A super shmoopy Bagginshield (what are backgrounds?!)

After the Battle of Five Armies, Thorin takes up the throne and begins to rebuild Erebor. Bilbo thinks to stay there awhile, till he receives word that his relatives Drogo and Primula have died, leaving their son Frodo an orphan. So Bilbo moves back into Bag End to raise the faunt, and as years go by his neighbors begin to accept that he will likely remain a rich old bachelor they can’t partner up with their eligible daughters.
It takes well over a decade for Thorin to get his affairs in order and abdicate the throne (dwarves are slow to change their ways and these political matters do not go into effect quickly). It takes him another year to travel to the Shire on his own (truly his sense of direction is remarkably terrible). He knocks on the bright round door, and for the first time feels nervous. Before he can think twice about his decision making skills, the door opens, and Thorin does a double take. Bilbo is far greyer and a bit wider than he remembers, but he is Bilbo all the same.
And then the hobbit catapults himself into a hug, and the dwarf is almost knocked over before he wraps his arms around Bilbo and breathes in the smell of home.
He had been worried he wouldn’t be well-received.
 

The Nine Circles of Shipper Hell

1. limbo – the canon-shippers
Those who ship the actual pairings as they appear in canon. Barely even belong in Shipper Hell at all. Condemned to a miserable dependence on a fickle deity. Featuring: Buffy/Angel; Peeta/Katniss; Edward/Bella.

2. lust – the crack-shippers
Okay, so they ship it, but do they ship it? The mildest ring of shipper hell, for those people who will ship anything on a dare. Condemned to eternal mockery, but let’s be real, that’s not actually a punishment for these guys. Featuring: Bella/Tyler’s Van; Bilbo/Smaug; Hogwarts/Giant Squid.

3. gluttony – the ultra-common-shippers
You know the one ship. It’s the one that’s in every. single. fic. Even if it’s not the focus, it gets thrown in in the background. Condemned to have their fanart shown to the actors on chat shows. Featuring: Dean/Castiel; John/Sherlock; Clint/Coulson.

4. greed – the multi-shippers
They write your favorite pairing, but then when you go to binge on their work it turns out they write EVERYTHING ELSE TOO and OH MY GOD NOT THAT PAIR. Need to pick one OTP like the rest of us. Condemned to be eternally hated by BOTH sides of every shipping war. Featuring: Harry/Ron AND Harry/Luna AND Draco/Ginny.

5. anger – the trash-shippers
Trash and they know it. Sometimes it’s trash/cinnamon roll, sometimes it’s trash/trash, but it’s always trash. Condemned to…IDK, be trash? These guys are pretty up front about it. Featuring: Bucky/Pierce; Sauron/Morgoth; Hux/Kylo.

6. heresy – the rare-pair-shippers
Not to be confused with the crack-shippers. These guys mean it. Oh god do they mean it. They have treatises about Anonymous Pilot #17/That One Guy From The Novelization. Condemned to three fics on AO3, two of which are mistags. Featuring: Rosie Cotton/Erestor; Deadpool/Sif; Ianto/Rory Williams.

7. violence – the NOTP-shippers
That One Ship. The one that inspires Hatred and Outrage in the hearts of All True Believers. They ship it. They are Those People. Condemned to have their ship tags full of indignant posts about BAD EXAMPLES FOR TEENAGE GIRLS. Featuring: Hux/Rey; Dean/Amara; Willow/Kennedy.

8. fraud – the incest-shippers
Sure, we all understand they know it’s wrong in real life. We still edge away nervously. They can just go … do their thing … over there. Condemned to awkward questions about whether they have any siblings, forever. Featuring: Sam/Dean; Thor/Loki; Draco/Lucius.

9. treachery – the ship-burners
The one circle we can all agree to hate. These are the guys who shoot down one ship so they can put their own in. They’re the ones who demonize female characters so they can ship their favorite gays. Not cool, guys. Condemned to MANY ANGRY REVIEWS. Featuring: Gabriel/Sam/Jess; Clint/Thor/Jane; Harry/Ron/Hermione.

8

“Good morning.”
“What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?”
“All of them at once, I suppose.”

2

i watched a bunch of behind the scenes footage for the hobbit and LEE PACE IS SO FUN AND SILLY I LOVE HIM. i forgot how cold thranduil is in the movies lmao whatever. thranduil/expressions is my otp and all of these are ooc except for maybe the top middle but I DONT CARE

I also like playing w crown designs omg someone stop me
the Eurovision AU the fandom probably did not need

Have we had a Eurovision AU for Middle Earth yet? Well, imagine: 

Dwarves and elves always give each other 0 points. Usually dwarves give other dwarves 12 points. Sometimes the elves vote for men.

Rohan has horses on the stage. Real horses.

Nobody wants to vote for Mordor, but they always have great stage shows (burning eyes. nine guys on fell beasts. errupting volcanos) and Sauron has a really good singing voice.

The elves usually compete with long ballads about starlight, the past, and lands beyond the sea. They never win. Except for year  the Mirkwood wine squad competes.

They do however have amazing glittery gowns and sequins.

Nobody is entirely certain what the geographical or political conditions for participation actually are. Also, the Orocarni are really far away, but they regularly participate.

Hobbits always sing about food. They are still constantly misunderstood. Still, singing about their love for big, firm tubers usually goes better than singing about cute farm animals.

Gandalf is on no one’s team, but he is always around to provide fireworks.

The men of Bree usually compete with drinking songs. One time they accidentally won with a creepy tune about the Barrow Downs, but that scared everybody.

The dead of the mountains, the Barrow Downs, and the Emyn Muil are not allowed to compete. Not because they’re dead, but because being dead gives them the advantage of having far more practice time than everybody else.

Gondor’s entries are often outright political. Their competing titles included “A shadow rises in the East”, “Who needs a King?” and “I see it all”. Despite Mordor’s protests they have not yet gotten disqualified.


The Ents, however, did get disqualified after their entry took more then a day to perform. They keep insisting that was only the first verse.


Everybody hopes the Valinor elves will never win, since nobody is quite sure how to get there (to say nothing of getting back).


Nori’s “Rivers of Gold” wins at some point