home is where they say the heart is

At the center of the earth, in the parking lot
Of the 7-11 where I was taught the motto was just a lie
It says “Home is where your heart is” but what a shame
‘Cause everyone’s heart doesn’t beat the same, it’s beating out of time
City of the dead at the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere

@candy-guardians candy Riley and Shae ditching school and enjoying their lifes as much as they can

anonymous asked:

hi, i'm a long time reader of yours, and i am a huge fan of yours but please don't take this offensively. i've been reading home is where the heart is since you started posting it, and i love the idea behind it, but the last few chapters seemed a little bit repetitive in terms of plot/storyline. i'm not sure how to say it, but it seems to go like "sasu/saku does some relationship progression, something happens, sasu gets mad, saku comforts, repeat" sorry! this is how the last few chapters felt

Okay, this might sound a little forward, but are you the anonymous review Duckie on FF? because the review they left me was essentially this as well, and you kind of sound the same. Because if so, I’d like to address both messages your messages (or if you’re not them, that’s fine, but I’m still gonna address some things from it).

First of all, I want to say that I’m thankful you read my work. And props to you for messaging me about this honestly, it takes some courage to come up to a writer and be like, “uhhh so.. i don’t like this.” But that being said…

Like mentioned in the author’s note, this is a story that is about Sasuke’s recovery while their relationship develops. Recovery is an incredibly messy process, even moreso for a lot of people who have PTSD–which Sasuke undeniably has. “Duckie” (mentioning by nickname in the event this wasn’t you) said that I shouldn’t put my problems and feelings into a character, which I guess means that they think I’m pushing onto Sasuke what my recovery has been like for my depression but really… no. I haven’t even gone through something as traumatic as Sasuke has—and tbh I highly doubt many people have. And for people to think that what Sasuke has gone through wouldn’t have fucked him up on so many levels is just seriously stupid. 

Sasuke’s trauma will follow him his whole life. He has to live with the shit that he’s done, along with the shit that happened to him, all of which are horribly dark and traumatic. He’s had his entire family killed! By his own brother! And then he found out that the elders of the village he’d been living in his whole life thus far ordered his brother to do it! He lost his way into enemy ground after that, literally wanted to annihilate his home village and his friends?? And he murdered people, for fuck’s sake. None of that trauma is comparable to having gone through a bout of depression (no offense to Duckie, or anyone else–also im well aware this isn’t a competition, but they still can’t compare Sasuke’s experiences to theirs and claim that Sasuke is being an emo drama queen).

So when you take into account that Sasuke has to live with all that, and with facing the people who’s lives have been affected by his horrible choices and the horrible choices of his family… is it really any wonder that his recovery is so flip floppy? Like are you seriously asking me why this is taking time? Are you really expecting for Sasuke to be able to fully resist all the hate thrown at him after one time that Sakura’s like, “you’re a good man, don’t let people make you believe otherwise!! :)” ????? Really????? That’s just like expecting for every depressed person ever to turn their life around and not be depressed anymore when someone is like “cheer up, look at the bright side :))”

On top of that… Sasuke isn’t getting “mad”. Tbh hearing you say that kind of makes me wonder how old you are because it should be so startlingly clear for anyone mature to see that these situations don’t make him “mad”. These situations make him spiral into self-hate. He’s not angry at the people he’s angry at himself. He’s devastated. 

Mental illness has a seriously bad habit of launching people into this vicious cycle that is self-destructive, which basically consists of: i’ve made a mistake–>im a shit person–>everyone thinks im a shit person–>i don’t deserve anything good–>im gonna push people away because they deserve so much better than me….. or, you know, something else that’s along the lines of that.

Hope that clears things up as to why this story is “repetitive”.

ok so let’s talk a bit about jobs vs passion. my last fulltime job was at a big game development studio; the kind of job you’re (supposedly) passionate about. most of my colleagues adored the games we made, and so they didn’t care that the company had a major diversity problem, that our salaries were below average, that we didn’t get overtime compensation yet stayed ‘til 11PM more often than what’s healthy, and that the company promoted an unhealthy alcohol culture. because we were passionate. this was the kind of job you grow up dreaming about; don’t go throwing it away because some colleagues are harrassing you or because you get no recognition for your efforts!

for more than a year I was tired. stressed. in constant pain. my anxiety was through the roof. I worked on these “dream projects” and I felt dead inside.

when I quit that job I started freelancing as a writer. I got some really good jobs. I also got a bunch of small-time, low-paid, “hey at least your name is on it so isn’t it enough to pay 10$ for this text?” kind of jobs.

with the typical millenial housing situation of an apartment that I could barely afford on a fulltime pay and a constant stream of job offers that were underpaid I spent four months doing what I love, while constantly overwhelmed by stress. my insomnia got really bad, and when I managed to fall asleep I would dream about my bank balance. I would dream of losing whatever stability I had left in my life, simply because I couldn’t afford a “normal adult life”.

and so, today I got a job. it’s a fairly standard QA job at a medium sized game development studio. unlike any other game companies I’ve been at they offer humane working conditions. they don’t expect me to show up too early and stay too late because I’m passionate. the hours are nine to five, and they disapprove of overtime. the pay is slightly above average, and I get health benefits. I’ve been through several interviews, and at no point has someone tried to belittle my career or tried to convince me to work for less than I’m worth.

for the first time in many years of my career, I’m happy. I’m at ease. I applied for this job because I wanted to get away from the passionate part of the industry. I wanted a job where I could go home at five and dedicate my freetime to my own writing projects. I wanted to work at a place that didn’t eat my heart and soul and energy as I contributed to projects that wouldn’t even bear my name in the end credits.

so what I’m trying to say is that there’s nothing wrong with having a “normal” job. you’re not giving up on your dreams if you take a job outside your main interests. if it offers stability in your life, it’s enough.

A nurse has heart attack and describes what she felt like when having one

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. 

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS 

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack: 

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. 

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. 

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery. 

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand. 

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.’ And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what’s happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.
3. Don’t assume it couldn’t be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale.“

Reblog, repost, Facebook, tweet, pin, email, morse code, fucking carrier pigeon this to save a life!

I wish I knew who the author was. I’m definitely not the OP, actually think it might be an old chain email or even letter from back in the day. The version I saw floating around Facebook ended with "my cardiologist says mail this to 10 friends, maybe you’ll save one!” And knew this was way too interesting not to pass on.

my heart goes out to lgbt+ people in abusive homes, in conservative homes, in unaccepting homes, and homes where they can’t come out. being trapped in a situation (especially during the summer away from friends) like that is mentally and emotionally taxing. i tried to come out to my brother once and then said ‘we’re not going to talk about this again’. gathering up all your courage and putting yourself out there for someone important to you to just say ‘i don’t want you like this’ is hard.

Aries: Loving yourself is not a crime. It’s not a sin to take pride in the world you’ve created. Learn to praise yourself without finding faults. Give yourself grace.

Taurus: Old friends fade away new things take their place. Don’t forget to go back to your roots and replenish your soul every once in awhile. Don’t forget what made you you and the people who helped get you there.

Gemini: You’re a hero even if you can’t fucking see it. YOu’ve saved your own life, fighting against a mind that wants to kill you. If nothing else that is something to be proud of.

Cancer: Everything has a season and a time and everything has a time to end. Learn that letting go is scarier, but may be the best choice. Hanging on to the noose is only going to suffocate you that much more.

Leo: Some things were made to hurt. You shouldn’t run from the pain. Learn to handle an open flame. It’s scary than being numb but you need to feel something again.

Virgo: Come home. All I can say is come home. Open your eyes and see the world around you again. Hear everyone crying out your name just wanting you back.

Libra: It won’t kill you. It won’t ruin you. It won’t destroy you. You are bigger and badder and braver then this. Get off your god damn knees. It’s not doing you any good to cower.

Scorpio:  Eventually the memories won’t hurt. But right now, it’s okay. It’s okay to cry and scream and be in agony. It’s okay to not talk about it and to talk about it too much. It’s okay.

Sagittarius: It’s okay to lose who you are. Don’t be afraid to start over and try and find yourself again. Don’t be scared, it’s going to be hard. But you’ll learn to really smile instead of just pretending too.

Capricorn: Don’. Self destruction isn’t fucking beautiful when all you’ve got left is the wreckage. Don’t you dare. You still have things left to do here.

Aquarius: Sometimes home is just where you laugh and smile. It doesn’t have to be a person or a house it can be a moment of serenity and peace where all is right.

Pisces: Follow your heart even if your head says it’s wrong. Even if its risky. You’ll only regret the choices and paths you didn’t take in the end.

—  this weeks horoscope
April Fics!

» All About Us by SeaBreezy

“So let me get this straight,” he said, reaching up to swipe a hand almost absently through his bangs. “You want me to go with you to your brother’s wedding, because you lied and said you were gunna bring a hot date?”

» a truth in the blood by angstinspace

A post “Blade of Marmora” fix-it fic. Mostly broganes & klance bonding.

» Beneath the Corsican Stars by appleschmapple

Star-crossed lovers, they say, are doomed to meet a tragic end. And yet, Keith and Lance continue to cross one another, driven to find the one ending where love triumphs over destiny. Perhaps sometimes, the universe rewards those who persevere.

» can you tell me by aknightley

Keith works in his brother’s coffee shop for the summer, expecting a boring break before college. Lance changes all of that.

» Don’t Put Out The Glow by BleuSarcelle

The one where Lance goes through a beating to save Shiro from having to go back to the Galra arena and once they escape, the team focus themselves on healing their Blue Paladin back to health and to make sure he knows they love him.

» eb and flow (a point of decline and a gradual change) by babitty

It starts out as a regular mission- get in, check out the distress beacon, get out. Except things don’t go as planned. And honestly, when do they ever?

» Erised by RedBluePalatar

It was the smile that really did Lance in. While Lance could deal with hot, older Keith, he was having trouble with the happiness that was so visible on his face, his stature. He was relaxed and bright. Suddenly, Lance couldn’t imagine Keith without it.

» Everything is Blue by TheTailor

Lance wanted—no, he needed to know everything about this person. He needed to know because Keith is the most interesting puzzle set before him, and he only knew their name and that was a goddamn shame.

» Finding Your Place by Ninke_A

When the others are down, Lance always knew how to make it better. But he felt that was the only time they wanted him around, that he was useless otherwise.

» Fools Rush In by redburn

Keith is a struggling musician just needing to pay the rent. Lance is a high-end prostitute with a heart of gold.

» Heaven’s Got a Plan For You by tobytrash

With the absence of their leader, Shiro, the responsibility of leading the team has been thrusted onto Keith’s shoulders, and the reassignments of Lions are in order. However, Lance is not as ready to accept this new change as the rest of the team.

And neither is the Black Lion.

» hypothetically by starsupernova

The first time Keith ever falls in love, it’s with someone practically unobtainable. Typical.

» in stasis by ilgaksu

In which for three months of Lance McClain’s life, he lives as an AI, waiting for his prosthetics to come online. It goes about as well as expected.

» just like that by varelsen

He wishes he could say “I want to caress your cheek as gently as a cherry blossom petal falling upon the face of a beautiful anime man,” but what comes out is usually more along the lines of “What do you know, Mullet?”

» Let The Water Lead Us Home by LynnLarsh

He’d just wanted a glimpse. It was stupid and childish and selfish, but he’d just wanted one more look out on the ocean, one more peek in the window of his family home, just in case they never made it back to Earth. Just in case he never got another chance.

» lungs by Dreamicide

After a near drowning experience as a child in which he doesn’t remember how he survived, Lance avoids the ocean he once loved. He doesn’t realize that’s where his savior lives.

» mirror through your eyes by redburn

Keith and Lance accidentally swap bodies. Indefinitely.

» Orchids and Anemones by Verraglace

They say that the children of Aphrodite love more than any creature, with a strong and unconditional passion.

Briefly, he thinks to himself that it’s quite possibly true.

He coughs up more blossoms.

» Red Carnations by RedJuliet

His heart line was the same deep red color as the carnation he had taped to an envelope with shaking hands. It came as no surprise when the line darkened until it became an inky black. That was when it started to burn.

» Slowly, and Then All At Once by quartetship

He was in love. With Keith.

» ten things i hate about you by nikkiRA

neither of them are particularly good at this, so they each say hate when they both mean love

» This love won’t ever be convenient by Lynn1998

*Complicated by Avril Lavigne plays in the distance*

» travelers by ImotoChan

In which Lance is stuck travelling between Universes, searching for the one he can call home.

» You’re Due for Some Good by PrincexofxFlowers

As far as soulmates go, Keith thinks, he really can’t complain.

And then the bruises start showing up.

Keep reading

Growing up with social anxiety

• fear of using public bathrooms

• hating coming in late to school and having to walk into the classroom late

• knowing the right answer to a question asked but not wanting to raise your hand to answer it

• always staying inside

• like the comfort of your home better than anywhere else

• dreading going out somewhere

• hating talking to people you didn’t know

• unable to say your order to someone

• getting a mini heart attack when someone taps your shoulder to ask you something

• having a small anxiety attack walking in to a new class and not knowing anyone or where to sit

i never understood the saying, “home is where the heart is” until one day i was laying in bed feeling out of place, i kept thinking “i want to go home” despite being in my own bed, that’s when i realized what i really meant was that i wanted to be wherever you were. it was then that i knew i loved you more than i had ever thought. you are my first love and i wouldn’t trade it for the world.

anonymous asked:

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any recommendations for Check, Please fanfic?? Like what are your favorite ones? Bitty and Jack are just so cute and every time I read a fic I just want to read more! Also, I love your blog so much. Your tags are always so funny 💛

I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me about this. 

Keep reading

the reasons why i’ll never sleep in peace again
  • “The number-one thing was I wanted to be honest. I hadn’t done that before.”
  •  "Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals,“ Styles says. “Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything.”
  • "Since I’ve been 10,” he reflects, “it’s kind of felt like – protect Mom at all costs. … My mom is very strong. She has the greatest heart. [Her house in Cheshire] is where I want to go when I want to spend some time." 
  • And promises are broken like a stitch is … I got splinters in my knuckles crawling ‘cross the floor/Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/But I think that’s what I like about it … I see you gave him my old T-shirt, more of what was once mine … 
  • "Sometimes you want to tip the hat, and sometimes you just want to give them the whole cap …  and hope they know it’s just for them." 
  • “I don’t want to hear my favorite artists talk about all the amazing shit they get to do. I want to hear, ‘How did you feel when you were alone in that hotel room, because you chose to be alone?’”
  • “How am I going to be mysterious,” he asks, only half-joking, “when I’ve been this honest with you?" 
The Arrangement Masterlist

Summary: in an AU where the Winchester family owns a multi-million dollar company, Dean’s in a bit of a pinch. Grandpa Samuel is threatening to cut him off if he doesn’t straighten out and stop getting into trouble. Instead of taking some responsibility, Dean comes up with an ingenious plan: find someone to pretend to be his girlfriend. You and Dean have never gotten along, but a fake relationship seems to be beneficial to you both… 

Part 1

Part 2 -  Sam disapproves of your little arrangement, and you and Dean have you ‘first date’

Part 3 -  Dean reflects on your first date, and makes plans. The second date goes a little better, and Dean finds out how good your acting skills really are.

Part 4 -  You spend the night at Dean’s place

Part 5 -  Dean struggles to deal with the rest of the morning, and then gets an unexpected call. The two of you go on a double date with Sam and Jess.

Part 6 -   Jess informs you about Dean’s past, and Sam teases Dean. After dinner, Dean brings you home to find someone unexpected waiting for you, and helps you deal with it.

Part 7 -  Dean meets your mother, and you go dress shopping with Jess.

Part 8 -  You and Dean head out to his hometown, where you finally get to meet Mary and John. The sleeping situation causes some minor problems.

Part 9You and Dean have an interesting morning, but Sam interrupts. Later, you and Mary have a little heart to heart, and Dean says something surprising.

Part 10 - The gala finally arrives, and Dean is absolutely floored by your dress. An interaction with Samuel leaves Dean fuming, but you calm him down. Dean finally admits his feelings.

Part 11 -  Dean reflects on the evening, and the two of you have a talk

Part 12 - someone delivers some unexpected and unpleasant news, sending you running. Sam and Benny confront Dean, and the three of them go looking for you.  

Part 13you head to the only safe place you can think of. A talk with your father gives you the courage to return to work, where Dean finds you immediately. But he’s not expecting your reaction. Charlie and Cas come to the rescue. 

Part 14Dean tries to cope with your breakup, and then gets a surprise visit from Crowley. Your friends take you out to try and cheer you up, but eventually you head home alone, only to find someone waiting for you.

Part 15You have an encounter with Mark, and Dean shows up just in time. The next morning, the two of you talk things out. Sam arrives with some news.

Part 16 (conclusion) -  Dean responds to Sam’s news. The two of you pay a visit to Samuel, who lashes out. Secrets are revealed and threats are made, leaving you reeling. You and Dean discuss the future.

Epilogue - A few months after the events of part 16. Sam and Jess’s wedding, a housewarming party, and revealing conversations.

Epiloge Part 2 - The Fourth of July finds you and the Winchester clan at the lake to celebrate the holiday. Jess shares some news and Dean surprises you with an important question.

WOMAN WRITES A BOOK OF LOVE POEMS
and it’s old news, typical feminine nonsense, pseudo-emotional bullshit. Glib, trite, tired and hackneyed. I mean did you see the way she just went on and on about whatever she went on and on about? Probably a good read if you’re a teenage girl or into romance novels. Not to say her work doesn’t have merit, it’s just not for everyone. Maybe if she broadened her horizons a little and picked another topic. So she sat and she waited for love and she wrote about it when it came and when it didn’t. So she compared collarbones to clover fields and called herself lucky. It’s not exactly groundbreaking. 

MAN WRITES A BOOK OF LOVE POEMS
and it’s vulnerability at its finest, timeless and honest, something that really hits home. A running faucet of intimacy. A masterpiece of human sensitivity. Inspirational and intensely relatable, really a must-read for anyone with a heart. Such a traditional topic too. Amazing how he captured it with such a fresh voice. Did you see the page where he wrote, "girl, you’re not lucky, I am lucky because I found you"? Look, I won’t say he went out and saved poetry all on his own, but god. He may as well have.
—  Trista Mateer
heathers songs summarized with hamilton lyrics.

beautiful - the problem is I got a lot of brains but no polish

candy store - ahh, so you’ve discussed me. I’m a trust fund, baby, you can trust me

freeze your brain - and if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died

big fun - they’ll tell the story of tonight. let’s have another round tonight

dead girl walking - I’m so sorry to bother you at home, but I don’t know where to go, and I came here all alone…

me inside of me - who lives, who dies, who tells your story?

blue - then you walked in and my heart went “Boom!”

our love is god - I’m sure I don’t know what you mean you forget yourself. You’re like me, I’m never satisfied.

prom or hell? - Lord, show me how to say no to this. I don’t know how to say no to this

my dead gay son - look at my son. pride is not the word I’m looking for; there is so much more inside me now

seventeen - when you’re gone, I’ll go mad, so don’t throw away this thing we had

shine a light - stay alive ‘til this horror show is past

lifeboat - I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. is this where it gets me, on my feet, several feet ahead of me?

shine a light (reprise) - you’re absolutely right, John should have shot him in the mouth that would’ve shut him up

kindergarten boyfriend - with only memories of when you were mine.

yo girl - do you know how hard it is to lead? you’re on your own

meant to be yours - I used to hear him say that someday I would blow us all away

dead girl walking (reprise) - this is the eye of the hurricane, this is the only
way I can protect my legacy

i am damaged - dying is easy, young man. living is harder

seventeen (reprise) - look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now

This is where I leave you. Here, where
all the kisses we shared are scattered
on the floor like war wreckage. Who
fought more, I wonder? My hands are
bloodier than yours, my cuts deeper. I have always loved with wild abandon while you were always so safe, so
careful. Why are you standing there
with one foot out of the door? I’m not
surprised, you always have. Say you love me but not enough to stay, not enough to clean this up. It’s too messy, my heart and dreams are all over this
place like tattered wallpaper, where is
yours? Is it in the suitcase, is it whole? This is where I leave you darling,
I will try not to look back, I will try not to look at the pictures on the wall, I will try not to love you anymore because it hurts, it hurts.
—  this is not home anymore // Genefe Navilon

You have five seconds. Five seconds and then you need to walk out of here and smile and laugh like nothing is wrong. Five seconds alone in this bathroom stall.

Five seconds.

One.
They kissed. Play it over and over again in your head. The edge of the window obscured only what you could fill in anyway. They kissed, and that’s the end of it. No last-ditch attempts, no alternate endings. He is in love with her, and he kissed her, not you. You watched from the sidelines, just like you always do. You thought you were in the game but you’ve been benched all season, playing holograms and recordings and pictographs of memories.
For this second, embrace that rawness. He kissed her and it hurts because she isn’t you.

Two.

I know you want to argue, that you’re doing it right now. You’re making excuses and adding in ‘but what ifs.’ After all, you didn’t actually see it. Maybe your eyes played tricks on you. Maybe it wasn’t what you saw.
You want to say, but what about two days ago? What about the things he said, the way he looked at me? At just me.
It doesn’t matter what he says. It doesn’t matter how you think he felt. It doesn’t matter who you think he wants, it matters who he’s with.
And he is with her. Not you.

Three.

You were wrong about everything. Admit it. Own up to your dreams that got in the way of reality, acknowledge the danger of overanalysis. He makes you feel like home, but if he’s home, why does it feel like he just scraped out your insides?
And not for the first time. You feel hollow–cling to this. Maybe he is where your heart is, maybe he is your heart. Maybe he is everything to you, but you’re not to him. If you were, he wouldn’t have kissed her.

Four.

Remember all those things, one last time. After this, they are gone. They have to be gone. It’s the only way you’re going to survive. Remember the first time you met him and you knew you were going to fall in love with him and you knew it was going to break your heart. You always saw this coming. Deep down, you’ve just been waiting for the blow to fall.

Five.


I don’t know if you’re going to love anyone else. I don’t know if distance will finally solve what proximity cannot touch. I don’t know if you’re ever gonna really forget how much this hurts.
But one day, it will stop hurting. I promise

Look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and smile.
You are beautiful, you are brave. You love without regard for the consequences, and that is one of the best things about you.
You have amazing friends and a whole summer with them ahead of you.
Don’t miss out on that because you’re sad about him.
You are going to live through this, and you’re going to be better.

Walk out of here and don’t let them see those five seconds. Life’s too short to get all weak-kneed over some fuckboy who doesn’t care.

—  “Five Seconds in a Bathroom Stall”