actual words exchanged once when a conversation wasn't exactly going anywhere between my boyfriend and I, originally a chat post but i felt gifs were necessary

me: this conversation is going smashingly I mean we obviously get out a lot seeing as our people skills are extraordinary

me: big words

boyfriend: Indeed we are using quite eccentric vocabulary.

me: might I say in the appropriate words, while we are using this exclusively riveting means of our mouths, it has been brooding in my mind quite vigorously that in my personal opinion, you my comrade have an exceptionally voluptuous and rather callipygian backside, if I do say, which I do. ;) What have you to say in response to my flirtatious comments?



boyfriend: Thanks




me: (after an hour spent typing) The following message is too great to confine in a measly message box, so I have converted it to a Microsoft word document. 

word document:

“Lol Fuck You

a brief message in response to your “thanks”

love you

That was a particularly offensive response considering the time and effort I have put into my original statement. You are consequently inspiring feelings of an immense desire to defenestrate you. I hope you do not mistake this form of charientism as a bonafide act of hatred. I am merely expressing my ability my particularly hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian vocabulary and intellectual prowess, particularly my majorly useless understanding of the English language, to make mostly everything you say sound inaniloquent and foolish. As a matter of fact there is a particular word to express this form of domination and jack-assery. What I am is a pilosophunculist.

What started out as a witzelsucht has transformed into something much more intense, resulting in a wanweird end on your end, leaving you in a particularly entertaining state of mulligrubs at my expense. Quite a recumbentibus if I do say so myself. I now leave you unprepared and absolutely enamored at the extents I will achieve in order to express my intellectual highs, with a sense of (arguably false or even possibly prideful) honorificabilitudinitatibus.

However seeing as I am an undoubtedly awesome homo sapien at this moment in time at least, I stand by my actions of show-offery as my talents rarely get recognized and are often victims of floccinaucinihilipilification. I am aware that however when these abilities are showcased, they are almost always accompanied by a quite satisfying exsibilation, although I am not shameful of this, as having a wide and extensive vocabulary is nothing I should never be ashamed of, that others are merely just sad examples of close-minded humans or perhaps even de-evolution? Who knows? Certainly not me, as I am not a scientist, I simply have a deep attraction to excessively longated words. This has resulted in several instances of near-dippoldism in past years. But these were all fortunately avoided. I understand that my unconventional use of my mouth might be classified as a rather annoying cacoethes, but it is also a form of escaping the pressures of any misogynistic acts of colposinquanonia, but that is a tale for another day.

Returning to my burning hot rage that produced this seemingly endless message, I was merely being blandiloquent, saying your rear-end was particularly callipygian, and you respond with an abrupt "thanks”. I could’ve said that you suffer from bromidrosis, or that your borborygmus intestines are distracting, or that often times you can be a rather autolatry autohagiographer, or even that you are a dreadful abecedarian, saprostomous aeolist, skilled in adoxography, but I didn’t. Instead I kindly prosopgraphed your ass in a favoritive manner.

 Now I shant hold back, conniving slubberdegullion. You are unskilled in anything scacchic. Filthy scolecophagous ultracrepidarian, your bottom is not steatopygic at all. Ventripotent sciapodous pond scum. You’re worse than nidorosity. Foolish mammothrept. Jumentous taint. I highly regret engaging in cataglottism with you, or even all cheiloproclitic or basorexic emotions towards you, as well as all krukolibidinous acts. Go cancatervate and cry. My dactylion points to you. Have fun with the emunction of your foot from your mouth, jackass.

p.s. I have composed this letter as a mere poke at you and do not fully intend to hurt you nor do I actually stand by any of the latter, meaner things stated. I am strongly amorous towards you, as I’m sure you are fully aware.“