I mean I’m like Totally 100% Straight. Just like, in a total fantasy world, I would “go gay” for P!nk cuz she’s such an incredible badass. And Jewel because she’s so cute and sweet. And LP because her androgyny is so hot and Holy F*ck That Voice. And Jillian Michals is also really hot too. And I would “go gay” for Ronda Rousey because she’s really funny and also so strong and confident. In fact, I once dreamt Ronda and I were getting married isn’t that funny? Dreams are so funny they’re so weird I wonder what they mean. So yeah, I’m like totally straight. What do you mean “who are your male celebrity crushes”? I don’t have any… it’s not THAT weird, most guys just aren’t that attractive… I’m just really picky, idk.
Impression now: I have so much compassion for her, she sounds like she had a tough life and people, even now in this fandom, are always blaming her for having been taken advantage of, and she deserved so much more.
Favorite moment: I mean, she’s only in one song and a half, but I can’t not go with her last “Yes”
Idea for a story: I DID WRITE THE MARIA STORIES OKAY no but Hercules takes her on a date to see the stars like lying on the back of his truck and eats her out as she’s staring at the night sky with romantic shit playing in the background on the radio of his car
Unpopular opinion: tbh it sounds like it’s unpopular to even support her
Favorite relationship: Maria/happiness, Maria/healthy self esteem, Maria/lots of chamomile tea
Favorite headcanon: she smells like very sweet flowers, it’s cheap perfume from like the dollar store but it smells super sweet and nice