hitchcock house

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brooklyn nine-nine + hogwarts houses (more)

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Professor Amy Santiago might be smart enough to be a Ravenclaw, but honestly she’s the most ambitious person at Hogwarts and quite capable of being sly and scary clever so years ago the hat put her in Slytherin and never second guessed the choice. Now she’s Head of House (and gunning for the position as the youngest Deputy Headmistress in the history of Hogwarts). She teaches Transfiguration, it’s a theory based subject which takes not only power but tons of concentration and attention to detail (‘as you transform the rat into a goblet don’t forget to remove the fur or whiskers’), and as soon as human transfiguration comes into it it’s also one of the more dangerous magical arts ('be careful, you might accidentally transform him inside out’). She comes from a family of  halfblood ‘blood traitors’ and wears it proudly.

Gina Linetti is the most Slytherin person to ever Slytherin. As the Hogwarts Librarian she’s in the middle of all school gossip, after all the Library is the place for whispered secrets and she has half a dozen listening spells placed in every nook and cranny. She knows everything and it’s gonna cost you to know it too. She finds it a great bonus that as the Librarian she doesn’t actually need to do anything, just put her legs on the table lean back and look over her empire (anything she can’t catalog with a simple spell she can rope a few Ravenclaws into doing for her for ‘extra credit’ ‘ah the power’). No one ever believes that she’s a muggleborn.

Professor Rosa Diaz might have been a Slytherin in another life, but she’s frankly a bit too bloodthirsty and battle hungry for them. Gryffindors however… Gryffindors look at her with stars in their eyes as if she’s the second coming of Godric. She’s the Head of House for the lions because frankly there’s probably no one else who can keep the little monsters in line quite like she can. Her DADA lessons are terrifying and brilliant. Blood status unknown and no one will ever be stupid enough to ask.

Professor Jake Peralta, a clear example of a goodhearted and brave Gryffindor. He’s the Charms professor and it’s a notoriously noisy and chaotic class that’s all about inventiveness and PA-POW of magic. He doubles as the Flying professor for the first years during September and is the one who gets more involved in his house’s Quidditch team’s training because Rosa can’t be trusted not to drive them to boot-camp levels of exhaustion (of course any time they’re playing Slytherin he and Amy go a little overboard with their competitiveness too). He’s a halfblood who grew up in the muggle world alone with his non magical mom (because his absent magical father’s a complete dick). He and Gina have been friends since before Hogwarts.

Professor Charles Boyle is a Hufflepuff and the school’s Potions Professor. He’s actually pretty good with the kids (though the bullies tend to walk all over him until Gina terrifies them into compliance). He’s a decent teacher even though he seems to forget it every new start of the year. His subject is always at least 40% gross and the students (and teachers) are thankful that the House Elves have placed on him a life-long ban on entering the kitchens. He’s a pureblood from a large extended family, the Boyle’s are like garden gnomes, they’re everywhere.

Deputy Headmaster Terry Jeffords is a walking commercial of a Hufflepuff Head of House, his kids adore him and so do basically all the kids from the other houses too. All the first years who are missing home go to him because he always wipes their tears and makes them feel like home, he can shame the meanest bully to tears with just his disappointed face. He’s the Herbology teacher because have you seen most of those plants? They need the hand of a mother-hen just as much as the kids do (and the other professors, because honestly they’re the real children at Hogwarts (they’re the ones who never left after all)). Pureblood and married to a muggleborn witch.

Hogwarts Headmaster Raymond Holt is a Ravenclaw. Before he became the headmaster he taught Arithmancy because he has a terrific memory for numbers (especially numbers that like to move around the way they do when magic gets involved). But he also holds Masteries in Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic. His office is always open for anyone who wants to challenge him to a game of wizard’s chess. He wants Hogwarts to run like a well oiled muggle machine and to make his school be the best magical teaching institution in Europe (certainly better than that Hag Madeline Wuntch’s Durmstrang). A muggleborn who managed to rise his way to the top despite growing up in a time that was even more prejudiced against him than it is now.

Professor Kevin Cozner like his husband is also a Ravenclaw. He’s the Head of House and the Professor of Study of Ancient Runes. His subject is part learning and application of the runes themselves, part philosophy and part history of them. He’s the only professor who actually feels like a professor to the young witches and wizards learning there. Comes from pureblood aristocracy, got disowned and burned off of the family tree for marrying Raymond.

Professors Hitchcock and Scully are both Slytherins and use all the scheming and ambition in them to make sure they have to do as little as possible, which is why they teach History of Magic and Muggle Studies respectively. Hitchcock tends to sleep through his own lessons. And Scully shows kids how to use such extraordinary muggle things like massage chairs, backscratchers and neck pillows. The Headmaster is impatiently waiting to hear that they’re ready to retire because the Hogwarts Board of Governors won’t let him fire them. They’re both from middle class pureblood families.

Types as Fun Spooky Halloween Things to Do

INFJ: Marathoning all the Halloweentown movies on Family/Disney Channel

ENFJ: Buying seven million bags of chocolate for the trick -or-treaters, then eating half of it before Halloween even starts

INFP: Driving eight hours just to find a Starbucks so you can drink a pumpkin spice latte

ENFP: Having the actual best Halloween costume
(all the ENFPs I know have the best costumes how do y'alls do it????)

INTP: Forgetting that it’s Halloween and just wearing your pyjamas as your ‘costume’

ENTP: Ghost hunting in the woods behind your house at 3am becAUSE YOU CANT PROVE GHOSTS ARENT REAL DAMMIT

INTJ: Nothing. Halloween is for toddlers. You haven’t celebrated Halloween since second grade when you dressed up as Alfred Hitchcock.

ENTJ: Haunted houses. All of them. Every. Single. Haunted. House. Ever.

ISTJ: Drawing pentagrams n other spooky stuff on any available surface just because you can

ESTJ: Writing angry Facebook posts about all the soccer moms who are CONVINCED THAT OUR LITTLE BERKLEY AND KINSLEIGH WILL BE GIVEN DRUGS MIXED IN THE WITH CANDY. PLEASE. WE MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN

ISTP: Saying you’re “too cool” for Halloween costumes but knowing inside you’re heart that Halloween is the best holiday and it’s all a front to impress that girl you like who quotes poetry and listens to obscure indie bands and is basically the love interest from any John Green novel

ESTP: Defying physics and watching every Saw movie AND all the Paranormal Activity movies in only like five hours

ISFP: Annoying everyone you know with the spooky scary skeletons song

ESFP: Planning an amazing costume with your best friend and buying like $50 worth of awesome stuff for the costume but it’s all ruined because your friend forgets it’s Halloween and just shows up in their pyjamas

ISFJ: You’re never too old for trick-or-treating

ESFJ: Getting your nails painted with cute lil skeletons on them aww how adorable

Edward Hopper (1882-1967)
“The House by the Railroad” (1925)
Oil on canvas
American realism
Located in the Museum of Modern Art, New York City, New York, United States

The painting inspired the look of the Bates house in Alfred Hitchcock’s film “Psycho.”