his name was phil ; ;

I wonder if phil’s mum is the type of mum who jokingly favours the partner, like for example maybe she gave dan extra dessert and when phil was playfully offended she squeezed dan’s shoulders and said “ohhh he had a rough little trip, he deserves it!” and phil was like “that was a week ago!” and she said “alright you caught me it’s the dimple, how can you deny someone this cute of anything?” and pinched his cheek, and dan was like “yeah phil, how can you deny me of anything?” and phil just rolled his eyes bc he CAN’T

If I’m a Saint, Then You’re Heaven

Summary: Phil is less than excited to start his Sex in the Bible course, but he can’t bring himself to regret it when he meets a gorgeous angel dressed in all pink by the name of Dan.
Word Count: 11,068
Warnings: Lots of religious talk, homophobia, physical fight, smut
A/N: Hey guys! I wrote this because I was tired of people writing a religious fic where Phil continuously tries to get Dan to sin. So this came out, where they both respect each other despite their religious differences (With a dash of sex at the end). If you’re uncomfortable reading smut then no worries! It’s easy to tell when they’re going to get it on and it ends at the ’-’ and is very close to the end (: Lastly, special thanks to @insanityplaysfics for betaing this for me and giving me this entire idea! Also thank you @phandommother for helping me out with the idea as well and listening to me rant about it :’)
Title Creds: Cement - Citizen
Read it on AO3

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Phil didn’t know why he decided to take the class. None of his friends were taking it and it honestly seemed like a lot of shit that Phil didn’t particularly care about, shit that didn’t really help him with his future career in any way. It seemed like a class that had a lot of reading, reading that Phil would probably never do, and let’s be honest, he probably only took the class because it had the word ‘sex’ in the title.

He walked into his Sex in the Bible class five minutes late on his first day.

The teacher didn’t bat an eye. Heads didn’t turn to look at him. Phil just sauntered in and stood at the back of the lecture room with his backpack slung over one shoulder while he scanned the room for a seat. Sometimes he forgot just how uncaring everyone was in university. He could just walk in ten to twenty minutes late and nobody would give a shit. Especially not in a class where there were over one hundred students.

(He didn’t understand why there were so many students in Sex in the Bible. They probably also just took the class because of the word ‘sex’).

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Don't take my waffles.

I will keep this brief to avoid boring you, and also because whenever this site reloads, which has happened several times now, I have to type this story all over again.

Back in high school, I HAD to leave for school really early in order to avoid being late. I may seem obsessive to you, but believe me, you would be too if you were in my situation. I had physics as the first class of the day, and the professor was REALLY strict. How strict, you might ask? Very strict.

Because of this, I had to make my breakfasts the day before I would eat them so that I could arrive at school on time. One of the things I preferred to make was waffles.

In the first half of the semester, my best friend’s cousin, who we shall call Phil, moved in with me. At first, I thought he was a great guy. We shared a lot of interests, like gaming and sports.

Two months later, everything changed. I woke up one morning, smiling at the thought of waffles with maple syrup, and hummed a tune as I completed my morning routine (the part before breakfast). I twirled downstairs and opened the fridge and gracefully lifted the container of waffles off the refrigerator racks only to find it…empty. My heart sank as I realized I would not have time to make anything else.

I grabbed a few granola bars (which I fortunately had bought the day before) and thought about the disappearance of my waffles. Sure, this may seem tiny and unimportant, but I needed my waffles in the mornings. They were my breakfast, and gave me the energy I needed to start the day. Sure, I had other foods, but granola bars and crackers just weren’t enough.

Just then, Phil walked in. “Do you know what could have happened to my waffles?” I asked him, holding up the empty container.
“Oh, sorry,” he said, “I ate those because I ran out of cereal and had nothing else to eat.”

“Nothing else?” I said, raising my voice, “Nothing else? Did it occur to you that we had, let’s see, granola bars? And that the waffles were MY breakfast that I make EVERY DAY?

“Sorry.” He said. “At least they were delicious.” I finished my granola bars and stomped off, deciding to let it slide because this had never happened before.

Until it happened the next day. And the next. When I confronted Phil about this, as he obviously had bought cereal at the store, he apologized, saying that the waffles were just really delicious and he couldn’t resist them. This happened for weeks, and no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t stop. He would wake up earlier than I did if I was planning to do the same to him. Even if I hid my waffles, he would find them.

Then one day, I decided I had had enough. When I baked my waffles, I added…vinegar. And hot sauce. Lots of vinegar and hot sauce. I woke up to Phil’s angry shouts. He ran into my room, shouting, “What the did you put in those ing waffles?”

I tried not to smirk as I calmly replied, “Oh, just some stuff that I like.”

“Why the would you put that in there?” He screamed.

I couldn’t hide my smile as I said, “Because last time I checked, I was making these waffles for my breakfast, not yours, and I can put whatever I want in my breakfast. Let this be a lesson to you, Phil (This isn’t his real name, as you already know, so I didn’t call him Phil). My waffles, my rules. Don’t mess with me or my waffles ever. Again. Because you won’t like me when I don’t have my waffles, as you found out today.”

He never stole my waffles again.

Family’s What You Make Of It

Family’s What You Make Of It | It starts when Dan stumbles through the door of his two bedroom flat with an attractive stranger attached to his mouth, and it ends with, well… a family. Or, the one where Dan is a single father of a three year old, who intends for Phil to be nothing more than a one night stand until he see’s him interact with his daughter for the first time. | Phan | Mature | Smut, self-neglect, implied self-esteem issues, single father Dan | 4,374 Words

Thank you so @phansdick for encouraging me (as always) and then being wonderful and beta’ing for me without me even having to ask ;)

(Ao3 Link)

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anonymous asked:

Yo a prompt here they meet in a pair one night like pastelxpunk punk!Phil being out with some mates and Dan with some uni buds and Dan wears like skirts and stuff and get this that night he's wearing fishnets so when they get to Phil's apartment later Phil just rips them apart bc Dan's been subtly teasing him all night long and they like do it on the kitchen counter thanks

Phil was annoyed, and horny. Lately it seemed like those were his main emotions, but right then, he didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to think about the fact that that extremely attractive guy across the bar kept winking at him.

Or maybe he wasn’t looking at him so suggestively. Maybe Phil was delirious, but really, he didn’t care. He wanted that boy riding him, he wanted him desperate and screaming and he wasn’t getting any closer to that on the other side of the room.

“Phil?” His friend Chris laughed, waving his hand in front of Phil’s face. “You’re spacing out again.”

Phil turned to look at him, raising his eyebrows, licking his lip ring. It was somewhat new, and he couldn’t stop messing with it.

“Was I?” He asked, huffing.

“Uh, yeah. You were.” Chris took a swig of his drink, Phil had forgotten what it was because his own brain had been muddled by the alcohol, and set the glass back down on the counter. “Are you gonna fuck him or what?”

“I don’t even know him,” Phil muttered, rolling his eyes and slowly taking a sip of his own drink.

“So?” Chris smirked. “That’ll just make it better. He keeps looking at you.” He nodded in the boy’s direction and Phil whirled around, catching his eye.

Surprisingly, he didn’t look away. The man kept his gaze, smirking gently and looking him over, before slowly looking away. Chris slammed his glass down on the counter.

“That was a fucking invitation if I’ve ever seen one,” he grumbled.

Phil considered it; what he wouldn’t do to get his hands on that guy. He was wearing a flowy yellow shirt that showed his stomach, and a very revealing skirt, as well as goddamn fishnets. Fuck.

The boy went back to talking to his friends, glancing over every now and then.

Chris held out a small glass; a shot; and grinned. Phil must have missed him ordering it while looking at the guy. “Take this, fucker, and go over there or I will.”

Phil rolled his eyes, tossing it back and setting down the glass. “Wish me luck,” he muttered, clearing his throat and scrunching his nose. “Fuck, that’s strong.”

He stepped down from the stool, straightening his leather jacket and cracking his neck; and he walked over to the boy, who was still talking to two friends.

He cleared his throat when he reached them, and the guy looked over, raising his eyebrows.

“Hey, what’s your name?” Phil asked, rather loudly so as to be heard over the loud music in the bar.

“Dan,” the boy said back, leaning forward, nodding. “You?”

“Phil,” Phil replied, grinning. “And I just came over here to tell you that if you look at me like that one more time, I can’t promise I’ll control myself.”

Dan raised his eyebrows, smiling slightly. “And what does that mean?” He asked slowly. Phil shrugged.

“If you want bruises all over you by tomorrow, I suggest you try and find out,” he answered, his voice low, and turned around, walking back to Chris.

“How’d it go?” He asked, tilting his head. Phil smirked.

“You’ll see,” he said calmly, taking another sip of his drink.

Sure enough, about ten minutes later, Dan walked over to them, swaying slightly. He leaned on Phil, resting his head on his shoulder and pouting.

“I’ve been here all night, and I haven’t found anyone to take me home yet,” he whined, looking up at him with wide eyes. He hopped up on Phil’s lap, and Phil sucked in a sharp breath.

“Yeah, okay, we’re going to my place,” he growled, grabbing tightly to Dan’s waist and making him squeak. “Chris, get a ride.”

Chris just shrugged. “Yeah yeah. Have fun, you two. Be safe, use condoms.” Phil smacked him over the head, and Dan giggled.

So that’s how Phil found himself swaying up to his apartment door, a giggly Dan clinging to him like a monkey. A tipsy monkey.

Phil slammed him against the door, attaching his lips to Dan’s. His tongue slipped into Dan’s mouth when Dan’s lips parted, and Dan moaned into the kiss, smiling.

Phil’s hands were everywhere once the door was unlocked, roaming Dan’s body almost desperately. They only made it to the kitchen counter before Phil was pulling his shirt off over his head roughly, doing the same to his own.

He worked at Dan’s throat, his hands searching blindly for the zipper of his skirt. Dan whimpered, leading his hands to it, and Phil got it off in a matter of seconds.

Then came the tricky part; the fishnets. Phil growled, shaking his head and tearing them apart completely, tossing them aside to get to the part he really cared about.

Dan gasped sharply, clinging to Phil’s shoulders. “Holy shit,” he breathed. “I would normally be mad, but fuck that was hot. Christ.” He tugged at Phil’s belt, pulling it off and fumbling with his zipper.

Phil chuckled, letting Dan work, his breath brushing over his ear. He pulled off Dan’s panties, groaning when Dan automatically grinded against him.

“Fuck me,” Phil breathed, his voice heavy. “Oh Christ, fuck me Phil.”

Phil hummed, chuckling and digging his nails into Dan’s thighs, pushing him back on the counter. “I was planning on it.”

Phil muttered a ‘be right back’ and hurried off to get lube and a condom, in only his boxers, and when he got back Dan was already stretching himself with two fingers inside himself. He looked up, grinning and letting out a soft whine.

“I’d rather it was you,” he said softly, throwing his head back, and Phil was done being nice.

He climbed on top of the counter, pulling Dan’s hand away from himself and straddling him, tugging his boxers down. He kissed him, hotly and open mouthed, and Dan whined into his mouth.

In only a matter of seconds Phil was ready and pushing against Dan’s entrance, making him gasp and throw his head back.

“Fuck,” he breathed as Phil pushed in, moaning softly and biting his lip. “Fuck, more.”

Phil moved slightly, shifting their position and pulling Dan’s hips up so he could get a better angle. He bottomed out, thrusting slowly and watching Dan’s face. Dan was practically desperate, pushing himself back on Phil’s cock and whining.

Phil couldn’t help it; he wrapped his hand around Dan’s throat, pinning him down. “Want more? Huh?” He growled, his voice low and dangerous.

Dan’s eyes widened and he nodded slightly, a high pitched whimper leaving his lips. “Yes, please,” he said weakly.

Phil rolled his hips, fucking into him at a faster but still teasing rhythm.

Dan moaned loudly, his eyes falling shut, and Phil sped up. He couldn’t help it, Dan looked so fucking good like that, desperate, being used. Soon he was pounding into him without mercy, and Dan was letting out incredibly sexy noises.

Phil wrapped his hand around Dan’s cock, jerking him off in time with his thrusts, and Dan was gone. He practically screamed, letting go on his stomach, his cock twitching.

Phil groaned, leaning over to kiss at Dan’s neck, feeling himself get close as well. Dan’s weak whimper, his voice breaking, is what sent him over the edge.

Phil got down from the counter, breathing heavily, discarding the condom and running his fingers through his sweaty hair.

He leaned over Dan, looking down at the exhausted and fucked out boy. Dan frowned.

“I’m guessing you’re gonna ask me to leave now, huh…?” He asked, sounding a little sad. Phil smiled, and shook his head.

“Actually, I was gonna ask if you wanted to stay the night. And if you liked Chinese food.”

Looking for Agents of SHIELD blogs to follow!!!

I decided there’s not enough AoS content on my dash :) :) :) :) 

REBLOG if you’re AoS trash like me…. specifically for:

  • Fitzsimmons
  • Philinda
  • Fitzsimmons
  • The Actual Cinnamon Roll, Leopold James Fitz
  • Daisy Johnson, Shield’s Resident Cupcake
  • Jemma Anne Simmons, The Woman On Fire, Keeper of Fitz, Real-Life Pop-Tart
  • The Cavalry Most Wounded, Precious Agent and Mother of Three Ducklings, Melinda Qiaolian May
  • Phillip J. Coulson, aka Dad Supreme and Master of All Nerds

Looking forward to some great stuff here on my dash soon :)

IN THE EXTENDED CUT OF THE “FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR” THEME SONG, HIS AUNTIE AND UNCLE HAVE HIRED A CHAUFFEUR TO PICK WILL UP AT THE AIRPORT. HOWEVER, WHEN WILL SEES THE CHAUFFEUR WAITING FOR HIM AT THE GATE WEARING A SUIT AND HOLDING A SIGN BEARING HIS NAME, HE MISTAKENLY BELIEVES THE CHAUFFEUR HIRED BY AUNT VIV AND UNCLE PHIL TO BE A POLICE OFFICER THERE TO ARREST HIM DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE “JUST GOT HERE” AND HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING, SO HE SNEAKS PAST THE CHAUFFEUR AND OUT OF THE AIRPORT. IT IS AT THIS POINT THAT HE “WHISTLES FOR A CAB.”