holy-terror-batman

FAIR WARNING: IN THIS POST I’LL BE EDITORIALIZING A BIT, AND BY “EDITORIALIZING” I DEFINITELY MEAN “TALKING WHOLESALE SHIT ON COMIC BOOK CREATOR AND SENTIENT RAINSOAKED GARBAGE BAG FRANK MILLER”

THERE WAS, AT ONE POINT, A PROJECT IN THE WORKS BY FRANK MILLER IN HIS NOW-CONTROVERSIAL “DARK KNIGHT” UNIVERSE (AUTHOR’S NOTE: BY “CONTROVERSIAL” I MEAN THAT HE WROTE 1.5 DECENT BATMAN SERIES AND THEN JUST KEPT CHURNING OUT MORE AND MORE TERRIBLE GRAPHIC NOVELS THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR OR WANTED) THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENTITLED “HOLY TERROR, BATMAN!”

“HOLY TERROR, BATMAN” WOULD HAVE BEEN A THROWBACK TO THE DAYS OF WORLD WAR II, WHEN SUPERHEROES WOULD FLY TO GERMANY AND PUNCH HITLER, EXCEPT IN THIS CASE, THE VILLAINS WOULD BE FRANK MILLER’S CARICATURE OF ISLAMIC EXTREMISTS. FRANK MILLER, EVER THE CLASS ACT, DESCRIBED THIS AS A BOOK IN WHICH “BATMAN KICKS AL-QAEDA’S ASS.”

HERE’S THE THING, THOUGH. THE DC EXEC WHO AUTHORIZED THIS TRAVESTY GOT LAID OFF DURING THE WRITING PROCESS AND TOOK A JOB AT ANOTHER COMIC IMPRINT, AND FRANK MILLER FOLLOWED. FORTUNATELY FOR BATMAN AS A FRANCHISE, THE RIGHTS TO THE BATMAN CHARACTER REMAINED WITH DC COMICS AND “HOLY TERROR, BATMAN” COULD ONLY CONTINUE IF MILLER REMOVED BATMAN ENTIRELY FROM IT.

SO HERE’S WHAT PROFESSIONAL BATMAN-RUINER FRANK MILLER DID: HE REMOVED THE BATSIGNAL AND EARS FROM BATMAN, RECHRISTENED HIM “THE FIXER,” AND PRETENDED THAT REMOVING BATMAN FROM “HOLY TERROR, BATMAN” WAS 100% HIS DECISION AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT HE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO USE BATMAN IN THE STORY. SOUNDING MORE AND MORE LIKE A CHILD WITH EVERY SENTENCE, FRANK CLAIMED THAT THE NEW HERO WAS NOTHING LIKE BATMAN, HE WAS “A NEW HERO THAT I’VE MADE UP THAT FIGHTS AL QAEDA.” I’D COMPARE THIS DESCRIPTION TO THE CHARACTERIZATION OF AXE COP, EXCEPT THAT AXE COP IS ACTUALLY A GOOD COMIC, SOMETHING FRANK MILLER STRAIGHT-UP HASN’T MADE SINCE THE 80S.

SO HE RELEASED “HOLY TERROR” WITHOUT BATMAN, EVEN THOUGH THE NAME “HOLY TERROR” IS A REFERENCE TO ROBIN’S “HOLY ______” CATCHPHRASE FROM THE ADAM WEST SERIES AND ONLY MAKES SENSE IF FOLLOWED BY THE WORD “BATMAN,” AND SURPRISE SURPRISE, THE ENTIRE THING WAS AN OFFENSIVE TRAINWRECK THAT REVIEWERS RIGHTFULLY BASHED IT FOR BEING THE SLAB OF INCOHERENT NONSENSE THAT’S BECOME FRANK MILLER’S TRADEMARK

OTHER REVIEWERS NOTED HOW “HOLY TERROR” NOT ONLY ATTEMPTED TO EQUATE ISLAM WITH TERRORISM FULL-STOP (WHICH, COME ON FRANK, THERE ISN’T EVEN A CORRELATION, YOU’RE JUST A RACIST AND A XENOPHOBE), BUT WAS SO POORLY-WRITTEN THAT IT DOESN’T EVEN MANAGE TO ACCOMPLISH ITS SOLE SHITTY GOAL, SINCE THE VILLAINS HAVE APPROXIMATELY NO RESEMBLANCE TO REAL-WORLD RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS AND COME ACROSS MORE LIKE THE GENERIC HENCHMEN OF COBRA COMMAND OR THE VILLAINS OF JAMES BOND. 

ANYHOOT YEAH FRANK MILLER WROTE AN ISLAMOPHOBIC BATMAN FANFIC AND THE GENERAL CONSENSUS ON IT WAS THAT IT’S ALMOST (ALMOST) TOO CONFUSING AND BADLY-WRITTEN TO BE OFFENSIVE (BUT IT’S STILL OFFENSIVE)