holiday with my mum

My parents have been married for 19 years and together for 20 and I asked them what they were doing for valentines and they both looked so disgusted and said it was commercial and they hated it and then my dad said to me that every year he sends her flowers her favourite chocolates and a card pretending to be a secret admirer because although they think it’s a stupid holiday he wants her to have chocolate and then I went to my mum and asked about her secret admirer and she said it was a running joke between them cause my dad spends the day saying he’s gonna beat up her secret admirer and they both know it’s him but it’s been going for twenty years and my mum keeps the cards and if that isn’t love idk what is

'Logan' Breakout Dafne Keen on Audition Embarrassment and Her X-23 Future

1. She comes from a film-friendly family. Keen is the daughter of British actor Will Keen (The Crown, Wolf Hall) and Spanish actress Maria Fernandez Ache, with multiple directors and writers in her extended family. “I remember spending entire school holidays in rehearsing spaces, watching my mum and dad working, and followed them around on tour or on film sets all the time,” she tells Heat Vision. “I went to see Hamlet, which they directed about 10 times, and I always loved it. I remember I used to listen to the actors rehearsing and try to remember all their lines while I played with the color filters they put in the lights.” From her parents, she says, she’s learned about “being truthful, and the most important thing being telling the story, and all working together for the same thing. I love that.” (x)

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5/01/2017 || Getting back into the swing of things after a whirlwind holiday. I had my bff over at my mums in the UK and it has been an absolute blast but flying back to South Africa tomorrow. Bitter sweet - saying goodbye to my mum but going to see Kieran (the bf). Decided to get back into bullet journaling as I have been all over the place lately. I have so so much to figure out at the moment like where to live, try to get a job/internship and the logistics of it all.

As I’ve been a bit down lately I really related to a blog post I saw by @sleepysadn3ss listing how to be happier in 2017 - so I thought it would be a good bujo spread.

what’s in your bag: rose granger-weasley

Rose: Okay so first off I have my book!  My mum is always saying never leave the house without a book…

Rose: I’m currently reading A Tale of Two Cities

Rose: Moving on, next we have my favorite lipstick!

Rose: I never go anywhere without this on me. Aunt Fluer bought me a bunch of makeup over christmas holiday since mum knows shit about makeup.

Rose: Up next is my favorite perfume! 

Rose: It ironically enough smells like roses. So I guess I’m always smelling as fresh as a rose *budum tsss*

Rose: Oh and here is my journal…

Rose: I enjoy writing a lot so whenever I have an idea I make sure to jot them down in here.

Rose: Obviously for writing that would require pens and pencils…Plus you never know who’s going to come unprepared to class so it’s nice to have a spare one!

Hugo: *walks in* Hey Rose- What are you doing?

Hugo: Are you talking to a BOX? I’M TELLING MUM YOU’VE GONE COMPLETELY MENTAL!


(OOC: So I saw some awesome people doing this ( @kapitan5o @egdramaqueen @son-0f-a-snitch ) and decided to hop on the bandwagon!! Hope you enjoyed this thing I made while I should’ve been studying whoops…)

No, seriously: One time my mum and dad rented out a holiday trailer from the parents of that boy who kept viciously hassling me in school. (”Sean? Stop talking nonsense, Sharon. He’s a nice boy! Ray is a nice woman.”)

*Me upon entering him and his little brother’s room*

“Boy, what fun shall I have now?”

*some time later in the Maths classroom*

*Sharon, why is your hair always so greasy?”

“I let my dog shit in your bed, by the way.”

ok so y'all know how I keep saying my house is haunted me and my parents sat down and tried to remember everything fucked that has happened here is a quick list:

- the cactus incident

-last night I was trying to go into my room and the door blew shut in my face, literally seconds later an envelope is slid down the back of my dads shirt, the envelope was in a different room

- my dad found a video on his phone of him sleeping, we don’t know who took it

- when we were on holiday once on holiday without my mum, my dad had a dream that his phone was ringing and a voice said to him ‘you better answer that she needs you’ he wakes up and seconds later my mum rings crying, there were no missed calls so the ringing didn’t wake him up

- dad keeps seeing weird lights in the living room at night

- when we first got Catniss she was sitting cuddled up next to me and then all of a sudden she is digging her claws into me and jumping up hissing at something, she is staring at the other side of my room for about a minute with all her fur sticking up like she’s scared, there is nothing there

- my mum keeps waking up with weird scratches and bite marks on her

- we took out a fireplace in my mums room, when the wall was opened up something that smelled like sulphur filled my mums room for weeks, we couldn’t go in there it was so bad

- doors open and close by themselves, this includes the front wire door which was doing it at the same time every morning for like three months

- when we were renovating the kitchen we pulled up the lino and under it was some very old news paper clippings and what appear to be blood stains

- I found some numbers written on my window ledge, no one knows who wrote them but we know they weren’t always there

- one of my mirrors keeps moving in its frame

- my mum says she once saw a doll stand up and jump off her wardrobe, me and my dad don’t believe her but she insists it happened

- all the dogs we have ever owned have dug in the same spot in the backyard, right where the concrete meets the dirt, our current dog dug really deep and revealed a bit of fabric sticking out from under the concrete, she waited for my dad to get home from work to show it to him but when he got back it was gone

- one time a lady came and asked to see our house, she said she was the daughter of the previous owner, we asked my grandma about it bc she technically own the house and was good friends with the dude who used to own it, he didn’t have a daughter

- one time the police knocked on our door and asked us if we knew anything about the previous owner, because they were investigating an old case about a dude who used to live across the street from us who went missing

- before I was born my mums wardrobe used to bang a single time around about the same time every night, this stopped right after I was born

- my mum says she used to see an old lady, my dad says he’s seen her too

- mum says her blanket keeps getting pulled off of her in her sleep

- all of us have felt an animal jump on our bed and curl up next to us when none of our pets are actually there

- one time I went outside and I saw a little dog run under the fence that separates the front of our yard from the back (bc we have chickens) I assumed this was my little dog Bella but when I went back inside she was locked in the kitchen, I am now convinced that this is my little dog Molly who died when i was 13

- one time we found two fucked up looking dolls on our front porch, we assume my grandpa put them there but don’t really know, the night they showed up we heard a scratching at the front door

- my mums says that sometimes her bed shakes, both of her sisters who used to live here have also told me this

- sometimes I can hear an animal rustling around under my bed even though there isn’t one there

- balls keep bouncing down the hall out of nowhere

- 1 time I was telling my mum about a murder case and our computer turned itself on and scared the shit out of us

- one time my mum was playing around on one of those weird mobile things that ur meant to be able 2 talk to ghosts on and it said ‘Texas home’ as she heard me open the front door after getting home from school and we used to have a dog called Texas who would sit by the front door and wait for me to come home every day

Will add 2 this is I remember anything else

i’m so fucking exhausted i’ve been at uni for almost 12 hours straight and my brain feels like wool or jelly or something 

BUT the good news is that I got allocated a place in an otherwise overbooked seminar! it’s in the second week of summer break which means that I might even be able to go on holidays before with my mum, i’d just have to drive back two days early but that’s alright i guess

and i also got full marks on my first algebra homework and i have a lovely study group for it! now i only need a study group for calc 2 and the semester should be going fine

“He wants kids, and he says I’ll change my mind about not wanting them... I love him. I’m just really worried.”

I remember asking an ex, quite early on, if his imagined future involved kids. He said, with a shrug, “Yeah, someday.” 

At the time I was psyched that anyone was showing interest in me at all, so I chose to pay attention to the ‘someday’ (i.e., ‘not now’)… rather than the other, far more dangerous word. The one I should have looked at, hard, and cut my small losses before I got hurt.

In that ‘yeah’, I should have heard the truth: that we had a big, base level incompatibility. 

This wasn’t a case of he liked Chinese and I preferred pizza. This was a dialogue that went, “What are you planning on doing with your life?”, and he replied, “Everything you’re not.”

That decision - children, or no children - influences so much else, too. 

That one incompatibility might seem like a single shadow moving beneath the surface of the frozen lake. But its presence means there are other things down there.

The presence of children in your life will impact everything - not just your career, or the city you live in, but everything from how often you get a nice long shower, what food gets put on the plates at the end of the day, how you’ll spend your evenings after work, where you’ll be booking your holidays, how often you can afford to get a haircut. Everything. My mum said she didn’t have a single drawer in the house that was just hers.

If I want Chinese, but my husband fancies pizza, we can figure something out. Maybe we’ll have Chinese this time, then pizza next time. 

But when the question is children, there’s no compromise to be found. You can’t rent a child for half the year. You can’t try the child for a month and see if it suits you. 

And it’s a choice that would affect every other choice you will make during your life. 

Every. Single. One. 

What hairstyle to go for? Something short the baby can’t grab. White blouse or black? Go for the mustard colour - hides any stains from baby. Shall we go to Mexico or Prague this year? Nope, we’ll go to the place near Southampton with the kids club and the pool. What’s for dinner? Whatever the kids moan about the least these days.

I know you love him. 

And I know that it’s easy to be worried - to think of love like a shy deer - so rare, so temperamental and so fragile, and you’re frightened that if you disturb it, it will dart off into the undergrowth and you’ll never see it again.

For women, especially when we’re young, there’s an unspoken attitude that we shouldn’t be too choosy or selective when it comes to the men we date - instead, we should be kinda grateful for the offer. We should let our compassionate female eyes pass graciously and without comment over flaws, incompatibilities, disrespect and attitude problems, and instead be glad we were chosen at all for the honour of male attention. 

We’re encouraged to remain loyal, loving and respectful to a man who hears us say “I don’t want…” or “I don’t like…” - and chooses to wave our opinion aside.

Even if it’s a deep-seated opinion. 

Even if it’s on something that will impact every choice you ever make again. Everything from what car you drive to what food is in the cupboards. Everything.

I know you love him. I wish I could pour you another coffee, wave an airy hand and say, “Nah, children don’t affect things that much. You can work around it.”

But I can’t.

Anyone who treats his opinion like a fortress, unassailable and full of authority, and treats yours like an old carrier bag caught in the wind… is not a man you should have children with.

I’m not a parent. I don’t know how to raise a child. 

But I know it’s easier with two of you, united on the things that matter.

If you can’t sincerely agree whether the children should exist at all, how will you agree an approach to discipline? Potty-training? Homework? How will you agree whether they have a mobile phone aged eleven or not? How will you agree how late they can stay out? Every single issue, you will be dragged back - right back - to the beginning, and stuck there, unable to leave it: “Well, I didn’t really want children in the first place…”

And you’ll be there for life.

I know you love him. I know you feel like you should be loyal to him somehow, and overlook all the problems, because… it’s what decent women do, isn’t it? Because you’ll be rewarded with a ring if you make yourself agreeable enough to him, and that’s the ultimate prize… right? The ring and the crib? You’re meant to want them, both of them together like a neat little set… aren’t you?

I don’t know if anyone has told you this before - but it’s okay, if you don’t want those.

It’s okay if your ultimate prize would be a big garden of your own, a nice clean house and a special wine fridge. Or perhaps your name on that frosted glass door, under ‘Chief Executive’ in gold. Your novel for sale in the bookshop. That passport full of stamps, full of memories.

And you’re allowed to value that more than some prospective Proud-Dad-of-Three’s seal of male approval. 

Don’t let the world tell you that marriage and children (always together) are a covetable prize handed out only to worthy, agreeable women.

Your opinion matters just as much as his.

If he’s putting a question mark over that fact, ignoring what you say in the golden light of what he says, that’s a solid iron guarantee right there of what your life would be like as mother to his children.

And believe me: that’s all you’d be.

I’m sorry - and for what it’s worth, one last time, I know you love him.

But love isn’t a rare, once-in-a-lifetime chance. Real love isn’t flighty and fragile like a butterfly, ready to flutter away forever at the first hint that you have your own opinions. In fact, when the opportunity for real love arises, it’s amazing how safe you will feel - how secure. You’ll be staggered by how much you agree on. You’ll be reassured by how right it feels.

It’s safe to let this one go. 

Honestly. I promise.

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One of the worst things is having to force down a panic attack because your stressed parents are going through your room and already are mad at you for not helping.

;;ooc

Hello, my lovelies! 

Just a quick update to let you all know that I won’t be around from Friday - Monday due to a family holiday. Centre Parcs with my husband, step-dad, step-mum, sister, brother-in-law, and their two kids. It’ll be… interesting, to say the least?? I’ve unpacked all of my clothes in order to make room for bottles of alcohol which I’m sure will be needed far more.

I know I owe a couple of starters, as well as a butt load of replies. They’re all in my drafts!

See you on Tuesday!

oh i’m so anxious :( i’ve got my exam a week today and i feel like i still have so much work to do but can’t focus for obvious reasons, or can’t focus for random displaced anxiety left over from everything that happened. and i’m so anxious about the holiday- me and my mum are obviously still going but if i’m being honest i really don’t want to spend a whole week just me and her :( it just isn’t going to be very fun and i could invite a friend but honestly theres no one i want to spend a whole week with just me and them. and i keep thinking like, oh i’ll be so anxious being away from ryan for so long, as if my brain’s forgotten i wouldn’t be seeing him anyway, obviously i know that, and i don’t want to see him anyway, but that’s the way i’m used to thinking and the way i thought at christmas with missing him for a week and it’s just….. so bizarre. but yeah the thought of going now is making me really sad and upset and anxious. i’m so angry he’s ruined my end of uni holiday. and angrier i paid £200 for him (my mum paid for me and her and i paid for half of his bc i felt bad he’d be paying and i wouldnt). he offered to give me it back but i said i didnt want money. damn son, wish i’d said yes now. trying to be diplomatic but i’m fucked off about it now. fuck sake.