holier than now

Loving You To Death (Sequel)
Word Count: 9k

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Author’s Note: This is the sequel to the Free The Animal one-shot.

You feel a strong sense of deja vu as you stand at yet another party watching the black haired asshole groping a girl that is sitting on his lap.

There were slight differences between the two times. This girl is a brunette, they’re sitting down, you’re alone… but the biggest difference of all is that you know, this time, that Jungkook wouldn’t be on your bed later this evening, waiting for you to finish your shower so he can jump on you.

Fuck, you needed another drink.

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hmm hmm, i don’t like all the negativity i’ve been seeing today, so for once i’m gonna actually address fandom drama.

i wanna say thanks to a big chunk of the fandom (that i’ve seen) that are supportive of bi/pan people liking people of a different gender, especially bi/pan guys liking girls. it means a lot to me as a pan guy to see y’all being so supportive!

i know that it can be easy to just concentrate on the negative of things, but i think it could be really helpful to yourself and others to try and channel those feelings into something more positive or productive! so maybe instead of making another post about being upset with some parts of fandom, say that you’re supportive of bi/pan guys that have crushes on or are dating girls! talk about how you thought lance talking about allura was cute! idk! that kind of thing makes me feel better as a pan guy than any amount of outrage or upset.. 

so, like! idk! try to switch things up and spin things in a positive light! makes life better!

why do people keep making preachy posts abt how gon “wasnt toxic” i’ve literally only seen like 1 person say that and they were on anon lmfao. if you look up “gon is toxic” on tumblr like 100% of the posts are a bunch of people going on and on abt how he isn’t toxic like we get it susie,,,,, he’s not toxic,,,,,,,,,, when will u all stop taking the bait,,,,,,,,,,,

i feel like all i’ve talked about is work lately but a) oh well and b) it’s better than endless eating disorder posts….although lets be real i make those too lol no shame and c) a lot happened tonight ! good things ! things that made me glad to work here ! side note!! i’m self conscious that this is going to come across as ‘holier than thou” now! but!!! i do not care!!! 

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You’re fine actually! It was just disheartening to see the same sources that other members have used to call me a sinful abomination put together in a huge post. Which you wouldn’t have known

November is also a rough time for me in general for several reasons but mostly because my birthday rolls around and reminds me of my baptism which puts me in a foul mood because if no church. I’m also trying to graduate and move and I’m really stressed

The biggest thing that upset me was when I was frustrated and needed comfort, my brother went right back to his old holier-than-thou ways except now he has the RM attitude of Righteous Accomplishment to go with it. I needed someone to say hey I don’t know what you’re dealing with right now, but maybe with my fresh expertise, I can help. But instead he threw it in my face and told me that it was my choice to be disobedient and nobody could help me if I didn’t fix myself first

It’s just so hard and there are no easy answers. I miss church and the temple and just all of it. I miss crappy potlucks and fast and testimony meeting. I want so badly to raise my children in the church and to have my whole big, lovely family sealed together forever. I want to take my partners to the temple, our eventual children roo. I want it so badly, it’s like there’s a hot knife in my heart that just won’t go away

But I don’t know how to go back without being shunned again. I’m so used to being out that I can’t hide myself anymore. And even if I somehow managed to, eventually the bishop would find out because young children talk and I don’t want them to have a poor church experience just because they have two nonbinary mommies and like three daddies

It’s just really hard and I thought maybe after two years of helping people, he’d finally understand how hard it is but instead he’s the same self righteous jerk who thinks everybody else isn’t as strong/righteous/whatever as him. He just has field experience to bolster this opinion of himself