he’s wearing like a purple tshirt and socks for some fucking reason. And he did it! He’s killing it! He’s like bigigigiggigi psssh. Killing the skins, tappin the skins, tapping the rim, playin this shit, killin these bitches, rappin it out.  And then Lukes like “I got a punk rock voice” and they’re all “How do you have a punk rock voice” and lukes like “yo watch this, NUEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUGHGHGHG” and theyre all “Wow that sounds punk rock!”so they put it into a song and its called Heartbreak girl. And they’re like “this is fucking perfect, this is 5 seconds of summer” and they made records like Unplugged Ep and that was it and its real and it doesn’t matter. And Michael was like “yo what the fuuuuuuuck, this is gonna be fucccking doooooooOOOOOOpee”. So their manager is like “yo 1D want you on their shitty ass tour and if u can make yourselves any bigger than you are, which is not fucking hard, you should do it”.

And Michael’s like “yooo we got this record called 5 seconds of summer and the three songs that are going to make the record are Disconnected, She looks so perfect and heartache on the big screen”. And they made this record and it was fucking dope like it hit on the charts like 1,2,3,3,2,1! 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! 10 to 1!

And Michael was like “yo makeup is great for a guy….because it makes a guy look beautiful which a lot of the time guys aren’t beautiful and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks guys are beautiful”.

Calum was like “oh my god im so embarrassed about this dick pic”. Its a boomerang dick lets be real. So then ashton’s like “yo I need to find time for my bible studies”

And Michael’s like “im just gonna make a man cave”

And Calums like “yo im just gonna fuck some bitches”

And Lukes like “meh ill go with calum”

Alright and this breaks like 2 months long, three months. Six months. And then Michael calls Luke and he’s like we gotta make another record. “We gotta make this shit legit, its gonna be dope! Its gonna go sky high, were gonna make a fucking record that sails the skies! Were gonna call it Sounds good feels good”. Everyone’s like wtf your working with John deafman again. And calum was like “yo were gonna tour with Hey Violet and Casey”. And that’s all, and that’s all that matters. That’s just how the fucking story goes.