honey, i shrunk the kids

8

“When you’re 5 ft. 5 in., have a round Jewish face and wear glasses and refuse to wear contacts, you’re going to get offered certain parts. People thought of me as the nerdy guy, even in non-nerdy parts like ‘Parenthood.’ I didn’t feel the need to change anything I was doing - I embraced it.” - Rick Moranis

Can we talk about the “This Kiss” music video by Faith Hill?

Cuz if you were around in the mid to late 90s, your mom probably loved this song and it was on every damn radio station constantly.


But the music video… is a masterclass in surrealism. 


So I’m thinking this is supposed to be akin to The Borrowers, Alice in Wonderland, or Honey I Shrunk the kids because Faith Hill spends the entire fucking video sitting and twirling inside daisies and other flowers

and sitting on a giant peach in a white pantsuit????

OH shit bitch it’s raining inside my blue filter?!

AND THEN there’s this couple of 8 year-olds who wanna bone eachother????

INSIDE MORE FLOWERS… Because aesthetic???

Oh shit, Faith Hill is inexplicably blasting off!

Trampolines under a greenscreen!

AND THEN THESE BUTTERFLIES INVADE LIKE FUCKING MOTHRA:

Oh. She’s riding it now? Ok.

Then, after that fever-dream, lisa-frank nightmare circus the song starts to fade out and it fades out ON THIS IMAGE:

Giant flora and butterflies, randoms jumping to the sky, trying to reach a god that clearly doesn’t exist meanwhile Faith Hill flies on her giant butterfly of doom, relishing in the insanity that she caused.

This is just A Whole Lot™ and I needed to talk about it.

dancer emoji rating

what the hell is she doing. she looks like her joints are malfunctioning. she looks like she’s doing the robot or something, which is not a dance suited for her dress. yuck. 3/10 nice outfit though

a shameless ripoff of apple but with the default lady head pasted onto it. disgraceful. 2.5/10 at least she doesn’t look as broken

what the fuck?? the outline is thicker than donald trump’s skull, the “shoe” is just a semi-circle, and her head is detached from her body!  2/10 help her!!

samsung over here is going for a more casual form of dancing. very bold. it takes guts to try something new like this. 7/10 where is her other hand though

not sure about this one. on one hand the anatomy is alright and the hair is GORGEOUS, but on the other hand her dress is very plain and her dancing (ballet??) doesn’t seem to suit her dress. 5/10 on the fence

this is unbelievably lazy. there is no face, hair, or neck. there are only two colors. this is just a lazily rendered ps1 avatar. i hate it. 1/10 points for pretty sick moves

this is absolutely gorgeous!! it may be simple, but it is very, VERY elegant! the layers of the creatively colored dress, the rose in her hair, the skilled moves, this just screams perfection!! 10/10 facebook amazes me again

such energy!! such passion!! such gorgeous looks!! she does not need a face to convey her excitement! i love it! 10/10 she clearly has lots of practice

uhm…twitter? i think you misunderstood the concept of “dancing”. that is clearly yoga you are doing. 0.5/10 try again

mamma mia is this Honey I Shrunk The Kids?? why is she so small? i can’t even see her! 3/10 wasted potential

i’m kind of on the fence on this one. she moves swiftly and gracefully, yet she is a bit too simple for my tastes. she could pass for the average google emoji, though. 6/10 can you paaaaint with the coloooors of the wiiiind–

jogging =/= dancing 0/10 fuck off emojidex