holy crap i remember so many of these

2

2006 vs 2016 

When I was 14, I thought there was no way I could be an artist since there were so many talented people who were way better than I was. Well I’m still a hack and a burning trash and there are still so many people who are more talented than I am but somehow I’ve fooled people into hiring me;;

Pictured is my OC from 2006 with a typical COOL FANTASY NAME™ and a collection of character tropes that I thought were cool and innovative back then. What’s terrible is that I’m STILL INTO THEM UGH

John Laurens- Wasted

For my favorite and my Alexander Hamilton, @ladytwice , or you may know and love her as a writer who’s unafraid to step in, @hamilsquadxreader . Her request was “Oh my god, you just screamed "SO WHAT IF I LIKE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” at the top of your lungs in a really crowded restaurant, and how about for starters, I take you home and get you sober?“ with Laurens. Hope you like it, amiga.

Warnings: Lots of drinking, implied sex, you are so wasted

"This is gonna be the best night ever!” Peggy giggled, surveying all the drinks going into drinkers hands.

“This is gonna be the worst night ever.” You groaned as Angelica slammed a beer in front of you.

An hour later you and the three Schuyler sisters were completely WASTED.  Men kept sending the four of you plenty of drinks, and neither of you could remember how many drinks you had anymore.

“Holy crap, that’s my boyfriend,” Eliza said, waving. “ALEXANDEEER!”

“Wait, Liza.” Angelica whisper yelled. “Burr keeps sending me drinks, should I go over?”

“No.” Th three of you responded.

“It’s a bad idea, Jelly.” You said. “We don’t like him, remember?”

Angelica shrugged and walked over, swaying her hips. Eliza stumbled to Alexander, falling into his arms.

“Look, it’s Maria. I’m gonna go talk to her- MARIA!” Peggy yelled, tripping on her heeled shoes.

“Now I’m all alone.” You whined to the bartender, who shrugged and gave you another drink.

“You don’t have to be anymore.” A voice purred in your ear. You were getting ready to punch this guy, and then you realized it was John Laurens, your boyfriend.

No, he wasn’t your boyfriend. He was just a friend.

“Turtle!” You exclaimed happily, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Turtle, I think I had too many alcohol.”

“I think so too, darling.” John drawled, his southern accent more prominent in his drunk state.

You two chatted pleasantly, him drinking water to sober himself, you continued to down whatever was being given to you. Angelica was paying for whatever wasn’t on some guy.

On many occasions, you brushed his shoulder or something, and it took every fiber of your not drunk being not to kiss him.

And then John brought up your ex-boyfriend.

“We’re not together anymore.” You slurred. “I didn’t like him. I like someone else.”

“Well, who is it? Me?” John joked.

Clearly drinking too much is bad, because before you could think, you were screaming.

“SO WHAT IF I LIKE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?”

John bit back a grin. “Come on, darling. Let’s get you to my place and sober.”

His “place” was what you and the sisters called the dump. He, Alexander, Lafayette and Hercules all shared the space. it was constantly a mess of beer, food, and girls.

“Drink this, it’ll sober you right up.” John said after a moment of his back turned to you. The drink was green and slimy, and there was no way you were gonna put it near your mouth.

“Nuh uh.” You said, pushing it away. “Not ever.”

John grinned and pulled a fake flower out of the fake bouquet on the table. He put it in the drink. “Wanna drink it now? The flower likes it.”

You laughed and pulled the glass to your mouth, downing it all in one go.

“Ewww.” You cried. John shrugged.

“You’re sober now.”

“But, I didn’t even get to make any really bad drunk mistakes.” You complained, wrapping your arms around John’s shoulders as he wrapped his around your waist.

“But how about we do something that we both need to be sober and give consent for.” John smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “It’s quite great, you’ll love it.”

You grinned and pressed your lips to John’s before pulling away, smirking.

“Then let’s go.”

The Morning After


A/N: Man this took me a while. Pus if you want smut then please tell me cause i was like eh what ? should i?nah? maybe… haha


Your eyes slowly fluttered open as they adjusted to your surrounding. You grunted in pain flipping over to the other side finding a better angle, until you realised you were completely butt naked. Wait why were you naked? Memories from the previous night flooded your brain and you got fragments of you being in utter pleasure. When you began to focus a familiar yet recent knot began forming in the pit of your stomach as you remembered you slept with Dean frigging Winchester. The man you’ve had  crush on for weeks.

“Holy Crap” You exhaled thinking of so many things.Does this mean you two are together? You sat up and looked to your side expecting him to be there but it was empty and wrinkly but slightly warm. You flopped back onto the bed remembering the blissful night.

FLASHBACK

You flipped your hair over to the side while you sat across from Dean at the bunkers library. You needed to figure out how to kill this hybrid vampire thing that didn’t even have a name. Dean let out an annoyed sigh and he looked up at you. He knew you liked him but he didn’t like you in that way. He appreciated your beauty but never in a romantic way. That doesn’t mean you two can’t have fun, right?

“Y/N, you are so beautiful I can’t even comprehend your beauty” With rosy cheeks you shook off his compliment, shy at the sudden confrontation. You weren’t in love with Dean but you had a crush on him, you just constantly wanted to make out with his face and that’s it.

“Seriously Y/N” Dean arose from his seat and walked behind yours, he brushed back your hair exposing your neck. He kissed the back of your ear trailing down to your collarbone. You and Dean had never been this physical before, the only time you two ‘held hands’ was when he pulled you up from the ground after a hunt.

“Your smile, your laugh, your lips and your body. Oh dear god don’t get me started on your ass” He was now leaving bite marks behind on your neck as you closed your eye from the pleasure. But you started to panic, you like Dean but you don’t want to be with him only for sex. Dean pulled your face towards his and kissed you softly before you started to heat things up. He got the idea and pulled you out of your chair, never once leaving your slightly swollen lips. You moaned against his lips when his hardness touched your sensitive and throbbing womanhood. You felt your body ache for him but you were nervous.

“Dean, I’m a virgin.” You breathed out against his lips and he pulled apart, staring sweetly into your eyes.

“Oh… We don’t have to if you don’t want to Y/N”  you shook your head, you knew you wanted it to be with Dean. Well originally you wanted it to be with Sam. You sort of fell in love with him when you first met a year ago but after the failed attempts of flirting you got the idea that he wasn’t interested. That was before you developed feelings for the green eyed hunter.

“Just not here, my bedroom.” Dean wasted no time, your grip on his legs became tighter since the friction between you two wasn’t enough. He basically ran into your room ripping his shirt off and yours in the process. He slammed your door shut and the noise echoed through the bunker alerting Sam. Sam walked across the halls with a gun in his hand and abruptly stopped when he heard yours and Deans moans exiting your room. Sam’s head hung and he walked away from the heartbreaking scene, indulging himself in alcohol.

END OF FLASHBACK

You had to admit, last night was freaking amazing and being sore was totally worth it. Slowly and carefully you got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. Your hair was a mess, bruises were slowly appearing on your neck and breasts. Your butt had two red handprints on them from Dean’s pleasing harshness. For your first time it was quite… euphoric. Putting on a baggy shirt which hid most of the marks and some tights, you walked out of your room to the kitchen. You saw Dean wearing his robe making coffee with three cups on the counter.  Dean heard you walk in and a smile crept onto his face, to say you didn’t look beautiful would be a lie. He noticed the glow surround your being and the smile plastered on your refreshed face.

“Hey, Y/N. I was just about to bring you this. Look I gotta go on a hunt so I’ll be back later tonight, okay?” He handed you the cup of coffee with a firm kiss on the side of your forehead. Your smile fell when he left, you had so many questions. Like where you any good? Or are you two dating now? You continued drinking your coffee while you continued reading. You heard padded footsteps and you looked up, seeing Sam. You noticed the lack of sleep, since it was evident on his face and he avoided your eyes.

“Morning Moosenator” His face softened and chuckled at your horrible nickname. He grabbed his cup of coffee and sat across you.

“I really wish you’d stop calling me that. And Good Morning.” He slightly sipped on his coffee watching your messy y/h/c hair fall on your face. He had the urge to push it away but he swallowed the thought instantly. He had his chance to be with you but he didn’t want to put you in danger. He knew you were flirting with him and he so wanted to give in but anyone who is romantically involved with him always ends up hurt or worse.

“Never so how’d you sleep?” His eyes travelled to your y/e/c ones. He felt drawn in whenever your eyes would meet. He knew, no artist in the world could truly capture your beauty as it was truly unreal and unique. That you were one of a kind.

“Barely, you and Dean were so loud” He swallowed the lump in his throat, emotionally hurt that his brother would betray him like that. Dean knew Sam liked you but he knew Dean deserved happiness. Even if it meant giving up you.

“Oh dear god… I’m so sorry! Sam I don’t even know how that happened? What does this mean?” Sam drew an extra long gasp of air as he tried to create an answer in his head.

“Uhm…I don’t know, Y/N. Maybe you should ask him later tonight?” You nodded and stood up from your chair.

“Thanks Moose-Man. I’ll see you later, Charlie and I are gonna catch a movie together.” With that you left Sam behind in the kitchen with a slightly broken heart.

TIME SKIP TO LIKE NIGHT TIME

You entered the bunker, with a smile still on your face. Today had been so good, Dean, Charlie, Sam, home… everything. As you walked down the stairs you heard an extremely feminine chuckle coming from the kitchen.

“Does Sam have someone over?” You slightly felt jealous at the thought of Sam having someones over but you ignored it by walking towards the source of the laugh. You entered the kitchen to only have your heart dropped to the floor as your eyes widened. Dean was seductively whispering into a beautiful womans ear, she had her head back in laughter. She caught a glimpse of you and slowly pushed Dean away from him.

“Hey, who’s this?” Dean turned around and looked at your hurt state. He panicked, he forgot to tell you it was a one time thing. He felt like a dick but he thought you kinda understood.

“Y/N, I thought you were sleeping?” Sam entered the kitchen and saw you, a smile made a way to his face when you were in his sight. You literally made anything fun and without you he was really bored today.

“Hey Y/N. Finally your home, I want to watch that show you were talking to me about ” Sam’s voice became soft halfway through his sentence due to him trailing off by the tears in your eyes. He looked to where you were frozen and saw Dean groping another women initmately. Sam stepped in front of you, his once loving posture turning protective and pissed off in an instant. You saw his animalistic behaviour and you thought it’d be best if you were gone.

“We’ll leave you two alone” You grabbed Sam’s tense hand which gradually melted into yours. You frantically pulled his hand away from the kitchen, afraid of breaking down in front of Dean. Walking into Sam’s room you let go of his hand while he paced around his room.

“I am going to fucking kill him.” Sam repeatedly said, anger now controlled his entire form. “Did he just fucking use you…for sex?” Sam’s anger disappeared when he saw you wince at his question.

“I’m so sorry Y/N” You walked passed Sam and sat on his bed, slowly sinking in.

“I should’ve expected it. I mean I’m me… and Dean’s Dean! I should have fucking known I was some one time thing. I just wish I didn’t waste my damn virginity. God dammit I’m so stupid. ” You shook your head in your hands, letting the tears flow from your face.

“Wait… he took your virginity?” To say Sam was shocked was kind of an understatement. You were beautiful, perfect, sweet, hilarious and amazing. Plus you’re 26, how could you have resisted that long?

“Yeah originally I wanted it to be with you but you sort of rejected me” Your eyes widened when you realised what you said. Holy shit you’re screwed. You slowly moved your head to face Sam and noticed he genuinely looked hurt.

“Now I’m really going to fucking kill him.” He brought his hazel eyes to yours and stared deep into them with nothing but love. He regretted pushing you away, he always wanted to share the extra bed with you in motels or fix you up after a hunt. But Dean always beat him to that, maybe that’s how you developed feelings for him. Sam saw your hair was once again in your face and he hesitantly brought his hands to your face, brushing away the hair. A sigh left your lips in content, feeling Sams warm hands against your face.

“I’m sorry Y/N. You deserve so much better. You deserved to come home to someone who loves you for you, not your body. You deserve someone who’ll cherish your personality as well as your beauty. You don’t deserve to cry over a stupid, ignorant man who took something precious from you. I’m so sorry Y/N. I’m sorry.” You hushed Sam slowly as you moved closer to him.  You put your head onto his shoulder, staring at absolutely nothing. Sam saw your hands twitching and fidgeting so he grabbed it. He slowly brought them up to his lips and held them there before he spoke again.

“You need to know, I’ve liked you for what seems to be forever. I know you liked me too but everyone around me dies, Y/N. Mom, Jess, Maddison, Bobby, Ellen, Jo… hell even Dean’s died a few times. I couldn’t put you through that but seeing you with Dean made me want to ruin the impala. Don’t worry I didn’t. But I can’t see you upset over him, I can’t.” You looked up at Sam and you didn’t see lust like in Dean’s eyes but you saw passion, love, the truth.

Your heart began to beat faster when you realised Sam confessed his true feelings towards you. You sniffled and chuckled at the same time.

“Damn it Moosenator, are you telling me that my first time would’ve been with someone I really love? Fuck.” He chuckled and pulled you in closer to his side.


“I want you to be mine, in every way possible. Only if you want to.” You couldn’t believe your ears, you loved Sam. You always thought he saw you as a sister so you didn’t want to create any awkwardness between you too but now nothing could stop you two. You nodded against him and pulled him down onto his bed.

“How about we just sleep for tonight?” All traces of tears had left your face and were replaced by your content happiness. You began to get comfortable and took off your clothes. Sam saw the bruises left behind by Dean and the same feeling of jealousy arose in him. He hated seeing you being marked by his brother, as if you were his territory. You weren’t some chew toy, you were a gift from god in Sam’s eyes. He rushed over to his drawers and pulled out one of his shirts.

“Here wear this, it’s mine.” You gazed at Sam’s cute and defensive posture. You giggled and threw the shirt on inhaling his natural scent. He smelt like musky cologne and spices. He saw your smile that yelled comfort and safety which made his heart slightly skip. He pulled the cover over the both of you and he pulled you protectively into his side. Your hands were over his firm chest while his were on your stomach and under your head.

“I’ve wanted this for such a long time, Sam. I don’t want you to think that i’m using you as a rebound because I’ve wanted to be with you for as long as I can remember” You snuggled into Sam’s chest and he kissed your warm forehead.

“I’m the one that should be sorry, I should’ve realised you’re safer with me not without.” He held you tight which expressed how he really felt. He loved you and you loved him, yes you two literally admitted it 4 minutes ago but sometimes love does not need to be spoken about.

You woke up still held protectively in Sam’s arms and you felt the exhale of his breath on your neck.You moved around and saw his calming features that made your heart sing. You reached out and traced your finger along his face and down his jaw, appreciating every expression.

“It’s rude to wake someone up you know” he jokingly called out while opening his eyes.

“I know it’s forbidden to touch the masterpieces but I couldn’t resist” He groggily chuckled causing a euphoric notion to occur in your body.

“That was freaking smooth” He leaned down and gently pecked your lips and kept his forehead rested on yours.

“I’ve always tried pictured how you’d look and feel next to me in the morning and it’s better than anything I ever imagined” Your heart seemed to skip a beat, you were about to say something but you didn’t want to ruin the peace. Words simply didn’t do justice to what you’re feeling so you laid in his arms. You laid feeling safe, happy, warm and loved.

Neurodivergent Lewa?

So , I remember seeing something a few months back about a headcanon of Lewa being autistic. I didn’t think too much about it at the time since there was no discussion/elaboration of the idea, and it didn’t quite line up with the image of Lewa I had in my head…

But I reread the Hapka books recently and holy crap, I can’t unsee it- so many of his behaviours seem consistent with Asperger’s, I could almost swear he was coded that way on purpose. So, I’d like to expand on that idea a bit. I’ll start by clarifying that I do not have autism myself, but if you consider this inappropriate please drop me a message and I’ll take it down. I have worked with many children over the years who have autism, ADHD, dyspraxia etc, so please know that I do not intend any disrespect. And please feel free to correct me if I’ve got anything wrong.

So, here goes…

Stimming

The term “stimming” refers to repetitive behaviours that help someone with autism stabilise mentally/emotionally, or engage one of their senses for pleasure or comfort. Some examples are hand movements, rocking back and forth, or vocalisations.

Lewa is described as moving and fidgeting a lot. At one point in the story, Lewa’s hands start to shake as he becomes restless and anxious to get back to Le-Koro. He is also shown singing phrases to himself over and over (“Don’t be late, don’t be late…”), possibly a form of vocal stimming. His battle cry/yodelling ( “Aiaiaiaiai!”) might serve a similar purpose as well.

Empathy

The common stereotype is that people with autism lack empathy. It’s a sweeping generalisation that can potentially be quite harmful, and it comes from a few common misconceptions about what empathy actually is.

When we say someone is very empathetic, we mean they possess several traits and skills for understanding and caring for others. One of these is the ability to implicitly read the emotions of others. It’s true that many people with Aspergers’ and other forms of autism struggle to understand what other people are feeling, or fail to predict what effect their words and actions will have on people. Lewa shows this trait early on- the narrative mentions that he often accidentally insults the other Toa, to the point where they are surprised when he comes out with a deliberate insult. (A far cry from his later portrayals, certainly.)

But a difficulty understanding others’ emotions does not necessarily imply an inability to care about their feelings. In fact, by contrast, there are many people in the world who are skilled at understanding others in order to cruelly manipulate them with no regard for their wellbeing. Makuta Teridax and The Shadowed One are perfect examples.

Which brings me to another aspect of empathy- the ability to share others’ feelings, to be affected by the emotions of someone else. Some people with autism have this trait in the extreme, and can get very emotional about things that are happening to other people. Lewa displays this when the Toa come across a Ta-Matoran traumatised by the Bohrok to the point of being barely able to speak. Lewa’s never even met the little guy before, but winds up getting almost as distressed as the Matoran himself out of concern and confusion.

Lewa’s concern for others also overrides his rational judgement when he comes across the Le-Matoran possessed by Krana. He has been told that the Krana are overriding their minds, but the sight of the people he loves being enslaved and begging for his help causes him to try to help them there and then rather than running away or trying to fight. He’s not stupid by any means, but he is very much driven by his and others’ emotions, possibly more so than any other Toa.

Sensory Overload

After Lewa is attacked by the soundshape, Kopaka and Gali find him curled up in the fetal position, covered in mud, hands clapped over his ears, and recoiling at any noise above a whisper. He’d been there for hours, if not days. This scene just reminds me so much of some of the kids I’ve seen having a sensory or emotional overload and just completely shutting down, not wanting to interact with the outside world at all. I mean, it’s possible that anyone would be in that condition after such an encounter, but it seems harder to picture any of the other Toa reacting in quite the same way.

Either way, that scene definitely tugged at all of my “get the poor guy a blanket” instincts.


I know authorial intent is largely irrelevant to headcanons, but I really do wonder whether Cathy Hapka might have known someone with Asperger’s, who might have inspired the way she wrote Lewa.

Greg’s Lewa doesn’t have so much of this autistic coding, but at the same time it doesn’t really seem to contradict Hapka’s interpretation. One could argue that a slightly older, less naive Lewa who uses humour and charm to compensate for his social difficulties is a fairly realistic progression for a character with Asperger’s, given that the Greg stories are mostly set after Hapka’s.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading. I’m keen to hear other people’s opinions on this… Any other autistic/neurodivergent Bionicle headcanons out there?

                  HISBESTGIIRL’S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

     i am still a little bit in shock, a year ago today
     i made this blog and it was probably the best
     decision i have ever made. i still remember
     when i decided to make it - it was a sunday 2nd
     march 2014 and i was sitting on my bucky barnes
     blog at the time, and i was watching cap 1 and
     decided that i should make a peggy carter blog
     since there were hardly any on tumblr. 

                    it was around 11am when i started and i finished
                    around 3pm, and then i started to roleplay as the
                    wonderful agent carter. now a whole damn year
                    later and i am still roleplaying her. holy crap.

           i have meet so many amazing people thanks
           to this blog - and have been able to speak my
           mind about all sorts of things. i have had all my
           ups and downs with this blog, but i still love it no doubt.

                                …i wanted to find the best way to thank you
                                all, so i am going to be posting this wonderful
                                bias list here and then uploading a giveaway
                                probably later. just to thank you all for being
                                here for me on peggy.


                                   lehnsheerr - i feel like it’s important to mention my
                                   best friend here. since i half blame her for me making
                                   this blog anyway and sticking to it. so thank you squishy,
                                   thank you for being right there, with your angry pout :3
                                    but in all seriousness, i owe her a big thank you and all
                                    that super cheesy stuff.


                                               B I A S - L I S T

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