Your name is THE ONCE-LER. As was previously mentioned, today is CHRISTMAS as well as your BIRTHDAY. You have a variety of INTERESTS, which are clearly evident. You have a love of MARSHMALLOWS which may at times border on OBSESSION. Several large bags of EXTRA FLUFFY MARSHMALLOWS are scattered about your room. Due to a difference in INTERESTS, you often feel ESTRANGED from your family and are always looking for an opportunity to TRAVEL. You have some skill in KNITTING which is definitely manly in every fashion, and you are also an ASPIRING BUSINESSMAN. You have been working on PLUSH ANIMALS and prototypes for your THNEED, a thing that everyone will need. You are still searching for the perfect material to make your THNEEDS. A disappointingly small stack of PRESENTS sits at the foot of your bed. What will you do?

This young man already has a name!!!!! It was engraved on his honorary placronym on his thirteenth birthday, which was precisely three years ago. He doesn’t judge you, as it seems to be a common mistake, and he’s had a lot of people try to name him something stupid like HAUGHTY ARSEFACE or GIRLY BEANPOLE. Now quit fooling around so he can open up his presents!

> Examine room.