holy crap look at how perfect they all are

pandoracoulter-deactivated20170  asked:

You shouldn't have to change the way you are just because people are stupid. Cunt punch and run man.

Oh I’m not gonna like. CHANGE MY CORE AS A PERSON DRASTICALLY.

But a lot of people from my audience are literally children, and their sarcasm-meter is nonexistant.

Fair enough. I’ll tone down a bit the jerk-ish answers I give. And make it clear when is sarcasm lol.

I know os not my fault that they’ don’t get sarcasm and is not my fault they’re so young. But I guess, that to be fair, I’m the one that has to look after that and avoid any issues.

A lot of people look up to me and want me to be the perfect role model they think I am.

I’m anything but perfect. I don’t plan to be.

Last year I was just some random gurl making silly videos on youtube and all of sudden I gotta take care of a fandom (that’s almost half a million holy crap) I’ve never had that many eyes onto what I do and say. Guess it also goes on your tolerance with me and how I am.

A lot of people see youtubers not as persons but as idols, which is wrong. You gotta understand a lot of us are normal human beings trying to make content for your entertainment. We have our faults and I’m not gonna be the kind of ass that hides them. I’m stubborn af sometimes. I’m also not gonna be the kind of jerk that blocks everyone who criticizes me for what I say or do. I’m all ears to criticism.

But as I’m trying to change for good here, I guess you guys could also put a little more of effort from your part and be patient and comprehensive with me. In June I’ll have my first anniversary as a youtuber, I’m pretty new to this stuff.

So yeah.

Mah name’s Jeff.

Call in Guitar Support

Allllrighty! Here we go starting off with Save the Light!

  • I did beat all of Attack the Light on my phone, although man I am not good at the Paper Mario style timed attacks
  • So, let’s see what we got here!
  • Aww I like the simple art styles
  • Steven going turning enemies and living weapons into friends also shaped like him
  • Ahh! Art style! And animation all work really well!!
  • Really hanging long loading screens, though
  • I can run into the ocean, aaaaa
  • Okay, big rock with lightning bolt on it, clearly we need to go find the brush god for Cherry Bomb…oh wait wrong game
  • Aww hey Lars and Sadie
  • Everything is…so…cuuuuuute
  • HI giant new gem ship
  • Well geez I hope this is after Greg is a millionaire so that he can just rebuild that car wash
  • New gem! …I forget her name!
  • Aaand here we go with a tutorial battle
  • Nnnngh once again I love SU music I need this battle theme
  • Oooh I see there’s a time element involved where you wait for points to come back instead of being turn-based
  • Why am I so bad at defending??
  • “That was coconuts!” OHH GREG
  • “There’s a crazy blue raccoon on the Deweymobile!” OKAY THEN
  • Sob I do wish I was better at that Paper Mario timing thing, I know there’s like a trick to it…
  • “So, I guess that’s a thing that can happen…” SURE IS
  • Aaand Greg joins the party!
  • I found Lion, d’awww
  • huh, Greg’s starter ability is pretty neat! And, got bubble for Steven
  • DID YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS UNLEASH MONSTERS ON BEACH CITY AGAIN
  • Man Connie’s probably gonna stay in my party forever, I love me some heavy hitters
  • FUK YEAH STEVONNIE WOOOOO
  • Okay YEAH that is awesome
  • I’m sorry Greg I love you lots but unless we get four party members, one spot’s gonna be permanently for Connie
  • Sure, let’s pick up ALL THE SIDEQUESTS
  • Jamieeeeeeee
  • Wow, that key has…Dewey’s face on it
  • “You have a childlike sense of wonder that I no longer experience, due in large part to my cynical worldview” …Dude, Buck
  • OMG Ronaldo are you the dang shopkeeper
  • YES VIDALIA, PAINT GREG
  • Your Amethyst paintings are great but you got plenty of those, let’s see Greg
  • Heal Jam ability for Greg, YEEEUUUH
  • Okay, looks like Pearl is joining the party! Let’s see what she can do
  • About the same as her abilities in Attack the Light, it seems!
  • Okay Greg’s ability is really useful, but it stinks that it ends if he gets attacked at all, even if you do a perfect defense
  • Of course Onion is just hiding out somewhere in the forest
  • WOW I died and I have nooo friggin clue how that happened
  • I guess since Steven is the only one who can use items like…if he goes down you’re basically SOL?
  • Holy crap why are the monsters always picking on Greg, LEAVE THE GOOD DAD ALONE
  • I’m just gonna put a ton of attack points into Connie so she ends up being this adorable lil’ preteen girl who will absolutely Wreck Your Shit With A Giant Sword
  • If I stick with Pearl in my party, not sure what I should focus on with her…luck maybe? Since she’s got real good ranged attacks.
  • Although now I’m wondering if we can add Lapis or Peridot later
  • Holy crap Steven just dodge-rolled that guy off of a cliff
  • HUH well this is a new way to do weapons upgrades…
  • Ahaaa that’s where you get Chroma from
  • Greg: “MY GIANT SON”
  • Apparently Pearl is my high jumper for this area
  • Hmm didn’t get everything in this part of the woods, but maybe can come back later
  • GUITAR DAD WILL TEACH YOU GUITAR SOLVE MAGICAL PUZZLES WITH GUITAR
  • Aaand hey it’s Amethyst!
  • OKAY so this does confirm that it’s after Greg became a millionaire.
  • Okay, let’s switch out Pearl with Amethyst and see if we prefer her or not
  • OOF okay Amethyst may actually be more useful in terms of wide-area attacks
  • Geez those drill birds are not cool, they take like four turns in a row
  • Got the Ukelele ability! …And wow, enemies didn’t attack at all that fight?
  • How does Steven have the lowest jump? Doesn’t he have his float ability by now?
  • Alrighty we’re still somewhere in the forest, haven’t encountered an area boss yet
  • I may keep my party as-is for now: Steven as white mage, Connie as the heavy hitter, Greg as support, and Amethyst as area attacker. Unless Peridot or Lapis can join the party and they have some interesting abilities I wanna try. Love the CG and all, but since I did already play a full game with them as the party, want to go with our human friends for this one.
  • SO YEAH this is a sweet and relaxing game so far. More later!
Seventeen Diamond Edge NYC: An Experience

I JUST got back from what has been probably, one of the most memorable experiences of my stay here in New York City. I’m going to try and crunch out some highlights, and save it away for later so I can come back and read this post and remember what exactly went down. This will be a long post. Also swearing. Baby Carats not allowed.

Keep reading

  • Narcissa Malfoy: Ok, you know what? I’m tired of this. I’d rather be normal than this.
  • [imitates Snape]
  • Narcissa Malfoy: Ooh, dear how are you. Gillyweed in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that potions cabinet . Whoa, smells like there wasn’t anything good in here for a while.
  • [imitates Lucius]
  • Narcissa Malfoy: Kill all the Mudbloods! Holy crap. I’m not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah…
  • [imitates Draco]
  • Narcissa: Oh, everything’s turning out perfect for Harry.
  • [increasingly frustrated] Oh, lucky Harry. Everybody loves Harry. EVERYBODY loves Harry. EVERYBODY LOVES Harry. EVERYBODY LOVES HARRY!
  • [everybody laughs]
  • Draco Malfoy: Do me, now!

anonymous asked:

shit Ashton says in bed pls I'm dyin

please don’t die. i lub u

shit michael says, shit calum says

shit ashton probably says in bed

“you are so perfect baby”

“so fucking beautiful”

“look at that beautiful pink pussy of yours. so wet. all for me”

“tell me you love it. tell me how bad you need me”

“y/n fuck you’re so tight around me”

“please don’t ever stop oh my god”

“holy crap i’m cumming baby.”

“c’mon cum for me. i know you can sweetie”

“ride me baby girl. ride me like a good girl”

just throwing it out there, ashton would be super sweet in bed. but he would also be very demanding i think. he would tell you exactly what to do and how to do it. he knows what he likes but he’s also there to please you.

Oh my God I just got back from Pitch Perfect 2 and I love Bechloe but I have a new ship

Beca x Kommissar (the German woman who’s the head of the German A Capella team)

SERIOUSLY

SO MUCH GAY

FIRST OF ALL HEIGHT DIFFERENCE OH MY GOD

*SPOILERS*

BECA STRAIGHT (haha) UP SAYS “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME YOU ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY”

“YOUR SWEAT SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON”

“YOU ARE PHYSICALLY FLAWLESS”

“GORGEOUS SPECIMEN”

BECA THOSE ARE NOT INSULTS

AND THEN KOMMISSAR PUTS HER HAND ON BECA’S CHEEK AND LEANS CLOSE

GIRL LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO EAT BECA HOLY SHIT

AND CALLS HER A MOUSE

WHICH IS APPARENTLY A TERM OF ENDEARMENT IN GERMAN

AND THEN BECA TALKS ABOUT HOW SOFT KOMMISSAR’S HANDS ARE

AND KOMMISSAR’S ACTRESS STRAIGHT OUT SAID THERE WAS AN ATTRACTION BETWEEN THE TWO

AND THERE’S PLENTY OF OTHER THINGS BUT I JUST SAW THAT ONCE AND WAS A BIT BLINDSIDED BY ALL THE GAY BC I AM A USELESS LESBIAN AND HOLY CRAP THAT WAS SO SO NOT HETEROSEXUAL AT ALL

LIKE I STILL SHIP BECHLOE BUT HOLY SHIT

cdc1345711  asked:

Holy crap you're right-Butch Hartman and Rachel Mcfarlane as Nick and Judy would be awesome(and by Matt Widdleman I mean the dude who voiced Saitama in One Punch Man but I totally agree Butch Hartman would be perfect for animated series Nick)

Not that it’s up to me or anything ofc but yeah those two totally do it if they tried also lol all I can think of rn is how the zoot characters would look in butch hartman’s artstyle x3

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

(gif credit x x)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,197

Warnings: None

Song: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Michael Buble

A/N: So I started decorating my house (and the blog lol) for Christmas today and I was listening to Christmas music and then this idea popped into my head. I hope you guys enjoy it! 

Keep reading

Thoughts on “It Could’ve Been Great”

- gems watching the sunset = super cute
- the gems ignoring Peridot as she screams = super hilarious
- Steven telling Peri that they need to take a break, who is the adult here?
- OK do you understand that Steven sang those notes ONCE and she immediately learned it and could name the notes back in seconds? Peridot is super smart, and to her it was “easy” and “exceedingly simple”
- THIS SONG
- PERIDOT SINGING PERIDOT SINGING PERIDOT SINGING
- the gems shocked that Steven convinced her to sing
- “I THINK YOU’RE ALL INSANE - but I guess I am too” STOP BEING CUTE
- the gems smiling at her song
- THEY’RE ALL WORKING TOGETHER
- I LOVED that they all had a part in the song
ok when Garnet playfully hits Peridot and she freaks out and they laugh at her, I get so upset. Something has happened to Peridot to make her constantly afraid of someone hurting her. When she has her limb enhancers (or the robot) she fights back, but not well. Without any equipment she just braces herself for pain. It’s not funny, something happened to this poor gem and I can only assume it was done by the one she adores, yellow diamond.
- Peridot didn’t even try to fight Stevens hug 1) CUTEE 2) I think she’s not scared of him hurting hurt
- WHY HAVE YOU NEVER GONE TO THE MOON BEFORE WHAT THE CRAP
- Peridot screaming while warping to the moon LOL
- Steven is a good pet owner
- LOL AMETHYST DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR
- Peridot using her gem as a flashlight ! That’s the first time we’ve seen her do anything with her gem !
- Ok so gems can adjust to the gravity of any planet they land on - making them able to live and rule on any planet they want (thanks for that info peri)
- EVERY TIME Steven tries to do a kool flip he just crashes into the wall and floor I was dying
- Peridot legit worships yellow diamond - it’s a little scary. And she’s totally on board with “living to serve them”
- when Garnet gets mad at Peri for talking about serving the diamonds, Peridot makes up for it quickly. She doesn’t even try to say that they’re wrong for not serving the diamonds, she’s trying to change.
- PERIDOT YOU GIANT DORK WHAT WAS THAT LAUGH
- Blue Diamond’s & Yellow Diamond’s gem = on their chest. (Potentially) White Diamond’s gem on her forehead; did Pearl belong to White Diamond?
- what was in that room that Garnet wanted to leave so fast?
- Peridots high pitched voice is adorable “IT’S PERFECTT”
- Peridot was so easily convinced to sit in that chair omg
- THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO LEAVING STEVEN WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ASK ABOUT GAMES WHY
- So the plan for Earth was, to basically have all of the life sucked out of it, with kindergartens and warp pads and everything, and have gems living and ruling their in their own colony.
- “what do you mean? It’s perfect…” Peridot is so INNOCENT when she asks that. The gems don’t get that this is all normal to Peridot. Why would the homeworld gems care about earth? This plan meant gem life expanded and increased, it sounds perfect to Peri. It’s normal for her, and she’s so genuinely confused about their reaction. It’s super wrong, but it’s all she knows.
- Even Steven looks horrified at Peridots words
- Peridot, again, took it too far with the comments about Rose
- Poor Steven still trying to help
- HOLY CRAP I THOUGHT GARNET WAS GONNA KILL HER
- Steven stopping Garnet, who is the adult here?!
-  GARNET DESTROYING THAT THING TERRIFIED ME
- “What I say?” Peridot, again, isn’t even trying to be mean ! She’s just stating what she thinks is normal. I’m mad at the gems for how they reacted. They need to realize that Peridot has gone centuries thinking and living a certain way. With diamonds, and classes, and jobs, and a plan to expand gem life and colonize different planets. Is any of this ok? No, but Peridot isn’t going to learn that in “several weeks” (as stated by Pearl).
- Poor Steven looks so disappointed :( I want her to see why they care about the Earth, I really do..
- DAMNIT PERIDOT WHY DID YOU TAKE THAT WHY

Ok. First off, Peridot is perfect and adorable and nobody can tell me otherwise. Secondly, I get that the gems spent their whole life fighting for something that Peridot so quickly mocked, but they have to understand that she’s not there yet. Honestly Steven reacted in the best way. He’s trying slowly to teach her, and is telling her when she’s wrong, but he just wants her to see the beauty in the life on Earth. He isn’t rushing her into this. I’m also super biased towards Peridot, and expect the gems to be more mature than her. 

The gems getting mad didn’t even upset me that much, it was Garnet ready to punch the life out of Peridot, and Steven needing to stop her, that really pissed me off. That’s such a bad example for him as a parent and I hope they’re able to calm down after all this. BUT WHAT THE HELL DID PERI STEAL DEAR LORD THEY DROVE HER TO DO THIS I HATE THIS SHOW WHY DO I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Peridot please don’t let your betrayal be that brutal, please you’re so close to being redeemed. 

TLDR:

I’m not gonna lie, watching this episode a few times to get these thoughts down was hard and emotionally draining. Their anger really got to me. I can only hope we see some what of a positive ending to all this during the bomb. The damn episode didn’t even end with a star yikes.

The gems need to calm down in their anger and understand Peridot needs time to grow. I love Peridot and hope her betrayal is redeemed during this bomb. 

ps. I plan on having this song on repeat for the next 30 years. 

“The cast.  HOW DID THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?“  Am I dreaming?  I knew they were good.  I’d seen so much.  But not good.  PERFECT.”

“THE SOUNDS.  Holy crap.  The sounds.  From the Grievers to the Maze itself.  THE VISUALS.  Seriously.  Stunning.  You’ll be blown away.

“The musical score, people.  So awesome.  By (@johnpaesano).  You’ll all want the soundtrack.  Not one pop song to be found.  Classic.”

“People may think I’m biased until they see it for themselves.  The Maze Runner movie is SPECTACULAR.  That word looks really weird in caps.

“Never in my wildest, most optimistic dreams did I ever think the Maze Runner movie could be that good.  I’m stunned, trembling, crying.”


-James Dashner‘s Twitter rant about his first time watching The Maze Runner

When people say St. Augustine was a "wild child"

I’m like…

Yeah, yeah. We get it. He stole pears. He lived a hedonistic lifestyle. He had a mistress and a child out of wedlock. And, holy crap, he pursued philosophy!

I’m not saying what he did was right. But, I am tired of people holding up St. Augustine as this example of “Well, if some nutter like Augustine can get into Heaven, so can you!”

Who knows how many saints in Heaven have ridiculously crazy conversion stories? We all know Augustine’s because he wrote about it, and he’s a very famous Church Father. It’s not like every saint but Augustine was perfect from Day 1.

Look: people sin, and that includes saints. People convert, and that includes saints. If you want to identify with Augustine’s story of re-conversion to Christianity, that’s great! But, stop using him as an extreme example, because that’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to other saints who constantly struggled with living a holy life.

And, for the record, aside from the pear-stealing, Augustine was actually a fairly well-behaved child from what he wrote of himself. It was his teenage and young adult years that were really “wild.”

Okay, rant over.

Okay but what about an AU where the blasterbros never escape, and Gaster like… Makes them into perfect, terrifying superweapons. Bioweapons.
I was thinking they’d work as a team, Sans being the damage-dealer and Papyrus being the tank that takes most of the hits. And of course they’d both have the armor. Because cool armor!
This took ages to do but I’m really happy with how it turned out aaaaaa.
Intended to be viewed while listening to this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9irber16fc
In short, don’t let me listen to Malachite’s theme. Bad things happen when I listen to Malachite’s theme.

Holy crap man that is awesome and badass. He legit looks terrifying as all hell :O DAT ARMOR.

People may think I’m biased until they see it for themselves. The Maze Runner movie is SPECTACULAR. That word looks really weird in caps. The musical score, people. So awesome. By John Paesano. You’ll all want the soundtrack. Not one pop song to be found. Classic. The SOUNDS. Holy crap. The sounds. From the Grievers to the Maze itself. The VISUALS. Seriously. Stunning. You’ll be blown away. The cast. HOW DID THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE? Am I dreaming? I knew they were good. I’d seen so much. But not good. PERFECT. Thank you, 20th Centuryf Fox. Thank you, Wes Ball. Thank you, T.S. Nowlin. Thank you, Wyck Godfrey. Thank you, every member of the crew. Wow.
—  James Dashner talking about the movie on Twitter

anonymous asked:

You painted your own nails like that? Holy crap, how? They look so cool!

yeah yeah!!

this is them this week!

i was introduced to water marbling by captainlafitte and searched around for tutorials. (this is the one i used!)

(i used the polishes by Pure Ice called Drive Me Crazy and Celestial, with the textured gold polish All About You by Sinful Colors with a light Salon Perfect matte top coat)

i generally redo my nails every week and always try to find new things to do to them!

Anonymous said:

Hi! I love your art and your blog is one of my favorites :3 I hope you have an awesome rest of the week/weekend!

thank you so much!! and likewise!

Anonymous said:

you know when you’re so close to your next milemarker for followers but it just won’t fuckin get there? the pain. How many followers do you have?

i’m really weird at having things end in multiples of five so i know exactly how you feel to a certain extent and it truly burns sometimes—and not too long ago 31k of you joined on to the caboose of the c-c train thank u all

anonymous asked:

I'm honestly obsessed with Jane. Like holy crap she's amazing and wonderful and a perfect role model because she's in a ridiculous situation and she has flaws and she owns it. She pushes through, admits her mistakes, does the best she can and follows her heart and cares about everyone around her. I just can't say enough about her and how much I, a grown woman, still look up to her. I hope to become as strong and kind a person as Jane.

YES TO EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID! 

I could wax poetic about Jane Gloriana Villanueva all night long tbh. There is so much to love. 

Like how she’s presented as this completely unique and self realized person and not some caricature of The Hot Girl or The Good Girl or whatever. Jane isn’t written to fit into a specific box and I think that’s what makes her so unique from other female characters on TV. More often than not, you see female character written to fit a laid out mold of who the audience is supposed to see them as - whether that’s the hard hitting cop or the evil seductress - rarely are women portrayed with real subtlety. However, Jane is a different creature all together. Jane is a virgin by choice but isn’t shy about her sexuality. Jane’s a devout Catholic but never passes judgement on others. Jane’s a well educated teacher but has blind faith in her God. Jane is caring and nurturing but not a push over. Jane is pragmatic but longs to follow her heart. She is a realist but has the soul of a dreamer and romantic. And she’s all these things at the same time. Just like most women. 

Jane has so many nuances and that’s what makes her into such a believable character in these completely unbelievable circumstances. 

SO YES I WOULD LIKE TO THANK NOT ONLY GOD BUT JENNIE URMAN FOR THIS FEMALE CHARACTER. 

“Side Effects May Include...”

Summary: She’s taught him everything. All the things he’s missed. How to live and thrive in the future. How to be a SHIELD agent and a black ops soldier. How to be her lover. She’s taught him everything, and everything is perfect. But all it takes is a little white lie and Natasha descends down a crazy spiral of self-doubt, worry, and misery, all leading to one inevitable question: does Steve even need her anymore?
Rating: E
Characters/Pairing: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff
Link: AO3
Author’s Note: Well, I’ve noticed a trend with this series that the stories keep getting longer (I mean, look at this monstrosity - holy crap) and smuttier (… yeah, I make no excuses).  Warnings for a lot of sex :-).  Definitely not safe for work.  At any rate, enjoy this!  Special thanks to @faith2nyc for everything.

Preview:

              It’d be alright.  It wasn’t like they were ending their relationship.  It wasn’t like that at all.  It’ll be alright.

              So she knocked on the door.  A moment later, Fury’s muffled voice answered.  “Come in.”  She grabbed the handle and pushed open the door.  Fury’s office aboard the helicarrier wasn’t nearly as big or airy as his office at the Triskelion, but it was among the most sizeable rooms aboard the ship.  Everything was still gunmetal gray, chrome, and steel.  The SHIELD Director sat at his desk, flanked by computer screens that were arranged much like his station on the bridge.  His one good eye flicked to Natasha as she stepped inside before returning to what looked like a mountain of work.  She couldn’t tell if he was surprised to see her.  As good a spy as she was, she still couldn’t touch his level. “Agent Romanoff.”

              “Sir.”  She stood at ease before him.  SHIELD wasn’t entirely a military organization, but there were times and places where it was appropriate.  This felt to be one of them.

              Fury glanced at her again.  “What can I do for you?”

              This was it.  She hesitated a moment, because as much as she knew this was right, getting the words out was much harder than she thought it would be.  “I’d like to… request reassignment.”

              Now Fury stopped.  He set down the tablet he’d been using, swiped his data away on his monitors, and looked up at her squarely.  She fought to stand motionless under his analytical stare.  There were a few people in the world whose mere disapproving glance intimidated her.  Fury’s always had been and always would be one of them.  He’d given her a chance, against the wishes of the World Security Council, when Clint had brought her into SHIELD.  He’d looked beyond the horrible left she’d led, the countless murders and robberies and arsons and worse in her history, and had seen a good person beneath who deserved a second chance.  She’d grown to respect him greatly since then, so much so that disappointing him was truly a painful prospect.

              She couldn’t tell if she was disappointing him now.  He leaned back in his chair with a crackle of leather shifting on leather.  “And why might that be?” he finally asked just as the moment of silence was bordering on excruciating.

              She swallowed.  “I think it’s time, sir.”

              “Time for what?”

              “Captain Rogers is ready,” she explained.  She had to get this out before she lost her nerve.  “You assigned me to oversee his training as a SHIELD agent and integration into modern society.  He’s excelled at both.  So my mission’s complete.  It has been for a while.”

I'm just gonna post this out of context

I love this chicken leg so much, holy crap you don’t even understand how much I love this chicken leg… This is the best chicken leg I have ever seen in my entire life. Seriously. Oh my god look at this chicken like, can you even believe this? Hey hey hey hey this chicken leg is absolutely perfect, this is a chicken leg to end all chicken legs. I will never see a more perfect chicken leg.

anonymous asked:

Holy crap more percico please! Ik you arent the biggest fan of it but omg you write it so well!

(IDK where you got the idea that I don’t like Percico I am all about Percico)

“So…” Percy tried to sound casual as he swung his head to look at the sunset instead of the boy beside him.

“So,” The boy beside him responded, showing Percy how casually not making eye contact was truly a practiced art that he, Nico, had perfected and Percy was at best a talented novice, “So…what?” 

Percy turned back just in time to see Nico stuff his hands in his pockets and wring his hands on the inside of his coat (a new coat, Percy noticed with a little start, not the bomber jacket that had been his signature for the past couple of years, instead wearing a sharp looking long coat with a silken lining and silver buttons that made Nico look way more mature than Percy seemed to remember.) Nico had squared his shoulders and forced his chin up, but he still didn’t look at Percy. But, then again, he hadn’t shut down the conversation yet, even giving Percy a chance to lead the discussion. 

Percy tried to get his thoughts in some comprehensible order before he opened his mouth again, not that Nico looked like he was in any rush, “I, uh, so- how’s, uhm, camp?”

“How’s…camp?” Nico’s voice sounded flat, but he tilted his head almost umperceiveably to narrow his eyes in Percy’s general direction, “Well…it’s…ok, I guess. Funeral rights are going pretty smoothly, that’s all almost, er, taken care of.  And, uh, you know, well, it’s not like I have many other places to go so-”

“Oh. Right, uh, good-” Percy flinched as he saw Nico tense, “No, I mean not that you don’t have anywhere else to go is good, I just meant that it’s good, that, you know you’re…you’re happy here.” 

They exchanged an uncomfortable silence. 

“You are happy here aren’t you, Nico?” 

“I,” Nico frowned and stared at his shoes, “I mean, I guess.”
“You guess?” Now Percy frowned, “What does that mean.”

“It means ‘I guess I’m happy’. I’m not, you know,” Nico gestured vaguely behind him and made a face, “Like, sad or miserable or anything. I mean I’m way better than I was, and people still look at me weird sometimes but most people are at least passably friendly…” Nico trailed off and Percy couldn’t help but feel like Nico was trying to convince himself he wasn’t miserable. Nico’s grim expression only made Percy feel worse.

“It’s still sort of surreal though,” Nico said.

“Surreal?” 

“Yeah,” Nico turned so he was now staring out at the lake in front of them, “And, well, it’s nice to be close to…friends.” Nico’s face turned a fraction softer, and his hand tugged at his sleeve anxiously, “Seeing Jason, and Hazel and Reyna, and the others, I mean. It’s, well, it’s more than I’ve ever had before.” 

“You’ve always had friends here, Nico-” Percy started but Nico shook his head and interrupted with a humorless bark of laughter. 

“No I didn’t Percy, and you know it.  You heard how people talked about me, you saw how they started to ignore me and avoid me after a while.  There a couple people who were nice to me, sure, but this was never my home, Percy.”

“Nico, I-”

“No, don’t, it’s ok,” Nico shrugged, “It’s not like it was your fault. I wouldn’t have listened to you anyway.”

Percy felt a pang of anger and crossed his arms defensively, “Yeah?” Probably, he though, his and Nico’s relationship had been bumpy at best after Manhattan. 

Nico shrugged again, his face arranged carefully into casual apathy, although his shoulders were stilled pulled taught, “Yeah. I didn’t want to let myself believe you…you know…cared about me or-” Nico’s cheeks flushed and he looked a violent mixture of angry and guilty, “Whatever. I’m over it, it isn’t your problem.” 

“No,” Percy said, and was a little surprised to find his voice so rigid, “Don’t just pass me off again. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Percy-” Nico warned, but Percy had grown tired of their awkward hellos and hasty waves over breakfast being the only contact he’d had with the other boy since Gaea.  Nico had been avoiding him, again, and he at least deserved to know why. 

“Nico, I’m serious. I DO care about you and I know I…well, listen, I know our relationship in the past hasn’t been great and I know I’ve been sort of a major jerk to you and I’ve treated you unfairly and-” 

“Oh gods, Percy, stop.” Nico shook his head and sneered, “I don’t want to hear that. I don’t want an apology for you, I-”

“Then what do you want?” 

“I…Nothing. I don’t want anything from you.”

“You’re lying.” Percy narrowed his eyes, “Nico, please help me work things out with you. I hate this,” He gestured between the two of them, “Whatever this is between us.”
Nico’s frown turned into a glare, “I don’t want your pity, Percy.”

“Good! Because I’m not pitying you!” 

Percy felt the months of regret and shame and anger burn in his chest. Nothing had seemed comfortable with anyone after they’d defeated Gaia and he hated it. He hated not knowing how to fix it, he hated knowing his mistakes but not the solution, he hated how Nico wouldn’t even look at him for more than a second any more and that the last meaningful conversation had ended with Nico destroying everything Percy had thought about them since Bianca died. He hated that Nico left that conversation with a high-five and gratingly familiar smile from Will Solace and he had left with an explosive and a million questions and years of information to reevaluate. 

He hated how obvious everything seemed once he learned that Nico hadn’t hated him all this time.

He hated how he’d treated Nico like an annoying little boy anyways. 

And he hated, especially, that now he knew he couldn’t get Nico to talk to him without a terrible crevice between them, and that Nico refused to take the first step on the bridge to fixing it. 

He saw Nico mirror his own frustration and felt a pull of satisfaction. Angry Nico was better than sad, enigmatic Nico. Angry Nico was usually at least straight forward. “Then what the hell are you trying to do? I told you- it’s over. That whole thing, it’s over. I’m over it, and I’m just trying-”

“Over what, Nico?”

“Over you!” Nico snapped, and Percy could see the nearby plant life droop, “I told you! I’m over you, I am, I don’t want to-” He took a breath and raised his hand up to fiddle with his skull ring, “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, I do. The last time we talked, like an actual conversation, you confessed that you- that you, uh-”

“You really want me to say it that bad? Fine, Percy. I had…I had a crush on you,” Nico flushed again and this time the shame in his eyes was almost painful, “A stupid little boy crush that didn’t mean anything. It was my problem, and I’m trying to-”

“Get over it,” Percy clicked his tongue, “You mentioned. But I just-” Percy struggled, “I don’t understand. If you would have told me…”

“So you could laugh at me? Or tell me that I’m disgusting or dirty or just, ugh,” Nico shook his head, “No, never mind.  It would have just made things worse,” Nico looked dreadful, suddenly, like his anger had burned itself into char, “Really, Percy, it wouldn’t have helped. I hated myself so much. I wanted to hate you but it wasn’t you, it was me, so you don’t have to do…do anything. I just want to leave.”

“Wait,” Percy reached out again, “If you leave again it won’t help either. Nico, I think you’re incredible.” Nico refocused on Percy and opened his mouth like he was going to interject again but Percy beat him to it, “No, I do. I think you’re incredibly strong and brave, and the world owes you one because of what you did. And you stayed at camp and helped everyone move on, even if you didn’t really have to. You’re still standing here, after everything, after Tartarus…”

They both shuddered and Nico looked distant, Percy pressed on. “And we, me an Annabeth, only made it back because you told Bob I was worth saving and we had each other, and you- well damn. Gods Nico, if I could give you back everything you’ve sacrificed for me, I…” He bit his lip and looked at Nico, his eyes a little more raw and his heart beating a little faster than he’d anticipated. 

“Do you…” Nico blinked a couple of times, “Do you still think about Tartarus?”

“I never stop.” Percy said honestly.

“I wouldn’t have made it out of that jar if you hadn’t saved me,” Nico’s expression turned almost wistful, “I kept telling myself that you’d come for me. Like you saved me before and,” He suddenly looked embarrassed, “And I would try to imagine what we could have been, like if things had been different. Like if Bianca hadn’t died, or you had found me again before Minos did, or if I didn’t leave again after I came back the first time.  Even if I had told you about your memories when we met at Camp Jupiter…I wonder what would’ve happened.”

“I didn’t completely forget you, you know, back then. I could almost remember you, I knew you were important to me…” 

Nico blinked, “I was never important to you.”

Percy shook his head, “You were. You are. It just…it took me a while to figure out how much.” 
“Percy…”

Percy took a deep breath, “Listen, I know…I know it’s hard and awkward but we’re…you’re all that I’ve got.  I get it, some of it, like the others don’t. I know you do to. We’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to lose you again.” He extended a hand and tried to form his mouth into a grin, “So let’s make this work again. Both of us. I want you to be happy.”

It was only a moment of hesitation before Nico awkwardly stuck out his hand and grasped Percy’s. His voice seemed strained but less miserable than before, “Me too.” 

They both watched as the last of the pink sunset melted over the water into a purple starscape and the air seemed to settle with it, “I want you to be happy too.”