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I remember when I first started being in magazines, I had pretty thin skin. I was this nerd that read books and stayed home and didn’t go out. I had this big complex because I didn’t go to college. There was a whole era where I got linked to everybody. People that I had never met. I was like, “How? I’m home alone reading chapter 12 of a book.”

I feel at home in the coffee shop across the street from school. I feel at home in the mineshaft up the hill. I feel at home at my friend’s houses. I feel at home in the falling snow. I feel at home in the streets of cities I’ve never been to before. I feel at home in most of the world. So why don’t I feel at home lying in my own bed, with my family asleep upstairs? Why don’t I feel at home when I am home?
—  Journal Entry; 12 Oct 2016

anonymous asked:

At the beginning of that all hands on deck scene, Cas looks so small on that coat. He's swimming in that thing. Like a kid playing dress up in daddy's clothes. You think it means anything? Cause something that ridiculous looking had to be on purpose. I can't remember it happening before.

Ugh he needs a new coat.

It’s all… stiff and puffy and when he sits and raises his arms it bunches up and tugs the fabric everywhere. I wonder if it’s getting bunched up on his arms, ironically, because Misha is too beefy for the seams there, but it’s SO shapeless you can’t tell. 

What a disaster.

I hate this picture so much I can’t even bear to look at it longer to analyse it. UGH.

*scrolls down really far to get it off my screen*

I suppose it’s never really fit or suited him, but it’s either ironic or clever that it is SO misshapen and SUCH a bad fit when Cas’s old “flag of heaven” than he “draped himself in” looks like such a mess on him, right when Kelvin is offering him a chance to come home. I was musing on how Cas’s season 9 arc unceremoniously disappeared, for 2 years, only to magically pop back up like it never went away in season 12. Idk if anything’s popped out my queue yet of the gifsets I’ve collected already for this episode, but I’m tagging all this “ET goes home” for obvious reasons. Of course Cas has declared he loves his human family and they demonstrated they loved him back in 12x12, the last time we saw him. And the Bunker as “home” has been a Thing for Cas for a while, even if he’s sort of struggled with it 12x12 also ended with Dean making it very clear it was his home, and that was after the demonstration that they were his family.

So the next logical step is to say, well, what about Cas’s original home/family? Because sure they seem to hate him and I can’t actually tally how many times he’s been officially or unofficially exiled, but for a while Cas seemed to be building up to a CHOICE about it, one which had a great deal of development at one point. Cas was asked a LOT in season 9 what he was and what he wanted to be. Usually put to him by angels. It seemed far off but certain that Cas didn’t fit or feel comfortable with them and he’d be happier on Earth with his human family, for all the trouble they caused him. Years go by and he seems to be slowly building a better sense of self and home on Earth as someone who has this human family and is a part of it. 

I do think he’s only going to go check out what the deal is with Joshua because it mirrors 5x16 - Cas wanted them to, while they were in Heaven, take the opportunity to go find Joshua, who seemed to be key to everything because he talked to God. I’m pretty uncertain how much to trust him right now, because this blatantly parallels the BMoL stuff we’ve already seen and they in turn were clearly mirroring the look and feel and ethical dubiousness of Heaven long before this. But Cas will want to go talk with him and that’s all probably part of Dabb being a magnificent bastard about turning canon inside out. I don’t think Cas has actually picked a side or chosen to go home or anything where he thinks he won’t see his human family again or anything as DRASTIC as 8x23 and ET goes home, but season 8 was also blatantly in the air in this episode, so I think it’s worth mentioning >.>

Anyway I’m kind of terrified and hyped up because it feels like that choice is coming for Cas - and in a way he could put words to and make it really clear… At this point I refuse to speculate anything else but just the thought of all the twists and turns and miscommunication and angst… yeah. I’m excited. :D