holy hand grenades

Instructions on how to use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
  1. And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
  2. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
  3. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three.
  4. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
  5. Five is right out.
  6. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuf it.
Holy Hand-grenade

So my players (all new players all level 2) have just found an Alchemist shop, and seeing that potions are out of their price range decide to look around.
Cleric: rolls a Nat 20 perception looking for bombs.
Cleric “do you have any holy hand-grenades!”
DM: “Wait what?”
NPC: “No, you can’t work my bombs.” Cleric: rolls a 21 persuasion
So they proceed outside with a basic bomb and upon rolling to attack a target gets a Nat 1 and the bomb blows up in his face. They did not purchase any holy hand-grenades

The Holy Hand Grenade of Fuck You Curse: You Get To Break Shit Edition

What you need:

  1. Clay/mud/something you can mold and that hardens but isn’t harmful to the environment
  2. A picture of the person/their full name and birthday
  3. Any herbs/oils/salts/rusty nails/war water/whatever else you feel would enhance the spell
  4. A ‘Fuck You’ song
  5. Rage

What you do:

  • Take your picture and rip it up into large pieces that can be put back together like a puzzle. 
  • Then take your clay and just abuse the hell out of it. Pour your anger and frustration into it. Tell the clay all the reasons you want to fuck this guy’s life over. Eventually start to form two halves of your grenade (like when making one of those round bathbombs). 
  • Between the two halves, place your ripped picture as complete as you can make it. Add your extra stuff at this point as well. Bonus points for if you add bang snaps.
  • Fit the two halves together so they stick and let the whole thing dry. If you want to carve sigils or other words on the outside, now is the time. 
  • It’s generally going to take at least 24 hours for this thing to dry thoroughly, so now would be a good time to charge it under the sun/moon/your chosen sigil, if you choose
  • Go someplace that’s really good for throwing shit on or at. A brick wall, a tall place, whatever. Pick a spot to throw your grenade at, visualize that person standing there, and sing the ‘Fuck You’ song at them. 
  • When you’re done, make a promise to them that their life is gonna go to shit to reflect the shit human being they already are and hurl the grenade at that place as hard as you can. Watch it smash. The picture inside should break apart and your grenade should be in pieces. 
  • Sit back and watch their life fall apart around them

anonymous asked:

Once upon a time our alchemist managed to convince me (the paladin) to bless one of his weaker bombs to make a Holy Light flashbang. While testing it during a fight with a demon, he rolled a 1 and dropped it at his feet, blinding half the party.

Good thing it wasn’t a holy hand grenade :p

Here is one of my favorite sigils that I’ve made. It’s basically a banishing spell in the form of a holy hand grenade. To use simply draw on a scrap of paper and let sit in the sun until it feels warm to the touch, in a pinch rub your hands together to create heat, then press between your palms while visualizing golden light being absorbed into the paper. It can be carried as a talisman or destroyed to release the energy. Excellent for ghost hunters and those who feel threatened in any way.

From the book of Armaments:  And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

i got a few more asks in my box abt junker headcanons n rather than spreadin em out over 4-5 asks ill just make a follow up 2 this post  !!! 

joinin Overwatch wasnt as drastic of a transition from living a life of crime as they initially thought; Junkrat probably took to (almost) everyone very quickly, especially once he figured out who he worked with. in game, he calls everyone a LOVELY bunch of misfits and freaks- so he feels right at home, probably with particular people, but has a general like of (nearly) everyone.  

 they will eat literally anything. theyre garbage disposals. if junkrat can throw it on something hot and cook it, they’ll eat it, or hell, theyll eat whatever raw too if they gotta. its not really surprising that they favor shitty junkfood over anything else

Lucio got junkrat really into music. now his nonstop chattering’ll is now, occasionally, singing badly or just straight up quoting songs (BABY IM A FIREWORK, being one) . he’ll listen to music when he’s tinkering with shit. he’s also the type that yells when he has headphones on instead of taking the damn headphones off.

roadhog tinkers with weapons just as much as junkrat does. theyll exchange plans and ideas on new guns and explosives, or rather, junkrat will go on for hours about a new idea he has and jot shit down while roadhog just keeps working on his own shit- junkrat knows better than to touch any or roadhogs stuff (despite REEEAAALLY WANTING TO )

huffing gas is normal for them. huffing paint is probably pretty normal too. getting high on chemicals to kinda ease off pain of being shot or blowing a limb off or burning themselves is completely normal so, when the joined overwatch, they were pretty baffled when they suddenly had someone that was willing to fix them when they needed it. huffing gas and paint is still pretty damn normal for them regardless- much to Mercy’s annoyance.

junkrats never seen roadhogs face. no one has since he put the mask on- the most he’s seen is his mouth when roadhog eats or drinks something. he presses about it all the time, but the second anyone else asks about it, junkrat’ll get defensive for him.

“and they said I’d NEVER amount to ANYTHING!” kinda makes me think that while junkrat gave up his old life and probably doesnt remember much of it, he definitely has some grudges from earlier in his childhood. he’s not even that old, so hes probably still riding off that pent-up aggression of not being respected or treated too great as a kid. ‘no score too small’ just being another way of proving to himself that he IS good at what he does, even if it just is stealing a shit ton of those little onion-tentacle monster plushes. roadhog only obliges to the shittier small scores only because its in his contract, and whatever they get, he gets half. 

if zenyatta or bastion can feel any sort of emotion, they most definitely feel unease when those two are around. Zarya and Torbjorn dont have anything on common with junkrat and roadhog besides their severe dislike for omnics, and somehow they managed to bond a little over that. Roadhog has arm wrestled Zarya several times- and probably lost more than he won. junkrat is fascinated with torbjorns turrets and INSISTS he puts a detonator switch on them SOMEWHERE

i kno i mentioned this one earlier but junkrat could literally sleep anywhere. on a table, in a compartment, standing up, on a pile of explosives- if hes tired, he just conks out. hes definitely also the type to just plunk his head on someone, or his arm on someone- anyone is a rest for him if theyre unfortunate enough to get close to him. 

junkrat?? has the holy hand grenade?? like thats not even a headcanon, hes legit got it. is THAT the treasure he was after?? prolly not. but the dudes got the fucking holy hand grenade

i didnt expect this one to be this fuckign long lmfao

moodykittens  asked:

Is there any super bad-ass Catholic weapon around out there?

You mean besides the Spear of Longinus, which could cause empires to rise and fall?

There’s Ascalon, the lance (or in some versions, sword) that Saint George used to kill that dragon you might have heard about.

There was Joyeuse, the sword of Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne, which was said to contain bits of the Spear of Longinus in its pommel. 

Charlemagne’s paladin Roland had a sword called Durendal, which had in its hilt one of St Peter’s teeth, St Basil’s blood, a hair of St Denis, and a scrap of cloth that belonged to the Virgin Mary. It was said to be the sharpest sword that ever existed. (As long as I’m naming swords from the Song of Roland, Ogier the Dane’s magic sword was called the Courtain, and Almace was the sword of Turpin, Archbishop of Rheims.)

Saint Ferdinand III of Castile had a legendary sword called Lobera (“the wolf slayer”).

There’s the sword of Saint Peter, which he used to cut off the ear of a guard who came to arrest Jesus before the crucifixion, but it’s legend is not particularly badass, except in some legends it was given to Saint George, which is pretty cool except obviously he killed the dragon with that spear I was talking about a few paragraphs ago.

There’s the Sword of Mercy, which belonged to Edward the Confessor. It’s a sword with its tip broken off; it’s said an angel broke the tip off to prevent a wrongful killing. The sword remains today as part of the British Crown Jewels as a symbol of regal mercy.

More Judeo- than Christian, but the Seal of Solomon was a magical ring that King Solomon used to summon, control, and imprison demons.

There’s a few, anyway. I know they’re mostly swords, but I’m not aware of any Blessed C-4 out there (please do not say Holy Hand Grenade, nerds out there). Some of these might be of dubious Catholicity, but they all at least have something to do with a saint or a relic, so there you have it.