AU where Simon and Baz do not get together in their years at Watford. Simon stayed together with Agatha. However fate leads to the oddest of places in the world for soulmates to reunite.
Everything felt wrong. Everything was wrong.
I looked up at the ceiling of my compartment and enjoyed the silence. It has been so long since I have got a chance to sit somewhere no one is talking to me. No one is staring at me and demanding me to answer. I have been trying so hard but I just ended up failing. Images fall in front of me. Failing to take down the Humdrum again and again. Agatha kicking me out of her place. She told that we were either going to get married or fall apart, she said that she had to make the better decision for both of us. I think I must have become sort of twisted in my own sense and that I completely agree with her. I didn’t argue, I just silently agree with her. I left without saying anything to her. There was nothing I needed to say and everything I wanted to say would have only upset her further. If she was the one leaving, I wouldn’t chase after her.
I have no plan so here I am. I am 24 with less than a plan for life. I searched where to get away from it all and my search has lead me to the longest train railway. It is called the trans-Siberian railway. It cuts through all of Russia. It takes 9 days to travel it all but I will be going for 15 days as I will be stopping in some of the more memorable places. The most promising thing for me was the promise of spending days with little outside your window that trees and rivers. Maybe I will find out what to do next somewhere there. If not, I have a cool experience behind me.
I have been called dramatic a couple of times in my life. Even overly dramatic sometimes. I have no idea where such grand conclusions have been drawn out. All I am planning to do is kill myself at the east of Russia, where no one will find me and if they do, no one will identify me and let my family know.
Lost. That is how my family think of me and I like that. But I cannot go out simply, I took the Golden Eagle’s Imperial compartment. The most luxurious train around. Why not drink myself to insanity in the privacy of a nice room and a private toilet to throw up in. I carefully organized for no traces that I am taking this trip is found.
I sit on my bed in my compartment and trouble myself with a simple question enough as should I take off my suit before drinking or not bother. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. It was a lady with a dining cart, offering tea, coffee, and other warm drinks. I have been learning Russian for a while so I do not have trouble talking to her. She turned out painfully chatty and I couldn’t get rid of her with a simple ‘no’.
At that moment a young man exits the compartment next to mine and the world stops. I could recognize him from just his hair. That bronze mess of hair atop of his head. I could spot a mole on the back of his neck. I would have been able to tell even if I hadn’t spotted him. His scent fills the wagon.
It has been so long but it is really him. Now. A few steps away from me.
I leave my compartment to go to the dining cart. I am extremely hungry and just want to have a proper meal. Or get drunk because just the thought of falling asleep right now feels like a chore. A lady pushed me with a cart full of drinks and I keep walking forward.
I had planned to zone out complete and just forget myself. Yet in the instant when I felt like the world will just spin apart from me, I am grounded by the most familiar voice ever. “Well look who it is… if it isn’t the Chosen One.” I stopped stupidly in my tracks. I turned around to make sure I didn’t hallucinate. I did not need to turn around to know that the voice belonged to the one and only, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch. And in a fucking suit to top it all off.
I feel the same rush that I usually used to get when I would see him back in school. A mix of frustration and nervous butterflies in my stomach. He always had that effect on people. “Baz,” I say lamely. I am oddly happy to see him. Maybe it has been all the years we were apart and seeing him brings back good memories of Watford.
“Of all the people in the entire world I have expected to have been caught by here, you were the absolute last person I could have expected.” The way he phrased it caught me off guard. I can’t catch Agatha’s clear hints when she coughs and clears her throat but I cannot ignore a single word he says even years after. “Caught by?” I ask him. “Are you on the run from somebody?” He grins and walks over to me. With him up closer, I realize he sort of smells the same way, it reminds me of our old room. “Oh Snow. Never changing, I see. Still assuming that I am plotting and up to no good?” He presents me with that malicious smirk of his. I can’t help but smile. It has been a while since I did and Baz was the last person who would have tried to make me smile, but he did. “Well, are you up to good?” I ask.
He laughs. I have heard him laugh many times but this felt much more kind hearted. I feel so much less empty than I did before but the butterflies are still there. It was frustrating that six years have passed and he is still significantly taller than me. “You’ve fucking caught me, Snow. Indeed I am up to no good. I plan to ruin my liver tonight by getting savagely drunk.”
I felt lost and found at the same time. All it took was to have him look at me and here I am. Putty in his hands. “You are planning to get drunk tonight?” He asks me. God. I’ve missed his voice. I have been obsessed with hs voice ever since it changed at the age of 13. I always loved his accent. He would rarely speak when we were young but he still had a unique accent. It was a mix of proper received pronunciation and Cockney, that he got from growing up around East London. “Absolutely. I have packed enough for 15 days so I hope to get through it all in one night.” I feel like actually chugging the 30 bottles of alcohol I have in one night after this encounter.
“Do you need help?”
I drank blood just a few hours prior so I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. “You want to join me?” “I would love to.” I cannot help but laugh again. It has been forever since I last laughed and he already made me laugh more than I did the whole year. “Since when did you get so snappy?” “Since I cannot stand being sober. I was going to the dining cart to help myself to a bottle of vodka.” “Well, luckily for you, that is most of what I have. That and cranberry juice. You will fucking owe me, Snow.” “Bring it.”
I don’t know what the fuck happened but I have never expected this to happen of all things that could have. I got glasses and we started drinking. After we had finished the cranberry juice, we started mixing the vodka with coke. We would laugh about random things that happened back in school. Oh all the stupid memories, it seemed too stupid for us, despite how drunk we were getting.
It was when we started to get low on coke did I start thinking about kissing him. I could completely blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning when we are two hung over pieces of road kill that rolled from the bed onto the floor. We gave up on the glasses and would sip both from both bottles, a teasing indirect kiss that drove me insane. I kept on looking at his lips when he would look down, which he would do quite a lot when he got drunk. Very soon, he finished the coke and threw aside the plastic bottle. The was a few mouth fulls in the other bottle.
He wanted to say something but just hiccuped and we laughed. “You are going to hate me so much when we wake up tomorrow,” I tell him. I really want to kiss him right now. I am considering opening about opening another bottle and drinking it straight. Maybe Snow won’t be so straight at the end of the bottle. He does not respond to me for a moment. “I won’t.” “Huh?” I must be too drunk and my brain is going stupid on me. But I just stupidly want to make out with him. No… I shouldn’t. He will honestly hate me in the morning. Maybe I will indulge on the last day here with him. Before ending things. What a way to go. Crossing off what is at the top of your bucket list.
Snow rubs his eyes and finally says “Fuck it.” He chugs the rest of the vodka and throws the bottle at the garbage can, causing it to fall over. I turn my attention from the bin back to him and he grabs me by my neck and kisses me.
My eyes slowly flutter close as I enjoy what I wanted for so long. The kiss was a mess. Sloppy. Wet. Messy. He tasted bitter of alcohol. He was too rough for my taste. I have been with people who wanted to do right by me and kissed me more carefully and less drunk. Yet here I am, enjoying the best I’ve ever had. It got deeper and messier. He pulled me closer by my waist and hair. I tangle my fingers in his curls and pull to get a good moan from him. He fought back by biting and sucking on my lower lip. He moved lower to my neck and one would think that he was the vampire with how he just went for it. I wrap my leg around him and he pulls me down on the bed.
And because all sexual fantasies are bollocks, we fall asleep just like that because we were just that drunk.
In the morning afternoon, I drag myself painfully to the dining cart. Baz was waiting for me at a table for two. He looked more like a vampire now than he ever did. He was dressed in a black turtleneck and black jeans. He was wearing very dark shades to complete the hung over aesthetic. He was drinking his coffee black to create the vampire/dangerous hipster look.
As I sit down, he tells me “I would attempt to kill you where to stand if I wasn’t so bloody hung over.” “That’s not my fault,” I grumble as I try to pull the hood of my sweatshirt even further over my head to no avail. “Sure. And I am guessing that you have no hand in doing this either.” He pulls down his turtleneck, revealing way too many bruises around his neck. “My bad…” “Could you at least try to sound guilty?” “No. You liked it too much.” “Piss off.” I could tell that he didn’t mean it that much anymore because I could see him struggle with the smile in the corner of his mouth. “I am actually sorry for just… doing that. Without asking for your permission.” I really did feel bad about it but it just felt so fucking right and at the moment I just wanted to kiss him so badly that I just went for it. He pulls his shades on top of his head and looks at me with his slightly red eyes. “I would have pushed you away if I didn’t want it.” That took me completely by surprise but it made easier what I was about to ask next. “You told me last night that things have not been going that well for you.” He responds by angrily putting his glasses back on the bridge of his nose so I just go on. “I told you that I have been doing quite poorly as well.” “You define ‘poorly’ as being kicked out of your ex-girlfriend’s house into the streets and escaping to Moscow? That sounds like a train wreck.” I cross my hands. Me and my drunk mouth. “I will get my shit together when I get back. But until then…” “Until then what? Are you going to literally wreck this train?” “No. How about we just go for it?” I ask as he sips on his coffee, which he chokes on. “What the fuck are you talking about?” “We are going to be here together a little bit over two weeks. So why don’t we enjoy it a little? I mean… it is just… I…” I cannot help but fumble up my words. “Are you actually asking me if I want to casually hook up with you?” “I never put it like that I…” He shut me up. “That is essentially what you are asking me. I’ve never expected such gayness from you.” He folds his hands across his chest. “I am not gay. I can’t really explain it. Just… neither gender or sex change anything for me in terms of attraction.” “So do you suddenly find me attractive because of a drunk make out session?” “Oh, piss off. You know you are attractive. You don’t need me to confirm it to boost your already overgrown ego.” He blinks at me in pure shock, unable to respond. I realize what came out of my stupid mouth only moments after. I essentially told Baz Pitch that I fancy him. Which is kind of hard to deny from where I am currently sitting. Baz gets up. “I’ve ordered food for us to my compartment for the both of us. I hadn’t expected you to get up. Let’s go.” He just goes on ahead without looking back at me.
Fucking Snow. Fucking Snow. You will be the real death of me. My heart is racing so hard, it feels like it will jump out of my chest. I return to the room without closing the door, waiting for Snow to do it. The food was waiting for us. I lie back down on the bed in exhaustion to ease my killer headache. I feel Snow sit down at the base of the bed and hear him clear his throat. “What?” “Is that a yes?” How in the universe can I reject you when you ask something like that. “Yeah. Fine. Whatever. Probably more fun than reading a book.” I respond without opening my eyes. I somehow did not feel Snow move close enough but suddenly he was kissing me again and I just give up. I wanted this so much.
The 2 weeks seem to have swum by quickly and pleasantly. It was honestly the best time I’ve ever had. Snow practically moved into my room and slept in the same bed as me. Oddly enough, it helped me sleep better than anything that I have ever tried before. It had helped that Snow would let me cuddle up on his chest and steal his warmth. At each stop, we would go to different local attraction together. We would try random food and see different things. The train almost once left without us and we had to run like crazy to get there. It was all very sweet. Having small dinner dates, making out, and snuggling while we sleep. It wasn’t until the half-way point when we reached the Baikal Lake and we went swimming did things move forward. Simon loves swimming and was super enthusiastic about it. When we swam a little too far away, we started making out and then Simon hugged me from shoulder to waist. I felt so weak to that I would have drowned if he hadn’t been holding me. Eventually, he pulled me under water and we just kissed. It was like something out of a stupid romance novel. That evening things were a little less innocent. It went from kissing to mutual masturbation to oral sex very quickly. And Simon was not acting innocent about it as he had managed to sneak away from me and buy condoms. I have fallen much deeper in love. It cannot last but I could have really indulged myself before ending this. It is worth living for but I am delusional to think that he would want to stay with me
We finally arrived at our final destination. Baz had packed up, he told me had an early flight the next day from the airport in Vladivostok. I felt horrible having to leave him. I didn’t want to. It physically hurt me knowing that I wouldn’t see him the next day. That I cannot wake up and kiss him. I was always kind of obsessed with him but this was something else. I needed him so badly that I cannot breathe.
I was going to tell him something but when the train stopped and I woke up, he must have already been at the door with his bag and left right away. It hurt so badly. It felt like nothing like being left by Agatha. I was not okay. I could never chase after him. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. But such stupid thoughts were not enough to stop me as I ran out of the train and started searching frantically for him.
I was about to leave the railway terminal until something caught my eye. A gorgeous young man dressed in black, looking back at the train. Baz didn’t realize that I ran out looking for him. Maybe I should have reconsidered that he did not want me. Maybe I should have. But I really didn’t.
I ran up to him, he noticed me a little too late, when I already pounced to jump on him. He is not getting away from me. “Baz! What the fuck?!” I yell at him. “Did you need to leave just like that?” “SNOW! You idiot. Did you really need to fucking tackle me?” “Yes, I did.” “What are you doing?!” “Don’t go.” “What are you talking about? This is over. You don’t need me anymore.” I was going to yell but the loudness of my words was lost when I saw his eyes and the tears he was trying to hold back. “Why? Why do you think that I don’t need you anymore?” I ask him. “Why would you?” “Because I… you… just…” “Spit it out.” He yells in frustration. “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.” I really need to think before yelling. He looked as shocked as he was that night I asked him to spend the trip with me. I was waiting for rejection. Complete annoyance and disgust. I am glad to be wrong sometimes.