So for my first dating sim, I’ve decided to play Dream Daddy. I’ve already decided I’m going to go for all of Craig’s (activewear model Ki Hong Lee/Marko sans horns), Mat’s (barista Lucio) and Brian’s (bear™) routes, try out Hugo (Professor Dorian Pavus) and Robert (Crowley) once, and completely ignore Joseph (pasty ass cracker ass country club ass u know i had to do it to em ass PTA ass i want to speak to the manager ass nightmare dad from brentwood) and Damien (what the fuck dude vampires are so 2007) to the point where after I make this post, I’m going to forget their names, designs and existences entirely.
Mat’s the most beautiful physically… I’m a sucker for long hair and he looks so soft and nonthreatening and huggable… He’s just totally my type. While Craig is just massively sexy. Like fuckin’ hell, I’m gay and I know that’s sizzling hot. Call me Alana and let me climb that. Move over, adorable baby, I want in. And Brian looks like he has my ideal personality- sweet and kind and marshmallow-bear-puppy. I want to get all his routes so I explore all the facets of that, plus he has a cute kid.
Hugo’s super handsome in the face and I dig the hair, but the whole ‘Hot Teacher’ aspect kinda loses its charm for me when it’s a dude. I’ve definitely had major crushes on lady teachers, but when it’s a guy teacher, I think I’d have to be a guy-guy to really understand the appeal? Like I get it logically, but with the bowtie and the pinstripe and stuff? Maybe if I were more into ‘dapper culture’. Plus, I’m not too into the whole ‘generic intellectual’ type either. Sorry, Hugo, you’re sexy but kinda meh. And I’m counting on Robert having a secret sensitive side to balance out his greasy sweaty smoky boozy back alley stink. Plus he looks like he’d be kinda hot cuz he’s obviously the token hardcore lay, but unless he’s got a secret sub route I don’t think I’d be interested. The whole point of a bad boy is the hidden vulnerability!!
And of course I’m going to ignore polo man and embarrassing Lestat wannabe.
Actually, a few days ago, in a half-asleep haze I was thinking about Dream Daddy and I was wondering what the writers could possibly do to make me even a tiny bit interested in Jos- I mean, Palo Verde ass golf club vice president ass gated community poolhouse ass car dad from hell. Because I was so upset that he got to be in the middle of the lineup. Like, you know? What would make me like a guy designed like that in a lineup of objectively better dudes? And I was so woozy and sleep-stupid that I thought to myself, “I’d like him if he was LGBT or something.” It was only when I woke up that I realized the flaw in my logic. (For the record, I still don’t like him.)
I don’t even play games at all but I’m still actually kinda excited…
Anyway, I can’t believe that my first dating sim is gonna be goddamn motherfucking Dream Daddy.