hold it high

I woke up thinking about Clexa Con this morning and fandom. And I couldn’t go back to sleep because that’s what happens when something worms into my thoughts and bothers me. Then it sits there and bugs me more until I say something about it. Because that’s how frustrating my head is. That’s why I never shut up. Anyway, it’s so funny to me… having this thing happening in a few weeks and not being there. It’s eye opening to me watching people promote it and hype it and give it praise knowing that they previously talked about how wrong it was, knowing that they know I was wronged and think I was wronged. It’s frustrating to watch fans who hold everyone to excessively high moral standards support the con, even when they previously didn’t, because they’re getting to meet the actors they want. It’s enlightening to see the people who yell at members of their own community constantly for “selling out” quickly shut up and lose that righteousness when they’ll get to talk to an actor. It’s reminded me what the community actually prioritizes. The promise of an interview, the chance to look at an actor, the words of straight “allies” over our own people, This has thematically been the tone of this thing since its conception and that’s not just with me. I mean that with the people they originally invited, the way it was first supposed to be a space for fandom and has now become a space for meeting celebrities, the way panels about diversity and representation are slowly being removed from their line up and queer performers not being paid anything to attend not even accommodations up while more money gets spent on sending already wealthy straight celebrities who don’t need it.

And the thing is, I get it. I get why it’s valuable. I get why it’s happening. If I were invited to go tomorrow, I would go. To be there and support people and help to give more kids in queer fandom what they need. I get why the people who have chosen to go are going. But I find how quickly everyone stopped talking about it alarming. I find how quickly everyone shut up about the problems to be telling in terms of what we really value as a community. I remember sitting at dinner after season one of The 100 aired, telling a couple of The 100 writers how much we wanted more queer rep, and being really fucking nervous that they were going to think I was an ass hole for saying that and for the conversation we had. I remember getting a phone call and finding out months later what they were going to do. I remember going to set and being introduced to Alycia in costume and boiling over with excitement because I knew what it was going to mean to all of you. I think that’s where so much of the frustration comes from in not being able to share this with the people there. I think it’s why it disappoints me that we’re not using the con to talk more about gender diversity, about diversity in fandom, about the representation we still need, to uplift even more queer artists in fandom financially. I’ve heard from multiple people how sorry the con is for how they handled things with me but I haven’t actually seen it, and they haven’t actually made good on it so I can only assume that’s just words. 

But I guess we’re at is where we’re at. I am not even sure what this post is. All my emotions regarding this convention are fairly wishy washy and messy. And as I said, I’d still go. So I know why people are still going. I’m not condemning anyone for that. I guess I”m frustrated by how much we aren’t talking about the problems within ourselves. We spend so much time critiquing others, icing out any person who disagrees, aggressively and righteously demanding that other queer folks have “sold out” if they dare to do something that benefits their career or reputation, but we’re not better. None of us are better. You all sell out for the things you want too. And we should. You should occasionally just let things slide and get the happiness out of something that you want. I just hope that’s something we all start to see. I hope we all try to look more at the nuances here, at our own problems and our own flaws and begin to better hold the problems and flaws of others, and begin to better talk about how we can make our community stronger and better in the future. I hope that the con is all the fun for the people who get to go as it could have been for those of us who don’t or don’t feel comfortable anymore. I hope everyone gets to have their good time and gets a laugh and a chance to meet the people they want to meet, be they celebrities or fellow fans from around the world. I hope we do better tomorrow. 

anonymous asked:

For me, my problems with BvS wasn't the top layer stuff, it was the underpinnings. Batman's reaction to Martha was fine, but Supes saying it right then, them having the name in the first place was an issue. Why didn't Bruce already know when he researched Kent? Why did Lex know their identities. Why did he care. Why did he tell Lois? Why did Clark know about Lois, but not his mom? Why did Supes play along at all? How the hell did Lex pull this off, seriously. Its too much diablos ex machina

i feel you there like the people who made this movie were the background characters but like

I just want to remind everyone that


…..diablos ex machina is like

the sin of so many movies

And a lot of times I feel like BvS is held up to too high of a standard for some reason. Like. Of course people didn’t like it. We’re holding it to a super high standard. Diablos ex machina is a tool, and maybe there’s too much of that in it, but i’ve seen too many shitty movies lately to care too much if one that overall was very good did it a lil bit

I’ll try to help ease some of it for you tho:

  • I can’t remember if Bruce even knew Clark grew up as a human, or if he sort of assumed “this is how superman is all the time” and rolled with it, but assuming he did find out Clark’s identity instead of just obsessively researching the alien bit: he doesn’t see Clark as human. This is very, very key. He doesn’t see Clark as human. Martha isn’t his “mother” on paper, she’s a poor woman who was taken advantage of by this alien leech.

    And she stays that way until Superman is about to die, and all he’s thinking about is a woman who has Bruce’s mom’s name, and this woman is saying it’s his mother.

    Sometimes you don’t take things in context until it’s the worst moment.
  • I was under the impression Lex only knew Superman’s ID, not Batman. Superman’s not as good at hiding shit as Batman; Lex was gonna get through eventually. But I don’t remember anything in the film that specifically proves Lex knows Bruce Wayne is Batman (the “two people I wanted to meet!” is suspiscious I guess but like??? he bails pretty fast. I think that was just fanservice of the “let’s him and you argue without fighitng” kind. I loved it. Dramatic tension is exactly my kinda fanservice ok. )
  • Clark’s always listening for Lois in trouble. He’s expecting his mom to be a few states away in Kansas. No reason to listen for what shouldn’t be there. If you’re saying why does he hear Lois first then like… Martha’s kinda gagged I think, but Lois screams.
  • Supes plays along because he doesn’t trust himself enough to gamble with his mother’s life. Idk if you’ve ever been in a position where you might lose a loved one but–yeah. Man. It’s a lot easier to stand up to that in your head than in front of you while he’s holding the trigger and says that if you make any move against him she’ll die. I think going to Bruce and trying to tell him was prob the best plan, it’s just…. Lex has spent months and months hyping Bruce up to the point where his anxiety is eating him alive.

I don’t think it’s all diabolus ex machina

I think it’s Lex playing the long game

And I’m thrilled to have a Lex that can play the long game instead of just builds giant robots to try and navigate a large city in

this is me tho

Crowdsourcing my homework cause why the fuck not?

What do you look for when you are looking at a new area to live with a high degree of sustainability and walkability?

For me, I’m looking at

  • Nearest Market
  • Gas Station
  • Drug Store
  • Book Store
  • Park with playgrounds, baseball field, soccer field
  • bus stops and public transportation options
  • bike rental places
  • movie theater
  • Gym
  • Apt/Condos with nice community facilities for bbq’ing and a pool
  • Town houses with backyards for that sense of single-family dwelling without actually taking up a whole lot
  • Bank
  • misc stores and retail area
  • community center for concerts, townhall/govt stuff
  • School

What am I missing? What’s important to you if you had a moderate sized piece of land that could hold say a  high school, a couple apartment buildings and a strip mall or two between LAX Airport and Venice beach, just down Culver blvd where it dead ends.

If you had to redevelop that area what would you want?

I’m thinking a Co-Op for student housing for LMU and Santa monica College, Perhaps even family housing for the schools, housing for LAX employees with a direct shuttle to and from work, and various condos/townhouses for employees of Google and the other tech companies in the Playa Vista area with shuttles to there as well to save on transportation/gas/be greener.

But lemme hear your ideas!


…never mind me


Is there even someone who’s happier than me? If there is, then I think you wouldn’t be ARMYs who are cheering for us right now.
                                                      Everyone, are you all happy?
No matter where you go, just proudly say you are BTS’ fan. Proudly tell them you are BTS’ fan! Hold your head high!

Google Earth always taking pics

Nico has two hands PAP 👏 PAP 👏 PAP 👏

I’m a little caught up with myself lately. Won’t you take my most sincere apology? I’d stretch these arms just to hold you tight, but even I know that it wouldn’t do us any good. There’s so much more out there. There’s a million new things to learn within a day. You’re an artist, right? You’re into the night, right? You love this tiny blue dot, right? There’s so much more than love. There’s so much more than just us. I’m a little caught up with myself lately. Won’t you hold your head high for us? I’d stretch this heart an extra mile just to hear you laugh a little louder, just to see you smile a little bigger, and just to tell you that you’re more than enough for anyone to love. There’s better people out there for you to meet. There’s better people out there for you to fall in love with. You’re a painting, right? You’re made from watercolors, right? A burgundy rose waiting to be dipped into the horizon– you’re a sunrise waiting to happen. We’re a little caught up in the fleeting moments of just more than another us. We’re a little too good to be true, so it comes with a price. We’re alike, so I know what’s best for us. We’ve got plenty of time to explore each other, so we should analyze our reality. Long distance relationships are a test that we shouldn’t be taking– not in our current conditions at least. I’m a little distressed about myself. You’re still figuring out the world and who you are as a soul that loves to paint with just more than colors. We need to learn a little more. What is love to you? I’ve asked this many time before. Your answer is always me. That’s the thing, there’s plenty of right answers, but I’m just not one of them. How can I love you if I don’t know the first thing about it? Failed relationships are like dull pencils that we’ll want to sharpen every second– you were never boring, you were interesting to the shoreline and back. That’s the thing, isn’t it? I would give you the world if I knew how to. I would give you a meaningful promise if I knew how to. I could love you for an eternity composed of my heart twisted into your chest if I knew how to let go of the past. I should, but I still haven’t figured out how to do such a feat. I’m still stuck in my feelings like how you’re stuck onto me. I’m still lost at sea with crew members composed of younger versions of myself. How can I love you if I’m still figuring out how to love myself? How can I devote my passion to you if I’m still in trouble when I hear her name? How can I ruin you just for another shot at love? I wouldn’t do that to you. Alas, maybe I already have. Love is such a simple word. Four letters and the crowd cheers. Three words and there’s world peace. Afraid to open up and longing to be more of myself– I had to tell you every truth about who I am to myself and who I am to you. We’re always spinning ourselves to bed, we were smiling and hoping. You’re so much like me that it’s scary. They say that opposites attract, so how do we explain this? I guess we’re stuck in a fairy tale again and this is just another page. You’re a chapter that I can’t flip past, you’re a positive thing in my life and I don’t think I’m ready to accept that. I’ve got much to learn and maybe this was just a part of it. I’m a little caught up and into you– and this is the part where I have to pick what’s best for us. And the fact that you’re just like me… means that you already get it. You’re already in my head and you’ve made yourself comfy. So I guess an I love you will never start to sound like an apology between us.

“I love you.”
—  This is for you and only you.