So, home-brewed science-fantasy system called inertia. We’re on a mission from death, who gave us presents before we went. Mine was, he made me undead. But I keep forgetting. We’re fighting an EXTREMELY powerful psionic guardian trying to rescue one of Death’s favourite two minions from a coffin chained to the roof. (Yeah, our DM has a hell of an imagination.)
DM: “So. As you’ve done the most damage to the chain Tonauac, the guardian places his hands together, and a tiny ball of light appears above him.”
Scientist: “I step away.”
DM: “The heat and radiation of a miniature sun shines down on you. You take…” Rolls a LOT of dice. “125 damage.”
Me: “Aaaaaaaaand I’m dead. Welp. Tell my family I love them, make sure my AI goes for a good price and have it wipe my browser history before it goes…” As I’m handing over my character sheet.
Captain/Necrolyte: “You’re a zombie, I can stick you back together, don’t be so dramatic.”
Me: “Wait, really?”
DM: “Yeah, she can regenerate you from a speck of blood.”
ok so since ive worked in a liquor store for close on 3 years now, I’ve developed this really specific habit of assigning fictional characters alcoholic headcanons.
like I can tell you what any characters drink of choice would be.
Most recently I’ve done it for star wars:
rey: would insist on buying clean skin vodka. The cheapest, bottom shelf, generic label, home brand, probably brewed in an alley behind the store, vodka. Because literally what is the difference between fifty dollar vodka and this one? It’s half the price, and it’s gonna do the job, guys! Come on! Then she proceeds to suffer through this glorified paint thinner and acts like its fantastic and isn’t burning her oesophagus as she decides to shot it to prove a point. Is a fun drunk. Is a disaster in the morning, filled with regrets, but the money she saved isn’t one of them.
Poe: He’s a beer guy, but craft beer. From a local micro-brewery that is also a bar that you’ve never heard of, but the place suddenly becomes cool in your eyes because poe dameron once said it was a ‘pretty good place’ and now everyone wants to go there. If he does spirits, he would do Jager bombs or Tequila, and would always shout a round or two for the group, plus the people he literally only just met that night, but who want to be his friends as well.
Finn: Trys really hard to enjoy beer. Especially the trendy beer that Poe drinks. But it’s awful, he hates it, it’s so bad, why does anyone want to drink malty yeast water, this is disgusting…but he usually makes a show of drinking it anyway. Secretly likes fruity berry flavoured cruisers and one time there was this margarita machine at a party he was at, and it was amazing.
Kylo Ren: Buys 5 litre boxes of wine. It doesn’t need to taste good, it needs to get him drunk. Has no scope to what his limits are, and gets white boy wasted in the messiest way. No one wants to party with him because he’s either gonna start a fight with someone or start crying or both, all while clutching the loose foil bag of wine in his arms. The party wild card.Also in the habit of sticking his fingers down his throat when he’s completely wasted and knows he needs to be sick. The pain makes him stronger.
Phasma: ten Jager bombs in a row, just try and fuckin take her in a drinking match, she will destroy you.
My mate gave my dwarf Kurgi Delverfaulde a halberd name “The Surgeon’s Impaler”. It has the magical effect that it tells me a secret of the person whose blood it spills. The more blood, the better the secret. This may change my alignment.
What awesome unique home-brew magic item effects do YOU have?
Just a few days ago, I bought my own bag of 49th Parallel Beans from Pikolo Cafe. And this morning, I opened the bag to release heaven in my house. Guys, this coffee smells amazing. From Starbucks beans to 49th Parallel… what a huge difference. The bag was a bit expensive (20$) but honestly, worth every sip.
Okay, so I got in the shower. Y’know how you think, in the shower? And I thought up this AU. It started with what I thought a collaborative killing could entail… Then Ultimate Despair AU… Then this. I present to you Experiment Saishuu.
Experiment Saishuu is an evil organization founded by the talented class of Saishuu Gauken; with four distinct teams, reminiscent of Harry Potter houses, but function like evil Pokémon teams. Each has a leader: Team Lure, Team Rewire, Team Refurbish, and Team Kill.
The mission statement: kill as many as possible whilst still having a functioning organization. That is it. The goal? Death. An evil sims - in which these sixteen students pluck away at the lives of the boring public around them.
Below, I’ve explained everyone’s role. So here’s my very first, home-brewed AU, Experiment Saishuu.
IT’S BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME OF YOU DON’T APPRECIATE MY HOME-BREW HUMAN SHAPE!
WELL EXCUSE YOU, I’M DOING MY BEST HUMAN IMPRESSION HERE! YOU DO KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE, RIGHT??? DENIAL’S A TERRIBLE THING!
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, IF I’M NOT POSSESSING SOMEONE I HAVE TO ASSEMBLE THE MEAT BITS MYSELF. IT’S SORT OF LIKE A MIXED-MEDIA SCULPTURE THAT EXPERIENCES PAIN SENSATIONS WITH EVERY UNNATURAL BREATH.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PARTS HUMANS HAVE??? NEITHER DO I, BUT I HAPPEN TO THINK I DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB FORGING THIS MEATSUIT. WHENEVER I TAKE IT OUT FOR A SPIN, FOLKS ARE SWOONING IN MY WAKE! THEY CAN’T HANDLE MY RAW, ANIMAL MAGNETISM.
I’M A BUSY ENTITY, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WASTE CRAFTING HUNDREDS OF BONES AND THOUSANDS OF SKIN CELLS! I MEAN WHO NEEDS THOSE FAT FLESHY BITS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE JAW?? THEY GET IN THE WAY OF THE TEETH!!!
ALSO I’M PRETTY SURE HUMANS DON’T NEED ALL OF THE BONES THEY’RE HOARDING. GOSH, SHARE SOME WITH THE REST OF THE CLASS YOU GUYS!!!
Camila: “….I get really shy around…. (Huge ass gap that gave me enough time to run to the grocery then back home to brew coffee, and Netflix and chill)…. BOYS I like….”
Hearing that, reminds me of all those times she’s more shy and controlled when it comes to Lauren, but with Dinah and mani she’s like licking their elbows, cheeks, legs, and basically attached to them on four limbs.