anonymous asked:

“Please don’t laugh.” - Tomen

It wasn’t really anything that could be helped. The horrifying display was something that stirred both disgust and deep-rooted amusement, the combination bringing a grimace as well as a nervous chuckle from Susan as she sat upright on the bed, her chambers seemingly so much brighter with him in the room. It wasn’t anything she focused on – though she noted with surprise how the world around her seemed warmer and calmer when around him – when Tomen looked as he did.

This was the issue of spontaneously staying the night, and getting your clothes so dirty you had to remove them too be washed, and therein left helplessly half-naked… Until a generous beau offers her closet for you to sift through and choose something to wear until your clothing was finished.

Alas… There was a slight issue with Susan’s height and weight difference, that being Tomen wasn’t able to wear much of anything but a lacey toped, spaghetti strapped pink and white nightgown.

“… honey, oh,” Susan shakes her head, “I’ve…,” Blandly she states, trying her very damndest to concede to his request and keep herself composed, “I’ve never wanted you mor–,” and then she could no longer hold her calm, serene facade.

Throwing herself back into the pillows the Madam proceeds to fall into a fit of howling laughter.


Hoe Tips

Okay so these are tips that can make a hoes life so much easier. Enjoy 💕💕

1. Throw away any shaving cream use coconut butter or oil to shave, than apply oil after you dry off. BAM. NO STUBBLE. NO BURN. IT’S THE SHIT.

2. Don’t use shaving cream or coconut butter for your coochie. Use Johnson’s baby oil instead. You’ll have no razor burn.

3. There isn’t anything wrong with your natural coochie smell, but if you want to taste sweet eat cranberries or pineapple. SHIT WORKS.

4. Stretch marks on inner thighs? Use Vaseline and coconut oil over night EVERY NIGHT to get rid of them.

5. Men’s razors >>> womens razors. Cheaper, closer shave and cleaner.

6. Pee after sex. It’ll help prevent any UTIs. Don’t hold it in. UPDATE: I’ve changed it now, but this used to say pee to stop STIs, that is INCORRECT, and the only thing to stop STIs is a condom. Thank you to @infinitelaughing for correcting me!

7. Carry your own condoms. You’re a strong independent hoe and carry your Trojans proud.

8. If you’re braking out buy tea tree oil.


10. Matte makeup (foundation, lipstick, eyeliner) all lasts better against sheets for sex.


12. To make eyebrows fuller put on coconut oil before bed.

13. Add ½ cup of apple cider vinegar to your bath. It’ll reset the balance of your coochie’s PH. You’ll feel and smell r8 8/8

14. Run a hot bath. Favourite bubble bath. Soak. EXFOLIATE. When you get out put coconut oil all over your body.

15. Honey + white sugar - lip scrub
Coconut oil + brown sugar - body exfoliator

16. Dry feet are nasty af. Soak feet in hot water for 10 minutes before using a pumice stone to get rid of dead skin.

17. For extra soft feet, do above and put on heavy duty lotion, socks and sleep.

18. To hide a hickey. Green concealer all over, foundation and powder. GONE.

19. To remove blackheads use charcoal based soap. And use natural beaded exfoliants

20. If you want your coochie to be BABY SOFT get yoni oil. Shit is magical.

21. If your hair is feeling lifeless massage coconut oil in every night + put in a bun. Wash out in the morning.

22. Put your undies in three categories. 1. I’m getting fucked tonight 2. I could be spontaneously fucked. 3. Getting none today

23. On the days leading up to and after your period use a pad on your fav undies to stop staining.

24. Eyebrows can be on fleek fucking in a forest. Get Anastasia dipbrow pomade. Lifesaver.

25. 6-10 green tea bags in a bath will help energise skin and refresh. Skin will glow and be soft.

26. If you’re about to get dicked down DON’T wear cotton undies. It will trap lint in the crevice of your thighs.

27. Chlorasceptic throat numbing medication helps with deep throating.

28. DRINK WATER. cliché af but keep coochie smelling good and brightens skin.

29. Lemon juice and baking soda will remove any cum stains from clothes. I got you 😏

30. It’s your body. Don’t fucking listen to anyone

31. Shave your coochie under water

32. Put baby oil in your bath - baby soft duck yeah

33. Have a special coochie cleaning day. You’ll not regret it


Try Guys Bake Bread Without a Recipe - The Boys’ Loaves.

Tag yourself I’m the drunken 12-spice loaf.

I’ve never been good at writing happy poems
But it’s 6:30 in the morning
And you’re laying next me shirtless, dead asleep
And I can’t help but wonder
But wish I could stay like this forever
With you
In bed
Netflix on a show we both love
Our legs Intertwined
Before today I never trusted happy moments cause they always vanished
But you changed so much
You make fairytales seem real
And a sunrise less like another sleepless night
My best friend told me not to let myself love so easily
You aren’t easy though
You’re an ass
You’re stubborn
You’re beyond the word intimidating
But also beyond the word beautiful
And sweeter than my moms royal icing
And quirky
And awkward
So no it’s not easy
It’s not easy to not fall in love with you
My beautiful blonde goddess please don’t break my heart
Because after you I won’t know how to fix it or where to start
I promised myself I would only feel like this once in a while
But you’re the once I wanna feel for a while

Confessions of a party girl


The Beatles recording at Trident Studios, St Anne’s Court, London on 1st October 1968, working on Honey Pie for the White Album. The backing track was recorded during this 16 hour session, with Paul on piano, John on electric rhythm guitar, George on bass and Ringo on drums (of course) played with brushes.

Pics: Linda McCartney.

yeshua is not your honey haired savior
with snow white hands and a penchant for handguns.
he does not wave a confederate flag.
he does not blame his children for their love.

yeshua was - yeshua is - a man with brown, calloused hands
and dark, gentle eyes.
(did you really think he looked at his disciples with sky blue eyes?)

yeshua is love. he is messiah and man
and he is god and good,
but before that he is love.
he is all love.

It’s so embarrassing to see black girls who straighten their hair, lmao like wtf, you aren’t white, honey! White girls own straight hair!!

See how fucking stupid that sounds? See how fucking stupid YOU sound when you say that it’s wrong for white guys/girls to have dreadlocks? See how much of a racist asshole you are? This whole “cultural appropriation” trend is BULLSHIT. ANYONE can wear/do/dress HOWEVER they want. It’s called being an inclusive, diverse, and accepting society. But that’s right, I forgot - SJWs are NOT striving towards acceptance, because they are dense fuckwads who apparently don’t understand what equality means.