Dancing On My Own: Part 11
Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader / Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 1381
Summary: Bucky Barnes never imagined himself falling in love with anyone, especially his best friend’s girl. Of course his plans were shot to hell when Steve decided to surprise everyone and propose to you on your birthday. Had he missed his shot, or would he be willing to risk both of his closest friendships in hopes of winning your heart?
Author’s Notes: Thanks for being patient! I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to post. I think my life is FINALLY back to normal – hopefully. I am tired of being busy. Working three jobs can get exhausting. I always love hearing from you guys <3. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged.
It had been decided – by your mother – that you would be the one to write her eulogy, and as much as you dreaded the idea of standing in front of a group of strangers, family, and friends you knew if you didn’t do it you would regret it. It was her way of letting you get to say all the things she had robbed you of while she was still alive and keeping her sickness a secret. It was the best goodbye you would be able to give. So you gathered a plethora of your favorite books, the ones that made you think of her, and escaped from the house– finding solace in your childhood treehouse once again. You spent hours flipping through pages and staring at your empty notebook. How could you find the right words to say – were there right words? Bucky found you some hours later as you laid across the floor of the tree house with your books and crumpled discarded pieces of paper around you. In your frustration you had somehow decided to take a nap – in hopes of waking up inspired.
His entrance caused you to stir – throwing the books off of you with a thud that caused you to sit up quickly. Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle. “What is it?” you asked wearily as you checked your watch for the time.
“I just wanted to check on you – you’ve been out here for awhile and your dad thinks people will stop showing up in an hour,” he explained casually. He paused awkwardly for a moment – the long silence that followed seemed almost palpable.
“And?” you ask warily as you eyed him cautiously.
“And to talk about… About everything…” he added quietly.
The sound of his voice caused your heart to sink. “Bucky… I … I can’t right now… I have to finish this before the service,” you explained quietly – making sure to not make eye contact. Bucky nodded silently beside you before giving your hand a reassuring squeeze and rising to leave.
“I meant to tell you – I packed this for you before we left New York,” he added quietly as he handed you your battered copy of C.S. Lewis’s A Grief of Observed. “I remembered you telling me how much it resonated with you when your grandmother died and… well I just thought it might help,” he added with a soft sad smile.
“Thank you Bucky,” you whispered as he made his descent from the treehouse—leaving you alone once again.
Later in the evening, as your extended family descended upon your family home, you couldn’t help but feel lonely. It was always odd to you – the more people that you had around the lonelier you always seemed to be, but one thing was different this time – you had Bucky. Bucky – who had managed to keep his eyes on you all night regardless of what either of you were doing. As much as you dreaded the eventual conversation and decisions that faced both of you – you couldn’t help but want to be alone with him which led you to eventually gravitate towards his direction. It was then that you were finally able to have a moment to yourselves.
“Did you finish?” Bucky asked quietly – his stubble grazing your ear.
“Yes I did – thanks to you,” you responded with a shy smile. “How did you remember?” you asked with a laugh. You had been sure that Bucky had tuned you out while you discussed your thesis over C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien to great lengths. You had also thought that the small detail of the book helping you after losing a woman he had never met would also escape him.
“I remember everything,” he whispered softly as his knuckles grazed your hand. You could tell that he wanted to be more affectionate towards you, but he kept his control – to everyone else you were still happily dating Steve. Steve. You flinched at the thought of his name. You had successfully managed to somehow forget Steve – which made you feel much worse. Your eyes suddenly began to water as the blood drained from your face. “Are you okay?” Bucky whispered as he took in the change of your demeanor.
“Yeah – I’m fine… I just… I need some air,” you muttered miserably as you quickly walked away from Bucky, who was now being cornered by your uncles. You were at least slightly relieved when you looked over your shoulder to see that you weren’t being followed before slipping out into the growing darkness. The quiet of the outdoors made you feel like you could breathe again after being in the overcrowded house for so many hours. You sighed to yourself as you sunk into one of the wicker seats overlooking the backyard.
“Get to you too, huh?” the voice of your father rang out in the quiet night causing you to jump. You had been so relieved to finally be away from the crowd of people that you hadn’t noticed his silent form. “Sorry – didn’t mean to scare you,” he responded with a small grin. “Want a beer?”
“That is the first appropriate question anyone has asked me tonight,” you sighed as you grabbed a bottle from his hand.
“He’s um… he’s inside. Got cornered by some of our extended family,” you answered awkwardly with a shrug.
There was a short silence before your father spoke again. “Is everything okay between you two?” he asked hesitantly.
“I… I don’t know,” you whispered as you fidgeted nervously with your hands. Your father sat in silence as he watched you.
“Because you love him,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“I… I think… I’m just so confused,” you managed to mutter as you buried your face in your hands. “It’s all too much. I just wish mom was here to tell me what to do.”
“Do you love Steve?”
“Are you in love with Steve?”
“I don’t… I’m… Dad, I’m engaged to him.” At this your father nodded his head as he looked at you.
“Are you in love with Bucky?” he asked quietly as he stared at you intently.
“… I don’t know how I can answer that question… I don’t… I just can’t,” you muttered miserably.
“Your mother and I… We always trusted your judgment – even when you were a child. You always knew what you wanted and knew what was good for you. You don’t need us to make this decision for you – we can’t. But whatever you do decide I’ll stand by you, kiddo – until the very end,” he said as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before rising from the chair. “I better head back in before someone notices I’m gone. Coming back?” he asked as he offered you a hand, which you gladly took.
“No – I think I’ll call it an early night,” you answered before following him back into the house and slipping passed the lingering guests to the comfort of your room.
Bucky had had a foreboding feeling all day. Something wasn’t right and he knew it was his fault. That feeling is what had led him to try to find you after you had disappeared outside which caused him to hear part of your conversation with your father before he disappeared from the crowd of your relatives – deciding it would be best for him to sleep in the quinjet for the night. Your father had asked you point blank if you loved him and you hadn’t been able to provide a straight response. When he had asked about Steve… you had said yes. Of course he should have known— he thought to himself as he ran his hands through his hair. You had said yes to going on a date with Steve, you had continued saying yes to Steve resulting in your engagement. Who had he been kidding? All he did was ruin any chance he had had at keeping you in his life… maybe he had always known it would end this way. You were too good for him anyway.
He sighed to himself as he laid on one of the cots in the jet. He decided it would be best if he left as soon as the funeral was over before falling into an uneasy sleep.
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