2016 is ending & we all hate our lives until 12:00 am january first ! meme
okay honestly a lot of these are responses to stupid things i have said. the stupid things on this list? definitely me. but definitely don’t be afraid to change pronouns or take out curse words bc i totally get it <3 happy new year everyone !
“ i want a pet bear ! ” “ oh my god, go the FUCK TO SLEEP. ” “ um …. do you think these nuggets come in dinosaur shapes? ” “ listen i just want nuggets. ” “ holy macaroni ! i want to cry. again. for the fourth time today. ” “ this bitch …. ” “ maybe the new year will bring me a million dollars & a bae. ” “ i’m not throwing up or anything, just dying. you know, the usual. ” “ I JUST WANT TO GO HOME, TURN ON BOBS BURGERS, AND SIT IN SELF PITY FOR A FEW HOURS ! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK ? ” “ if i leaned over to my mom at dinner & whispered i met someone, she’d say cool & continue to eat her sweet potatoes. she doesn’t care that much. ” “ i had a dream you killed me & i loved every part of it. i just want to die. ” “ i haven’t eaten in two hours. TWO HOURS. i will not take full credit for anything mean i say until i get some food in me. ” “ you bother me. ” “ the lack of cookies in my life is probably on a shakespearian tragedy level. ” “ i still want to die. ” “ please get off the floor. you’re worrying me. ” “ i am the queen of the floor. the floor queen. ” “ unhand me! i am the queen of the floor ! i BELONG here ! ” “ quick! give me that box! i want to sit in it ! maybe cry a little in it to mark it as mine! ” “ i have surpassed the crying stage & am now at the uncomfortably numb stage. ” “ well cover me in strawberries & call me stacy. ” “ i’m gonna hang myself with christmas lights. you know, keep it festive. ” “ let me touch your face, i’m gonna make it better. ” “ if covering myself in glitter was socially acceptable, i would always be covered in glitter. ” “ yikes … are you dead? no, no, just inside. sorry i forgot. ”
Dinner tonight was Hell Burgers. What was so hellish about them, you ask? Homemade patties made from home-ground beef picanha. Homemade sesame brioche buns. Homemade triple-fried chips. Homemade sharp sichuan pepper pickles. Homemade chinkiang black vinegar fried onions. Homemade strong mustard and horseradish burger sauce. Home-cured bacon. And just…the sheer volume of them I ingested.
Burger Number One (left), was as follows. Naga chilli pickle. The aforementioned burger sauce. Strong melted cheddar. Pickles. Tomato and lettuce. The aforementioned fried onions. And a fucking easy-over fried egg.
Burger Number Two (right), was a simpler more puristic beast by far… Burger, lettuce, pickles. Melted hereford blue cheese. Home-cured bacon. Burger sauce.
Unpictured were the sides. A Serbian style spicy pickled slaw and roast umami-as-heck brussels sprouts, basically glazed with worcester sauce and sweet soy sauce and urfa biber.
The same goes for dessert, which was not my doing, but was basically an unholy melange of condensed milk custard, fried banana, shortbread biscuits, and meringue.
Or for the very necessary digestif: chilled añejo reposado, drunk to much satisfied groaning. “I hear something. Something as if—…yes, it is as if I hear the voices of a thousand arteries, crying out in pain, only to be silenced…” That sorta jazz. Worth it though.