his freedom is radiating

Save Me From Myself - Part 4

Summary: Y/N was the leading medic on the team catering to the Winter Soldier under the watchful eye of Hydra against her patriotic will. Now Captain America and the Falcon needs her help to track down her ‘patient’.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Reader (Eventually…)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


The ride back home, which I of course took alone to avoid raising any suspicions in the master assassin’s mind, was tense. I was playing the potential scenario over and over, trying out different outcomes but whatever said and done, they all ended badly – badly for me. Who was I kidding? I am not cut out for things like this. Hell no! But in truth, it didn’t seem like I had another choice. I had to confront him. I couldn’t avoid him even if I tried, considering he was in my apartment like it was no big deal. At least now I had Captain America and the Falcon looking out for me. At least I wasn’t walking into this mess blind and unprepared…almost.


Riding the elevator up to my floor, I tried to calm myself. It wouldn’t do any good to let him know I was nervous. I didn’t want to give him more reason to suspect anything or basically go into an unwarranted fit of rage and assassination-mode of some sort. I didn’t know what to expect from this guy! Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe, I reminded myself as I let myself into the apartment.


I tried to be as calm as possible. I laid down my keys in the little bowl I always keep them and walked to the kitchen. There was something I needed to get before I faced the Winter Soldier. I pulled out the drawer and reached for what I was looking for only to find that it wasn’t there.


“It’s on the table,” a voice informed me gruffly making my glance up in a gasp. He was standing in the far dark corner of my living room, facing the window looking at the New York skyline. The gun I kept for emergencies was on my coffee table in the center of the living room, and the bullets were carefully laid out neatly in a row. He turned to face me. His long hair covered his face but his blue eyes were intense. “You knew I was here.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.


“This is my house. I know when I’m not alone,” I said as evenly as possible. I stared right back at him, trying be brave when I was feeling as anything but. “How did you find me?” I asked him. He simply stared at me, silent. Maybe that was a stupid question. He’s a master assassin trained to track people and hunt them down. If he wanted to find me, that’s exactly what he’d do. “I felt watched,” I said trying to understand. “Like I was followed. Was that you? That was you, wasn’t it? Were you watching me?”


Only silence followed, but this time, something flickered in his eyes, and if I hadn’t imagined it, it seemed a little bit like guilt. Then he started walking towards me, and all the calmness I was trying to maintain simply went to hell.


“Don’t! Stop!” I shrieked, covering my eyes and head with my arms, ducking for cover. “Please don’t kill me! Please don’t! Please!!” Then I waited for the blow or a gunshot that I knew would definitely come. Except, it didn’t.


I snuck a peak at him, only to see he had stopped in mid motion. He was staring at me, as alarmed by me as I was by him.


“Please, don’t kill me,” I whispered once more, straightening up.


The look of confusion on his face would have been adorable if we weren’t in the situation we were in right now. “If I wanted to kill you, you would have been dead the moment you stepped through the door,” he said simply.


I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Since that was established, I thought it was safe to ask, “Okay? Then why are you here?”


“My arm is malfunctioning. You are going to fix it.”


I raised a brow at him. This was no time to be sassy with an assassin but he didn’t even ask. He didn’t ask if I would help him, he didn’t ask me if I’d be willing to – he didn’t even say please. How rude! Of course, I didn’t say any of that out loud. Instead I asked, “Why me?”


“Fix the arm before I change my mind.”


“Change your mind about what?”


“On not killing you.”


He said it so casually, it took me a moment or two to let it sink in. I gulped. “Let’s not get hasty now, okay? I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it!” Then I just stood there, simply staring at him. I couldn’t walk towards him. Fear gripped me and stood me grounded where I was. But I couldn’t exactly fix his arm without getting closer to him, now could I?


Tentatively, I forced my feet to move. He watched me warily. Hesitantly, I laid a hand gently on the metal arm. “What exactly needs fixing?” I asked looking at the arm and avoiding his gaze. Maybe if I didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t see in my eyes that I was conspiring with Captain America to have him captured. Maybe!


“It’s malfunctioning. It stops sometimes. It must have short circuited when I fell into the water from the hellcarrier when…” There was a far away tone to the last part of it that made me look up at him. He was looking at me but I felt he was caught in a memory. There was a lost look in his eyes that made me almost feel sorry for him. Then he quickly shook it off and I saw him put on the mask of fearless assassin once more. “Can you fix it?” he asked sternly.


“I can,” I said with a nod, stepping away, trying to put some distance between up without making it too obvious. “It’ll take a while. You might have to stay the night.”


He narrowed his gaze at me, almost like he knew I was up to something. I was, but he couldn’t know that right? Right? “No. Fix it now.” He didn’t shout. He didn’t sound angry. He was so monotonous and emotionless that it was a whole new level of threatening. It was in his stance. It was in his presence. If Captain America radiated patriotism and freedom, the Winter Soldier radiated sheer sense of danger and menace. This was Captain America’s freaking best friend? What the actual fuck?


“I can’t do it in a second. I need to check the software, maybe re-upload. That’ll take more than just an hour or two,” I explained. Then I met his eyes. “If anyone’s going to be unhappy about it, it’s going to be me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to be here. You came to me,” I pointed out. “So are you going to let me do it right, or not?”


He stared at me for a few seconds, as if trying to gauge the truth of my words. For what it was worth, it actually was the truth. Finally he nodded his agreement, and I made him sit down on the sofa.


Soon, I was peaking into the arm’s mechanical wiring and tweaking it. It was going to be a long tense night ahead. A few hours in, I was nearing the last bit of the first part when I heard him say, “I didn’t mean what I said.”


I lifted my head to find him already watching me. He seemed to do that a lot – stare that is. It seemed like he was trying to make sense of the world around him and the people around him by observation. It was unnerving, and sad at the same time. “You didn’t mean what?”


“I wouldn’t change my mind. I wasn’t going to actually kill you.”


My eyebrows scrunched up on their own in confusion. “Oh. Okay. Thank you?” the words came out whiny at the end. I cleared my throat and repeated, “Thank you.”


“You’re welcome,” he said and I could have sworn I saw a brief smirk on his lips. Now it was me who was staring. His lips were so pink. So pink and plump. They were the kind of lips that I wouldn’t have minded kissing. I wouldn’t have minded at all! What the hell are you thinking, Y/N? I berated myself. This guy could rip me in half with his bare bionic arm.


“Are we done?” he asked, breaking me out of my reverie.


I nodded, getting up. “We are, for now. The system is reloading. I’ll take a look at it in the morning to fix up the rest.” I motioned to the sofa he sat, and told him, “You can sleep here. Would you like some blankets?”


He shook his head.


“Would you like something to eat? I mean, is that the sort of thing you do?”


Again, he shook his head.


I wasn’t hungry either. I just needed to sleep. I said as much and went into my bedroom. Leaning against the door, I heaved a sigh of relief. I got through this. I made it this far. I could do the rest too. I got ready for bed and got under the covers.


I was conspiring with Captain freaking America. There was an ex-Hydra assassin sleeping on my living room sofa. I am in way over my head. Again, I wondered, what in the world had I gotten myself into?


Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9