homemade gelato

The Batfam as Things I Have Texted

  • Bruce - I understand I am being dramatic and overreacting but I don’t care
  • Alfred - I’m in the kitchen making homemade gelato and you are not helping me so now you don’t get any gelato
  • Luke - I’ll make you a sweet mix tape as payment for being an embarrassment 
  • Kate - I’m showing up to a funeral with a pride bracelet on, is that rude?
  • Babs - Hello, it is me, your heterosexual ™ friend. I am here to be heterosexual ™ and hetersexualize ™ it up
  • Dick - Hey, don’t be mad but I reset the password to Amazon Prime but I don’t remember the password or the email
  • Stephanie -  I was teasing you and being pouty so the least you can do is call me cute
  • Jason - Let’s climb our way through the ranks of hell until we become Sargent demons and fight god
  • Cassandra - I hear weeb music coming from your room and if you don’t turn it off I will rip your throat out
  • Tim - I don’t know how disappointed is different from upset because I am the family disappointment, I am always being disappointed in.
  • Carrie - I just beat my record for most dogs petted in a day. My previous record was 12 but now it is up to 15 in one day
  • Duke - Why don’t y’all appreciate me? I am a gift and meant to be treasured
  • Damian - You didn’t send me a picture of your gecko today, are you okay? Did something happen?
RFA+ Minor Trio with Italian!MC

(Ok so I wrote this awhile ago but IT GOT DELETED AND I COULDN’T SALVAGE IT SO TAKE TWO PEOPLE! Just a little note: these things are on the stereotypical side of being Italian, and no, I’m not trying to be racist. I’m half Italian so it’s like being racist towards myself and my own family, which is stupid. Being racist is, not my family. Just wanna clear that up. But honestly, I can instantly think of someone who would hit people on the back of their head with a wooden spoon.)

Yoosung:

•This boy is absolutely IN LOVE with your cooking.

•When he first tried it, he was not expecting to come home from work to find you making homemade tomato sauce whilst boiling pasta.

•He’s always trying to find ways to help, but he’s scared he’s going to mess it up.

•Your family confuses him to no end, though.

•Like, how can they be insulting each other one moment and then hugging and kissing each other the next.

•And why is your grandmother always hitting people with wooden spoons?

•Speaking of your grandmother, she’s CONSTANTLY FEEDING YOOSUNG AND HE LOVES IT.

•Like, every time she sees him she’s dishing him out a plate of eggplant parmesan.

•And not a normal sized pate. No, she gives him LITERALLY A MOUNTAIN IF EGGPLANT PARMESAN AND YOOSUNG LOVES IT.

•He’s not so sure about the ‘eat two of everything’ rule your family has.

•LIKE THE BOY CAN ONLY EAT SO MUCH EGGPLANT PARMESAN!!

•Yoosung was actually kind of scared of your family at first(I don’t blame him, Italian families are loud. I come from and Italian family, I know this), but now he looks forward to the trips to Italy to visit your family.

•Mostly cause he’s a sucker for eggplant parmesan.

Zen:

•Your native language is a Romance language.

Oh my God your native language is a Romance language.

•This boy turns into putty when you speak Italian.

•The day he came home to find you yelling at your cousin in Italian over the phone while making homemade sauce is the day he fell in love with you all over again.

•Zen knew you were a foreigner but he wasn’t sure where you’re from, so he started asking you a thousand questions about your heritage.

•Turns out that the day you were screaming at your cousin cause she has a celebrity crush on Zen was also the day that you told said albino that you moved to New York when you were twelve from Italy.

•He also found out that you make amazing bagels.

•He now understands the hype of New York bagels.

•Zen has a new found obsession with pesto sauce now.

•He loves visiting your family with you. He loves that they have such a strong connection.

•Though he’s stuck between amused and scared when you and your cousin fight over him.

Jaehee:

•Baehee is a sucker for your cannolis and calzones. She absolutely loves them.

•Every weekend you two make breakfast pizzas with eggs, bacon, roasted tomatoes, the whole nine yards.

•She loves that your family goes from insulting each other to hugging and kissing everyone. She thinks that it shows how comfortable everyone is around each other and how much they love each other.

•Your family absolutely ADORES her.

•Well, except for one of your male cousins, but only because he has a crush on her.

•Yeah, you don’t really get along with him well anymore…

•She’s amused when your grandmother starts hitting people with wooden spoons.

•You and Jaehee hit Saeyoung on the back of his head with a wooden spoon now as a joke.

•Saeyoung’s not amused.

•He’s also confused.

•oH MY GOD THAT RHYMED!

Jumin Han:

•He doesn’t get the whole “insulting each other in a loving way” thing.

•He’s also confused about the wooden spoon.

•Like, why’s your grandmother hitting everyone with a spoon? Is that some commoner thing?

•I headcannon that this boy speaks Italian. Don’t fight me on this, he travels around the world for work, he knows Italian.

•You two are always typing in Italian on the messenger and it drives EVERYONE CRAZY.

•Well, except for Saeyoung, he speaks 17(?) languages, Italian is most likely one of them.

•Your family loves Jumin, especially one of your cousins…Yeah, you kind of hate her now..

•Jumin doesn’t know, though. He assumes everyone in your family hates each other.

•He jokingly asks you if you could hit Zen on the back of the head with a spoon.

707/Saeyoung:

•Thanks to you, this boy eats actual meals now.

•Like I said earlier, Seven most likely speaks Italian, so he’s always speaking Italian with you in public.

•Like Jumin, you also speak Italian in the messenger. Jumin also gets annoyed by this cause you’re just typing random memes in Italian.

•Seven once sent you the entire Bee Movie script in Italian.

•Saeyoung finds your family hilarious.

•He’s always hitting you with a wooden spoon now.

•Gently, of course. This man-child would never hurt you on purpose.

•He also hits Yoosung with a wooden spoon, though less gently.

•He tried hitting Saeran with a spoon, too, but he tried to kill him, so he doesn’t do that anymore.

•Well, technically he stopped after the seventh time, but that’s not important.

•Funny story, one of your cousins tried flirting with Saeyoung and you almost clawed her face off. Saeyoung was stuck between terrified, in awe and dying of laughter.

•He wants to set Saeran up with that cousin.

•Saeran punched him when he said that.

V:

•One of V’s favorite places to visit is Italy, so he’s ecstatic when you want to take him to the part of Italy where you grew up in.

•Yes, I headcannon that V loves Italy, fight me 😾Jk please don’t, I’m a fragile skittle, I come in peace.

•V loves your cooking, he’s always taking pictures of it.

•Your grandmother is actually the one to convince him to get eye surgery.

•You were talking to her on the phone a few months before V met her, and when you told her he was blind she was freaking out.

•"WHAT!? DON’T YOU LOVE THAT BOY!? IF YOU LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS YOU SAY YOU DO, YOU WOULD TELL HIM TO GET SURGERY! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF HE SAID NO ALREADY, HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THE FACE IF HIS LOVER, EVEN IF HE THINKS HE DESERVES TO BE BLIND.“

•She was yelling the whole thing in English and V was so touched that a woman that he has never met cared so much about his well being that he got the surgery.

•He’s not a fan of the wooden spoons. They confuse him. So do the insults.

Saeran:

•He loves your cooking so much, he could eat it 24/7, which he does tbh.

•He loves your homemade gelato. He could eat it forever.

•He has mixed feelings about your family.

•They’re really nice and care for him a lot, which he appreciates. They’re just so…loud and can be a little too caring.

•One of your cousins flirts with him a lot and he’s just like nope I don’t like this where’s my girlfriend I need her I need to be saved I really don’t like this I am a loyal boyfriend and you are weird go away.

•He fell in love with you all over again when you started yelling at your cousin in Italian when she was flirting with him in front of your entire family.

•He had no clue what you said, but judging by the fact that your cousin stomped off, it must’ve been your everyday string of "family friendly” insults.

•He thinks it’s hilarious when your grandmother hits everyone with a spoon, though.

•Especially when it’s the weird cousin.

•He now hits Saeyoung with a wooden spoon when he annoys him.

•Saeyoung doesn’t like it.

Vanderwood:

•Why’s everyone cursing each other out then hugging each other?

•Why is your male cousin flirting with him?

•Why is your grandmother hitting everyone with a spoon?

•Why are you inhumanly good at cooking?

•Why is everyone always yelling?

•WHY, MC, WHY?!

•The poor boy is confused, but he loves your family. He thinks they’re amusing.

•Except for one of your cousins. He mistakes Vanderwood as a girl and is constantly flirting with him. VANDERMAID DOESN’T APPRECIATE THIS.

•He has a soft spot for your cooking, tbh.

•Hw could also listen to you speak Italian for hours.

Can’t-Miss NYC Eats for the Newly-Made New Yorker (Part 1, Manhattan)

“As the college application season comes to a close, thousands of students around the world have decided that New York City is where they want to live and learn. For the unfamiliar, New York City has a tendency to overwhelm. And with more than 20,000 restaurants and eateries spanning the five boroughs, it can be difficult to determine exactly where and what you want to eat. So, I’ve compiled a list of what I believe to be some of New York City’s best spots to grab a bite. Bear in mind, this list is catered to college students who can’t afford to dine at four-star restaurants. 

  • Eataly: 200 5th Avenue, near Madison Square Park and the Flatiron Building. This gourmet market stocks a myriad ofItalian specialty goods, as well as conventional and exotic produce, homemadebreads and pastas, fresh meat and seafood, several sit-down restaurants, arooftop brewery and bar, and a café that serves homemade gelato and bakedgoods. One can easily spend an entire afternoon in Eataly, but be warned: thisbastion of gastronomy is not always the most frugal option.
  • Dominique Ansel Bakery: 189 Spring Street, SOHO:Home of the famous “cronut,” this bakery specializes in complicated Frenchdesserts, but also offers sandwiches, salads, soups and ice cream. You cannot go wrong with anything on the menu here.
  • Momofuku Milk Bar: 251 East 13th Street: one of David Chang’s many NYC institutions, goodies from this eccentric sweets shop have probably appeared on your Instagram feed a few times. Most flock to the Milk Bar to try their “Compost Cookies,” “Cereal Milk,” “Crack Pie,” and cake truffles. This bakery also offers cake-making classes, where you yourself may learn how to recreate some of their famous desserts.
  • Levain Bakery: 167 West 74th Street, a healthy walk from Barnard and Columbia! Levain lives up to all the hype. Anyone who knows anything about NYC knows that Levain is THE place for cookies. And these aren’t your average, rinky-dink little Chips Ahoy—cookies from Levain are big, chunky, and full of flavor. Levain also sells freshly-baked breads and pastries, but the cookies are what put this bakery on the map.
  • Doughnut Plant: 220 West 23rd Street, Chelsea. Head here for creative takes on the standard breakfast treat that are guaranteed to satisfy. Flavors rotate and differ based on location (they have many outposts throughout the city,) but frequent favorites include tres leches, carrot cake, and chocolate blackout.
  • Rice to Riches: 37 Spring Street, Nolita. If you’ve ever lamented the underrepresentation of rice pudding in the New York food scene, I have good news for you. Rice to Riches is a one-of-a-kind rice pudding bar offering seasonal and year-round flavors, as well as unconventional toppings, such as chunks of toasted pound cake. Buy yourself an 8 oz. “solo” bowl, or bring 10 friends and tackle the 80 oz. “Moby” bowl.
  • Veselka: 144 2nd Ave, East Village: You might not have expected to find a Ukrainian diner and coffee shop on this list, but hear me out. Veselka is a staple of the East Village frequented by celebrities and commoners alike. The restaurant is open 24-hours, so you can get handmade pierogis and Eastern European specialties such as stuffed cabbage and potato pancakes at 3AM after a long night of uh, studying. Lovingly prepared soups, breads, and pastries are also menu mainstays.
  • Magnolia Bakery: 401 Bleecker Street, West Village. Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg love Magnolia’s cupcakes, which are quite good, but this bakery’s true claim to fame is the banana pudding. Let me tell you, if I could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool with any single item, I would fill it with Magnolia Bakery’s banana pudding.
  • Big Gay Ice Cream Shop: 125 East 7th Street, East Village. As if you didn’t immediately fall in love with this place based on its name alone, BGIC has some of the best ice cream in the city. Their best-selling cone, the “Salty Pimp,” consists of creamy soft serve vanilla ice cream with dulce de leche, sea salt, and chocolate dip. It’s absolutely divine, but every single item on their menu is a revelation. Lines are long in the summer, but if you’re lucky, some friendly drag queens will keep you company as you wait outside the store. No, I’m not kidding.
  • Russ & Daughters: 179 East Houston Street, Lower East Side. R&D is a traditional appetizing store that opened in 1914 to cater to Jewish immigrants. This does not mean, however, that you have to be Jewish to enjoy their legendary smoked fish and bagels. Though you may wish to convert once you try one of their signature sandwiches. Don’t miss the homemade babka and rugelach, either.
  • Katz’s Delicatessen: 205 East Houston Street at the corner of Ludlow, Lower East Side. I don’t have to tell you about Katz’s, because chances are, you’ve heard of it before. Yes, Katz’s is a little bit expensive, a little bit cliché, and a little bit tourist-y, but their food makes up for all of this. The pastrami, corned beef, and brisket sandwiches are a religious experience.  Just make sure you order your cold cuts on rye with a schmear of mustard, because any other preparation would be an adulteration of the highest magnitude.
  • Shopsin’s General Store: 120 Essex Street, located inside the Essex Street Market. I’ve got four words for you: “macaroni and cheese pancakes.” I’ve got three more words for you: “glazed doughnut sandwiches.” I’ve got six million more words for you, because the menu at Shopsin’s is more than 900 items long. But be forewarned, it’s very difficult to get a seat, your party cannot be more than four people, and it’s not unlikely for customers to be verbally assaulted while they eat. Don’t you just love New York?!
  • Vegan Divas: 1437 1st Avenue. Okay, you probably haven’t heard of this place and you’re probably wondering why I’ve included a vegan boutique cafe on this list when we all know that butter and eggs make the world go ‘round. But Vegan Divas holds a special place in my heart. I first discovered this cafe and bakery in 2012 after I was displaced from my Long Island home by Hurricane Sandy. Okay, I wasn’t displaced, my house was fine, but we had no power and I was hella bored. So there I was, wandering aimlessly around the Upper East Side desperately searching for a wifi signal when their dainty blue awning somehow caught my eye. I’m not a vegan, I’m not even a vegetarian, but for some reason, I felt compelled to go inside. And I am so glad that I did! Vegan Divas offers a wide variety of low-calorie baked goods as well as salads, sandwiches, breakfast items (their granola is stellar) and beverages. The tofu chocolate mousse, chocolate chip cookies, double chocolate brownies, lemon raspberry muffins, olive oil corn muffins, and cinnamon sugar doughnuts are so insanely delicious that you won’t even remember that they’re devoid of animal products. I don’t have a bad thing to say about this place. The way to my heart is with anything from Vegan Divas.
  • Ellary’s Greens: ellarysgreens 33 Carmine Street, West Village. “Health food” restaurants aren’t typically what you’d recommend to a friend who’s seeking out New York City’s essential eateries, but Ellary’s Greens is a sentimental favorite of mine. It’s where I fueled up before participating in my first LGBT rally (which took place around the corner at the Stonewall Inn). It’s also one of the few restaurants in a city that prides itself on pushing the boundaries of gluttony and gastronomy where you can get a delicious, hearty meal that won’t leave you belly-up in a pool of drool on the bathroom floor. Kidding, of course, but the truth is that anyone can make something yummy using butter, bacon, cream, and eggs; only an adept chef can produce food that is both tasty and nutritious without relying on those aforementioned culinary crutches. Ellary’s Greens is fit for meat-eaters, vegetarians, pescetarians, and vegans alike, with many dishes that cater to the lactose and/or gluten intolerant, as well as an array of housemade baked goods and freshly-squeezed juices. I recommend the tofu curry, any of the salads and vegetable sides, the “zinger” shot, and the avocado chocolate mousse. If eating healthy ain’t your speed, try the bacon mac & cheese… I hear it’s pretty good.