hit with an ax

The party is faced with a chimera after going through long mental puzzles for almost three hours real time.

DM: You’re faced with your final challenge, the Chimera.

Me (Dragonborn Paladin): Finally! Something I can hit with my axe! I’ve had enough of this mental nonsense!

Warlock (to the Druid): Remind me again why she’s captain of a battalion in the military?

Me: *rolls nat 20 to chop off one of the heads*

DM: Are you fucking kidding me?! You just chucked it for half it’s HP!

Druid (to the Warlock): That’s why. She’s really good at hitting things with her axe. Atta girl Captain!

9

Today I visited Lizzie Borden’s house in Fall River. It is currently a museum and B&B in which you can spend the night! Lizzie Andrew Borden was an American woman accused, tried, and acquitted for the brutal axe murder of her father and her stepmother in 1892. The murder took place on August 4, 1892, inside the family home. Lizzie’s stepmother, Abby, was killed first. She was first hit with the axe on the side of the head which caused her to fall to the ground. Evidence shows her killer then sat on her back and continued to hit her on the back of the head with the axe a total of 19 times. Her father, Andrew was hacked to death while he slept on the sofa. Throughout the investigation, Lizzie kept contradicting herself and changing her story. She behaved strangely and on one occasion, was seen burning a dress, claiming she had spilt paint on it. She was taken to trial and acquitted and went back to live in Fall River where the crime took place despite being ostracised by many locals who believed her to be guilty.

youtube

I HIT IT WITH MY AXE is back!!!

  • Travis: Now, is there still like a pile of mannequins?
  • Griffin: Yeah, it’s behind [the Shark Tank] but yes.
  • Travis: Okay, cool.
  • Griffin: You gonna take a turn off to just go get some arms or…?
  • Travis: Yeah, in fact I am! Look, at this point the magic people seem to have this shit down. All I’m gonna do is, what, hit a tank with my ax? No no no. I’m gonna do what Magnus does best and go pull the arms off some things.

I know there’s a guide somewhere on how to do this, but I can’t find it now

Everyone loves rare stumps because they’re creative and cool and they provide mushrooms all year round. But they’re so rare ! There’s no way to know if you’re getting a rare stump.

UNTIL NOW

FOOL-PROOF WAY TO GET RARE STUMPS!

*Things you need*
-a gold or normal axe (both work, I’ve only used gold)
-a silver axe (available at the island for a couple medals)
-a tree (duh)

*How to do it*

It takes 3 hits with any axe to cut a tree down. In this technique, you hit the tree twice with whatever axe you have (just not the silver one). Then you hit it once with the silver. Bam! Rare stump!

Enjoy the stumps!

3

On 31 October 2016 two 16-year-old teenagers (female and male) of Novosibirsk armed with a baseball bat, an axe and knives entered an apartment where were 80-year-old woman and her 11-year-old grandson. The male attacker hit the woman with baseball bat and stabbed her with knife, while his female accomplice stabbed the little boy. All of sudden, the 40-year-old mother of the boy came back home. She was hit with baseball bat and the axe. All three occupants would be soon dead if not their neighbors that heard the noise and called the police which scared attackers off. Both teenagers were detained.

One Good Roll

Background: Our ranger (me) had a series of very bad rolls resulting in but not limiting to: falling out of multiple trees, hitting himself with a throwing axe,failing to haggle the local blacksmith,and spilling ale all over a drunken dwarf. Now he is back to the town blacksmith, low on gold and hoping for a discount.

Shifter Ranger (OOC, expecting another bad roll): I roll to seduce the blacksmith!

DM: Alright, roll charisma

*Nat 20*

SR (ooc):  Shit…

SR (struggling to come up with a line): Wow you have such nice human eyes ;)

Entire party (ooc): *Assorted laughing and mocking*

DM/Blacksmith: How about you take the axe and in exchange you never come into my shop again?

And I’ve been banned from the shop ever since

I love the goddess Athena's myth because it's basically
  • Zeus: MY HEAD HURTS, HIT ME WITH AN AXE
  • Hephaestus: wouldn't you rather take some aspirin or
  • Zeus: IN THE FACE! NEED IT! WANT IT NEED IT HAVE TO HAVE IT! FACESHOT! SLAM! BRAINS EVERYWHERE! Not the KNEE, not the ARM, not the SPINE - FACE! IT HAS TO HAPPEN! HNNNNG! FACEY FACEY FACE FACE! TIRED OF WAITING! NO MORE WAITING! NEED A FACE HIT! BOOM! SQUISH! YAY!
  • HIT ME IN THE FAAAAAAAACE! DO IT! HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH AN AXE! FACE FACEFACEFACEFACE! NOW! AXE IN THE FACE! WANT IT! NEED IT! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME! AT THE SOUND OF THE BELL IT WILL BE FACESMASHING O'CLOCK! BONGGGGG! KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH AN AXE! END OF JOKE! I'M GONNA SING A SONG! HIT ME AT THE END OF IT! ...I NOTICE YOU HAVEN'T HIT ME IN THE FACE! CURIOUS AS TO WHY! Maybe you're weighing the moral pros and cons but let me assure you that OH MY GOD HIT ME IN THE GODDAMNED FACE WITH AN AXE WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!
  • Hephaestus: *hits him in the head with an axe and a fully grown woman springs from his head screaming a battle cry*

Me and our druid were fighting a manticore outside of an evil wizard’s tower (while our ranger and rogue were inside fighting other monsters).

Half-Orc Barbarian (me): I aim for it’s paws with my Giant’s Axe (I hit it with 19 damage)

DM: You cut off it’s paw

Me: I aim for it’s other paw (I hit it with 12)

DM: You cut it deeply

Me: (OOC) Did I disable its paw?

DM: You can’t tell

Me: Okay. Since I have Frenzy I get another hit so I aim at it’s head (I critically missed)

DM: You don’t hit it and you have disadvantage on your next turn because the weight of your axe has unbalanced you. It’s the manticore’s turn. Now that he’s injured so badly, he calls for help

Me & Druid: Oh, no.

DM: Three more manticores fly out of the tower

Me: Oh no, no, no, no, no!

3

Update on the kukri build: done. Probably going to heat up the hilt again to distribute the bit of resin I packed in around the blade a little better. Going off a note about the use of a particular Greek mastic gum (Chios gum, roght mix of solidity and flex), shellac being endemic to India, and metal dust being a probable filler around a smithy, we have the resin being:

1 part stick shellac, 1 part Greek mastic (chios mastiha), and about 1.6 parts filler of metal dust, all by weight. Experimentation will determine how much filler you can use, some other cutler’s resins goup to like 2 parts filler.

Cut testing is good. Thing hits like an ax, so I was splitting some wood and thunking it into a log. All positive, no more catastrophic failures.