sometimes @wymack comes up with really good sentences and I get inspired by them
“I hate you,” Andrew says, kicking away from the Maserati and taking a long drag of his cigarette. The night is dark on the horizon, but Andrew is shrouded in the amber glow from the light poles in the parking lot. The sharp shadows across Andrew’s face make his cheekbones look hollow and his eyes look like frozen amber instead of their usual polished gold.
Neil shakes his head in denial and watches Andrew stop moving, tilt his head as if deciding something, and then pivot back to start pacing. His hair is getting longer, brushing the tops of his ears and his eyebrows. Neil knows that there hasn’t been enough time to cut it, not with the stress cycling around them, depression and anxiety pulling at both of them in waves. “No, you don’t,” Neil says.
Andrew’s eyes flick towards Neil, assessing, but inevitably Andrew continues to pace. “More than anything,” Andrew promises, flicking ash at Neil as he walks past.
Making a face, Neil brushes the ash off the front of his Foxes hoodie. “I think, for you, ‘I hate you’ is interchangeable with ‘I hate the way you make me feel.’” Now that the words are out, Neil realizes that he’s been feeling this way for a long time. He’s confident that this time, he has Andrew figured out.
Andrew stops walking, and he drops the hand holding his cigarette to his side. Smoke curls up the back of Andrew’s hand and along the sheer black of his armband, before finally disappearing in the cool air of the night. Neil pushes his advantage and approaches, gate slow and loose, hands in his pockets, head tilted slightly to the side.
“What I’m trying to figure out,” Neil breathes, carefully watching Andrew’s constricted pupils, the spattering of pale freckles over Andrew’s nose, “is whether you mean feeling this in particular, or feeling anything at all.”
“There is no this,” Andrew instantly snaps, as if he had known exactly what Neil was going to suggest.
Neil smiles ruefully and backs away. “I know,” he says, and turns to walk back inside. He ducks his head, heart heavy with the knowledge that Andrew would have and could have gone on living just fine feeling nothing at all.