honesty-poem

1. I never told you this but when I was in a fight with the last person I was with, he told me if all I wanted was a fuck buddy I should go talk to you. At first, I only did what we did to spite him.

2. I never meant to let this happen, any of it. If I could go back in time to October when the first domino fell and stop it all, I would. Maybe if I did I could still lay claim to being good.

3. I keep having these dreams where someone loves me. I wake up feeling sick.

4. I thought I was over him until I saw him again and something happened in my chest. I’m scared of what it means.

5. I can’t feel anything unless someone wants me, unless someone needs me. I don’t know what this says about who I am. I don’t want to find out.

—  Confessions that don’t involve apologies– Lily Rain

I was blind,
To all your flaws -
Completely mesmerised.
I loved you,
There was nothing,
That I would not do,
If you told me to.

Months passed,
And your flaws -
I finally saw.
Nothing changed,
I loved you even so.

But you couldn’t,
Stand the thought of me.
Seemed as though,
You yearned to destroy,
What you once found lovely.

I’m writing to you,
The one for who,
There wasn’t anything,
I wouldn’t do.
I’m writing to you,
The one I believed in,
With never ending faith.
I’m writing to you,
The one who threw me away.
The one who kisses a new girl,
Every other day.

I’m writing to you,
Just to tell you,
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
To rid my soul,
To rid my mind,
To rid my skin,
Off of you.

—  Why shouldn’t I question your loyalty now that I’m aware of your dishonesty?
-s.y
Omniscient Ignorance

It always starts off with the phrase, “I knew that”. Well, guess what. We never said you didn’t. These are the facts, in order to know something, one must realize they do not know something. This is the part most people miss. To know something is a process, an art, a journey, and a learning experience. To gain the knowledge in a specific area, a niche more or less, it takes time, dedication, devotion, and detailed attention. One must constantly be learning, taking in new aspects, new styles, and new ways of interpreting/analyzing incoming information. Life is not easy. No one said it should be. I am just saying things. If you think you know it all, you probably don’t. If you think you are omniscient, I would guess again. The only omniscience we have is ignorance. Long let it live and lie amongst the law.

honesty

Honesty is a barren trait of the innocent, unaware, precious gems that we need to protect with our lives because they don’t deserve to understand the anchored weights of lies, laying us flat on a torture table, stretching our arms and feet;

But still we keep lying.

Are you okay?

I’m fine.

But how many people have actually asked you if okay is a word in your vocabulary and the mask you wear so well isn’t real.

Will we ever grow old of dress up?

Will we actually notice the broken smiles of people who’ve been walking for a hundred miles,

The unperceivable reality of how our society is dragging us down.

Watchful eyes of ten thousand beasts

Attacking our confidence,

Leaving us to believe the lies,

I’m fine. 

Mind play. Life slip.

I used to see you all around me. In my kitchen the most and in Perla’s living room. Some in a hotel suite in New York City. But especially in my head. My head would tell my eyes to look at you when the thread of your life dos not exist. When your heart beat was not under my palm I would feel the thump. I would hear you laughing and you would console me. You would make my heart swell and I would love you. I let you go because you weren’t real. You never spoke to me. You never smelt the scent of the hair of a man that was me. I was never a man. I gave myself to this illusion. My destiny, my escape, my shattered untrue universe. It took me into places I had never gone and showed me smiles that had never been stretched onto faces I have never seen. My fantasy. It consumed my eyesight. I would skate down the streets and I would see you watching me. You were impressed in my head. You thought I was beautiful, I warped you into someone who never made mistakes. I made a woman who knew me. But you are not that. And I don’t know if you will ever be but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore just to tell myself that there’s no one there. I feel strong. When I tell myself that you will never read this. When I give up on my galaxy and step into my disgusting home I feel brave. God says that He will never give me more than I can take and he must be proud. Because I am real now. And you are not. He is proud because I told myself I was broken and I let Him fix it all. I let him have my soul. And I made the change that had been begged in the back of my brain like guilt on my heart. Begged and begged and lied on like a story. But now I am real and you are not so I am safe. La Flor.

Creating the person you want to become.

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If I Knew Myself

The closer I drew to you, the more that fell away
the closer I drew to you, the less anything in my heart could stay
The closer I drew to you, the less human I became
The closer I drew to you, the less any other voices held sway
The more I knew you, the more compassion remained
The more I knew you, the less I wanted me, but thee
The more I knew you, the less bad I could See
The clearer I heard you, the more I stopped speaking all but good
The clearer your voice, the less I could disobey
The one time I saw you, the more I could never deny you,

Dear Lord, let me only become you.

To the boys who sit behind me in math class talking about how that girls face is ‘all makeup’ and it’s 'false advertisement’:
You don’t get to say these things. You act as if she wears makeup simply to impress your gender. She is not. Creating art on her body helps her be confident enough not to care what your gender thinks of her. Until you spend the two hours she does every morning contouring for the gods and making her eyeliner so sharp it could cut what little masculinity you are secure in in half, you are not allowed to say these things. If you seriously think that she wakes up in the morning with crimson lips as deep as the blood pulsing through your misogynistic veins, you are delusional. Saying that when she gives you a blowjob at that party tonight, her makeup is going to wash off is a vile thought. Even if she does consent to that, her full-proof 24 hour wear heavy duty lipstick will not budge. Her face is her face no matter what she wants to put on it. You insult people of every gender, even yours, who wears makeup and there are plenty of things you do that could be seen the way you see cosmetics. When you shave your beard no one tells you you’re fake for it. Wearing cologne isn’t seen as false advertisement. So why is this any different?
—  a.k.

Old - An Emotional One Night Stand.


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Just. On. #Fire. A #haiku for those of you #smitten .

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