his freedom is radiating

anonymous asked:

okay so like i don't know if you do stuff like this but could you do a keith fic based on the song Fools by Troye Sivan? if not, then maybe just some keith angst? thanks, love!! xx

sadly my music app wasn’t working so I couldnt listen to Fools. and bcos I am Broke™ I don’t have premium on Spotify and I’m :( bcos I’ve heard fools is a EXCELLENT song so I just did a song from my ITunes instead! I hope you like it!

The song is— King by Lauren Aguilina

The day Shiro had gone, the day their hearts were swallowed and landed heavily in their stomachs, the day they died a little. The day Keith lost another part of himself; again. Ever since then, Keith would lock up inside himself. Placing brick after brick upon each other that every time you broke through a layer, two more would appear.

Every night, he’d lie in bed restless; putting himself down with every thought he created until he became the manifestation of his own migraine. His whole body ached painfully with despair, he was now numb. He was alone, and he hated the fact that he wanted to be comforted, to be held. But so what? He was alone, he was forced into independence by himself and he didn’t want anybody to help him.

Right?

“Are you blind?!” You shouted, your movements frantic as you became more and more angered at Keith. He truly was blind, though he’d never admit to it. He didn’t want to, not now and not ever. He wanted to be left alone, to be left to his own monstrous thoughts clawing at his skull. Pleading in desperation as they cried, weeped and screamed to be let free. To take control.

“You need to make up your mind! One second you seem just a tiny bit optimistic and then you go and throw away all hope we’ve got of surviving! You’re going to kill us one of these days, Keith! I know that’s harsh but it’s the only way for me to get it through your head!” Your voice grew more and more irritating to him, his eardrums throbbed and triggered a scoff within him. He wanted to shout at you, but he was broken, he didn’t have the strength to do anything but sleep. He felt useless in that moment because everything you said was right. He knew you did it out of care, because perhaps he had gone too far. He didn’t seem to realize how important so many things were. He was blessed, yet he sat alone in suffocating darkness naming every flaw he had; beating and prodding at himself until he fixed it just enough for someone to be pleased. Even for just a minute.

“Keith. You need to listen to me.” Once again, nights after your outburst, you were back. This time, another wall of his was placed between the two of you as he kept himself in his room. He was curled in a ball on his bed, weeping with sadness as he himself had finally, truly, mentally broke.

“I love you.” Keith felt as if he had stopped breathing for a second. He knew you cared, but to care so much to tell him you loved him? You weren’t exactly one to just say it. You were one to choose the right time, and perhaps this was it. Had he really done so much to hurt you, that you forced yourself to say it?

“I love you so much Keith. And you need to realize that you’re so much better than you think. Shiro would tell you the same exact thing, you and I both know that. You’re in control, Keith. You need to clear your head, please. It’s scary to see you like this. I know this is mean but you don’t gain anything from moping around and putting yourself into your own pockets.” You sounded like you were crying, but he couldn’t tell as his heart pounded roughly in his chest and ears. He stood, basically crawling to the door himself.

“You’re self doubt is killing you. Keith. It really is.” He stared with wide purple eyes at the alien door in front of him as he finally let it open. It was quite funny really. Your tears falling down your cheeks in sync with his, your faces red and your minds aching with mental distraught. And then there he was, eyes puffy and his mouth parted slightly as he suddenly began to sob, eyes squeezed shut as a migraine pulsed through him.

“It’s okay. We’ll get him back soon.” Your arms wrapped around him, and finally for once he felt free. The monsters that once encased themselves around him becoming dust as you broke through them with ease. He was once again curled up, fists on the ground as he strained. Choking on his sobs. The same sobs he made the night before. But this time, they weren’t as heavy on him. These were sobs of sadness, yes. But they were also sobs of relief and of freedom.

You radiated warmth upon his cold exterior. He felt safe. He felt…comforted. Finally. Maybe, even without Shiro, everything would be okay. And he didn’t mind that one bit.

Save Me From Myself - Part 4

Summary: Y/N was the leading medic on the team catering to the Winter Soldier under the watchful eye of Hydra against her patriotic will. Now Captain America and the Falcon needs her help to track down her ‘patient’.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Reader (Eventually…)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


The ride back home, which I of course took alone to avoid raising any suspicions in the master assassin’s mind, was tense. I was playing the potential scenario over and over, trying out different outcomes but whatever said and done, they all ended badly – badly for me. Who was I kidding? I am not cut out for things like this. Hell no! But in truth, it didn’t seem like I had another choice. I had to confront him. I couldn’t avoid him even if I tried, considering he was in my apartment like it was no big deal. At least now I had Captain America and the Falcon looking out for me. At least I wasn’t walking into this mess blind and unprepared…almost.


Riding the elevator up to my floor, I tried to calm myself. It wouldn’t do any good to let him know I was nervous. I didn’t want to give him more reason to suspect anything or basically go into an unwarranted fit of rage and assassination-mode of some sort. I didn’t know what to expect from this guy! Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe, I reminded myself as I let myself into the apartment.


I tried to be as calm as possible. I laid down my keys in the little bowl I always keep them and walked to the kitchen. There was something I needed to get before I faced the Winter Soldier. I pulled out the drawer and reached for what I was looking for only to find that it wasn’t there.


“It’s on the table,” a voice informed me gruffly making my glance up in a gasp. He was standing in the far dark corner of my living room, facing the window looking at the New York skyline. The gun I kept for emergencies was on my coffee table in the center of the living room, and the bullets were carefully laid out neatly in a row. He turned to face me. His long hair covered his face but his blue eyes were intense. “You knew I was here.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.


“This is my house. I know when I’m not alone,” I said as evenly as possible. I stared right back at him, trying be brave when I was feeling as anything but. “How did you find me?” I asked him. He simply stared at me, silent. Maybe that was a stupid question. He’s a master assassin trained to track people and hunt them down. If he wanted to find me, that’s exactly what he’d do. “I felt watched,” I said trying to understand. “Like I was followed. Was that you? That was you, wasn’t it? Were you watching me?”


Only silence followed, but this time, something flickered in his eyes, and if I hadn’t imagined it, it seemed a little bit like guilt. Then he started walking towards me, and all the calmness I was trying to maintain simply went to hell.


“Don’t! Stop!” I shrieked, covering my eyes and head with my arms, ducking for cover. “Please don’t kill me! Please don’t! Please!!” Then I waited for the blow or a gunshot that I knew would definitely come. Except, it didn’t.


I snuck a peak at him, only to see he had stopped in mid motion. He was staring at me, as alarmed by me as I was by him.


“Please, don’t kill me,” I whispered once more, straightening up.


The look of confusion on his face would have been adorable if we weren’t in the situation we were in right now. “If I wanted to kill you, you would have been dead the moment you stepped through the door,” he said simply.


I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Since that was established, I thought it was safe to ask, “Okay? Then why are you here?”


“My arm is malfunctioning. You are going to fix it.”


I raised a brow at him. This was no time to be sassy with an assassin but he didn’t even ask. He didn’t ask if I would help him, he didn’t ask me if I’d be willing to – he didn’t even say please. How rude! Of course, I didn’t say any of that out loud. Instead I asked, “Why me?”


“Fix the arm before I change my mind.”


“Change your mind about what?”


“On not killing you.”


He said it so casually, it took me a moment or two to let it sink in. I gulped. “Let’s not get hasty now, okay? I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it!” Then I just stood there, simply staring at him. I couldn’t walk towards him. Fear gripped me and stood me grounded where I was. But I couldn’t exactly fix his arm without getting closer to him, now could I?


Tentatively, I forced my feet to move. He watched me warily. Hesitantly, I laid a hand gently on the metal arm. “What exactly needs fixing?” I asked looking at the arm and avoiding his gaze. Maybe if I didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t see in my eyes that I was conspiring with Captain America to have him captured. Maybe!


“It’s malfunctioning. It stops sometimes. It must have short circuited when I fell into the water from the hellcarrier when…” There was a far away tone to the last part of it that made me look up at him. He was looking at me but I felt he was caught in a memory. There was a lost look in his eyes that made me almost feel sorry for him. Then he quickly shook it off and I saw him put on the mask of fearless assassin once more. “Can you fix it?” he asked sternly.


“I can,” I said with a nod, stepping away, trying to put some distance between up without making it too obvious. “It’ll take a while. You might have to stay the night.”


He narrowed his gaze at me, almost like he knew I was up to something. I was, but he couldn’t know that right? Right? “No. Fix it now.” He didn’t shout. He didn’t sound angry. He was so monotonous and emotionless that it was a whole new level of threatening. It was in his stance. It was in his presence. If Captain America radiated patriotism and freedom, the Winter Soldier radiated sheer sense of danger and menace. This was Captain America’s freaking best friend? What the actual fuck?


“I can’t do it in a second. I need to check the software, maybe re-upload. That’ll take more than just an hour or two,” I explained. Then I met his eyes. “If anyone’s going to be unhappy about it, it’s going to be me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to be here. You came to me,” I pointed out. “So are you going to let me do it right, or not?”


He stared at me for a few seconds, as if trying to gauge the truth of my words. For what it was worth, it actually was the truth. Finally he nodded his agreement, and I made him sit down on the sofa.


Soon, I was peaking into the arm’s mechanical wiring and tweaking it. It was going to be a long tense night ahead. A few hours in, I was nearing the last bit of the first part when I heard him say, “I didn’t mean what I said.”


I lifted my head to find him already watching me. He seemed to do that a lot – stare that is. It seemed like he was trying to make sense of the world around him and the people around him by observation. It was unnerving, and sad at the same time. “You didn’t mean what?”


“I wouldn’t change my mind. I wasn’t going to actually kill you.”


My eyebrows scrunched up on their own in confusion. “Oh. Okay. Thank you?” the words came out whiny at the end. I cleared my throat and repeated, “Thank you.”


“You’re welcome,” he said and I could have sworn I saw a brief smirk on his lips. Now it was me who was staring. His lips were so pink. So pink and plump. They were the kind of lips that I wouldn’t have minded kissing. I wouldn’t have minded at all! What the hell are you thinking, Y/N? I berated myself. This guy could rip me in half with his bare bionic arm.


“Are we done?” he asked, breaking me out of my reverie.


I nodded, getting up. “We are, for now. The system is reloading. I’ll take a look at it in the morning to fix up the rest.” I motioned to the sofa he sat, and told him, “You can sleep here. Would you like some blankets?”


He shook his head.


“Would you like something to eat? I mean, is that the sort of thing you do?”


Again, he shook his head.


I wasn’t hungry either. I just needed to sleep. I said as much and went into my bedroom. Leaning against the door, I heaved a sigh of relief. I got through this. I made it this far. I could do the rest too. I got ready for bed and got under the covers.


I was conspiring with Captain freaking America. There was an ex-Hydra assassin sleeping on my living room sofa. I am in way over my head. Again, I wondered, what in the world had I gotten myself into?


Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9