hoolis

“I like Silicon Valley a normal amount” I say, drinking tea from a Hooli mug while searching online for fabric to sew a Pied Piper jacket, with a Jared Funko Pop standing on my desk staring into my soul.

Junker headcanons based on stuff their VA say about them:

by Chris:

  • Junkrat is originally from New South Wales.
  • What do Junkers do when not doing their job? they simply get some rest.
  • He likes “who can it be now?” more than “land down under”.
  • His best quote is “hoolie doolie”
  • Only follow Hog, D.va and Lucio on twitter and almost never use it due his nature as a cryptid.

by Josh:

  • For his new years resolution, Hog would like to travel more on his bike and eat more ravioli.
  • Hog likes Michael Jackson
  • Junkrat’s treasure is a either a peg leg, a picture of his mom because he was an abandoned orphan, or a picture of roadhog in a heart shaped locket (awww).
  • For christmass Roadhog got for Junkrat a fancy new peg leg.
  • Hog uses some of the money he gets and give it to charities, Junkrat waste the money.
  • Hog runs and orphanage for abandoned Pachimari
Overwatch Kissing Headcanons (Gentlemen)

Genji

  • Pre-cyborg Genji? All fucking over the place
    • French kisses, neck kisses, lots of groping, always in control
    • And most likely will be followed up by sex
  • But present Genji? Much different
  • To start, kisses from him will be rare since it requires him to remove his entire faceplate, and he’s still a little self-conscious of the scarred flesh beneath it
  • So if you ever did get a kiss from him, it would mean something—it would only be at the right time
  • His lips are soft, but also have a good amount of scarring on them
  • Favorite kind of kiss to receive would be a kiss on the eyelids
    • Because all he has to do is remove the one part of his face plate and close his eyes, then you can move in and carefully smooch him
  • Favorite kind of kisses to give…
    • With his mask, an eskimo kiss; doesn’t require him to remove his mask, all he has to do is nuzzle you
    • But with his mask off, probably single lip kisses
  • If it’s one of those meaningful kisses that he’s been holding out for, he’ll whisper a sweet nothing into your ear in Japanese (fuck yes!)
  • Ok, just one more thing: leave lipstick marks on his faceplate! He won’t notice and it’s hilarious to see other people’s reactions (especially Zenyatta’s!)

McCree

  • I hope you don’t mind the slight flavor of nicotine and tabacco
  • But as long as you don’t, things should be fine!
  • Favorite kiss to give is one right on the jawline or the cheek
    • Favorite to receive is when his s/o comes up behind him, wraps their arms around him, and kisses his neck or shoulder
  • And if you kiss him well and hard enough, you may even get him to swear (“Damn, darlin’”)
  • When he’s being a dork, sometimes he’ll sneak up on you, go “It’s hiiiiiigh noon” and surprise kiss you
  • A bit of a tease, as well

Reaper

  • He’s not too into the overly affectionate sides of relationships anymore
    • Especially since he has a mask now and hates showing his face
  • Isn’t too pleased if his partner tries to force any PDA on him
    • So don’t try to smooch him on the mask while he’s busy
  • But, if and only if you’re alone, he’ll occasionally indulge you and take off his mask
    • Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get to just kiss him; he always has to be in control
    • 90% of the time you’ll be up against the wall with your arms pinned (he’ll only get rougher if you try to get away)
  • But his s/o will have to initiate almost every kiss, he won’t actively seek one out even if he wants one…y’know cuz he’s edgy and stuff
  • Starts at the bottom, then trails his kisses down, down, down…
  • Definitely not for the faint of heart

Soldier: 76

  • Such a fucking gentleman
    • He was even more so back when he was the Strike Commander
    • But those chivalrous instincts are still there, although he will be more hesitant to kiss simply because he doesn’t like showing his face
  • So first, you’ll have to get him comfortable enough with you to take off his mask
    • Ok, now move in!
    • Give him a lingering kiss right on the corner of his mouth, those are his favorite
  • If there’s no time for him to take his mask off, he’s ok with a forehead hiss, too
  • Favorite kiss to give would be a French kiss, but he likes it best when he’s holding you, letting you melt into his arms
    • If you’re shy or sensitive, he’ll check if you want him to stop
    • So flexible and careful with what his partner likes and doesn’t like. Again, he’s a gentleman

Hanzo

  • Like Reaper, he isn’t into PDA either
    • Finds it distasteful, so only try to kiss him when you’re alone
  • Oh, and it’ll take a while in the relationship before he’s even ready to begin physical contact
    • I’m so sorry, he’s so hard to smooch in the beginning!
    • So the first time you kiss him, he’ll be so stiff!
  • But once he gets used to it, he’ll take his partner’s chin gently and carefully place a kiss on their lips
  • Favorite kiss to get is the shoulder and back kiss
    • This guy is a sucker for massages at night (once he’s at that level with you, that is), so go ahead and smooch him on the back during those times
    • It’ll take him totally by surprise, and he may just quit the message all together to snog you

Junkrat

  • Oooooh, boy…so messy, sooo sloppy
  • I hope you know what you’re getting into with Jamison, he ain’t letting you go until he’s done with you
    • He’s clingy, and he loves his PDA
  • Making out with him will probably some of the loudest, wettest, sloppiest kissing you’ve ever had
    • He will leave soot smears all over your face when he’s done, and you’ll smell like explosives
    • “Hooly dooly!” (after making out with his partner)
  • Loves being on top of them during all this. He’s skinny, so he isn’t too heavy, don’t worry hon
  • Not one for the slow and sensual
    • If you try and take it slow, he’ll just speed it right up!
    • So his favorite kind of kiss to get would be out of nowhere, forceful (bruising lips), and full on
    • Loves it when his s/o can reciprocate the same kind of passionate force that he can
  • Sometimes, Junkrat will nibble your ear, too
    • Where did that Trashmouse get sharp teeth?!
    • So I suppose he’d leave bite marks, too. Gotta let people know you’re his.
    • Go ahead and bite him back. Again, loves it if you can reciprocate

Torbjorn

  • You can’t kiss Torbjorn because he’s too busy snogging a turret and his undeserved Play of the Game

Reinhardt

  • Sweet old man! Loves to give pure little pecks to the check and lips~
  • All the better if his s/o is short, that way he can scoop them up in his arms and smooch them
  • I don’t think he’d be up for total make outs, though, he likes classy and old fashioned kisses
    • Too old for the more hands on stuff
  • Great to give him a smooch right before a fight! He’ll get even more pumped up!
    • Just when you think he’s gonna give out, all his s/o needs to do is give him a peck and bing! He’s back in it!
  • Just don’t try leaving lipstick marks on his “Precision German Engineering” armor. He does not like that.

Roadhog

  • Getting an actual, real, involving-lips-kiss with Mako is rare
  • He constantly wears that mask which I think might even help him breathe
  • So most of the time, he’ll give you little eskimo kisses with the snout of his gas mask
    • Might go “oink, oink” as he does to make you giggle
  • Smooch his tummy, he loves that!
  • He isn’t too big on PDA except for holding hands. Oh God, whenever you’re out with him, you’ll always have a big, meaty hand around yours
  • But for the rare occasion he gives you a real kiss (and most of the time he only lifts up his mask enough to see his lips), It’ll only linger for a few seconds before he pulls away
  • Oh wait, almost forgot! He might surprise hook you on occasions and yank you right over just so he can give you one of his snout kisses!
    • “Here, little piggy” (Mako as he hooks you)
    • He will stop this if you’re not ok with it, pouting from behind his mask as you scold him

Zenyatta

  • Don’t say you can’t kiss an omnic, of course you can!
  • His favorite is when you’re so close to him that his orbs surround both of you (so it’s like you’re in perfect harmony~)
  • His favored kiss to receive is a lingering kiss right on his face (where his nose would be)
  • Despite his zen, calm exterior, he’s the most likely candidate to start giggling while you’re kissing
  • And since he can’t really reciprocate the kiss (no lips), he’ll find other ways too, such as running his fingers through your hair or massaging your palms or back while you smooch him
  • Unlike Genji, he’s more attentive to any lipstick marks you leave on his robotic face and will clean them off before seeing anyone else
    • Doesn’t mean he won’t notice a mark on one of his orbs
    • Genji might point out one day, “Master, you have something on your right orb.” “Which one?” “The one on the—oh, it’s behind you now.” “This one?” “No, over to the –” “Point to the one, please.” “The one with the lipstick on it.” “W-what?”

anonymous asked:

Support!reader who has a crush on cuties of your choice that are of a different class, but they're nervous about making a move because "oh I'm just a medic. I'm not nearly as impressive as they are"

(Let’s go withhh…Hanzo, D.Va, and Junkrat!)

Hanzo

Genji quietly watched as you watched Hanzo, waiting for the moment when you’d get up and actually say something to him.

“It has been a long time since someone has expressed romantic interest in my brother,” he pointed out.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” you sighed wistfully.

“And he often looks lonely after missions,” he continued.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” you mumbled, eyes still glued to the archer.

“…So!” Genji finally groaned.

“So what?” you snapped, finally turning to him.

“Go talk to him!”

“T-Talk to him?” you stuttered nervously, “No way, th-there’s no way he’d want to talk to me. Especially since he’s busy with those targets…”

“He’s always busy with targets,” Genji rolled his eyes from behind his visor, “He doesn’t need the extra practice, he just does it when he’s lonely or troubled,”

“It’s nice to watch…” you smirked a little, watching as his muscular arms drew back the bow.

“[Name!]” Genji brought you back to reality, “Why don’t you go talk to him. You’ve had this crush on him since you came to Overwatch, but you never make a move!”

“Well that’s because–I mean–he’s a sharpshooter, a sniper, a strong warrior of Overwatch! And I’m just a support unit…I hop in and out of fights to help people, relying on my teammates to protect my sorry butt…”

Genji sighed, “So you’re intimidated? Is that it?”

“…Yeah…” you admitted.

“[Name], I’m an offense unit,” he said bluntly, “You weren’t afraid to approach me,”

“Th-this is different,” you stammered, “I didn’t have a crush on you,”

“[Name], none of us think you’re a useless addition to the team. We all value our support units, especially you,” Genji explained softly, “Nobody would ever belittle you for your support status, especially Hanzo. I think he admires those who can save lives so easily,”

You shifted uncomfortably as you thought it over. It was just that grim, dead-set face Hanzo always had. He seemed like he never had time for anyone much less little support units.

“We are defined by who we are, not what we are,” Genji concluded, sounding just as zen as his master.

Taking a deep breathe, you nodded, “Ok, you’re right! I need to stop telling myself I’m not good enough! I-I just…need to go over to him…a-and say something,”

“That’s the spirit!” Genji cheered.

“Well go on,” he urged.

“I can’t. My feet feel like they’re stuck!” you whimpered nervously.

“Just get out there already!” Genji laughed, giving you a nudge towards his brother.

Stumbling forward, you watched the archer hit another bull’s-eye, pulling another arrow to his bow. Cautiously, you came up next to him, watching him release the arrow and hit another target in the center.

“Hello, [Name],” he said gruffly, still totally concentrated on his work, “Is there something you need?”

He looked so scary and powerful! Why were you trying to waste his time?! Aaagh! Nervously, you glanced back towards Genji for some kind of help. The cyborg just gave a little “go on” gesture.

“A-Actually…” you mumbled anxiously, “I–uh–came to watch your target practice a-and um take notes! Yeah, my…my aim really i-isn’t very good so um I mean yours is! So I thought I-I could learn a thing or–uh–two from you…I mean as long as that doesn’t bother you, you know…”

Hanzo suddenly stopped midway from grabbing another arrow. Then his eyes slowly turned toward you, looking more surprised than usual.

“You…want me to teach you?” he asked with a hopeful look in his eye.

“Ummm…” you glanced back to Genji who was nodding furiously and giving you a thumbs-up, “Y-Yes! If it’s not too much trouble!”

“Of course not,” Hanzo shook his head, picking up a practice bow and handing it to you, “I’ve noticed your aim in battle. I was hoping you would try to fix it,”

You cringed. Were you really that bad at hitting your targets?

“But I am glad you sought me out to help you,” he gave a slight smile, “I was afraid you had been avoiding me,”

“Avoiding? Heh, nah o-of course not!” you giggled.

“Support units seem to be so nervous around me,” he said in a ponderous tone, “I was beginning to worry that I had been frightening you away…”

“No, no, it’s not th-that!” you tried to tell him, “I’m shy by nature, I promise!”

He tapped his finger to his chin a few moments before saying, “Very well, let us begin with your stance,”

Your whole face grew hot as Hanzo suddenly stepped behind you, wrapping his arms around yours and guiding your hands into the right positions. Then he nudged your foot with his and instructed you to tighten your grip. You glanced back at Genji again, who looked like he was laughing from behind his visor.

D.Va

You always admired D.Va so much. She fearlessly flew into every fight with her meka, disrupting the enemy’s ranks and wreaking havoc. Then just when they thought they had taken down her meka, she’d shout “nerf this!” and blow them all to smithereens! You thought she was simply amazing and almost made you wish that you were a tank unit. But you were just a support unit, sticking back with the offense units and keeping them supplied with shields and heals.

But one day, during a really rough battle, D.Va started calling on her comm link for extra backup: things like more firepower, defense, and a support unit to keep her going. No other supports responded, so you were the one to answer her call and move to the front lines. It was scary as all hell up there, explosions and bullets flying, yet Hana kept her cool like it was another day at the arcade!

“Thanks for coming to help guys! Their snipers are really annoying but their offense won’t let me get close to them! Could you guys keep their offense busy?” she explained, then turned to you, “And [Name], could you pocket heal me? My meka’s gonna fall apart without your heals!”

“U-Uh–yes! Yes ma’am!” you piped almost like a robot.

“Hee hee!!” Hana snorted, “Who’s ma’am? I’m D.Va, silly!”

You felt a little blush form on your face as she laughed her bubbly laugh.

“R-Right, D.Va…” you muttered.

“Let’s mooove out!” she cheered excitedly, taking off with her boosters.

Somehow you were able to keep up, steadily healing her as she disrupted the snipers, disarming them and booping them out of their nests. It was really hard at times; sometimes her meka’s health would go dangerously low even as you healed her all you could. But luckily, her meka never got wrecked…well until she wrecked it herself.

“Snipers eliminated!” she reported happily into her comm link, then looked back to you, “Watch this, [Name]!”

With that, she boosted her meka into the air, ejecting at the last second and sending it into self-destruct mode. It turned into a big ball of light, soaring through the air and eventually landing in the enemy base with a KABOOM! You watched awe-struck as the whole sky lit up and the base flew into a thousand pieces.

“Woohoo! Bonus points!” Hana cheered.

“That was amazing…” you breathed.

“Yeah, I guess it was,” she shrugged, “But I couldn’t have done it without you, [Name]. Your healing was what really kept me going!”

You blushed again, staring down at your shoes bashfully, “I mean, I wasn’t that great. Nothing different from what I usually do…”

“Hey!” she grinned, taking you by the hand and leading you back to your own base, “Do you wanna hang out sometime?”

“H…Hang out?” you couldn’t believe someone as famous and strong as D.Va was asking you to “hang out!”

“Uh-huh, you know that thing that people do when they wanna spend more time with each other?” she chuckled at you.

Your expression slowly dropped, remembering your place.

“But…you’re a tank unit, and I’m a support unit…” you mumbled.

“Yeah? Why is that important?” she shrugged.

“Because I’m just a support unit,” you admitted, “Don’t you want to hang out with someone cooler like another tank or attack unit?”

“Nope!” she smiled, “I wanna hang out with you, [Name]! Units don’t matter! They’re just dumb, stuffy titles,”

With that she slung an arm over your shoulder and pulled you close, making you stiffen up. You were so close to her! She smelled like bubblegum and new car…

“So what do you want to do? We could play video games or go to the arcade or go shopping–ooh! Do you like ice cream? I know this great place that gives me free…”

She’d be talking all the way back to base.

Junkrat

“Oi! I need healin’!” “Where’s my heals?” “Oi! Healer, over here!”

Why did you have to fall for a guy who treated supports like servants? Why did he only ever call you “Healer” or “Doc?” He was so tall and lanky, yet muscle-y at the same time, with a cute laugh and an outgoing attitude. Junkrat was everything you looked for in a guy, despite your friends saying you were crazy for it.

But you never once made a move. It always seemed like an arsonist would never have any time for a support unit, especially when he seemed to think they were so unimportant to the team. A lot of the other support units would get bad at him for his rude tone around him. They’d punish him with a smack on the head or a “no heal” policy for at least one battle. Some supports had given up on healing him altogether–he was the one who’d accidentally drop grenades on himself, after all.

But you just couldn’t keep yourself from healing him. It meant you got to admire him up close…even if you never said anything to him. Sometimes he’d even give you a little “Thanks, mate!” But as far as you were concerned, Jamison would never like a support unit. It wasn’t until the end of one of your missions that you were proven wrong.

“Hooly dooly, that was some fight!” Junkrat marveled at the wreckage as his hair smoked.

“No kidding,” you huffed as you tried to catch your breath, “I thought for sure we were gonna lose the point,”

“Same! We were the only ones on it!” he laughed, “I kept waitin’ for them to punt me off, but you kept me goin’!”

“Oh, yeah whatever,” you shrugged as you flopped down on the ground exhausted, “Well you did all the hard work,”

“Me? You were the one dodgin’ all those bullets and givin’ me all them buffs!” he pointed out as he sat down next to you, “I wouldn’t’ve been able to hold the point if it weren’t for you!”

A small blush crept its way onto your face, but you quickly shook your head and waved your hand dismissively.

“No, I wouldn’t have survived it if it weren’t for you blowing up anyone who came close to me.”

Seriously. Any flanker who’d try to sneak up on you would get a “Not my healer, you bitch!” from Junkrat.

“Well at least we can admit we work well together, eh?” he chuckled.

“Sure…” you mumbled bashfully, “Why not?”

“Eh c’mon, why ya hidin’ yer face now?” he smirked as he took your chin and gently guided it toward him.

“I-I’m not!” you squeaked in shock.

You hadn’t expected him to do that! His fingers felt all sooty and calloused…

“Yeah you are!” he sang.

“Sh-shut up…” you pouted, pulling away.

“Oi, why can’t ya just accept the complement?” he whined.

You crossed your arms, “Because I know you don’t mean it. You don’t care about support units in the slightest, Jamison,”

“The hell I do!” he retorted, “Well, only the good ones, that is,”

You gave him a glare and he put up his hands in defense, “I get it, I get it, you support-y types don’t like me. But you’re one of the only good ones on the team! You actually heal me and stick by me unlike all the other pricks who up and leave me for being ‘rude.’”

“But you, [Name], you’re a healer I can lean on!” he grinned, “ya’ve never let me down! That’s what I like about you!”

That’s what he…liked about you? Your face went red as you processed his words, looking like you had seen a giant spider.

“So…you don’t hate support units?” you asked.

“Hate ‘em? Nah!” he cackled, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close to him, “Just drongos who don’t give me the time of day!”

Slowly, a smile appeared on your lips as you melted into him, letting him hold you closer. Jamison was a prickly guy and hard to get close to, and you always thought you’d never get very far with him, but all that time you had spent around him had been one big step towards knowing the real him.

–Mod Sirana

My mother just told me her mother had her gallbladder removed after her 4th child. The gallbladder didn’t distress her, according to my mother she was “lucky enough to find a Jewish doctor” who was willing to “tie her tubes” but “back then that was never done” so he put her down for gallbladder surgery and took a perfectly benign organ out so that nobody would ever know she ONLY WANTED FOUR CHILDREN.

Hooly shit.