hipster morons

jstin8  asked:

So as someone who has never heard of America Chavez before today, would you mind explaining just who the hell she is and why she's a bad character, seemingly on the same level as female thor?

I’d honestly say Jane Foster as Thor is a better character with better books than America Chavez. She may be a lame character with a long, long list of issues that should have been resolved with a soft retcon a couple years ago, but at least her books are readable. By which I mean they have a coherent plot with  understandable characters and decent art.

America Chavez, of the poorly titled “America” comics, is a D-lister who has been floating around Marvel for several years now as part of the young Avengers at first, and then later as the obligatory “diversity” character to shove in the background or in part of a line-up after Marvel dedicated themselves to the current death spiral trend.

So what’s wrong with her? Well, to start, she’s a gay latina superhero with an inexplicable powerset… who isn’t actually latin. She’s not even from Earth. She was born to a lesbian couple of a utopian planet. Her gay moms died saving the planet, so she decided to just leave and go prove she can be a superhero because….. uh…. anyways, she’s super strong, can fly, is super fast, beyond the speed of light (?!), is totally invulnerable to most things, and her gimmick is punch star-shaped portals in time and space.  At some point, she lands in one of the countless parallel Earths in the Marvel universe, decides she liked some latin community, and ever since has been peppering her speech with spanglish to try and obscure the fact that she doesn’t correspond to any nationality on Earth and it’s stupid bullshit to pretend she’s some kind of minority representation.

So we’ve got this uninteresting character with a convoluted past, insanely overpowered abilities, and more of her characterization can be summed up with “GAY” and “LATINA”* (*but not really latina).. That’s pretty bad on its own, but then Marvel has the brilliant idea to hire Gabby Rivera to write a new solo series for America Chavez. Who the fuck is Gabby Rivera? Well, everyone was asking the same thing. Apparently, Gabby Rivera’s entire career as an author can be summed up as “GAY” and “LATINA”.. and “FEMINIST”... Also she’s never written a comic in her life and it’s pretty obvious she had no idea who the character was until Marvel approached her.

Anyways, they start publishing the America comic books and they are a disjointed, incomprehensible mess. Nothing makes any sense, all of the characters are obnoxious, there’s some weird subplot about angry twitter followers or some shit, there’s this entire sorority of ridiculous moronic hipsters who talk almost entirely in ham-fisted pop culture references and also they are superheroes or something? In between that madness, there’s a lot of these absurd cameos where all these A-lister heroes tell America how amazing she is, and then America cries about her dead Moms again and again.. and it’s just fucking awful. Note even remotely entertaining even in a bad way. Just miserably, frustratingly bad. And I forgot to mention, one of the central elements to the plot is that America is attending an Sotomayor University which in some kind of unexplained interdimensional university for super-teens founded by.. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.. Get it?? Because Sonia Sotomayor is a Latina Woman, so that means… uhh.. something about gay latinas in higher education or something.

The cherry on top of this shit sundae is that even Marvel wants nothing to do with this comic. They’ve made zero attempt to tie this comic into any of the bigger events or other comics. They just kind of left it in canon limbo where it can’t fuck up anything by making them reliant on it selling to tell their story. Kind of like Hellcat and Mockingbird and Squirrel Girl, and all the other awful comics they insist are super great and everyone loves, even though they sell terribly bad and even their executives are admitting it.

Adrian twisted his cup in his hand, the amber rum at the bottom swirling around. Whatever the past 48 hours had been, they’d left him tired. A drink or two was what he needed to distract him from the fact that a ten year friendship was probably coming to an end, not to mention how badly he’d pissed off his sister. “This is the bar we met at,” Adrian pointed out, bringing the class to his lips and draining it. “I got into a fight with that fucking blue haired moron. Fucking hipster.” @troyphon