holy shit puberty

anonymous asked:

For 5 head cannons how about once the marauders reunite on the train before 5th year and holy shit has puberty hit them all

i have a little brother who is currently thirteen and is going through puberty, and i am realizing retrospectively how horrifying puberty is, bc you’re basically just a little monster. like, everyone in the world who has ever gone through puberty has a stage where they are just a human disaster. it’s just part of life, man, bc you got weird things growing on your face, new hair in new places, brand new, terrible smells, and your emotions are all out of whack, and it’s just the worst thing in the world, and you’re a monster. (if you’re reading this, and you’re currently going through puberty, please know that this too shall pass.)

so anyway, my point is, it is simply fucking delightful to imagine the marauder’s going through this, so let’s do some headcanons, yeah? 

  • i headcanon remus as being a faster bloomer than his friends, and consequently, he had all the gross changes a little sooner, so during third or fourth year, they’d all give him shit bc he was breaking out all the time, and his voice kept cracking, and he was just in general very hilarious to look at. but then comes fifth year at the platform, and they all meet up, and since remus started young, he’s already gotten over the worst of it, and is actually starting to boarder on the edge of being attractive, meanwhile his friends are walking disasters, and he revels in it. he shows them no mercy. he mimics every voice crack sirus has. he tries to play connect-the-dots with james’ zits. he makes fun of the way peter shaves his face. he is having the time of his life, getting back for all their tormenting, what an asshole.
  • sirius is the exact opposite. while fifth year is the year remus starts to get hot, it’s the one year at hogwarts where sirius looks the worst. (anyone 18 or over can probably attest that there are just some pictures of yourself during adolescence that you’d rather burn than look at–this is that year for sirius.) he was a very handsome kid, and obviously gets super fucking bangin’ once this whole ordeal is over, but fifth year he is just this really awkward height, has terrible mood swings, cannot for the life of him figure out what he’s supposed to do with all the new hair, and it’s just terrible, and he is Suffering. (i realize that harry sees sirius in the pensive as a fifth year, and calls him attractive, but i would like to point out that harry is also fifteen at that time, and so has a skewed perspective. if he went back to that memory a few years later, he would be like, “lol, sirius looks like a fucking nerd.”)
  • so, along with puberty comes hormones, and often times, hormones bring up sex drives, and young boys with hormones and sex drives have so. many. awkward. boners. this is something they all just sort of bond over. awkward boner solidarity. (like, on the train, lily stops in the say something to remus, and when she leaves, james is just very indiscreetly crossing his legs, and even remus can’t give him shit for it, bc he’s been there (is still there, esp sharing a dorm with sirius), and since he’s been going through it longer than his friends, he’s just like, “make sure you always carry a book with you, dude. i don’t lug anthologies with me all the time just bc i like to read, ok?”) 
  • omg, it’s been like, over a decade since i grew at all (bc when i was ten my body got to 5′2″ and was like, “k, that’s enough.”) so i might just be being kind of nostalgic here, but imagine the marauder’s comparing height. like, peter and james standing back to back, and arguing about whether or not james’ hair counts as part of his height since it always sticks up. (remus is taller than everyone, so he gets to be the official judge of height.) (he rules that james’ hair does not count, and so he and peter are about the same size.)
  • i almost ended this post without talking about their voices! blasphemy, that’s my favorite part. they meet up on the platform, and all sound so different, it’s hilarious. like, remus, who’s voice had already started to change, is even deeper, like how? james and peter have respectably low voices at this point, too. sirius is getting there, but it’s hard to take him seriously with the voice cracks every five seconds. (i’m sorry, i’ve latched onto late bloomer!sirius black, and i am never letting go. i love it.) they try to do a sing-a-long (bc, come on, the marauders are totally a friend group that would 100% sing obnoxious songs on the top of their lungs all the time for the enjoyment/annoyance of their peers), but it takes them a while to get back into the swing of things, bc their note ranges are all over the place. it’s kind of a tone-deaf monstrosity for a while, but then, it never was that pretty sounding to begin with.

the end! thanks! sorry it took me a million years to get to this!

also sorry that i got long-winded. i’m very passionate about marauder puberty, apparently.