hold on to the memories

As a child I felt myself to be
alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things
which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do
not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people
about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that
seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which
others find inadmissible.
—  Carl Jung, “Memories, Dreams, Reflections”
3

this day - the sunday of memorial day weekend - holds such a tender place in my heart.

  • on this day in 2015, my wife + i walked down the aisle at camp wandawega and were married by one of our best friends in the world
  • and in 2016, we snuck back to wandawega, just the 2 of us, to celebrate our anniversary and the little secret we had yet to let the world in on: my wife was 6 weeks pregnant with dashiell
  • and today, 2017 - naps & coffee & neighborhood walks with our little family. a little quieter, perhaps, yet our whole world is spinning on a different axis
I just … I can’t believe how lucky I am. I lived for so many years in some version of the closet. initially self-imposed, then a double life, then kept in the closet by family.

it feels like life has turned on a dime, but it’s actually been a slow march toward uncovering - to living only one version of myself. I am finally out-out-out, with a beautiful wife & amazing son, & i can’t help but let the joy pour out of me.

Book quotes

“ That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt ”
| The fault in our stars |

“ It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart ”
| mokingjay |

“ With you by my side, I could do anything ” | By Your Side |

“ Fear doesn’t shut you down it wakes you up ” | Divergent |

“ I see a world on the edge of a blade, without balance it will fall ” | Red Queen |

“ the worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliest of it. Memories need to be shared.” | The Giver |

“ Things are changing, there’s no denying it ” | The Maze Runner |

Weekly Fic Rec 28th May 2017

Adore You by @isthatyoularry
Set in the 1920’s, Harry spends the summer at his parents’ estate. Harry’s parents are keen for him to enter into a courtship with the Tomlinson’s son Louis. Harry is not keen at all.

keep them in your mason jars by sincehewaseighteen @pinkhalo 
The Mason jar fic. Louis has a lovely unique tradition of holding memories in a mason jar. Harry thinks the tradition and Louis are pretty wonderful.

Your Mess Is Mine by amore @amories
Journalist Louis is dad to the adorable Noah. Harry is a member of a boyband fresh from a two year break and a massive scandal. They fall in love

there was a reason i collided into you by sockslwt @feelinqblue
Louis and Harry are neighbours who meet one morning in the lift. It becomes a thing…

Ain’t My Fault by @afirethatcannotdie
A really cute one shot featuring misunderstandings, a Craigslist ad and a missing avocado!

Far Away by dimpled_halo @dimpled-halo
Harry is back in London after 5 years trying to make it in the music industry in LA. He finds all of his friends have moved on with their lives. This includes Louis, his ex and possible love of his life.

Alphabet Tag Game

I got tagged by @neiticora and @fettuccine-alfreylo a life time ago lol. 

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs (lol I’m tagging 10, deal wit it).

a - age: 24

b - birthplace: California

c - current time: 03:20 

d - drink you had last: Colada which is why I am still awake.

e - easiest person to talk to: I’m going to say @cheesytriangle​ and my irl best friend, Rob. 

f - favorite song: Lmao I don’t have one, I have moods to listened to a certain song over and over again for like a day and then that’s it. Currently it’s An End Once and for All from ME3 because I’m trying to make it’s tear jerking power lose its hold over me and also because I prefer sad songs over everything. 

g - grossest memory: OH MAN, ok so in the summer of 2013 I took a tour of Europe with my arch class, this was approx. a week into the tour and we were starting our leg in Italy. So for my American peeps, Europe has really strict laws concerning drive times for truckers and bus drivers, as such we made a stop in Verona and me and a bunch of us really had to use the bathroom after being in the bus for a while. So here I am hauling ass to the first public restroom I see, at this point I’m not really picky so it’s I guess a port-a-potty? But not really? Anyway, its June and it’s hot and as I get near I see an extraordinary amount of flies and at this point I’m already preparing for a disaster but I’m not anything if not persistent. So, I walk up to the bathroom anyway. Door is half open, and as I peak in it turns out some asshat decided to take a dump but could not be fucked to actually aim for the toilet. So there’s just this turd baking on the toilet seat in the heat. I turned right back around walked to the other peeps and told them, “Nope, do not go near that.”

Interestingly, after that we found a small bar and in my HS Italian I asked if we could use it and then encountered my first ever squat toilet. Traveling is a blast.

h - horror yes or no: Usually no. They tend to be generic with shitty endings.

i - in love? Not in a long time.

j - jealous of people? Sometimes. Not generally.

k - killed someone? No. Who the fuck answers yes on this and why aren’t they in jail?

l - love at first sight or should i walk past again? Attraction at first sight. Love takes time, effort, and trust. 

m - middle name: Nah. Do you want my social too?

n - number of siblings: Actual? 1. I’ve never met him so 0?

o - one wish: To be financially comfortable.

p - person i called last: My mom.

q - question you’re always asked: “Where are you from?”

r - reason to smile: My fat dog.

s - song you last sang: I am currently singing Blue and Yellow by The Used because it’s playing right now.

t - time you woke up: 10 AM

u - underwear color: Black.

v - vacation: Would love to visit London again but I’m going to Nicaragua in two weeks, I don’t know if that counts considering it’s mostly to visit family.

w - worst habit: Not having a sleep schedule.

x - xrays: I’ve had chest and teeth x-rays.

y - your favorite food: All of it.

z - zodiac sign: Aquarius

Tagging @cheesytriangle | @haikoui | @winterofherdiscontent | @reyloporn | @red-applesith | @kuresoto | @ohtze | @martell-arianne | @cobwebbing | @reyloart

2

“You know, you don’t have to do this right now. It can wait, if you’re not ready.”

“It’s ok… Thanks for coming with me.”

Docks: Holding Area - in which many feels were had. These two tho, amirite??

Teddy Lupin and The Sorting Hat.
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>11-year-old Teddy :</b> *walks up to the Sorting Hat*<p/><b>Sorting Hat :</b> "Hufflepuff!"<p/><b>Smol Teddy, confused :</b> "But I didn't even wear you"<p/><b>Sorting Hat :</b> "This is your first day and you're already making friendship bracelets"<p/><b>Smol Teddy, holding up multiple friendship bracelets :</b> "It is never too early to make memories!"<p/><b>Sorting Hat, sighing :</b> "Yep, you're a Hufflepuff"<p/></p><p/></p>
Dear, first love.
I do not know how it happened. I couldn’t even tell you when it happened. All I know is that I was completely in love with you but suddenly, it was over and my love started dissipating for you. Please understand, it didn’t just leave. I went through hell and back, not knowing how to deal with the love that you left behind. I thought it was something I’d never be able to get over. I was so overwhelmingly in love with you that I just couldn’t believe that we had no future together anymore and that was hard to swallow because there was a time where I once saw you as my entire future. My mind went astray with the thought of you during cold nights, wishing we were sharing body heat for one last time. It felt as though I’d never be able to erase your name from my memory. But something happened. Like I said, I don’t know when or how, or possibly even why, I just know that it stopped hurting. Your name didn’t feel like a sharp knife embedded into my heart, it faded away like a dull blur that I had trouble remembering. I could drink dark coffee without thinking how your lips tainted that very same mug once before. I was able to pass by the places that hold memories of past us laughing away into the night, with mexican food in our mouth and love in our eyes, with a smile. There was no longer any sadness that used to drain my entire body with heaviness when my thoughts ran through these memories like wildfire. Just an acknowledgement that we were in each other’s lives at one point of time in this universe. I’m no longer sad about us anymore. Truth is, if we were meant to be, we would have been. It’s just a shame that we were lessons rather than the real thing because had we learnt our lessons before meeting each other, we could have been the real thing, you know? The big love that everyone talks about. All of the movies, songs and poems about love; we would have been the epitome of love itself. I truly believe that. But I am happy that we happened. Because I now know how it truly feels to love someone and to have it taken away from you. It’s given me the biggest lessons of my life. I now know when to admit when I’m wrong, how to support someone when they need you to, how to not hold back in love just because you’re scared of the outcome and most importantly, how to love someone without wanting anything in return. Just for the complete sake of loving them.
God, I’m scared. I’ve met someone new and I’m terrified of messing it up. But this time around, I’m not holding back. I have a heart full of love and this time, I’m going to do it right. So thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for the lessons and thank you for teaching me how to love somebody properly. Goodbye, first love. Hello, my last love (hopefully).

Can you imagine how different (and better) Teen Wolf would have been if it had been Derek’s story? 

Just imagine that Teen Wolf was a series about Derek, starting from when he’s a young teenager trying to deal with his powers, wanting to learn the way his mother and Laura did but eventually having to rely on Peter’s manipulative teachings to twist his emotions. Imagine getting the full story of him falling in love with Paige and then losing her.

Originally posted by thealphaofmultifandoms

Imagine the story of him living every day in fear of hunters, constantly watching his back because everyone knows who the Hales are, but he knows no-one.

Originally posted by exist-in-mind

Imagine the full story of Kate abusing him - no brushing over it, but giving the abuse the attention it needs and showing people its not okay, not sexualising it by having Tyler stripped bare and chained up but showing that he was sixteen or seventeen years old when Kate started abusing him.

Originally posted by sherrykinss

Imagine getting the full story of the Hale house fire and all the emotions that come from it. Imagine Derek feeling so alone, knowing that he only has a comatose uncle and Laura left. Imagine seeing Derek’s reaction when he finds out that Laura was torn in two by his uncle.

Originally posted by foreskinz

Imagine him spending years on the run and hiding away int he ruins of his old family home as he tries to hold onto the memories of his family while fearing that every firework or poacher’s rifle could be a hunter coming after him.

Originally posted by stilessderek

Imagine getting his side of the story when it comes to Scott being a bloody idiot: ignoring his advice and dating an Argent.

Imagine seeing his perspective as he falls for Stiles and finally reaches a point where he feels comfortable and safe enough that he can open up to someone and let himself love again.

Originally posted by tweenw

Originally posted by alina-horanx3

Imagine everything that could have been and cry.

buttonfanatic  asked:

Team voltron get those mind melding headbands on are encouraged to share their feelings and emotions for a bonding activity but everyone feels lance holding back and it just feels blank when they try to feel his emotions. After a little prodding he finally gives up and the intense wave of negativity, self hatred, inadequacy, and so much more washes over the team. they are all shocked and overwhelmed and take the headbands off, they're horrified 'cause even now, lance is acting completely normal

Dude, yes!

They take their headbands off, Lance being the last one. He carefully puts it on the ground, drawing out the moment he would need to look at his team, cause he expects… Well, he doesn’t even know what he expects from them, but he at least wants to apologise for putting them through this.

But when Lance lifts his gaze, he sees something he totally did not expect.

Shiro’s forehead is sweaty and his Galra arm is glowing, left hand holding it tightly by the wrist. Lance’s emotions triggered some of his worst memories and now he is fighting an upcoming episode.

Pidge is outright crying, ugly, their glasses on the floor, hands wiping away tears in angry motions until the skin under their eyes is red.

Keith stares into nothingness, he looks like a wax figure, so still, you almost can’t see his breastplate moving from breathing. He fell into some sort of catatonic state.

Hunk is so very pale, he squishes his cheeks painfully with the gloved hand, covering his mouth. The headband that he holds in his other hand crunches from the force of his grip.

Everyone’s so overwhelmed by this waterfall of feelings, they can’t calm down, desperately fighting it, but their brains can’t discern their own emotions from Lance’s. They’re drowning in the whirlpool of fear, self-hatred, a desire to lie down forever and never get up. There’s is a thin voice at the back of their heads that reminds them that this is how Lance feels all the time.

Lance is horrified. He doesn’t know what to do.

I am the one before the one.

It’s a role I’ve learned to accept.

I am the one who will overload your senses, I am far too much of everything, but you will try to encompass all that I am. I will be the one who teaches you exactly what you want from “the one.” With me you will see things as though the lights were turned too high on the dimmer so that you could only see me and the music too loud that you couldn’t quite hear anybody else. With the next girl you end up with she will shine just brightly enough that you will be able to see everything you couldn’t see with me and the volume of her music will not leave you deaf when the song ends.
I will help you grow by pushing you to the extent of your limit, I will call you out when you’re wrong, I will ask you to do a little better than last time, and I will love you with a love you didn’t even know could exist.
It will feel as though one hand I’ve given you to hold holds all the love in the world and the other holds the words my tongue lashes out with no filter. But with those hands you will learn both the love you deserve and how to finally not hold back how you truly feel. These hands will teach you to speak freely without fear of condemnation and condescending judgements. They will teach you to love and touch everything that you find beautiful as you pull your hands through her hair or frolic through a patch of flowers and pull the petals to your face to smell their fragrance.
You see after me, you’ll learn not only how to love yourself, but love her. She will tell you that she’s never experienced a love quite like yours and you’ll never tell the secret that you learned it from me.

You see, I am the one before the one.

But like that scar you got from scraping your knee on the climb up your favorite mountain, you won’t forget me.
When pieces of her emanate me, I will be present in the breath you hold in just a second too long at the memory of me, the sharp feeling on your tongue as you bite down as my name starts to slip through your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach as you remember the way my eyes lit up at your presence. Her smooth edges that represent who she is will often remind you of my jagged edges, the ones that cut you but you still loved to climb. And for all those moments you’re reminded of me, you’ll touch your knee and realize you hadn’t climbed your favorite mountain to your favorite view in a while. You’ll wonder if instead of the common smooth edged rock you’d found on the ground, the one you could buy for five dollars at your local farmers market, you could’ve had a fine cut diamond with jagged edges.
And as you look into her eyes and see your reflection you’ll wonder if the pressure of my love could’ve made you a diamond as well.

—  I am the one before the one
My 12 Lives

Aries - A whole new world

In Pisces she wept and fell to sleep, a mermaid tail drifting in a sea by her side. All was calm, and then began the storm. A fireball in the sky,
a new season, a new beginning, a hurricane to drop a child inside. From the storm the Aries was born, learning to walk and talk, forgetting the mermaid tail she took 12 lifetimes to sew. She looks for magic behind every corner, always expecting something astonishing and new. Through fierce suppression or taught shame, her spirit becomes poisonous, because she is a wild heart, free and untameable, as young as the spring, as pure as the wind. And she may hold violent secrets, or act of some destructive urge that sings a song of impulse. Instant self gratification is important, consuming the world is important. Everything seems so foreign as if nothing ever existed before she was born. Now she is in a world that seems to have forgotten her, a princess of the night through her last lifetime. Her scarlet aura conducting fires in the horizon, a child chasing shapes in the clouds. Twinkle twinkle little star
now I know who you are

Taurus - Rest and Rectitude

It had all been so loud, so busy, so exhausting. Pushed from one frantic lifetime to the next, the Taurus woke up tired, her body seeming to be entwined with vines, her ears buzzing with the sound of wildlife. She walks through the forest to find hideaways opening just for her
a priestess of the flowers, a mother to the earth, a reflection of pure beauty, an earthy Aphrodite. Her eyes glaze with the glassiness of still waves, her hair matted with herbs, it’s time to rest now, to flourish in a world that suddenly became soft to touch and delicious to taste. She could never truly cherish her surroundings before, life past through her in such a frenzied flash
sometimes there are old anxieties that creep in, reminding her of chaos and carnage, hitting the walls of a palace she has built
founded on integrity, diplomacy, and the laws of nature. She approaches the day with sleep still in her eyes, often relying on caffeine to adjust to human life. If she could flitter through life on natural time, she would sleep for days, and cherish the stillness of night



Gemini ~ Wings of a Butterfly

She cocooned herself into a flower bed last time around, like a chrysalis. The tired Taurus and a breath of fresh air was blown from heaven, the Gemini awoke, a butterfly with a golden helmet on her mind. Energy released in erratic form, the only way was to spiral upwards with the other winged creatures
sending messages through ether, delighted at making sounds, twists and turns with words. Suddenly the mind leaves the body behind, she is a floating balloon
Full of wonderful tales and facts and insights, illuminating the light behind her eyes when her mind is alive. And she can stay awake thinking for days, stimulated by internal conversation. Her responsibilities and plans can vanish,
as if she has completely forgotten. She can find herself in a mess of paperwork and clothes, unable to escape the hold of her mind, deciding with one personality but in conflict with another, split memories of life revealing themselves untimely. And she can be chastised for her scattered mind, often forgetting the most basic of things yet she can keep you captivated for hours under the spell of conversation, whisking words in her mind like a magic maze, every age and time in a myriad of marvellous mental somersaults



Cancer - Timeless Woman

The incessant chatter of Gemini drifted into the back of her mind, turning into long conversations on the beach, the tide washing words with memories. In cancer time, every minute could be a moment, there is the possibility for growth, enlightenment, and meaning in every experience, the pinnacle events of life felt with a reverent glory, to marry, to love, to held, to be held, to be welcomed home, and be kissed as she leaves for the world.
She is not bound indoors, but rather makes a presence and a home out of everything, constructing hideaways in secret fantasies and re illustrated memory. Before it was all about learning and squeezing facts out of life, now it is about withholding life, or giving birth to beautiful life, whether it be her own, a child, or something or someone she cherishes. People are stain glass windows to her lunar sculpted eyes, their feelings moving like colours, their psychic activity enveloping her like a heatwave. And you wonder why she can’t sleep, when its something her spirit so desperately needs. But your worry is her worry, and you give it to her while you fall asleep


Leo ~ Harlequin and Heroine

Wielding light at her command, this was a woman who formerly ruled the Moon. Illuminated from the heart, a golden child of the cosmos
an heiress of the day, almost sick on sunbeads. The whole charade can be in disarray, born into a kingdom of chaos and neglect. Her howl is enough to spin the earth so the sun burns nearer
feeling temperature creep into your chest, and that’s the feeling of her breath. Sun honey, a crown made of maple syrup whipped by stars. Before she had given life, and wept, and provided for. She taught to love and how to feel. And now she is all these sensations in her own side show riel
A cast selected by the heavens. A script written by a royal soul. A child at heart forced to be an actress on a stage, garnering adornment and command, painting an image with colours drenched in soul tie-dye
Tonight she fades away, but she comes to life on stage, or in your eyes, or lying with your heartbeat by her side. She feels music and cinema, she can see a part of herself in every character. Life fades as quick as fame


Virgo - Butterfly Mind

Sunburn punctures through her, a coursing burn shivers, her mind on fire, alive with anxiety and thoughts dancing in intricate design like butterflies. Charring burn down her tummy, more tension inside, stings on their wings, nervous sickness. The Leo spotlight was so loud and chaotic, the audience applause become deafening screeches in her ear, pride longing for the recognition. But the show has ended, and the Virgo has been left behind
only a shadow for company in genius that has lost its mind. The show has ended and the only audience member remaining is the critic, ready to spit his words of venom, turning up the houselights and shining them right on pretend flaws. And the only way to leave was to get down on her knees, to begin repairing herself, to scrub the world clean. The celebration is over, and now she is stuck in her mind, desperately trying to settle a million anxious butterflies


Libra Lightshow

To be a perfect mannequin, oh that was the dream. As a Virgo she sewed threads until her lungs couldn’t exhale. But now she is the dreamer of dreams, the writer of romance novels, and the personification of art. Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most loved by all? Libra is ruled by Venus, the Goddess of Beauty, sweet Aphrodite, rising from a watery clam into the airy clouds. This is where Libra dwells, painting the sky with her thoughts, dazzling like diamonds in the sun. With a pen feather in her hands she narrates the law of the land, reigning in on righteous justice and morality. Her body moves in harmonious symmetry, graceful, her expression warm and then glacial, for she is a woman born under the air swords, so intellect rules, beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and the mind is the beholder, so sharpen your wit before you challenge her judgement, she may be vague when she enters the story she reads
But she can be a woman scorned to those who threaten her allegiances or breed toxicity, the illusion and the glamor of a hall of mirrors, each face of a flower petal projecting through entrancing display. Daughter of the equinox, blessed with a cherubin face and allure, sorely misunderstood, she is not a flirter but a lover, a woman who finds parts of herself in everyone, parts of herself she longs to love, so she longs to love you, let her love you, it will be the most exquisite thing you ever do



Scorpio - Sea Siren

She plummeted from a jewel high in the sky, the cotton candy of Libra
free falling into the bottom of the ocean. Surrounded by all sorts of strange creatures, sea entities wearing the faces of demons, fighting to survive, born inhaling poisonous water.  And so life seems like a swim upward, but the pressure so harsh, the voices of ghosts are only under the surface, surrounded by hollow mermaids, sailors who have lost their life, between two worlds, the alive and the passed. She learned to love in Libra, but now she is forced to love the darkness, to cherish the beasts in herself  that claw at the inside of her skin, to be an instrument of light infusing with shadow. The sun shining through the cracks, the burn she can feel on her shoulder blades in quiet moments, it seems like sun from the bottom of the ocean, but that is soul, that is her soul, radiating across a hidden treasure island.


Sagittarius - The End and the Beginning of Everything

Waking from what seemed like eternal death, a lifetime of dying over and over as a Scorpio, becoming a phoenix, and now dancing in the dazzling sky, like jade diamonds. Flying over all the lives she has seen, every experience fills her mind with another location, another tropical island filled with mythological secrets and opportunity. She learned the art of psychic activity as a Scorpio, and now she is in tune with cosmic timing, living in a future arranged by vision, light, and prophecy. And yet it can all feel so incomplete, having kissed death and returned to reunite with a godly lover, through wind, trees, snow, and sea. One part of her body longs for the soil of the ground, the taste of real love, the human experience, grand and simple. And yet the spirit source caresses her to elevate higher, leave the lower mind behind and anybody who dwells there, for she must meet God face to face, with no church or temple or orgasm to hide behind. Ah, this is the essence of life. To believe what she has not seen, but to believe she will, so from the sky angels dwell but concealed by her own will. Sometimes she is too scared of her own greatness, she is after all, a hunter, one whose heart is reserved for the highest priestess.



Capricorn - What Becomes of Unfulfilled Dreams

The celebration of Sagittarius was over, the room was dark, and it’s almost like
performing a whole night of making up for the night before, or the life before. The Capricorn shakes on the ledge of the highest cloud, a mere push of
invalidation or discredit enough to send her tumbling roughly onto earthly concrete, the whisper of success in her ear flying kites in the sky. Between two worlds she seems to live, seemingly forced into responsibility from the
moment she took her first breath. Every experience and achievement forced through some sort of harsh institution, a secret life where she is berated
by her own volatile voices, and a life where is must play every role with
infinite ease, displaying qualities beyond human.
Echoes of children’s laughter play like violins in her ear, a harsh reminder of a life she was never permitted to know. A world alone. The rings of Saturn the karma she is forced to bear, undertaking the duty of confronting all the madness and the  pains of the Gods. And you want her to love you? You criticise her for not showing heart? That’s all she has ever shown.



Aquarius - Bleeding Rainbows

The world was loud and cold when she took her first breath, the lingering
shadow of life as a Capricorn haunting as she shook right to her bones. Tip toeing between clouds she tried to balance the crown on her head
all she had ever known was trying to survive and now she was a mother, a lover, a guardian to every child. When she laughs rainbows from the sky appeared, she is the angel of righteousness, truth, and humanitarianism. But the responsibility is heavy, and the crown becomes straining, alone she dwells, waiting for something to change, for people to change and find their hearts, and soul, and spiritual mind so she can descend and be free, so she can live on her vibrational harmony. As a Capricorn she had already walked the temple with Saturn, and now she had been summoned for another round, and her heart was already tired, and the voices were still so loud. She had achieved so much and yet how could she feel so empty and alone? She felt betrayed by their hatred and love of war and destruction. But there was soul and she could feel it, so
her mind sang with electric impulses of spiritual nectar
a milkshake of elevation for every being. You can sometimes catch her jumping from cloud to cloud, leaving a trail of teal flickering lanterns behind



Pisces - Mermaid Mirror 

After waking from what seemed like eternal sleep, she tumbled quickly,
plunging into deep water, taking a breath, but it wasn’t
water, it was air, it was earth, and she choked. Eleven times this happened, and the 12th time she realised this was life, 11 other spirits dwelling inside. The smell of heaven and everythingness seduced her from the invisible, whispering in her ear to come home, to shut her eyes and leave this world behind. She tried to walk but never really got her balance, the floor always slipping below her, her feet only having the memory of a mermaid tail. Everything can seem directionless and unsafe, like nobody could truly ease the sores in her spirit. She constantly attempts to swim away in oblivion, but a silver cord tugs her back to earth, reminding her of intense spiritual obligation, contracts she wrote with angels and demons. She has divine truths whispered in her ear, she also has lies, the trickster’s bride. As an Aquarius she had lifted humanity, she had raised a global generation of pure heart, she swung her legs off  the clouds, but now she was burned out, longing to fall asleep again, but she needed more energy than anybody to satisfy 11 other spiritual energies. 

-Cherry

You chose her. You married her. You have a kid with her. So why is it when you’re lying in bed awake at 3:00 am I’m the one you call. Why is it that when you’ve had a rough day my number is the first you dial just waiting for me to say “Hi Prince.” You left me for her so why is it that you still have my pictures saved and even after 5 years of being apart you’ve still managed to hold on to them. You’re with her so why is it that every year on my birthday at 12:00 am you’re the first to say “Happy Birthday.” You’re married to her so why is it that when we both walk past you, your eyes linger on me. Why did you choose her if you love me?
— 

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #350

01/31/2017

8:10 pm