home brews

cheesefriesdisguise  asked:

Do you know anything about kodi? A brief kodi for dummies explanation?

Kodi used to be XBMC which started off as a home-brew media player for the original XBOX. Now it can be installed on pretty much any device. It is free and is commonly used to watch “borrowed” media if you get my drift which is the big draw for it. You can watch/play pretty much any file type on it (including live events). I’ve been meaning to hack my Apple TV and install it on there but I’ve been lazy about it. Hope that makes sense!

mchanzo first date
  • hanzo, drinking home brewed craft IPA out of a novelty laboratory beaker stein from thinkgeek.com: what do you mean you havent played the stanley parable
  • mccree, visibly flustered: i....horses

anonymous asked:

I know Steve gets in a lot of dumb fights now, but what was the stupidest fight he got into pre-serum?

we grew up mostly during the prohibition, when alcohol was illegal. i mean, it was still pretty easy to get your hands on some, because people like alcohol, but most of it tasted awful, because it was home-brewed to be as strong as possible.
anyway, stevie and i got a bit of some really terrible hooch and squirreled ourselves away to get drunk. it took steve about four drinks to be totally wasted, and it turns out steve is a pretty entertaining drunk, with crazy fast mood swings and a tendency to want to touch things, just to see how they felt. he was wandering around the apartment trying to figure out if dark colors or light colors felt better, and he wanted to see if my hair–a nice dark color, versus his light blonde–felt nice. so i let him run his hand over the top of my head, and i was teasing him because he had all the fine motor control of a baby, so he’d made a mess of my hair. i think i said something like ‘my hair’s terrible now, stevie, and now nobodys gonna respect me’ and steve went ‘NO!! you have nice hair bucky your hair is GREAT it is SO GREAT.’ which was nice of him, because my hair really was a mess.

 and then he punched me.

he punched me several times. 

drunk steve is not much of a brawler so he didnt do much damage before i tipped him over and sat on him. it wasnt much of a fight. but if youre looking for stupid, attacking me to defend my own hair is probably one for the history books.

sometimes i miss wee steve, because big steve thinks my hair is ridiculous. i bet if tiny drunk steve were around, hed try and fight captain america to defend my hair’s honor. now that’d be a fight worth watching

Undeadpool

So, home-brewed science-fantasy system called inertia. We’re on a mission from death, who gave us presents before we went. Mine was, he made me undead. But I keep forgetting. We’re fighting an EXTREMELY powerful psionic guardian trying to rescue one of Death’s favourite two minions from a coffin chained to the roof. (Yeah, our DM has a hell of an imagination.)

DM: “So. As you’ve done the most damage to the chain Tonauac, the guardian places his hands together, and a tiny ball of light appears above him.”

Scientist: “I step away.”

Me: “Wwwwwhy?”

DM: “The heat and radiation of a miniature sun shines down on you. You take…” Rolls a LOT of dice. “125 damage.”

Me: “Aaaaaaaaand I’m dead. Welp. Tell my family I love them, make sure my AI goes for a good price and have it wipe my browser history before it goes…” As I’m handing over my character sheet. 

Captain/Necrolyte: “You’re a zombie, I can stick you back together, don’t be so dramatic.”

Me: “Wait, really?”

DM: “Yeah, she can regenerate you from a speck of blood.”

Me: “I’M DEADPOOL WITH A SNIPER RIFLE.”

DM: “Your rifle is melted.”

Me: “I’M DEADPOOL WITHOUT A SNIPER RIFLE.”

  • me: okay, here's the situation. it's 1 am and we've run out of alcohol but this party has the potential to go on till 5 or 6 with afterparty and hookup possibilities. how do we fix this.
  • earth signs: ok, i've found 50 different websites that deliver alcohol to your door but if this doesn't work we'll have to be prepared for the possibility that the party just has to end sooner, let's be rational
  • fire signs: DUde let's DO THIS there's a liquor store 50 miles from here but I'll RUN over there and RUN back alright! WOOOOO! FUCK YES!
  • water signs: *already crying* we're out of alcohol??
  • air signs: idk if you know but i have this crazy experimental technique of home brewing alcohol out of vinegar and soda that i'd love to try
3

“So I said, ‘You want it clean? Huh? YOU WANT IT CLEAN? YOU CLEAN IT! CLEAN IT YOURSELF! CLEAN IT YOURSELF!
 And I have not seen my mother since that point.” – John McGuirk

Home Movies “School Nurse” 1x10

Thankfully some Gods aren't easily offended

Playing a home brew game, the party is investigating a missing person and end up at the library and are trying to question the Librarian who’s not giving them anything.

Mage: *throws down spell card* I want to use Zone of Truth!

Me (DM): Are you SURE?

Thief: If the DM asks you that the answer should always be no!

Mage: I want to do it!

Me: *flipping open my reference notebook to the deities page*  Okay you just tried to cast that on THE GOD OF KNOWLEDGE.

Party collectively: Oh fuck we’re gunna die in the first session!!

ok so since ive worked in a liquor store for close on 3 years now, I’ve developed this really specific habit of assigning fictional characters alcoholic headcanons.

like I can tell you what any characters drink of choice would be.

Most recently I’ve done it for star wars:

rey: would insist on buying clean skin vodka. The cheapest, bottom shelf, generic label, home brand, probably brewed in an alley behind the store, vodka. Because literally what is the difference between fifty dollar vodka and this one? It’s half the price, and it’s gonna do the job, guys! Come on! Then she proceeds to suffer through this glorified paint thinner and acts like its fantastic and isn’t burning her oesophagus as she decides to shot it to prove a point. Is a fun drunk. Is a disaster in the morning, filled with regrets, but the money she saved isn’t one of them.

Poe: He’s a beer guy, but craft beer. From a local micro-brewery that is also a bar that you’ve never heard of, but the place suddenly becomes cool in your eyes because poe dameron once said it was a ‘pretty good place’ and now everyone wants to go there. If he does spirits, he would do Jager bombs or Tequila, and would always shout a round or two for the group, plus the people he literally only just met that night, but who want to be his friends as well.

Finn: Trys really hard to enjoy beer. Especially the trendy beer that Poe drinks. But it’s awful, he hates it, it’s so bad, why does anyone want to drink malty yeast water, this is disgusting…but he usually makes a show of drinking it anyway. Secretly likes fruity berry flavoured cruisers and one time there was this margarita machine at a party he was at, and it was amazing.

Kylo Ren: Buys 5 litre boxes of wine. It doesn’t need to taste good, it needs to get him drunk. Has no scope to what his limits are, and gets white boy wasted in the messiest way. No one wants to party with him because he’s either gonna start a fight with someone or start crying or both, all while clutching the loose foil bag of wine in his arms. The party wild card. Also in the habit of sticking his fingers down his throat when he’s completely wasted and knows he needs to be sick. The pain makes him stronger.

Phasma: ten Jager bombs in a row, just try and fuckin take her in a drinking match, she will destroy you.

Hux: Pinot grigio. Embraces wine mom culture.

How to leave a good impression

During a home-brew 5e modified Mines of Madness campaign we ran into a situation where my Blue Dragonborn rogue had been transformed into a Huge creature through a combination of a Ring of Permanent Enlarge Person/Reduce Person, and an unstable potion of Growth. The party, all level three consists of myself, the DM playing a Hexblade Tiefling, and my Wife playing a Tiefling Sorcerer.

I had already activated my ring and was currently classified as a Large Creature, we were fighting skeletal dwarves, there were 6 left.

Me: (OOC) “Fuck, if i take another axe im gonna be in trouble.

DM (OOC) “You are the biggest target in the room, and… Well you can try that potion you found…”

We found this potion in an outhouse on the surface, I’m carrying it but no one really wanted to drink it.

Me: I took a few axes to the chest and was fairly hurt* “I chug the unstable potion.”

DM: rolls a d100*

DM (OOC) Are you still using that ring?

Me, confused OOC “Yeah?”

DM shakes his head and buries his face in his palm, “You grow Bigger.”

Me really confused “But im at lar-”

DM cutting me off, “Nope nope, now your Huge.”

Me OOC “This room isnt big enough…”

Me: “I grow to large size and fill most of the room in the process, crushing two dwarves with my…Tits.”

Group is laughing their collective butts off when the DM screams a profanity and starts rolling dice.

Everyone is silent and then

DM “As the Rogue becomes big enough to crush us all, the floor beneath us crumbles…”

Everyone but me groans and starts rolling saving throws as i say “Well, thats the way the dungeon crumbles!”

Awesome Home-brewed Magic Items.

My mate gave my dwarf Kurgi Delverfaulde a halberd name “The Surgeon’s Impaler”. It has the magical effect that it tells me a secret of the person whose blood it spills. The more blood, the better the secret. This may change my alignment.

What awesome unique home-brew magic item effects do YOU have?

I’m the DM in a home brew campaign and we’ve come to a pass guarded by a spider.

Chaos Wizard: I roll to seduce the spider.

Me: What? No!

Chaos Wizard: Come on it could work.

Me: (Deep sigh) Roll higher than 13.

Chaos Wizard: *rolls 16*

Me: So you shapeshift to a male spider and seduce her, the encounter is enough to distract her but she’s now pregnant and you have a spider STD.