hoe garden

  • reviewer: breath of the wild is a game millenials relate to because everyone is thirsty for link ;)
  • zelda: self-doubting, overwhelmed, keeping her shit and entire kingdom together with Anxiety and Sheer Determination
  • link: gets his ass kicked every two (2) seconds, bullshits his way through everything with a paperclip and a garden hoe, still ready to Fight someone at all times
  • hyrule: in ruins, everything overpriced, no money anywhere, ruled by Actual Satan
  • me: yeah dude link's hot af
Domestic Klance Headcanons
  • Lance tries as hard as possible to sleep in for as long as possible
  • this is a difficult task considering Keith is an early riser he doesn’t even need an alarm he just naturally wakes up at 7 to work out or whatever
  • one time lance tried to wake up early enough to surprise keith with a birthday breakfast-in-bed, but of course keith didn’t get the message to sleep in and was already awake
  • they made a mess making pancakes and bacon together instead
  • lance is a neat freak. it annoys the crap out of keith because he never had to clean up for anyone else whereas lance’s mother pretty much programmed him to clean up after himself and his little siblings
  • keith affectionately labels these tirades as The Nag™…brace yourselves, The Nag is coming
  • lance can also cook??? he chops vegetables like it’s nothing and keith is alway afraid he’s going to lose a finger at the speed he’s going
  • they couldn’t decide on a color scheme for their room so it’s just a mismatched mess of soft blues and and calm grays and vibrant red and angsty black and it looks awful. but it’s theirs
  • lance convinced keith to do weekly Couple Luxury Night where they did relaxing at-home spa treatment-esque routines. he told keith it’d be fun but really it’s just an excuse for him to pamper his boyfriend and take goofy pictures in face masks and cucumbers
  • lance always fixes keith’s hair before he walks out the door because that boy does not know that bedheads aren’t acceptable. keith always pretends to be annoyed but his favorite thing is feeling lances fingers run through his hair
  • lance got them really into competitive cooking shows and naturally it turned into a heated cooking war between the two. since lance is 1000x better at cooking (keith can barely peel a potato) keith is allowed to distract him by whatever means necessary. lance is extremely susceptible to neck kisses, side tickling, and obnoxious raspberries
  • lance in aprons with flirtatious sayings
  • keith complying with the aprons’ suggestions
  • lance totally has a childhood teddy bear that he still sleeps with with named tigre (as a child he didn’t really have a clear grasp on the difference between bears and tigers). He is now señor tigre, respect the title, and is appalled when keith calls it ratty and old-looking
  • whenever lance is mad at keith he pretends keith isn’t there and complains about him to tigre
  • when keith needs comfort and can’t get any words out, lance lets him hold tigre—he might be old as hell but he is soft—and just talks to him about anything until keith feels better
  • they have matching red and blue mugs with cute lions on them
  • keith sleeps on the left side of the bed, but always manages to roll all the way to lance’s side by the morning
  • keith also has deathgrip when he’s asleep, so lance had to buy him a body pillow for those nights when lance just wants to sprawl out
  • lance taped a fucking picture of his face to the body pillow the first night keith slept with it and the next morning lance was woken abruptly by keith shrieking in terror
  • lance likes to do voices and impressions all the time to keep himself entertained and uses random objects around the house as props. keith’s reactions range from tired-of-your-shit to must-hold-in-laughter, but most of the time keith likes to film him on his phone so he can watch it again later. he says it’s blackmail material but these are keith’s videos of the lance that only he gets to see every day
  • whenever lance decides to fart in front of keith he turns it into a punchline
  • keith would never fart in front of other people because it’s fucking barbaric but he feels comfortable enough to voice his body’s concerns (oh god lance i have to fucking dump pause the tv i can’t miss gordon ramsay ripping this neglectful chef a new asshole)
  • they have a weekly chore chart with shifting roles, except keith can’t do the dishes because sticking his hands under hot water and touching grimy dishes is a nightmare for him
  • keith never likes to walk around barefoot esp in the kitchen, so lance makes it fun by gifting keith with funky socks. his most recent pair has shooting stars with a moon made of cheese at the ankle. (keith unintentionally called them cheesy and lance keeled over) keith is known at work/school as the serious guy with uncharacteristically fun socks
  • lance likes to blast music but when it bothers keith, he turns it down and sings along at a moderate volume, which keith finds comforting
  • lance: KEITH HAVE U SEEN THE THING
  • keith: did u check between the couch cushions
  • it was between the couch cushions
  • they have a codeword for when keith misses a social cue and says something too blunt or rude, that way they can communicate easily in private and when company’s over
  • they also have a word for when lance is doing something annoyingly repetitive that keith can’t deal with
  • lance is superstitious and it’s all pretty humorous, but he never risks going to bed without saying i love you, even if they’re angry at each other. keith doesn’t understand why they need to say it out loud all the time but he knows it makes lance feel better so he doesn’t ask questions
  • some nights they like to sleep outside on the back porch so they can see the stars together, and they make their own constellations
  • when the Bad Thoughts hit lance, keith just stays with him, cradles him, strokes his hair. keith’s blunt honesty is a solace whenever lance splits
  • when lance dissociates, keith finds a simple activity for them to do together to coax him back like watching crap tv or going for a drive with the windows down
  • lance bought this weird porcelain duck cookie jar and every time keith comes into contact with it he stares it down for a good minute out of suspicion and spite
  • if either of them don’t feel like using their voice at any particular time, they bought mini whiteboards with tons of colorful markers
  • keith really likes to doodle?? its not his passion or anything but lance lets him draw on his skin and loves to show off his “new tattoo” to literally anyone
  • keith really wants a cat but lance thinks cats are too boring and moody. lance wants a dog but keith thinks they’re too high-maintenance and overwhelming
  • when they went pet shopping they became unwittingly enamored with a turtle struggling to eat a tomato. it was inspirational, and they named her Rita
  • they probably start a small garden and grow tomatoes for Rita and lance in floppy sun hats and keith digging gleefully into the earth
  • lance naming their gardening hoe keith and promptly running from an angry dirt-covered keith

im dy i ng I could go on about these dorks and their habits

if anyone wants to add anything more please do I'm thirsty for domestic klance fluff