holy hand grenades

Instructions on how to use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
  1. And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
  2. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
  3. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three.
  4. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
  5. Five is right out.
  6. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuf it.
The Holy Hand Grenade of Fuck You Curse: You Get To Break Shit Edition

What you need:

  1. Clay/mud/something you can mold and that hardens but isn’t harmful to the environment
  2. A picture of the person/their full name and birthday
  3. Any herbs/oils/salts/rusty nails/war water/whatever else you feel would enhance the spell
  4. A ‘Fuck You’ song
  5. Rage

What you do:

  • Take your picture and rip it up into large pieces that can be put back together like a puzzle. 
  • Then take your clay and just abuse the hell out of it. Pour your anger and frustration into it. Tell the clay all the reasons you want to fuck this guy’s life over. Eventually start to form two halves of your grenade (like when making one of those round bathbombs). 
  • Between the two halves, place your ripped picture as complete as you can make it. Add your extra stuff at this point as well. Bonus points for if you add bang snaps.
  • Fit the two halves together so they stick and let the whole thing dry. If you want to carve sigils or other words on the outside, now is the time. 
  • It’s generally going to take at least 24 hours for this thing to dry thoroughly, so now would be a good time to charge it under the sun/moon/your chosen sigil, if you choose
  • Go someplace that’s really good for throwing shit on or at. A brick wall, a tall place, whatever. Pick a spot to throw your grenade at, visualize that person standing there, and sing the ‘Fuck You’ song at them. 
  • When you’re done, make a promise to them that their life is gonna go to shit to reflect the shit human being they already are and hurl the grenade at that place as hard as you can. Watch it smash. The picture inside should break apart and your grenade should be in pieces. 
  • Sit back and watch their life fall apart around them

anonymous asked:

What are some of the most horrible spells and sigils you know without killing someone, preferably not summoning hell hounds. Thank you :-)

I’d never share information on how to kill someone magically anyway.

This post is not just about the most vicious curses, but some that I think are just really awesome.

That [Releasing the Hounds Curse] was pretty badass, not gonna lie.

However, [The Wrath of Sauron Curse] is also pretty intense.

There is also this [Hatred Bound Hex] that’s vicious as fuck.

The [Blood Rain Curse Jar] has gone through a revision, and is still awesome.

[I Curse You Until the Day You Die] is vicious as well, though doesn’t cause death, just a very long curse. Also, cw: gif.

There is also [The Tower - Tarot Card Curse Jar] that I love.

Have you seen [The Condom Hex]?

Also, this [DIY: The CURSE a BITCH Edition] is badass.

This [Cage of Fire Spell] is super awesome too, really clever.

[Nightmare & Fear Curse]

[The Holy Hand Grenade of Fuck You Curse: You Get To Break Shit Edition]

[“Box of Terror” Curse]

[Year Long Hex]

[Bind and Break Curse]

That should do. Enjoy~

Holy Hand-grenade

So my players (all new players all level 2) have just found an Alchemist shop, and seeing that potions are out of their price range decide to look around.
Cleric: rolls a Nat 20 perception looking for bombs.
Cleric “do you have any holy hand-grenades!”
DM: “Wait what?”
NPC: “No, you can’t work my bombs.” Cleric: rolls a 21 persuasion
So they proceed outside with a basic bomb and upon rolling to attack a target gets a Nat 1 and the bomb blows up in his face. They did not purchase any holy hand-grenades

Fic Author Recommendation - HubbleGleeFlower

Pray charge your glasses and be upstanding - here follows a toast to the fic writer known as HubbleGleeFlower.

Some of you may know Glee’s work already. If that’s true, you are already blessed, aren’t you? And if you don’t know of her work, then let me tell you something - she’s something.

Glee’s writing is wide ranging in themes, from sweet and funny, to heartbreaking, to gaspingly erotic. She has a grand total of 28 fics on AO3 (here’s the link for you to peruse them all), but right now I’m going to highlight three of my favourites of hers:

In the Dark Hours: As of this date, this is her top Kudos’ed fic, and rightly so. It’s a marvellous post-S3 fic, where Sherlock and John slowly and carefully navigate their way into a more healthy friendship, and then work together to break down the last of John’s barriers between him and the love he truly deserves. This is done through private messages on John’s blog, locked by a password that John (of course) knows Sherlock will break. The fic really gets into John’s complex psyche which has guided his decisions over the years, and Sherlock learns about patience and letting love in. It’s a slow burn, but oh, the payoff.

In the Trees: I read this before I met Glee, and oh my holy hand grenade, is it hot. It’s an alternate first meeting of John and Sherlock, and John susses out Sherlock’s sub tendencies before Sherlock himself figures it out about himself. It’s a brief encounter, but it’s clear that it’s huge (giggle) for both of them. It’s good dom/sub play with lots of enthusiastic consent on all parts. Short but really well done and memorable.

Like a Man: This is Glee’s latest piece, and I was fortunate enough to get a preview of it. I had, I think, a total of three minor suggestions, finding it astonishingly perfect already. I’ve always found the dialogue around tops and bottoms an interesting thing about slash fic: how passionate some people are about their preferences, and the ensuing sexual dynamics. Glee explores this through John and Sherlock, triggered by a homophobic comment from one of John’s war buddies; this causes a bit of a sexual crisis for John. They then navigate through this issue, with Sherlock showing John what he (Sherlock) has learned from John about love, and demonstrating it through the physical act of love. It’s an extraordinary piece, and destined to become a fic favourite.

There’s a bunch of others - go play in Glee’s fic-brain for a while, you won’t regret it.

I’d also like to give tribute to Glee’s other achievement: she was the Prime Mover behind the Fic Authors’ Writing Retreat, now in its second year. Sherlock fic writers from across North America have come together to share wisdom, squee together, read fic aloud, and generally have a blast of a time. I’ve made eighteen new close friends, some of the best writers I’ve ever read (and I have a degree in English Lit) - and I have Glee to thank for getting it all together.

So raise a glass to Glee, and read her stuff, and tell her how amazing she is.

@hubblegleeflower @missdaviswrites @pipmer @zaffrefic  @quamtum_sparrow  @masked-alias  @nautilicious  @addictedstilltheaddict @justacookieofacumberbatch   @aquabelacqua @totallysilvergirl  @may-shepard @conversationswithjohnlock  @itsnotgonnareaditselfpeople @iamjohnlocked4life      


Peter Parker x Reader

Words: 961
Plot: Peter and the reader are out at a diner with friends and awkwardly end up squashed together in the booth. It’s cute! It’s really cute!
A/N: Got inspired with this one at work. Why do all of my best ideas come to me when I have something else to do? #GoAwayBrain
Taglist: @shesradd @4610supersam451 @shoyzz @dcnerd98 @annabethfromravenclaw @samsationalwilson @stargurl16 @violentscar @lamia-maizat @you-witch-bitch (I love you all <3 if I missed any of you feel free to yell at me in the comments)

Originally posted by hardyness

“Alright, what’s our game?” Ned asked nervously, adjusting his shirt using the reflective surface of a nearby shop window. The mannequins looked back menacingly; Peter caught a glimpse of his brown locks in the shine.
“We need a game plan to…eat dinner?” Peter asked, raising a brow.
Ned rolled his eyes “Peter! It’s dinner with actual humans. Real people. Not nerds. Not freshmen. Actual people who go to dinner and get invited to things who don’t sit at home beating every level on the 64!” he gasped, the whole sentence being rushed out in one long breath.
Peter laughed quietly.
“Eat food, smile, don’t be ourselves at all costs?”
“Simple. Effective. I like it” Ned grinned, pushing open the door to the diner as the bell chimed out.

“Guys!” MJ called out, waving from a booth over in the corner. The table was huge, sitting about 10 people, with one long singular booth that coiled around it. Several people Peter already recognised were eagerly peering at their menus; he recognised a guy from his Physics class who was sat on his phone.
Ned took a deep breath, and Peter couldn’t help but feel a little nervous, too.
Because there she was. The girl.

You know when you’re trying to live an ordinary, stock-standard life, and something extraordinary comes and smacks you in the face and changes the way you see everything? Well, that happened twice for Peter Parker. Once, when he got bitten by some crazy radioactive spider and got some super awesome gimmicks as a result. The second time, it was meeting (y/n).
Seems crazy, right? Some random person who tips your world on its axis all of a sudden. But the first time he ever saw her, in decathlon training; he just fell under her spell. She was pretty, and smart, and gentle, and kind - and just about every other adjective that Ned had heard Peter use to describe her.
And smiling at him.
He gave a smile back; if you want to call it a smile. Ned would later describe it as “the look you have while peeing your pants”.

MJ stood up, giving Ned a solid high five.
“So, you’re late. As I expected” MJ added, throwing a menu across the table to Peter “but that’s okay. You can sit next to (y/n). She was late too, so you can be on probation together”.
(y/n) laughed, rolling her eyes at MJ with a palpable nervousness. Her eyes darted to Peter’s, and he realised he was just…standing there. Not sitting. Not doing anything. Just standing there with a weird grin and his favourite sweater getting all hot from the growing butterflies in his stomach.
“Uh, yeah. Sure. Hi” Peter added quickly, sliding into the booth next to (y/n). He could smell her perfume from this distance; it made his head feel vaguely fizzy.
“Hey Pete. How’d Rainbow Road go?” she asked, resting her chin in her palm as she looked over at him.
“Smashed it!” Ned interjected, sliding in next to Peter and pushing Peter even closer to (y/n). Their knees were touching at this point; something Peter was very accutely aware of.
“…Well” Peter swallowed “Ned did. I wasn’t…I’m not a pro at staying on the tracks yet”.
(y/n) laughed, her eyes dropping to her menu as she scanned the various foods available. It was your regular diner fare; reasonably priced burgers and fries with about fourty various toppings.
“Don’t worry Pete. We’ll make a professional Mario Kart-er out of you yet” she added.

“Hey guys!” Liz called out, motioning to Ned to shuffle over slightly. Holy hand grenade, how many more people could fit into this booth? Peter scooted over, his shoulder now totally pushed up against (y/n). Her hair brushed against his cheek; he closed his eyes for a brief moment as the smell of her shampoo filled the air.
Oh god, Peter. What a creeper.
“Sorry” (y/n) mouthed, biting her lip in embarrassment.
“No, no really. It’s totally fine. You got enough room?” Peter asked quietly, the sound of the others chatting slowly being drowned out by their little corner of the booth.
“Are you always this warm?” (y/n) teased, nudging his shoulder with her own.
Peter smiled, scratching the back of his head nervously.
“Yeah…that’s me, I guess. Hot” he laughed, awkwardness leading him to trail off at the end of the sentence.
(y/n) laughed so hard she snorted, and MJ threw her a suspicious look.
“Alright, I guess I’ll get fries for the table. I know, I know, I’m your hero” MJ added, sniffing as she picked up a few of the menus. 
“You’re a legend, Michelle” Ned proudly announced.


Dinner continued with the most awkward attempts at flirting Peter had ever made; all the words seemed to get jumbled in his mouth as he did his best to impress her.
When they all decided to head to the arcade afterwards, Peter was just glad he’d get to spend a bit more time with her.
“Check this out!” she called to him from across the arcade. He jogged over; unbuttoning a few of the upper buttons on his shirt so he could actually breathe in the warm air. She had found an old Pac-Man machine; the little yellow character happily chomping away at the white dots.
“Cool. Vintage” he breathed, watching the way the light from the machine danced on her face; highlighting the place that her cheekbones met her hairline. When she turned to look at him suddenly, his face grew hot. He very quickly pretended to be interested in the game; but he could hardly miss the grin on her face.
“What?” he asked, laughter in his voice.
“Nothing” she smiled, pressing a slight peck on his cheek.

Types as Monty Python Skits

ESFP-Self-Defense Against Fruit

ISFP-Hell’s Grannies

ENFP-French Taunting

INFP-Constitutional Peasants

ESTP-Climbing the North Face of the Uxbridge Road

ISTP-Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

ENTP- Witch Burning

INTP-Argument Clinic

ESFJ-Hungarian Phrasebook

ISFJ-Non-Illegal Robbery


INFJ-Tudor Jobs

ESTJ-Cheese Shop

ISTJ-Fish License

ENTJ-Ministry of Silly Walks

INTJ-Literary Football


OH AND STEVE YOCKEY CAN COME, TOO. Even though he didn’t have anything to do with this episode, I am 100% all aboard the Yockey train.


So. This episode. Whoa.

I already did my Reservoir Dogs Dean/Cas = Mr. White/Mr. Orange meta here, although I admit it was written quickly and there’s probably a few metric tons of stuff to meta on that front, but yeah, it lays it out pretty succinctly. Oh and I talk about how Mary is Mr. Pink. So this is going to mostly skip that.

Also, full disclosure: I’ve had a cold all week and might be a little feverish at the moment? So I hope this makes sense and isn’t horribly riddled with typos. 


(rest under the cut)

Keep reading

All Egos Must Die

[EDIT: there is now a part 2- Time for Revenge]

This was just a spur of the moment thing after yesterdays video. Took me a while to get the confidence to post this though, hence why it’s a day late
Also, look at this evil person *glares at Jack*

“Vhat is zis?” Schneeplestein stared at the screen, a look of horror on his face.
It was a routine now for all egos to gather round at 5pm and 8pm to watch Jack’s new videos, but the title alone was enough to send a shiver down the doctor’s spine.
“Dude, I thought he liked us,” Chase’s voice cracked with emotion.
As they watched the video, everything seemed harmless. Jack and Robin were laughing and making jokes, until Robin said ‘anticlimactic’. None of the egos batted an eye at the perfectly normal word, but Jack decided to make a big deal out of it.
“Dude, you can’t say Anti. People will freak out,” Jack’s voice boomed through the speakers.
“HEY!” Anti felt like he’d been personally attacked, but decided to brush it off so he could at least attempt to enjoy the video.

Next thing they knew, Robin had named his team Zis Motherfuckr, and some of the worms were named after the very egos staring at the screen. There was Chase, Schneep and Anti, as well as Jack and Sean (also Dark but Anti decided it was best not to let him know about that just yet). Jackieboy, Marvin and Robbie looked to the other three, who were all frozen in position, preparing themselves for what was coming.
“Chase, do you miss your family?” Jack taunted the worm as Chase felt tears prick his eyes.
“W-why?” Chase managed to sniffle out before letting a few tears fall, “he knows how I feel…”
“How dare he?!” Schneep sounded furious, his eyes fixed on Jack’s facecam.
Chase left the room the moment Jack mentioned his kids, sprinting to his bedroom so he could be alone. Not only was Schneeplestein furious, but Anti was so angry he was glitching in his spot.
“Someone is g-going to d-die aga-ain,” Anti chuckled maniacally, his eyes shifting into black voids.

There was a moment of joy when Jack failed to kill Anti, and Anti jumped up from his position on the couch, startling the other egos.
“Please calm down,” Marvin sighed, worried about having to deal with three emotional egos once the video was over.
Anti was still on his feet, practically dancing with his victory, when Jack said “Anti, you can’t dance. You’re supposed to be evil and scary.”
The TV screen started to glitch uncontrollable, but only for a moment. Anti’s face was stuck on an expression of pure hatred. He trusted Jack, and thought that he cared about him, but he was just like the rest of them. Anti was just a joke to him, a way of entertaining people. All of that hatred faded the moment Robin called Anti a badass, and immediately the glitch was back on the couch like he was before, seemingly unaffected by everything else.

“He’s a bit.. unstable,” whispered Jackieboy to Marvin, trying not to let anyone else hear them.
“If he’s like this now, I don’t want to know what happens when he dies,” Marvin bit his bottom lip, the anxiety of how the already unpredictable ego will react creeping in.
Jack blew Anti up with a holy hand grenade. Static filled the air, crackling around everyone like a swarm of angry wasps ready to attack anything that moves. Chase had returned, his cheeks stained from crying and his eyes bloodshot, only to hide behind the door when he felt the electricity in the air. Anti was past the point of furious. He was past the point of hating Jack. With nothing else left inside the empty void of Anti’s mind, the only thing was his own voice, glitched and strained, repeating ‘Kill Jacksepticeye’. The video was abruptly turned off and the lights in the house switched off, a few bulbs shattering in other rooms.

“That’s the last time I play nice with Mr McLoughlin. This is no longer between ‘Antisepticeye’ and ‘Jacksepticeye’. This is between me and that pathetic man behind the camera.”
Even Schneeplestein, who was still furious about Jack making Chase cry, didn’t know how to react. This wasn’t the Anti they knew. This was the Anti everyone else knew. This was the ego killing, power hungry monster the fandom created, and with an unnatural twist of his neck, Anti turned to face his fellow egos.
“Who’s gonna help me, then,” he smirked, showing his pointed fangs.

anonymous asked:

hey, do you have any curses for abusive parents to feel the pain they've inflicted? my siblings still live with them, so the curse would have to only affect my parents

I would really avoid using curses on your parents while your siblings are still there. I say this because if things go downhill for your parents, they may take it out on your siblings. Because thats what abusive people do. Please do what you can do get your siblings out of that situation if you can. Below are abuse hotlines if needed.


If you are under 18:
National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Over 18:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Now instead of cursing, there are a few things you can do. You can try protection spells, to protect your siblings from your parents. You can also do healing spells on them, to help heal trauma. Like below:

Now if you are really insistent on cursing, here are a few below. This is really just a small section of the curses you could use, so if you want to browse my curse tag… feel free. It is quite large, so have fun! 

Either way, good luck! I really hope they make it out of the situation ok, and that you can be rid of them as well too. <3