holy water lube

AU idea

James Moriarty is a corrupt priest. He’s never once believe a word of what he says in his sermons on Sundays. He’s never believed a word of the fairytale these sheeple call “The Holy Bible”. He joined just to get a free home and an easy paycheck. Father James just doesn’t flow. Neither does Father Jim. Father Séamus it is. It’s his real name anyway.

(Yes this is loosely inspired by Jimmy’s Hall. Leave me alone)

Sherlock is investigating the murder of one of the church Elders. It leads him to interrogate the priest. He can’t see the man through the confessional booth, but he’s drawn to that Irish brogue again and again, eventually confessing that he lusts for a stranger, a man of God. Should there be a hell, he admits he accepts that he will burn for eternity.

“Dear detective, I promise there is no hell. There is no heaven. No such thing as eternal reward or eternal punishment. Life is boring if you deny yourself sins of the flesh. You think me a man of a nonexistent god. You couldn’t be more wrong. I am the devil himself.”

Smut. Sex in the church ensues.

anonymous asked:

did you know that the prop they use for holy water is lube?


What… what… God, you’d think they’d just use WATER. Is this true?! I mean, I guess I could see how it would… bead up better for the camera but ewwww! Poor guys! Getting lube tossed in their face all the time…

Update: I haven’t been able to confirm this anywhere from a primary source and I really think they’d just use water. lol So, reblog with caution…

deansnuggles  asked:

DID YOU SEE that Alaina said at DCCON that for holy water they use LUBE so it's shiny and shows up on camera??? With all the times Dean's been holy-watered I feel this is relevant to your interests. Dean x faceful of lube. (She also said like "I figured it out when I tasted it-- I MEAN BC IT DIDN:T TASTE LIKE WATER OMG WHAT DID I JUST SAY")

HOW HAS NO ONE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE

CONVERSELY: HOLY WATER AS LUBE