hoosiers basketball

American knowledge of the States, as known by an American
  • Alabama: everyone knows us best for being the most difficult about desegregation
  • Alaska: the biggest state and the most ignored-essentially Canada
  • Arizona: hot hot hot dry as hell ha ha ha this is hell
  • Arkansas: Little Rock Nine- also, we are not an extension of Kansas, like at all
  • California: LA, San Francisco, the most chill hippy liberals you'll ever meet mixed in with warring druglords, the richest people in the nation, homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk, and a flamboyant gay night scene
  • Colorado: we legalized weed and now ppl won't shut up about it
  • Connecticut: the c is silent asshole
  • Delaware: Delawhere?
  • Florida: old people, alligators, and an interesting blend of liberals and conservatives shooting swamp monsters
  • Georgia: somehow we're more racist than Alabama
  • Hawaii: lol school, what school
  • Idaho: fuck off and don't make fun of my name- also, potatoes
  • Illinois: stop illinoying me, haha- there's nothing here
  • Indiana: HOOSIER COLLEGE BASKETBALL, home of the angry religious road signs
  • Iowa: you fly over us sometimes when you're visiting California
  • Kansas: Wizard of Oz and the Westboro Baptist Church
  • Kentucky: yeah yeah go on, make your jokes about chicken but let's see you resist it bitch
  • Louisiana: parlez-vous français,salope now enjoy our fucking crawfish
  • Maine: lobsters and commercials about our famed lobster
  • Maryland: the most liberal conservatives you will ever meet
  • Massachusetts: boston tea party, boston massacre, we don't pronounce our r's and that's all anyone remembers
  • Michigan: we hate Ohio and most of us work for Ford, General Motors Or Chrysler
  • Minnesota: we're like Canadians but American
  • Mississippi: it takes like five different songs to remember how to spell our name
  • Missouri: our name sounds like misery because that's what it is to live here
  • Montana: montana, mountain, geh it?
  • Nebraska: half of our state is like Children of the Corn but with less activity
  • Nevada: Las Vegas and nothing else, literally nothing
  • New Hampshire: taxes are for communists
  • New Jersey: we're shaped like a dollar sign, also new york city is totally ours don't believe what anyone says
  • New Mexico: every one of us has seen a UFO and Spanglish is our official language
  • New York: we have more than one city you know
  • North Carolina: biscuists, sweet tea, south carolina is just a knockoff of us
  • North Dakota: lawnmower races, lol jackets are for the weak, "how are things" "eh, not so bad."
  • Ohio: shut up about Glee and we're not fucking iowa, cheap beer, and fuck CNN
  • Oklahoma: We can and will deep-fry anything we want, just try and stop us
  • Oregon: the Oregon trail game.
  • Pennsylvania: ya want some pop? also, i just hit a deer with my car, wanna come over for dinner, we have deer meat
  • Rhode Island: size don't matter, this is the best state, and you probably only know us cuz of family guy but whatever
  • South Carolina: Praise Jesus! shrimp, grits, and conservatives, and Southern hospit- wait, what the fuck did you just say about North Carolina?
  • South Dakota: we're below another Dakota
  • Tennessee: nashville is fun to say and that dumb pickup line, oh my god, i get it, you're the only ten-i-see, fuck off and shove the bible right up your
  • Texas: trip onto my lawn and I'll blow your head off and it's my god-given right as an american goddamnit burn a flag and i'll be shovin' it up your yuppie ass later
  • Utah: Mormons and that little smudge on the map that's a lake
  • Vermont: skiing and the NRA loves using us as a misrepresented statistic
  • Virginia: the confederacy didn't win the war, but we sure as hell didn't lose it *burns textbook
  • Washington: it rains. and sometimes twilight fans come to brood.
  • West Virginia: we split off from Virginia and we thought we were cool but now no one notices us- NOTICE US VIRGINIA
  • Wisconsin: cheese is a valid form of US currency shut up
  • Wyoming: we're not all gay cowboys
I'm just gonna say it

Hoosiers, the 1986 basketball film starring Gene Hackman, is the only movie that has ever existed.

Sorry, but it’s a fact. I see people talking about watching this or that movie and I’m like um… do you mean Hoosiers??

Like we’d all like to have something to watch other than Gene Hackman coaching basketball in Hoosiers, but that’s simply not possible and pretending it is does us no good. If you think you saw a movie and it wasn’t Hoosiers, you probably dreamed it.

youtube

The Legend of Young Larry Bird

Young Larry Bird competes in a Two Point Shooting Contest in an attempt to save the family farm from foreclosure.

Kroll Show airs Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central.