historical spoilers

Jaal: I’ll need a small Resistance squad to guard a lake on Aya for an afternoon and make sure nobody approaches it.

Resistance officer: Um… why?

Jaal: I need to… *winkwink* infiltrate something.

Beauty and the Beast review and rant

So I just got out of Beauty and the Beast. So here my opinion seeing as my family’s reaction is to say “you need to let other people have opinions to.” as they ignore me.

I liked:

The opening scene. In fact it’s one of my favorites. The costumes are divine and the choreography is excellent.

The fight scene. OMG I couldn’t breath during the fight scene, every time I thought I stopped laughing I started again.

That one guy smiling when Madame Garderobe dressed him up. Little things make me happy okay. Leave my nb child alone.

Madame Garderobe. All time fave. She and her husband are adorable and my fave ship in this movie. Audra McDonald should have been cast as Belle. Yes I’m salty but that’s for the next part.

Agatha/the Enchantress. I enjoyed how she kept appearing throughout the film.

Gaston. Gaston is at the bottom of my list of villains  (who I rank by song). But Luke Evans and the ensemble managed to make Gaston’s songs my favorite out of the movie.

Lefou. I will fight people for Lefou. He is my son now. The part in the ending where he gets to dance with another boy made my heart swell.

The jewelry they paired with the yellow dress was so pretty and I’ll take two ear cuffs please.

The Potts. I love how they showed the spell made Mr. Potts forget, but even then it was still farmilar

The spell. Yes 8/10 on the world building. The edits to the spell were👌👌👌

The cast. There are so many talented people and such diverse ages and skin colors and ugh I want that ensemble to show up at my funeral and sing me to eternal rest okay that ensemble needs an award.

Things that make me salty:

Emma Watson. This is gonna take a while. Look Emma I love you okay, you are a great Hermione but as Belle well you were missing a certain je ne sais quoi.

Namely stays. And to anyone who tries to tell me that stays or corsets are antifemist, all I can say is: Do you (expect women to) wear bras every day? Because what Emma Watson was doing was basically running around braless.

Honey every other woman on that set was wearing period accurate clothing right down to the underpinnings and the fact that you had a defined bust instead of a smooth front was very obvious. You stood out and not in a good way.

The yellow dress. *insert long line of expletives* GLITTER GLUE?! AND TEAR OFF SKIRT?? GO SIT IN A CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!!!

 *deep breath*

The yellow dress isn’t all bad. It moves beautifully and the color is gorgeous.

But.

I could see the zipper in almost every shot. The neckline didn’t lie right. What fabric did they use for the bodice? (Seriously this looks like the monstrosity The Play Moms tried to force me into back in 5th grade.) The glitter glue was as obvious as the lack of stays; (I don’t even give a shit about the panniers that almost every other woman was wearing; just are you kidding me with the stays.) Especially next to the gorgeous embroidery on pretty much ever other costume. The tiers are the completely wrong era and the the silhouette is ridiculously modern.

And then she rode off in her formal attire. And RIPPED THE SKIRT OFF!!!! I’m sorry but as someone who is personally handstitching an authentic 18th century outfit FUCK YOU DO YOU KNOW THAT’S MONTHS OF WORK??!!!! AND WORTH ABOUT AS MUCH AS BELLE’S ENTIRE HOUSE???!! Belle would have known that. Clothing was handmade and a lot more expensive so formal wear wouldn’t have been worn on a ride through the forest!

you have a movie where every one is gorgeously costumed in fairly accurate garb and then your heroine looks like you bought all her costumes at a Halloween Express. Emma Watsons singing. She’s not bad. But next to everyone one else she’s obviously an amateur  (also her technique made me want to scream. Your mouth needs to be rounded not flattened). Seriously I could have done better. In case you couldn’t tell I wouldn’t have cast Emma as Belle. Nope. Audra is my Belle it is mycanon. That Lumiere and Cogsworth weren’t a couple. Cursed!Mrs.Potts and Chip are gonna give me nightmares just saying. Why was everyone speaking with a British accent? They’re French? In France? Speaking French? Like they didn’t even have her be born in England and move to France nope evidently England conquered France when we weren’t looking and everyone in France now speaks with a British accent. In the end it was an enjoyable movie. I would watch it again. But I’m SO tempted to start doing historical costume out of spite.

okay honestly????????

I’m super delighted that Diana works as a curator at the Louvre bc like. holy shit Wonder Woman is in my chosen field. 

I’ve loved you Lizzie! Ohhh, I have loved you! I didn’t know that I could love! You have been the grace of my life! But I never deserved you! Whatever happens you must be safe! Go to the Tower! Speak to him!
— 

Henry Vii to Lizzie (Elizabeth of York), in episode 8

http://fraddit.tumblr.com/post/155399062321 8

Belle/Adam and children

alternative title: I Can’t Believe My First Proper Contribution To A Fandom After So Many Years Is Fucking Disney Headcanons

also, this got really out of hand. still.. enjoy?

- Belle doesn’t want to have children for another ten years, and that makes everyone, literally everyone in the village Upset™ (bc nothing, even a thought goes unnoticed in a village, apparently) [okay, her father isn’t upset, but he doesn’t really get it either]

-  Adam does want to have children, but he understands Belle and respects her wish – he thinks she’ll make a marvellous mother (he’s seen her plenty around children) once she’s ready

- and besides, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to give his children all the love he wants to give them; he’s not afraid of turning into his father anymore, now that he has Belle, but he’s terrified of not being enough

- Belle figures that out after a while, and even though it breaks her heart, it also makes her even more determined to show him just how happy he makes her, their friends, their people

- (on that note, Adam definitely has a praise kink)

- (but he enjoys praising Belle - and watching her reaction - as well? basically their communication during sex is A+, 10/10, would recommend)

-  but anyway, as effective contraception was basically non-existent as a term back then, and despite their being bright and well-read and everything (Belle a genius, even), there isn’t a solution they could come up with that would really work

-  (besides not having sex at all, obviously, but knowing themselves that’s so impossible/ridiculous a thought they don’t even say it out loud, just dismiss it for good)

- so Belle ends up visiting the Enchantress, despite their shared mistrust

-  ..and they have this amazingly thorough and comforting talk; by the end of it Belle is visibly more open and more forgiving

-  the Enchantress gives Belle the herbal+magical equivalent of a birth control pill basically, and they part on relatively good terms

-  but now Belle just wants to have sex all the time, which is really adorable/very hard to resist if you ask Adam

-  of course he knows she’s done something, and as Belle won’t tell him what’s this sudden, miraculous ’solution’, he can’t help but worry

-  she gets so annoyed she just kind of blurts it out one morning, and immediately regrets it

-  Adam goes from mildly worried to full-on panicking in about two minutes; he isn’t loud or dramatic for once – he becomes uncharacteristically quiet, and he looks so, so lost and afraid

-  Belle tries to convince him that it’s fine, everything is fine and the Enchantress wouldn’t have a ’reason’ to curse him/them this time – but it sounds really half-hearted the more desperate and guilty she becomes (he’s looking at her with big blue eyes, and when she moves to draw him into her arms, he’s shaking, holding onto her as if someone was to take her away if he let her go)

- that night, he kisses her, stroking her back as if she was the porcelain doll she very much isn’t, and refuses to do anything else – he doesn’t sleep a wink, either

- the next day there are as many as six physicians in the castle, and Belle huffs and grits her teeth in annoyance, but lets them examine her, looking for any physical sign of a curse

- they don’t find anything, and Belle nearly cries at Adam’s joyous, relieved expression when she tells him

- weeks pass, and although they are still just as affectionate as before, there’s this hesitation, unsureness between them that Belle hates more than anything – she can see Adam doesn’t like it, either

- she decides she’s had enough after a month of this, takes a deep breath, and tells Adam she’s ready to have children after all, they needn’t be that careful

- Adam knows it’s not entirely untrue, but also sees that stubbornly set jaw, that brave, upturned face, and decides to visit the Enchantress himself

- he comes back only slightly less terrified, but he kisses her palm and folds her fingers around the small vial, and Belle feels his trust heavy and sweet in that palm as he leans down to kiss her properly

- things grow.. easier in the next few years, between them and the Enchantress

- however, it’s not until the birth of their first child, healthy and perfect, that the last traces of worry fade from Adam’s eyes

- he still insists on co-sleeping with the baby (at least until Belle has recovered), and Belle, utterly in love with the child and now feeling confident enough to be a parent her mother would be proud of, agrees

3

Robin Hood

A famous outlaw in English folklore that was said to take from the rich and give to the poor. In earlier texts he was said to a commoner but some later versions of the tale elevated him to the status of a noble, which was once the Earl of Huntingdon. He was also followed around by his band of Merry Men, which included Little John, Friar Tuck, Will Scarlet and even sometimes his later added love interest, Maid Marian. The exact number of men he had is unknown but it is believed he had at least twenty or as many as one hundred and forty. It is also told that he and his men made their home in Sherwood Forest.

Robin Hood fought against the evil Sheriff of Nottingham who was loyal to Prince John who had stolen the throne from his brother, Richard. Later stories introduced the Guy of Gisbourne, an assassin sent for Robin’s head who eventually became part of a love triangle with Marian.

There are many ballads based on his supposed life including ‘Robin Hood and the Golden Arrow’ where he entered an archery competition in disguise, that he knew to be a trap for him and won the golden arrow, humiliating the sheriff in the process. In modern times, it is still debated whether Robin Hood has ever existed, and if he had, where he lived. The most commonly accepted answer was that he was a Yorkshire man who roamed somewhere between Nottingham and Lincoln.