holding the baby

The Signs Hold a Crying Baby

Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER

Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life

Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”

Cancer: *is the Crying Baby* 

Leo: Worry not, I will calm you with my talent for, uh, singing, “rock-a-bye baby in the -” baby: *screams louder* leo: okay well, fuck you too

Virgo: Gross pls tell me this thing didn’t poop OH MY GOD IT POOPED GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

Libra: Smiles and patiently calms the child, artfully hiding their discomfort and disgust, thinking “why the fuck do people keep making these things I hate them I hate them I fucking hate them ughh”

Scorpio: *glares* shut the fuck

Sagittarius: Tbh if you were my kid, I’d probably “forget” you in a shopping cart at the grocery store… shit, where is your mother? Don’t tell me she-  HEY LADY, YEAH YOU, COME GET YOUR KID

Capricorn: Calmly sets the child down and walks away forever

Aquarius: According to some scientific studies, crying indicates that in later life, the infant will adapt qualities of…

Pisces: Me too, kid. Me too.  By the way, it only gets worse from here…

anonymous asked:

How would guys react to their baby girl teething on their fav things?

~Sakamaki~

♥Shu: Ugh, careful… You’re going to electrocute yourself if you bite my mp3 like that… Ah, look a this… You got it wet. How bothersome…

♥Reiji: No! Not that–! -he quickly grabbed the bottle away from his daughter’s hands- This is a poison I’ve been working on… Good grief… You shouldn’t enter here, little one.

♥Ayato: My takoyaki!! Ah, you little punk… You’re going to pay for this, mini-me! -he said, holding his baby close. Of course, he didn’t mean it.- Ah, it’s still edible!

♥Kanato: Ahh! Don’t touch Teddy! You have a lot of toys in here! -he might be a father now, but he’s still a kid on the inside who goes crazy if something happens to his belongings.-

♥Laito: Ah, don’t touch my fedora, please~ You’re a really naughty kid, ne~? Come, bite this, instead. It may soothe your aching teeth~ -Laito gave his toddler one of his macarons. He didn’t like sharing very much… But it was better if he sacrificed a few macarons instead of his fedora.

♥Subaru: -He panicked the moment he saw his child playing around the rose garden, trying to get one of the roses in their tiny mouth- NO! Sheesh, this is dangerous…-he took off every thorn of the rose, and handed it to his child- There you go…

~Mukami~

♥Ruki: -Sigh- Don’t touch my book. How many times have I told you this? -he grabbed it and put it on a higher place.- Come with me, take these candies, instead.

♥Kou: Agh, don’t bite my cds, Nyan-chan! I’ve bought you a lot of plushies, haven’t I? Go play with these instead! Ahhh… I hope my cds still work…

♥Yuma: Heh, are you feeling hungry? -he chuckled when he saw his little daughter nibbling on an apple- Here, take these grapes. Those are softer, y'know.

♥Azusa: No…! -his eyes widened when he saw his baby daughter grabbing one of his knives- Don’t touch… Those, please… Your mother will… Hate me if something… Happens to you…

~Tsukinami~

♥Carla: That’s my ham… -a really creepy voice came out of him- Hm… What should I do with you? Your attitude is the same as your mother’s.

♥Shin: Hey, don’t bite that! -he took the nuts out of his baby’s mouth- You could choke on those. And you don’t even have teeth yet! Haaaah….

You will be fourteen when you find a cigarette tucked into the asphalt of your neighbor’s drive way. You will pick it up, run home, and smoke it on your back porch. Your mother will find you, scold you, and tell you that she loves you. That night you watch movies with her until you fall asleep.

You will be sixteen when it becomes a habit. You will smoke everyday on your walk home from school, and on the days that you don’t, it’ll be because you snuck out of class to do so. You develop twitches, such as touching the pads of your fingers to each other, or bouncing your leg. You put up with it when you think of your mother.

You will be seventeen when she finds you with another cigarette in your fingers. She tells you you look just like your father.

You will be eighteen when you hold the chubbiest baby you’ve ever seen. He has the blackest eyes, and the tiniest hands, his hair sticks up in tiny puffs that you fail to slick down with your fingertips, and he bounces on his mother’s lap every time you walk into the room. He is one year old. He is the brightest thing you will ever see. When you pick him up for the first time, he touches his hands to your cheeks and it’s the only thing that will make you smile that whole week.

You are nineteen when you sign up the same child for daycare. There are no more stray cigarettes for you to pick up on sidewalks, there are no more ashtrays, and there are no more creaky floor boards for you to sneak by for a late night smoke, there is just you and this child. You will never pick up another cigarette again.

anonymous asked:

we'll find out at SeaCon probably lol

Gen is planning to have the baby in Seattle, right, so that she’s close to set? Like she did with Shep. So probably Jared will bring his tiny squishy naked newborn child onstage for the gold panel and hold her up before the audience in the manner of Rafiki at the beginning of the Lion King (actually I guess then it should be like Richard Speight holding the baby and Jared looking proudly on from the back of the stage, as all the fangirls join in a heartfelt chorus of Circle of Life)

anonymous asked:

1. My sister literary wore skinny jeans days after she gave birth and is so skinny (too skinny I believe) and can hold an effing baby with one hand so Brianna was just a normal mom after she gave birth. And 2, no, I would not accept Louis and Harry if they came out now, because they would be horrible horrible people for exploiting so many people and children. Go ahead Larry shippers, call me homophobic. I just felt like I need to say something. When will they let go? Its been YEARS!!!!

^^^^^^

why-this-kolaveri-machi replied to your post “denugis replied to your post “still waiting on jared…’s baby” …”

‘babybirthing roomba’ omg jess

that was a self-indulgent in-joke with myself, did you get it?! (also somewhat with denugis who had commented on that previous item) (now i’m thinking about sam as a long-legged birthing roomba, i suppose he’d be okay with the blood and ought by now to be reasonably calm in a crisis but i also think he’d be one of those people who would be worried about holding a baby in case he dropped it) (tho really he could probably accommodate a whole child in a single enormous hand) (like baseball gloves)