history channel the bible

Allies and Axis as Things my Professors have Said

America: “Spider-Man, what are you doing in my classroom?”

Canada: “If I collapse, at least take the time to call for a doctor before you all leave.”

China: “You do the work and I take the credit; that’s how this relationship works.”

England: “Did anyone else see that hoard of buzzards, or should I have skipped coffee this morning?”

France: “Sure, skip class. I’m not the one that’s paying hundreds of dollars to take it.”

Russia: “ I liked the doodle on your quiz, so I cut it out and kept it.”

Germany: “All I wanted was some beer!”

Prussia: “Oh come on, I know at least one of you rednecks has a knife.”

Italy: “Anyone else see The Bible on the History channel? Good Lord, I had to ask for forgiveness for my lustful thoughts every time Jesus came on screen.”

Romano: “Kittens are cute, but then they grow up and turn into handmaidens of Satan.”

Japan: “Okay everyone, just ignore the wasps and pay attention.”

Banned From the Bible is on History Channel 2 right now. It talks about pieces of scripture that aren’t in the Bible and several of them have inspired things on Supernatural so I highly recommend it

In The Fleshdom looks back at 2014

There’s nothing quite like a year where a fandom is effectively born is there?

We were fans of In the Flesh from the off, tuning into its first airing on BBC Three in 2013. All a bit bereft following the cancellation of Being Human, and the broadcast of the final episode the week before, we were possibly expecting more of the same from In the Flesh but instead saw something very different. The grey tones, lingering sadness and bursts of astute and brilliant humour lifted In the Flesh above other genre shows for us immediately, and so when news came that a second, longer series was on the way in 2014 we were hugely excited.

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one thing that i remembering hearing on history channel or something is that the seven deadly sins aren’t in the bible or any other kind of holy doctrine associated with christinity (if there are any) but weren’t introduced into christian teachings until more than 400 years post-jesus. and it wasn’t even a pope that incorporated them into the faith, it was jst Some Guy. i feel like there are a lot of things like that

anonymous asked:

Hey friend! I was just kneeling before my velvet painting of Caucasian Jesus to say my daily prayers. I've been praying and praying for an end to racism, but everyday racism persists. Does my white Christ savior Jesus baby man hate black people? Or am I not prayer hard enough? Also, Jesus looks indifferent in the painting, if that helps. Thanks Yoist Hisracist! White God bless! P.S. Reminder: History channel cast a white man to play Jesus in "The Bible".

Evidence does suggest that White Jesus might be kind of an asshole.

Movies based on Christian beliefs that came out this year, a summary
  • -God's Not Dead: Atheists are st*pid, Christians have everything right and clearly every atheist has some d*mb reason why they don't believe in God how dare they we are superior and christian persecution is real.
  • -Noah: White people were totally around right now yep
  • -Heaven is for Real: Hi, I'm a four year old preacher's son that had a dream induced by anesthesia on an operating table in which Heaven was centered around my church and I saw depictions of Christ that I have seen as well as my conception of Heaven, everyone listen to me.
  • -Exodus: Noah was a white warrior and Ramses had a tan. Also the Sphinx was totally European
  • -Son of God: Nobody's white EXCEPT for Jesus we almost had it folks
  • -The Bible: History channel tells Bible stories with white people and interprets some shit right and skews others to make pious shitheads look better. Also Jews are terrible and Jesus was passive
  • -Left Behind: Nic Cage in a movie based on a series of books that make millions on people's fear and apparently the 90s Kirk Cameron version wasn't good enough whoops
  • It's only August, folks. August.