home personal me

  • me: *stumbles upon something i kno w will trigger a moodswing or will cause me to split*
  • me: *checks it out anyway*
  • me, once ive been triggered: oh no ://// im so sad ://// why do i always feel like this ://// im so miserable :///
  • me, the next day: *stumbles upon something i kno w wi-
4

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE HE WAS GONNA DROP A BIG CONFESSION BOMB HERE OR ASK AKIRA OUT ON A DATe—BOY SAY IT YA’LL PRACTICALLY DATING

Also anyone notice Ryuji is really the only one that ever calls you late at night to “talk” they’re so…

5

A few days over the horizon just waiting for us.

…and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
—  Warsan Shire, “For Women Who Are Difficult to Love”

Young me: *stays years silent and doesn’t complaing about things which I know that I don’t like*

Current me: *stands up to myself and points out things which are wrong or not liked*

Family: “Omg why are you so negative??? You used to be so nice and well behaved!!”

Me:


Originally posted by thecrimesolvingdevil

2

This flu has been kicking my ass, but this hit made it all swell 🙃

      One of my favourite things about the Orphan Black finale is that, despite the happy ending, Sarah is still not completely alright. She doesn’t have Mrs. S anymore and without the constant life-threatening situations, is scared of things going back to the way they were before she found Beth and stole her identity. The adrenaline has worn off and she no longer knows what to do and fears going back to her old bad habits. She skips out on her high school exam, tries to sell the house, and isolates herself. 

       She sees other people being happy with the lives they could go back to but doesn’t know how to do that and doesn’t want to burden them. And it’s painful to watch but it’s realistic. So often on television we see characters go on traumatic journeys and be perfectly alright once they’re over. We see the credits roll and assume all is well. But that’s not always the case in real life. Trauma follows you sometimes, like a shadow from another room. It’s not all consuming, but it never quite leaves and it wears you down over time. Often to the point where you feel like a hollow shell. You force yourself to be happy for others but quietly resenting them because they don’t understand what you’re going through and you’re too exhausted to reach out to them so you get caught in a vicious, often destructive, cycle. And we see this here with Sarah. Not only that, but we see her start to break out of it as well.

      Sarah has an excellent support network of her sisters. Not only are they there, but they reach out to her. They listen to her, share their stories, help each other. While she always had Felix and Mrs. S, Sarah didn’t really have any good friends and was kind of a drifter. But now she’s more grounded. She has people who she can reach out to and who will always be there for her. And in real life, having a good support network can make an incredible difference in how a person is able to recover from traumatic events and situations. I love this show, all five seasons of it, but those last twenty minutes of Sarah trying to rebuild her life mean more to me than I can put into words right now. Thank you Orphan Black.

when i tell someone i’m coming home,
i imagine her sitting on the front porch
drinking her morning coffee, watching
the sun say good morning as it kisses
and warms her cheeks.
i can hear the house filled with her
favorite songs, as she gets ready
for the day, while i try to distract
her in every way, hoping she’ll stay.
i can see her breathtaking face,
get frustrated as she tries to cook
something edible, when i’m too ill.
and i remember that the laugh coming
from me, would finally make her smile.
when i tell someone i’m coming home,
i imagine that she’s waiting for me to
come home too.
i can see it in her eyes, she doesn’t
want me to leave again.
— 

[Jay]

Instagram | Published book of poetry found here