holding on

And I don’t say it, but I can’t help but to think that she might never find what she’s looking for. She’s always laughing just a little too loud, or answering just a little too quickly, or holding onto things that she should’ve let go of years ago….She is so thirsty for love that she drowns in it every time.
—  Poetry At Most
i decided to love you,
through all the changes,
all the unreciprocated things.
i decided to hand you
the knife even it stabs me
a million times.
i decided to love you,
in a million different ways.
because it’s always
been you, love.
—  her (MIS); loving, breaking
I imagine that to others, we appeared like a knot. We were messy and dysfunctional, and constantly tangled up in each other. Our limbs, our emotions, our lives. I was always trying to smooth out the rougher parts of you and you were trying to untangle the disaster that my life was becoming. I don’t know how we became so caught up in each other, but my God I was never happier to bend and twist myself around the prospect of someone’s happiness.
—  Clinging onto a dead love will only bring out a pair of scissors.
You chose her. You married her. You have a kid with her. So why is it when you’re lying in bed awake at 3:00 am I’m the one you call. Why is it that when you’ve had a rough day my number is the first you dial just waiting for me to say “Hi Prince.” You left me for her so why is it that you still have my pictures saved and even after 5 years of being apart you’ve still managed to hold on to them. You’re with her so why is it that every year on my birthday at 12:00 am you’re the first to say “Happy Birthday.” You’re married to her so why is it that when we both walk past you, your eyes linger on me. Why did you choose her if you love me?
— 

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #350

01/31/2017

8:10 pm