Shit Slytherins Say: #29

Clever as the devil, and twice as pretty.


Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna of Russia


Young Anastasia grew into a vivacious and energetic child, described as short and inclined to be chubby, with blue eyes and strawberry-blonde hair. Margaretta Eagar, a governess to the four grand duchesses, said one person commented that the toddler Anastasia had the greatest personal charm of any child she had ever seen. Anastasia’s daring occasionally exceeded the limits of acceptable behavior. “She undoubtedly held the record for punishable deeds in her family, for in naughtiness she was a true genius”, said Gleb Botkin, son of the court physician Evgeni Botkin, who later died with the family at Ekaterinburg. Anastasia sometimes tripped the servants and played pranks on her tutors. As a child, she would climb trees and refuse to come down.

In his memoirs, one of the guards at the Ipatiev House, Alexander Strekotin, remembered Anastasia as “very friendly and full of fun”, while another guard said Anastasia was “a very charming devil! She was mischievous and, I think, rarely tired. She was lively, and was fond of performing comic mimes with the dogs, as though they were performing in a circus.” Yet another of the guards, however, called the youngest grand duchess “offensive and a terrorist” and complained that her occasionally provocative comments sometimes caused tension in the ranks. Just a few days before her violent death, she stuck her tongue out at Yakov Yurovsky, the head of the detachment and eventual chief murderer of her family, when he momentarily turned his back and left the room.


Keyblade Trio Hogwarts Houses
         ↳ (1/3)


Emperor Nicholas II of All the Russias


Despite his shortcomings in politics, Nicholas was fiercely loyal to his family and his country. Dominic Lieven, a writer on Russian history, stated that “Nicholas was not a stupid man. The problems Russia faced were very great. Nicholas II loved his country and served it loyally and to the best of his ability. He had not sought power … He was very kind, sensitive, generous. [The situation] would probably have destroyed any man who sat on the throne.” 

For Nicholas, the enthusiasm for power was something alien. Even though he saw his stately position as burdensome and uninteresting, he had a strong sense of duty and did not shrink from it. Nicholas was a hard-working man, once stating “I shall never allow myself to go to bed, until I have completely cleared my desk.” Exceptional self-possession gave the Tsar the strength to spend hours on end tirelessly reading the reports and detailed memoranda submitted to him. He took many matters very close to his heart, but hid his sentiments behind a mask of calm indifference.


You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.

(Everything with this illustrations on Redbubble)


A thousand years or more ago
When I was newly sewn,
There lived four wizards of renown,
Whose names are still well known:

Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,
Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,
Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,
Shrewd Slytherin, from fen

With 31 July just around the corner, I’ve been cooking up a lot of Harry Potter-inspired pieces! This House series was so much fun (Oh and you can now get prints of these in my Etsy *wink wink*)

Shared house traits

Gryffindor & Hufflepuff
-sweet summer child
-close, intimate, heartbreak mending hugs
-giggles “that’s what she said”
-likelihood you’ll fall in love with them +9999999%
-probably still owns a stuffed toy

Ravenclaw & Slytherin
-already wrote an encyclopedia on all the ways they’re better than you
-judging you not-so-silently
-“my words are both poison and exilir. tempt me, if you dare.”
-intimidating at first bUT THEYRE ACTUAL CINNAMON ROLLS
-“aw you didn’t have to do that!-…what do you want?”
-too many trust issues, someone just HUG THEM

Gryffindor & Ravenclaw
-already stalked you on all your social media accounts
-board games. video games. gaaames. 
-always has a mess. somehow knows where everything is. 
-BUSY. friends, hobbies, school/work, internet til 2am, busy.

Slytherin & Hufflepuff
-knows who they will search for first during the apocalypse
-“i trust you with my life. don’t let me down”
-literally gives the best first impressions
-it’s actually a little scary how much they could be hiding
-work, work, work, workwork

Hufflepuff & Ravenclaw
-“god you’re so fucking weird and i love it”
-that friend who never yells at anyone until they do and everyone is terrified
-my otp is better than yours
-“rules were not made to be broken unless i say so”
-happier when all is peaceful and quiet

Gryffindor & Slytherin
-that friend that shares all the hot selfies they find. (bless them)
-has never made a good decision after 2am
-*loses something* *blames it on you* *finds it 2min later with their stuff*
-selfie game too strong


people are comparing Hogwarts houses with the new Ilvermorny houses, trying to find which Hogwarts houses = which Ilvermorny houses. 
But I think that the reason you’re sorted in to each house is different between the two schools, so there no way to just line them up right next to each other. 

Hogwarts goes by what traits are important to you and what you value in a person
where as
Ilvermorny seems to be more of what part of you defines who you are

these are two different things- sometimes they will match up, but not always. 

  • gryffindors value bravery and being daring,
  • hufflepuffs value loyalty and hard work, 
  • slytherins value ambition and being cunning, 
  • ravenclaws value intelligence and creativity. 
  • horned serpents are defined by their minds and what they think,
  • wampuses are defined by their bodies and what they can do, 
  • thuderbirds are defined by their souls and what they have found, 
  • pukwudgies are defined by their hearts and who they have helped. 

Horned Serpents

gryffindors can be horned serpents because they think about ways they can get out of a bad situation (think hermoine)

hufflepuffs can be horned serpents because they use their minds to help others and work hard learning ways to help others (I can’t think of an example of someone off the top of my head but I’m thinking of an environmental lawyer who uses their mind to help save the earth) 

slytherins can be horned serpents because they use their mind to achieve their goals and talk their way out of a bad situation

ravenclaws can be horned serpents because they use their mind to be creative and their intelligence is what they use the most


gryffindors can be wampuses because they push the limits of what they can do

hugglepuffs can be wampuses because they use their hard work to get better and better at what they’re good at and will fight for those they are loyal to

slytherins can be wampuses because they are cunning and will do whatever they need to get what they want done

ravenclaws can be wampuses because they use their creativity to come up with new ideas to get what they want done. 


gryffindors can be thuderbirds because they go out no matter the danger and what they have found along the way

hufflepuffs can be thunderbirds because they look at what’s inside someone and what they have found in their soul

slytherins can be thunderbirds because they care about what they think and what matters to them on the inside- not what others consider important. 

ravenclaws can be thunderbirds because they are creative and care about what’s inside your soul


gryffindors can be pukwudgies because they are chivalrous and want to help people

hufflepuffs can be pukwudgies because they care about helping people and think that what’s in the heart that matters

slytherins can be pukwudgies because they care about a few people that are really close to their hearts and want to make sure those they care about are above everything else

ravenclaws can be pukwudgies because they use their creativity to help people- it matters what’s in their hearts and how they use it to help others

House descriptions with sass

-*finishes a story* “omg that reminds me of that time..”
-“am i genuinely excited or just humble bragging, probably both? you’ll never know?”
-*tries to fix hair way too often*
-“literally everyone is my fam”
-“yeah let’s hang out!! but only for like 5min because i have other plans”

-“i don’t brag often but fuck yes i know i’m one of a kind”
-“yes i’m aware i look like shit but i’ve weighted the smell:no shower ratio and i can last until tomorrow at 3:48am”
-“omg get these humans away from me RIGHT NOW”
-“i did see that meme. i’ve seen all memes. just give up with your dignity”
-“okay you’re right but my reasons are better”

-“fine yes cut me to get on the fucking bus it’s not fucking going anyWHERE”
-“living cute and drama free”
-“breathe and maybe the bad thing will go away” *it doesnt* “well fUCK”
-*small incident* “literally did not sign up for this” 
-“god i’m so full” *sees friend with food* “are you gonna finish that?”

-“i hate people” “you’re a person” “yes but i’m literally better”
-“excuses are pointless”
-“my blood is 98% coffee and 120% GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE”
-“are you actually trying to intimidate me? lol cute”
-“my loyalty, my choice. you break that? you deal with it, cause i’m gone”

Imagine a Gryffindor and a Slytherin who both embody every stereotype of their house. They end up getting paired together in potions class, and they abhor one another. They fight over everything and end up getting into a fight one lesson, and after the Slytherin hexes the Gryffindor, the latter dunks the former’s head into the cauldron. Snape gives them both detention for a week, and on the second night he has to leave early, but he threatens them if they misbehave. Both students are slightly scared of the professor, so they continue scrubbing the classroom floors.

They end up talking to each other, and they find out that they both hate Snape and they both think Dumbledore is a little mad. Miraculously, they start to bond, and by the end of the week’s detentions, they’re friends. But of course, if anyone knew they didn’t hate each other, they would be ruined. So they stage little fights that get them detention together throughout the year. And at the end of the year they realize they’re in love.

The two visit each other over the summer, and over the next couple years they date in secret until their seventh year when the Gryffindor surprises everyone and bends down on one knee in the Great Hall.

Years later, the couple’s pair of twins start their first year at Hogwarts. They’re sure that their children will either be in Slytherin or Gryffindor, and they don’t care which.

But to their surprise, the girl is sorted into Ravenclaw. She says the hat told her she was in Ravenclaw because she had been raised to be open minded, accepting, unique, and just a little eccentric. She also didn’t have a bad mind.

And the boy is sorted into Hufflepuff because the hat told him he had been raised to be kind, fair, hard-working, and to treat everyone the same, no matter their label.

And so the Gryffindor and Slytherin who started out embodying their houses’ stereotypes became the family who broke all stereotypes.


There lived four wizards of renown, whose name are still well-known: Bold Gryffindor from wild moor, Fair Ravenclaw from glen, Sweet Hufflepuff from valley broad, Shrewd Slytherin from fen. They share a wish, a hope, a dream, they hatched a daring plan, to educate young sorcerers, thus Hogwarts school began.


hogwarts houses + elements

↳  “It is the tradition to have four houses, but in this case, I wanted them to correspond roughly to the four elements. So Gryffindor is fire, Ravenclaw is air, Hufflepuff is earth, and Slytherin is water; hence the fact that [Slytherin’s] common room is under the lake. So again, it was this idea of harmony and balance, that you had four necessary components and by integrating them you would make a very strong place.”  — J.K. Rowling